Don’t Get Your Hopes Up

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A Little Ruff

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A Fuelish Thing To Do

| Italy | Extra Stupid

(It’s a particularly cold evening. I’m chatting with a regular, while filling his tank.)

Regular: “It’s so cold today; you know what you should do?”

Me: “What?”

Regular: “You should take a barrel, put it in the middle of the pumps, fill it with wood, then light it up to warm the place.”

Me: “…I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

Regular: “Why not?”

Me: “Because I don’t want to die.”

He Has A Potty Dance But No Potty Mouth

| Washington, DC, USA | Health & Body, Hotels & Lodging, Uncategorized

(A well-dressed businessman in a suit comes over to check in. He’s acting very strangely; he’s jumping down on one leg, then the other, and twirling around. His face is red and sweaty, though it’s not a very hot day, and he is panting slightly. I figure he’s just weird, and give him his keys. He SPRINTS off. I turn to a coworker.)

Me: “What was his problem? Why was he acting like that?”

Coworker: “Like what?”

Me: “You saw him.”

Coworker: “Oh, he probably had to go to the bathroom or something.”

Me: “Oh! Well why didn’t he say so? There are bathrooms down here in the lobby.”

(Suddenly, the same customer is back. His face is now purple.)

Customer: “KEYS! NOT WORKING!”

(He throws the keys in my face, and sprints off towards the lobby bathrooms.)

Coworker: “See?”

Trapped On Mount Karma

| UK | Bad Behavior, Geography, Health & Body, Top

(We are having one of the coldest Easters in record. I work in an outdoors equipment shop, where we sell everything for use in outdoor activities, from hiking boots and tents to climbing gear and ice picks. I also volunteer for the UK’s mountain rescue. My manager and colleagues all know this, and are happy for me to go on calls.)

Customer: “I’m looking for some hiking boots so I can go out in the snow.”

Me: “Okay, sir, they are just over here.”

(We walk over to where we display our boots. As he is looking, I get paged that my team is going out on a rescue.)

Me: “Sorry, sir, I am afraid I have to go. I volunteer for mountain rescue, but one of my colleagues will assist you.”

Customer: “What! How dare you! You shouldn’t trouble me just because some random people managed to get themselves hurt.”

(The customer grabs onto my sleeve. My manager comes over, as he is aware of my needing to leave.)

Manager: “Sir, please let my employee leave. I will help you personally, and we will give you some free walking socks for your inconvenience.”

(I eventually leave, and my team performs our rescue. The casualty had hypothermia and a broken leg, but other than that was fine. A couple of days later, my team get another call-out. I bet you can’t guess who it was…)

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