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    Your Logic Is Fishy

    | Indiana, USA | Food & Drink

    (I work at a farmer’s market. One customer is a Thursday regular who always buys single teabags.)

    Customer: “I am looking for a good green tea.”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, I certainly have a large selection—”

    Customer: *holding up a Sushi Bar Green Tea* “Oh my lord, this doesn’t have real sushi in it, does it?”

    Me: “What? Oh! No. That just means it is like the green tea found at sushi bars.”

    Customer: “Oh, good! For a minute there, I thought it was raw fish flavored!”

    Stupid And/Or/With Wrong

    | Tasmania, Australia | Food & Drink

    Customer: “Can I have a champagne and lemonade?”

    Me: “So, that’s a champagne with lemonade in it?”

    Customer: *annoyed* “Yes, yes!”

    Me: “Here you go.”

    Customer: “What the h*** is this?”

    Me: “Champagne and lemonade.”

    Customer: *looks at me as if I’m crazy* “Ew, who would want that? I wanted a champagne AND a lemonade!”

    Me: *sigh*

    You’ve Got The Wrongest Number, Part 6

    | Pennsylvania, USA | Rude & Risque, Top

    Me: “We’re making magic here at Ch—”

    Caller: “Sexy voice for a sexy lady, eh?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Caller: “Yeah, I wanted to ask about some of your ‘prizes’.”

    Me: “Sure? What are you looking for?”

    (He begins to read me a long list of sexual objects and attempts to talk dirty.)

    Me: “Sir, this is highly inappropriate.”

    Caller: “If you’re offended, why do you work at [name of adult store]?”

    Me: “Because I don’t. I think you have the wrong number.”

    Caller: “Who am I talking to then?”

    Me: “[Name] at Chuck E. Cheese.”

    Caller: “Oh…oh my God! I AM SO SORRY!”

    Related:
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 5
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 4
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 3
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 2
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number

    Size Matters, Part 9

    | Michigan, USA | Food & Drink, Top

    (I work as a barista at my local coffee shop.)

    Customer: “I’d like a coffee to go.”

    Me: “Awesome, did you want the small size or the big one?”

    Customer: “Small. I might be a big guy, but I have a small thing—” *catches himself* “I mean, I like small things—” *catches himself again*

    Me: “It’s okay—”

    Customer: “I mean…uh…small. I will take a small cup, fill it with coffee, and then leave so you and your coworker can laugh at me.”

    Me: *smiles and contains laughter* “That’ll be $1.75.”

    Related:
    Size Matters, Part 8
    Size Matters, Part 7
    Size Matters, Part 6
    Size Matters, Part 5
    Size Matters, Part 4
    Size Matters, Part 3
    Size Matters, Part 2
    Size Matters

    He Sees You When You’re Sleeping

    | Coon Rapids, MN, USA |

    (It’s about a week before Christmas. A man who is in the camera section for literally three hours finally comes up to be rung up. He is just buying a few office things. I say the regular things that we say to each customer and in the middle it turns weird.)

    Customer: “Have you been a good girl this year?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Would you be on Santa’s naughty or nice list?”

    Me: *feeling uncomfortable* “I am sorry, I don’t know what you are talking about.”

    Customer: “Did you ask Santa for a special toy this year?”

    Me: “Since I am not a child, no, I did not ask for a toy.”

    (I think he realizes his weird questions aren’t getting anywhere, so he is quiet for the moment. When I am done with the transaction I mumble for him to have a nice day.)

    Customer: “I hope Santa brings you a very special toy this year. You’re a very good girl!”

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