October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Not Behaving Like An Adult

| Pine Grove, PA, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Money

(I have just checked a guest in at a discounted rate. After 20 minutes, the guest calls me at the front desk.)

Guest: “You’ve charged me $199! You said my rate was $109!”

Me: “Okay, sir, let me bring up your reservation to make sure I didn’t make a mistake.”

(The guest grunts, but lets me check.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but it looks like I didn’t make a mistake. You will see an authorization for $136.36 until your card is actually charged. We authorize for more just in case you have any incidentals at the end of your stay.”

Guest: “Listen to what I’m telling you; I’ve been overcharged!”

Me: “Please come to the front desk so I can see your receipt.”

(The guest comes down, and slams a receipt on the desk that doesn’t look anything like what we give out.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but this receipt is for [Adult Store]. You must have gotten the receipts mixed up. Here is a new one for your stay here; have a great night!”

Battle Of The Sexists

| West Midlands, England, UK | Bigotry, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month

(I am a male part time cleaner at my local leisure centre. One of my duties is to clean the toilets in reception. It is currently busy in reception, so I ensure that the female toilet is empty before putting up a sign warning customers that cleaning is in progress. As I leave the toilet with my arms full with mops, bleach, and disinfectant etc, a female customer is standing outside the door waiting.)

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry; I didn’t realise you were waiting.”

Customer: “What were you doing in there?”

(I gesture to my arms that are full with cleaning products.)

Me: “Just cleaning the area for you.”

Customer: “But those are the female toilets!”

Me: “I am aware of that, but it is part of my job to ensure all toilets are clean.”

Customer: “But you aren’t a woman; you shouldn’t be in there!”

Me: “There are no female cleaners on duty. I am the only cleaner here today, and the toilets need to be cleaned.”

Customer: “Well that is unacceptable! Where is your manager? I am making a complaint!”

(My manager is already in the reception area, so makes her way over.)

Manager: “What is the problem?”

Customer: “This man was in the female toilets.”

Manager: “Well, the area does need to be cleaned regularly, and he is our cleaner.”

Customer: “I don’t give a d*** what his job is! He should not be in the women’s toilets.”

Manager: “So, your complaint is that we have a male employee in the women’s toilets?”

Customer: “D*** right it is!”

Manager: “Would you rather the toilets were not cleaned?”

Customer: “No, that would be stupid! Just get a woman cleaner!”

Manager: “Then who would clean the male toilets?”

Customer: “She can! But this pervert should be fired for going into the women’s toilets.”

Manager: “But, wouldn’t that make her just as bad as him?”

Customer: “Oh, you are just being awkward now! P*** off and leave me alone!”

Fine Art Comes With Age

| San Antonio, TX, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids

(I’m a caricaturist working at a party. I’m 19, but because of my petite figure, I’m often mistaken for younger. I’m facing my stand, waiting for a guest.)

Guest: “Are you doing caricatures?”

(I turn to face the guest. She is a 10-year-old girl, who suddenly looks horrified and jumps back.)

Guest: “Woah! HOW OLD ARE YOU?”

Me: “Um, 19?”

Guest: “Geez! You look like you’re 14, or something; you scared me!”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Guest: “I’m used to people doing these to be like 30, or something. I was expecting an old lady.”

Me: “Haha, sorry I’m so young?”


Lying Is All Relative(s)

| NC, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers, Money, Top

(I am working in my father’s cafe. A customer orders a substantial amount of food.)

Me: “Okay. That will be $36.19 please.”

Customer: “Oh, no. I’m the owner’s brother, so I get all of my food half price.”

Me: “Um, okay. That will still be $36.19, sir.”

Customer: “Excuse me! Do you know who I am!? Now ring my order up right, or I’ll get your purple-haired a** fired!”

Me: “Okay, give me moment.”

(I turn around to the grill line, where my father is cooking.)

Me: “Hey, daddy! This guy says he’s my uncle, and if I don’t give him a discount you’ll fire my purple-haired a**. What should I do?”

(I have never seen someone run out of a restaurant so fast in my life!)

Spicing Up The Deal(er)

| MD, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid, Top

(I work at an adult store that used to sell a fake type of incense called ‘Spice’. It is now illegal, so we no longer carry it. Every so often, an undercover cop comes in asking for it—just to make sure we aren’t doing anything illegal. There are two other customers of a shady sort in the store already.)

Undercover Cop: “Hey, do you guys carry any Spice, still?”

Me: “No, sir, we no longer carry that product.”

Undercover Cop: “You sure you guys don’t have any in the back?”

Me: “I am, sir; it is illegal in Maryland. It is also a serious drug charge if caught with it, so we no longer carry it in any shape, way or form.”

Undercover Cop: “Oh, okay. Thank you.”

(One of the shady customers approaches the guy, unaware that he’s a cop.)

Customer #1: “Hey, I got some stuff in my car you might be interested in.”

Undercover Cop: “Really? Show me.”

(I watch the three of them walk out the store. I quickly grab a broom and begin ‘sweeping’ by the front door. I see the two guys open the trunk of their car, and watch the cop’s eye go wide. I just stand at the door and watch the dumbest ever drug dealers get arrested in front of my store.)

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