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    Children Of The Scorn

    | Aurora, CO, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Top

    (I’ve been at work for 8 hours and am finishing the last bit of the late-evening rush. A husband, wife, and their 6-year-old daughter come through the line with several items, one of which is a bike.)

    Husband: “Can you split these between a couple cards?”

    Me: “Of course. What amount would you like?”

    Wife: “This’ll be food stamps. One minute…”

    (The husband and wife stare at the card reader and babble between themselves which way to turn the card and what their pin is. I try to help several times, only to be scolded, so I remain quiet. As I wait, I start looking around randomly and eventually glance in the general direction of their daughter.)

    6-year-old Daughter: “The f*** you starin’ at, b****?!”

    Me: *shocked* “I’m sorry, I wasn’t…I didn’t mean…if you bring the bike over here, I can ring it up once your parents are finished—”

    6-year-old Daughter: “The f*** you say to me?!”

    Me: “Well, unless you paid for it in the back, in which case you’ll want to have your receipt out at the door since they’ll check larger purchases. It’s a pain, I know, but it’s just store policy—”

    6-year-old Daughter: “You racist c***! You just sayin’ that ’cause I’m [race], ain’t you? Shut the f*** up!”

    Me: “No, it has nothing to…it’s just store policy to check receipts—”

    6-year-old Daughter: “F*** you, f***ing racist b****! Y’all are racist! You is nothin’ more than a lil’ racist c*** askin’ me that s***! F*** you, you f***er! I ain’t got to do s***!”

    (The daughter screams for a few more minutes, carrying off the bike. Meanwhile, her parents finish with their groceries, apparently oblivious to their daughter’s behavior. The daughter continues to make obscene gestures and screams obscenities at me all the way out the door, being sure to also yell at the store’s door greeter.)

    Next Customer: “Morons…”

    Me: *immediately burst into tears*

    Next Customer: “Do you run into this often?”

    Me: *nodding* “M-more than i-is strictly n-necessary.”

    Next Customer: “Really? You’re too smart to be dealing with a**holes of that degree. I’d quit. Seriously, f*** that!”

    Me: *laughing* “Thank you!”

    (I put in my two weeks that night!)

    The Costumer Is Always Right

    | California, USA | Bigotry, Bizarre, Religion

    (It’s a few days before Halloween, and I’m a customer waiting for my sister to pick out a Halloween costume at a popular party store. An elderly customer approaches me. Note: I am a goth, but also a Christian.)

    Customer: “Do you know where the boy’s birthday decorations are?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t work here. I wouldn’t know.”

    Customer: “But you’re with the store. You’re in a costume.”

    (I look around at the other employees, all of which are wearing bright green vests, name tags, and silly hats. Then, I realize she is referring to my black jacket and large black boots.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, I really don’t work here. These are my normal clothes. I’m a goth; I’m not in costume.”

    Customer: *visibly afraid* “Don’t put a curse on me! I know your type! You do that voodoo, and you hate Jesus!” *runs out of the store*

    Me: *speechless*

    Minimum Wage Vs. Maximum Rage

    | USA | At The Checkout

    (This takes place at a national retailer who takes pride in its lifetime warranty on hand tools.  One customer came in trying to take up the store on that offer.)

    Customer: “I’d like to exchange these tools.”

    Employee: “Unfortunately, these are planing tools and we no longer carry these in this store.”

    Customer: “These are hand tools, and you have a lifetime guarantee on these. They’re broken, so I want new ones.”

    Employee: “I understand, and you’re absolutely correct, but we can’t give you replacement tools because we don’t carry them here. However, we can give you an address, and if you send the tools there, they will ship you back some replacements.”

    Customer: “Well, I need these tools now! You have a warranty, and I want to fulfill that agreement!”

    Employee: “I’m sorry. I’d like to help you, but it’s just not possible for us to replace your tools at this location.”

    Customer: “I bet you’re sorry. Yeah, I bet you just work here, don’t you? You just work here, so it’s not your fault, is it?!”

    Employee: “Yes, I do work here. Again, I’m sorry we can’t replace your tools, but we don’t have them in stock.”

    Customer: “Yeah, you just ‘work here’. You probably just work here for minimum wage. You’re probably just coming in, getting your $7 an hour and checking out. I’m not going to be coming back again. You can just work for your $7 an hour and not care about your customers!” *begins storming out*

    Employee: “Actually, it’s $6.50, sir!”

    Don’t Try Doctoring The Doctor

    | Sydney, Australia | Health & Body, Liars & Scammers, Top

    (I am a medical receptionist for a busy medical centre. On this particular Friday night, we only have two doctors on and at least 35 people waiting. A new patient comes in.)

    New Patient: “Yes, I’d like to see a doctor, please.”

    Me: “Certainly sir. Although I must tell you, there will be approximately an hour and half wait. As you can see, we are very busy tonight.”

    New Patient: “Are you sure you can’t just squeeze me in at the top of the queue? I couldn’t be bothered to go to work today, so I need a medical certificate.”

    Me: “Unfortunately, that won’t be possible. We have a large number of patients with more serious ailments.”

    New Patient: “That’s f***ing ridiculous!”

    (About ten minutes pass. One of the doctors comes out and calls another patient’s name.)

    Doctor: “Mr. [another patient]?”

    New Patient: “Yes! That’s me!”

    Doctor: “No, it’s not.”

    New Patient: “How do you know?! How dare you assume that I’m lying! Do you know who I am?!”

    Doctor: “I know for a fact that you’re not my brother-in-law, whose name I just called.”

    New Patient: *sheepishly picks up his bags and leaves*

    Another Darwin Awards Candidate, Part 2

    | Portland, OR, USA | Extra Stupid

    (Note: This occurs at the pump while the customer’s car is filling.)

    Customer: “Is it okay if I smoke here?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “Are you sure? I heard the law changed.”

    Me: “No, because gas is still flammable.”

    Customer: “Oh, it is?”

    Related:
    Another Darwin Awards Candidate

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