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    Never Coming Backflow To This Place

    | Minden, NV, USA | Movies & TV, Top

    (I am cleaning the lobby in the theater when a female customer comes out of the restroom. She goes to use the drinking fountain. As with most businesses, the restrooms are located right next to the fountain.)

    Customer: *aghast* “This is disgusting!”

    Me: “Is there something wrong with the tap, ma’am? We do clean it often but I haven’t made it over there yet this round.”

    Customer: “No, it is lovely. You do a fine job. It was just horrible!”

    Me: “If there is nothing wrong, why was it horrible?”

    Customer: “Because when I was drinking the water, I heard a toilet flush in the restroom and it made the water pressure go down!”

    Me: “Well, yes. The plumbing is connected as they both draw from the–”

    Customer: “That water that I was drinking? A minute later, if I hadn’t come along, it would have been used to flush someone’s waste? That is so disgusting! I can’t believe it!”

    Me: “Well, would you rather the water pressure went up when you heard the flush?”

    (The customer takes a step back and looks confused. Suddenly, the implication of my statement reaches her nearly hysterical mind and she flees the building with a look of horror on her face.)

    Angst For The Camera

    | California, USA |

    (Note: We mostly take high school senior portraits.)

    Me: “Okay, we’re all set! Look right into the camera and give us a big smile!”

    (The kid stares blankly for a few shots.)

    Me: “Do you want to smile for maybe just the last one or two shots?”

    Student: “I never smile. Any time I show emotion, I get hurt.”

    Same Difference

    | Portsmouth, UK | Extra Stupid

    (We have an offer on in store: buy one backpack, get another backpack free. A customer comes to me to pay for one backpack and a pair of shoes.)

    Me: “Sorry, but the promotion only works when you buy two backpacks. You will then get one of them free.”

    Customer: “Oh, I see. So it’s just backpacks…just backpacks…just backpacks…backpacks.”

    (The customer wanders off, presumably in search of another backpack. She eventually returns.)

    Customer: “This, please.” *shows me a belt*

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, the belt isn’t in the deal.”

    Customer: “But I’m buying a backpack…A BACKPACK! You said it was free with a backpack!”

    Me: “I’m sorry. What I meant was that you can get a free backpack with your other backpack.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay.”

    (The customer wanders off again, and once again returns with a new item.)

    Customer: “I’ll just take these, then.” *shows me a pair of shoes*

    Me: “Those aren’t in the deal either, I’m afraid. It’s only backpacks.”

    Customer: “But it’s two of the same! You said they had to be the same!”

    (After going back and forth for another 5 minutes, I finally take her to pick out a backpack, specifically. She pays and leaves, still mumbling about “two of the same”.)

    This Deal Is A Steal, Part 2

    , | Massachusetts, USA | Criminal/Illegal

    (A woman enters with one of our store bags in her hand and a receipt in the other.)

    Me: “Hello, is this a return?”

    Customer: “Yes, it is.”

    (I take a glance at the receipt.)

    Me: “Ma’am, we don’t do returns after 30 days of the purchase. You bought this item in March 2007. That was over four years ago.”

    Customer: “What’s your point?”

    Me: “Well, I can’t return this, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Okay, I guess that’s fine. I’ll be back. I need to buy a few things.”

    (The customer gets back in line after 15 minutes.)

    Me: “Did you find everything you were looking for?”

    Customer: “Sure did! Here’s a coupon I have for my purchase.”

    (I glance down at the coupon.)

    Me: “Ma’am, this coupon expired in June 2008. That was over three years ago.”

    Customer: “Why does your store not honor this? It’s a coupon!”

    Me: “Yes, but it’s an expired coupon.”

    (The customer angrily storms off, taking her unpaid item with her out the door. I am forced to write down her license plate number and call the cops on her.)

    Related:
    This Deal Is A Steal

    I’ll Take An Album Cover For 7000

    | California, USA |

    (I work in the OTC section of a well-known pharmacy chain. I’m stocking the shelves in an aisle when a customer approaches me.)

    Customer: “Excuse me. I’ve looked all over here. Where are your hemorrhoid wipes?”

    Me: “Oh, those are actually down on Aisle 20.”

    Customer: “Really? Why are they over there and not in this aisle with the rest of the anal care?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

    Customer: “Anal care!” *points at the aisle’s sign*

    (The sign she was pointing at? “Analgesics”.)


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