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    Customers Come In All Stripes

    | UK | Crazy Requests

    (It’s been an uneventful day at work…that is, until a young lady comes in asking if she can make a request.)

    Customer: “It’s coming up to my father’s birthday, and he never knows what to do.”

    Me: “Okay, so what can I help you with?”

    Customer: “So, I’m going around various attractions and places we could have a day out. I’m having my photo taken at each one to turn into a big poster so he has an idea of where we can go.”

    (I nod while she’s explaining this, as it sounds very reasonable.)

    Customer: “So, would you be able to take a photo of me pretending to bowl?”

    Me: “Yeah, sure! We’re not too busy, so I can do that for you.”

    Customer: “Great. Now, one more thing…”

    Me: “Sure, fire away.”

    Customer: “Can I do it dressed in a tiger costume?”

    Me: *laughing* “Sure, go ahead!”

    (She wasn’t pulling my leg: I took the picture of her dressed as a tiger, leaving me smiling for the rest of the night.)

    An Eye For An Eye Makes For Great Box Office Numbers

    | Westmont, NJ, USA |

    (A customer comes to the counter with the video box for “Gandhi”.)

    Customer: “Have you seen this?”

    Me: “Yes. It’s a good movie.”

    Customer: “What’s it about?”

    Me: “It’s about the peace activist Mahatma Gandhi.”

    Customer: *excited* “So there’s lots of shooting and stuff? *gestures like he’s firing a machine gun*

    Me: “No, not really.”

    Customer:*disappointed* “Oh, well…I’ll get it anyway.”

    We Try Not To Die For A Pie

    | Woodbridge, VA, USA | Food & Drink

    (I’ve just finished taking a customer’s delivery order.)

    Customer: “So, if it’s not here in 30 minutes it’s free, right?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we strive to get it to you within 30 to 45 minutes, but there’s no free pizza if it’s there after 30 minutes. That used to be policy, but we stopped doing that years ago.”

    Customer: “That’s unacceptable! Why?”

    Me: “Because drivers were having to pay for late pizzas out of their paychecks. Consequently, they were driving dangerously fast, causing accidents. People were getting badly hurt, so we ended that policy.”

    Customer: “I don’t see how that’s my problem!”

    3D Or Not, Time Is Still Linear

    | California, USA | Extra Stupid

    (I work in a box office at a movie theater.)

    Customer: “Is there a non-3D showing of Green Hornet at 6:45?”

    Me: “No, it’s at 8:00.”

    Customer: “When’s the next non-3D one?”

    Me: “8:00.”

    Customer: “There’s not one at 6:45?”

    Me: “No, it’s at 8:00.”

    Customer: “Oh…I looked up the 3D show instead of the regular one. So, wait, when’s the next non-3D showing of Green Hornet?”

    Me: “8:00…”

    Will Someone Please Think Of The Caviar

    | Ohio, USA | Liars & Scammers

    (A customer is calling in regarding a 5-day hold we have on his deposit of a personal check for $150,000. Note that in the 3 months he has been a customer, his account has been negative 60 times and has an average daily balance of $75.00—hence the hold.)

    Customer: “You need to give me all my money now! My family is starving. We have no money to pay for food! I am going to the local news and telling them about how you big banks are forcing us to starve to death!”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, but we did give you $1000 of that deposit immediately. Due to the large amount of the check, you will have to wait for the hold to be lifted.”

    Customer: “But my children are starving! How can you be so cruel and starve children?!”

    Me: “Sir, we are your bank. I can see everything you have spent with your debit card, and I see you went to [upscale restaurant] and spent $250 last night on dinner.”

    Customer: “Well…the lobster was under-prepared. Do you really expect my children to be forced to eat like that?! This isn’t a third world country! What is wrong with you?? They are starving!”


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