Taking Stupidity To New Heights, Part 3

| Orlando, FL, USA | Family & Kids, Top, Tourists/Travel

(I work on the ride with the highest height requirement in the park. I am the ‘grouper’—basically I assign the guests to where they sit for the ride, and I am the final say on whether children are tall enough.)

Me: “Hi buddy, could you come stand on this yellow square for me? Nice and tall like a soldier.”

(The child is clearly too short.)

Me: “I’m so sorry, but he is too short to ride.”

Mother: “Please let him ride! All of his other friends have ridden this.”

Me: “I’m sorry; he is too short to ride.”

Mother: “Please, I promise he’s not scared; he won’t cry on the ride.”

Me: “Ma’am, the height stick doesn’t measure courage; it measures height. Your son is too short; I’m sorry.”

Mother: “But he wants to go so badly; he’s been asking all day.”

Me: “Ma’am, your son could come flying out because he’s too short.”

Mother: “OH MY GOD, REALLY?!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. The height requirement is a safety issue. That’s why we take it so seriously.”

Mother: “Oh, I just thought you were mean!”

Related:
Taking Stupidity To New Heights, Part 2
Taking Stupidity To New Heights

Don’t Ask What He Puts In His Granola

| SC, USA | Funny Names

(A customer comes in, and looks confused for several minutes.)

Me: “Sir, can I help you find something?”

Customer: “Where is the yogurt?”

Me: “All of our dairy products are in the cooler.”

Customer: “No, yogurt. You know, yogurt that you put under your arms.”

Me: “…you mean deodorant?”

Customer: “Yes, yogurt!”

Me: “…aisle four.”

He Is Not A-Mew-sed

| USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals

(We have only been open for 20 minutes, when I get a call to the front to show a cat to a customer.)

Customer: “Hello, can I hold this kitty?”

Me: “Sure!”

(I take out the cat from her cage; she’s a really friendly grey tabby.)

Customer: “Oh, thank you so much! I can talk to cats, you know! He was meowing at me; he said that I should take him home.”

(The customer looks the cat directly in her eyes.)

Customer: “Meow!”

Me: “Haha, that’s cool. Actually, that cat is female. She’s got all her shots and stuff, so if you want her, you just need to go fill out her paperwork.”

Customer: “EXCUSE ME?”

(The customer then growls at me like an animal.)

Customer: “HE. IS. A. MAN. CAT!

(He puts her back into her cage, and goes off to fill out paperwork on her.)

Coworker: “It’s gonna be a looooong day.”

Food For Thor-t

| Tampa, FL, USA | Food & Drink, History, School, Top

(My awesome Viking History professor often has Middle Ages-reenactors who attend his class just to listen to him teach. On one occasion, he and five students decide to go to the ‘Steak and Ale’, a restaurant, in armor and long medieval gowns. The server is quite surprised at how they are dressed, and isn’t quite sure how to deal with them.)

Server: “Uh… what would you like to eat?”

(One of the guys in full plate armor takes his armored fist, and slams it down onto the table and shouts.)

Armored Guy: “MEAT!”

(The server jumps.)

Server: *nervously* “H-how do you want it?”

(The armored guy slams his fist down on the table again, and shouts.)

Armored Guy: “COOKED!”

(According to my professor, they somehow avoided getting thrown out of the restaurant!)

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