October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Very Wrong About Being Right

| IA, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

(An irate caller is complaining about a billing problem that has been previously resolved by our billing specialists. He has received $50 in credits, but they will not apply until the next invoice is printed. At this time, we cannot edit already-printed invoices. The customer has been made aware of this twice per my co-workers’ notes. He does not want to wait.)

Me: “Sir, you have been given the credits, but as you have been advised—”

Caller: “I don’t care what I was told! Not by you, or your workers, or your managers or whoever! You are going to apply the f****** credits! The customer is always right!”

b>Me: “I understand that you’re upset about our crediting system, but please refrain from using profanity.”

Caller: “F*** you! The customer is always right!”

Me: “If you continue to use profanity, I will have to end the call.” Caller: “The customer is always right!”

Me: “Sir, we have no way—”


Me: “No.”

(There is a significant pause.)

Caller: “I want your supervisor.”

Me: “I can do that for you, but they will tell you the same thing.”

Caller: “I want your supervisor!”

(I get one of my supervisors, and transfer the customer over. The caller screams “THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT!” at him for 15 minutes, and then hangs up.)

Taking Stupidity To New Heights, Part 3

| Orlando, FL, USA | Family & Kids, Top, Tourists/Travel

(I work on the ride with the highest height requirement in the park. I am the ‘grouper’—basically I assign the guests to where they sit for the ride, and I am the final say on whether children are tall enough.)

Me: “Hi buddy, could you come stand on this yellow square for me? Nice and tall like a soldier.”

(The child is clearly too short.)

Me: “I’m so sorry, but he is too short to ride.”

Mother: “Please let him ride! All of his other friends have ridden this.”

Me: “I’m sorry; he is too short to ride.”

Mother: “Please, I promise he’s not scared; he won’t cry on the ride.”

Me: “Ma’am, the height stick doesn’t measure courage; it measures height. Your son is too short; I’m sorry.”

Mother: “But he wants to go so badly; he’s been asking all day.”

Me: “Ma’am, your son could come flying out because he’s too short.”

Mother: “OH MY GOD, REALLY?!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. The height requirement is a safety issue. That’s why we take it so seriously.”

Mother: “Oh, I just thought you were mean!”

Taking Stupidity To New Heights, Part 2
Taking Stupidity To New Heights

Don’t Ask What He Puts In His Granola

| SC, USA | Funny Names

(A customer comes in, and looks confused for several minutes.)

Me: “Sir, can I help you find something?”

Customer: “Where is the yogurt?”

Me: “All of our dairy products are in the cooler.”

Customer: “No, yogurt. You know, yogurt that you put under your arms.”

Me: “…you mean deodorant?”

Customer: “Yes, yogurt!”

Me: “…aisle four.”

He Is Not A-Mew-sed

| USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals

(We have only been open for 20 minutes, when I get a call to the front to show a cat to a customer.)

Customer: “Hello, can I hold this kitty?”

Me: “Sure!”

(I take out the cat from her cage; she’s a really friendly grey tabby.)

Customer: “Oh, thank you so much! I can talk to cats, you know! He was meowing at me; he said that I should take him home.”

(The customer looks the cat directly in her eyes.)

Customer: “Meow!”

Me: “Haha, that’s cool. Actually, that cat is female. She’s got all her shots and stuff, so if you want her, you just need to go fill out her paperwork.”

Customer: “EXCUSE ME?”

(The customer then growls at me like an animal.)

Customer: “HE. IS. A. MAN. CAT!

(He puts her back into her cage, and goes off to fill out paperwork on her.)

Coworker: “It’s gonna be a looooong day.”

Food For Thor-t

| Tampa, FL, USA | Food & Drink, History, School, Top

(My awesome Viking History professor often has Middle Ages-reenactors who attend his class just to listen to him teach. On one occasion, he and five students decide to go to the ‘Steak and Ale’, a restaurant, in armor and long medieval gowns. The server is quite surprised at how they are dressed, and isn’t quite sure how to deal with them.)

Server: “Uh… what would you like to eat?”

(One of the guys in full plate armor takes his armored fist, and slams it down onto the table and shouts.)

Armored Guy: “MEAT!”

(The server jumps.)

Server: *nervously* “H-how do you want it?”

(The armored guy slams his fist down on the table again, and shouts.)

Armored Guy: “COOKED!”

(According to my professor, they somehow avoided getting thrown out of the restaurant!)

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