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    No Obamacare For You

    | Berkeley, CA, USA | Bigotry

    (Although I was born in California and have lived here my entire life, my dad is from Australia, and I have picked up some of his speaking mannerisms. In consequence, when I say “Yeah”, it sounds like “Yeh”.)

    Customer: “Can I slide my card through, miss?”

    Me: “Yeah, it’s ready!”

    Customer: “Actually, sorry, I don’t support illegal immigrants.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “You talk funny! You’re an illegal immigrant!”

    Me: “Actually, ma’am, I was born here. I just have my accent from a parent who was not an illegal immigrant.”

    Customer: “No! You aren’t allowed to be here! I’ll be notifying the president about this!” *stomps out without her merchandise*

    Vegetable Innuendos

    | Chico, CA, USA | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

    (I’m at the farmer’s market selling cucumbers when two little old ladies come up.)

    Little Old Lady #1: “Those are some nice cucumbers.”

    Little Old Lady #2, to #1: “I’ve got a nice bug cucumber back at home for you.”

    Little Old Lady #1, to me: “I’m sorry you had to hear that.”

    Weekend Roundup: Don’t Mess With Employees

    , , , | Not Always Right Archives | Roundups

    Introducing Weekend Roundups: each week, we’ll be featuring some of our favorite stories from the Not Always Right archives.

    Don’t Mess With Employees! This week, we feature five stories that teach misbehaving customers the consequences of messing with employees.

    1. In Real Hot Sauce Now:
      A young teenage employee decides her dignity is worth more than £3.71 and dealing with a cowardly manager.
    2. A Good Ol’ Fashioned A** Whoopin’:
      A customer tries to rough up an employee, but ends up getting roughed up by the manager instead.
    3. Hard Drugs And Harder Pharmacists:
      Teenage robber, meet Doug. Doug is our new pharmacy tech. Doug is also built like a fridge.
    4. Who’s Got The Power Now:
      Tech support is happy to support your technology. Supporting your potty mouth, not so much.
    5. Your Prank Got Spanked:
      A prank caller picks the wrong, well-armed store to call.

    Will Someone Please Think Of The Zombie Children

    , | Sarasota, FL, USA | Family & Kids

    (I’m just stocking the game shelf, when a mother with her kid approaches me.)

    Me: “Hello, ma’am, can I help you with something?”"

    Customer: “Young man, I was looking at the content on the back of this game box. Is there nudity in this game? It says ‘brief nudity’ on the box. Is this game appropriate for my child?”

    (The kid hands me the game. It is a platinum copy of Dead Rising for XBOX 360. The kid looks ten at the oldest.)

    Me: “Not that I can recall. Usually, that means people in their underwear. However, I am required to at least warn you that the game contains graphic violence. Are you sure you want to buy this game for your child?”

    Customer: “Hmph! He sees enough violence on TV. I just want to know if there is nudity in the game!” *storms away with the game for her kid*

    Related:
    Yes To Dismember, No To His Member
    Violence On TV, Stupidity On The Couch
    They Grow Up (And Get Incarcerated) So Fast…

    One Whopper Of A Mistake

    , | Massachusetts, USA | Food & Drink

    (A customer walks in and slams a bag down on the counter in front of me.)

    Me: “Yes, can I help you, sir?”

    Customer: “Yes! I drove all the way home and had to come all the way back here! That young lady right there said my mozzarella sticks were in this bag, but THEY’RE NOT!”

    (He points rather exaggeratedly at the girl in the drive thru. I look calmly down at the bag, then up at the customer.)

    Me: “Sir, this is McDonald’s. That’s a Burger King bag.”

    (He then looks down at the bag and slowly back up at me.)

    Customer: “Oh.” *picks up bag and runs out the door*


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