July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

This Call Is Not Open And Shut

| Nacka, Sweden | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work in a large home electronics store. We don’t offer any kind of technical support, but you can call us and ask for prices, opening hours, etc. I answer a call.)

Caller: “I bought a notebook, and a mobile broadband, and I was told I could always call if I had any problems.”

Me: “Okay”.

Caller: “Well, I was wondering: how do you open it?”

Me: “Well, usually there’s a button on the front that you push to open it. Some models are closed by magnets, and in that case you just have to—you—know, open it.”

Caller: “I don’t see any button. Is it on the side?”

Me: “No, it’s probably on the front. Sometimes, it’s not a button, but a slider.”

(This goes on for some time, before I figure out what the customer actually means.)

Me: “So what you’re really wondering is how to start it?”

Caller: “I don’t know; maybe that’s what it’s called? I just want to figure out how to get it open and going.”

Me: “There will be a button somewhere above the keyboard that looks like a ring with a line through it.”

Caller: “Oh, that’s great. Thanks. Next question: how do I close it?”

Me: “You mean shut it down? When it’s on, you click on the start menu, and then click shut-down.”

Caller: “Start menu? How do you mean?”

Me: “You know, the main menu—the one where you always click to do things—the one where the applications and other things are.”

Caller: “I don’t see any start menu.”

Me: “Well, anyhow, there’s a button in the bottom left corner and if you click it, you’ll find the shut down button.”

Caller: “Okay… I also have problems using this mobile broadband. I have connected it to the computer, and I can’t manage to get it connected to the internet.”

(It has already been 10 minutes, and I have gone far above the kind of services we offer.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but all of these are support questions. For further questions, I recommend you call the manufacturer.”

Caller: “I have to call them? Why?”

Me: “We’re only a store. I’m a salesman, and we only sell products here. The manufacturers provide support for their products.”

Caller: “What? But, if you get a problem with a product, then you call the store!”

Me: “Unfortunately, that’s not how you get support. We only sell products. Support is provided by the manufacturers. Their number is most certainly somewhere in the manual that came with your computer.”

Caller: “I have this thing… a mouse. Can that have anything to do with my problems?”

Me: “Ehm…”

Left A Stool In The Stall, Part 2

| Leicestershire, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Health & Body

(I work in a store that is particularly popular with the elderly. I am helping out with the changing rooms. A little old lady shuffles up to me without any clothes. I try not to look.)

Me: “Oh! Uh… how did you… uh… find it, ma’am?”

(The lady gives me an awkward smile, and potters off.)

Coworker: “She’ll have left a mess in the room; go tidy up.”

(As I near the empty changing room, an overpowering smell hits me. I slowly open the door to the room, revealing the sweet little old lady has ‘relieved’ her bowels in a corner of the room! Whilst I am standing there, gagging in shock, me coworker appears and sighs.)

Coworker: “God-d*** it, again?!”

Related:
Left A Stool In The Stall

I’d Like Nachos With Extra Photoshop Please

| CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(Our concessions stands have digital menu boards, and our food and drink advertisements play every once in a while. A customer is next in line and comes to my register.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I’d like a large drink and nachos.”

(I get her drink, and bring her the nachos. The nachos are pre-packed, and as soon as I give them to her, she opens them and looks disgusted.)

Customer: “I don’t want these nachos! The chips are too small! I wanted the larger nachos!”

Me: “I’m sorry; we only have one size, which are what I gave you. Did you want to try any other hot food?”

Customer: “No, I want large nachos! What about those?! I want those nachos!”

(The customer points to our screen, which is showing the nacho advertisement.)

Me: “I’m sorry; that’s the digital screen, displaying an ad for our nachos.”

Customer: “But those nachos look bigger!”

Me: “I’m sorry; they’re the same size as the nachos I gave you. The camera is zoomed in to show texture.”

(The customer has a dumbfounded look on her face, and quietly leaves.)

How The Cookie Crumbles, Part 2

| Welches, OR, USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Family & Kids

(I am in line to get cookies for my second grade class that I teach for the last day of the semester. I am rather thin, have blonde hair that’s very long and dyed, and I have high heels. I am speaking to the clerk.)

Me: “Hey, can I get these for my class?”

(I’m pointing to a selection of pink writing icing. The customer behind me suddenly speaks up.)

Customer: “Stupid blonde w****!”

(The clerk and I look at him.)

Clerk: “Please don’t use that language in here, sir.”

Customer: “What? She is! Oh, little miss b****, what’ve you got there?”

(The customer points to my grocery bag.)

Customer: “Oh, let me guess! Lipstick and eye makeup, and daft things to go in your sissy blonde hair! Skinny underwear, and big bras, tampons and oh—let me guess, a massive box of condoms!”

Me: “Listen to me. Firstly, this is not my real hair. I’m actually a ginger, but to avoid confusion with another person at work, I dyed it blonde. Secondly, I’m buying cookies for my second graders. Thirdly, I am a virgin and have a Bachelor’s Degree. Fourth, although I am about to marry someone, I am, like I said, a virgin.”

(The customer walks out without buying anything. By the way, my class enjoyed the cookies!)

Related:
How The Cookie Crumbles

July Themed Story Giveaway: Geeks Rule!

Not Always Right | Announcements, Geeks Rule, Theme Of The Month
Want to win a Not Always Right t-shirt?
Enter Not Always Right’s July Themed Story Giveaway:
Geeks Rule!

Entering is as easy as 1-2-3:

  1. Submit a funny or interesting story about geeks.
  2. Enter your email address in the form to qualify.
  3. All posted stories will be entered in a drawing to win a free t-shirt gift certificate, to use in the official Not Always Right shop!

PS: Congratulations to a lucky reader for winning June Themed Story Giveaway, which featured stories about Wild & Unruly Customers. The winning submission: Hey Mr DJ, Put My Record On (3,112 thumbs up).

PS #2: winners will be announced the first Wednesday of every month. Next free t-shirt gift certificate: Wednesday, August 7!

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