Acting Like A Print-cess

| USA | Bad Behavior, Technology, Theme Of The Month

(A customer comes in pulling a suitcase on wheels.)

Customer: “My daughter told me that if I bring in my old computer and my printer, I can trade my computer for an iPad, and you’ll set it up with my printer.”

Me: “Well, we don’t do trade-ins here, but I can show you how to get the paperwork started online.”

Customer: “No, no, no, never mind. Just let me buy the iPad, and set up this f****** printer.”

Me: “Alright, so, just to let you know, we don’t sell this printer here. None of us are going to be trained on it, but I’ll be happy to take a look, and see if we can get it up and running for you.”

Customer: “No! F*** that, I have lost my patience! I am a member of Mensa! Get me someone intelligent to talk to!”

Me: “I can get you someone else, but I can tell you, no one else is going to be trained on that printer either. Like I said, I can definitely give it a shot; we may be able to figure it out.”

Customer: “My daughter is an engineer. She told me you would take this piece of s*** laptop, and help me set the printer up.”

Me: “And I’m definitely going to do my best to set up the printer, but we don’t have the proper equipment here to recycle your old machine; I’m sorry.”

(The customer finally agrees. After half an hour, we have the printer up and running with her new iPad. She calms considerably. As she is leaving, she is on the phone to her daughter.)

Customer: “They got my printer working! And I only used the f-word once!”

Purple People Displeaser

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Crazy Requests, Rude & Risque

(I work in the customer service department for an adult goods store. I receive a phone call.)

Me: “Hello, you’re speaking to [name] at [adult store]; how can I help?”

Customer: “I’m not happy with my order; it’s the wrong colour! I want an apology!”

Me: “I’m very sorry, sir; if you give me the order number I’ll investigate.”

(The customer gives me his order number, and we verify the security details.)

Me: “Okay, so which item was incorrect, please?”

Customer: “It was the Purple [Name]!”

Me: “I see, I’m very sorry to hear that. What colour did you receive?”

Customer: “Purple! I don’t like purple!”

Me: “So, you ordered an item called the Purple [Name], but you didn’t want it in purple? I’m afraid it only comes in purple, but we’d be happy to refund you.”

Customer: “That’s not good enough! How was I supposed to know it was purple?! I don’t like purple things!”

Me: “Okay, did you purchase this through our website?”

Customer: “Yes, I was looking at the pictures and this one looked good, so I added it to my basket!”

Me: “So, you saw that the item was purple in the picture. You saw it had purple in the name, and then you added it to your basket, and confirmed this when you selected your payment method; is that correct?”

Customer: “Yes! But it didn’t send me a message to say it was purple! Your company is terrible!”

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Acting Like A Cookie Monster

| TN, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(We have a regular at our restaurant, a 14-year-old, that bikes to our store and gets the same order about once a week. Everyone gets along with him well, and the owner likes him enough to give him free cookies with all of his lunches. The owner has just given him some free cookies.)

14-Year-Old Regular: “Thanks a ton!”

(Another customer sees this, and starts yelling.)

Customer: “Why did that BRAT get free cookies? I DEMAND to know, AND get cookies complimentary with my order!”

14-Year-Old Regular: “I always assumed I got them because I’m not a douche-bag of a customer, unlike someone else.”

(The customer goes red and shuts up.)

Owner: “Isn’t he cute?”

Related:
A Real Life Cookie Monster

It Doesn’t Matter If You’re Pokémon Black Or White

| AZ, USA | Bizarre, Criminal/Illegal, Musical Mayhem

(A customer dressed like Michael Jackson walks into the store. He is carrying a boom-box, and an armful of Pikachu dolls. There are even more spilling out of his outfit. He is wearing a GIGANTIC rainbow Afro wig. My colleagues and I call him ‘Michael Jackson Wannabe’ (MJW). He is receiving comments from other customers.)

Other Customer: “Hey, Michael Jackson! It isn’t Halloween!”

(MJW says nothing. Extremely loud disco music starts playing from his boom-box. He starts dancing and moon-walking, while carrying his massive collection of dolls. Although a skilled dancer, he is more than unsettling due to his attire and massive collection of stuffed animals.)

Me: “Dude, quit. You’re freaking everyone out.”

(I turn down the music.)

Michael Jackson Wannabe: “LET THE MUSIC PLAY!”

(He turns the music all the way up again, and starts throwing his dolls at me and my coworker. I dive for cover behind the counter while my coworker calls the police. MJW is now holding his boom-box and is dancing right in front of a clearly annoyed elderly customer.)

Elderly Customer: “FALL!”

(The elderly customer snatches the boom-box right out of MJW’s hands, and THROWS it at him. MJW is knocked off his feet from the weight of the boom-box. The elderly customer looks over at me.)

Elderly Customer: “Do you think I took it a little too far?”

Me: “…yeah.”

(The police arrive, and take both MJW and the elderly customer away in handcuffs. The next day, the elderly customer comes back. He was jailed overnight for harming MJW. The police would have kept him longer, but they were sympathetic to the fact that he did stop a guy that was disturbing the peace.)

Elderly Customer: “Do you get a lot of weirdoes in here?”

Me: “Like that guy dressed like Michael Jackson? No not really. When we do, they’re like him, really loopy.”

(Surprisingly, the elderly customer gave me a $100 bill. Even better: we now sell Pokémon dolls! Thanks MJW, for introducing a new product to the store, even though you destroyed half the shop doing so.)

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