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    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 11

    | PA, USA | Books & Reading, Crazy Requests

    (I’m a regular at a particular location of a major book store chain and know where most of the books are. I usually get something at the cafe and a few books, and make a habit of re-shelving everything myself once I’m done. As I’m re-shelving books one evening, a man approaches me.)

    Man: “You. I want to find a book for my wife.”

    Man’s Wife: “I just need new tricks or tips on Sudoku.”

    Me: “Oh! I love Sudoku. Well, it looks like you’re in the right section. Did you not spot anything you like?”

    Man: “Can’t you just look up what she needs for her?”

    (I smile and remain generally pleasant, mainly because I think this is funny every time it happens.)

    Me: “I don’t actually work here, but if you have the title, sir, just go to the service counter right there. They can find it for you.”

    Man: “I just want a book my wife can look at right now. Why can’t you just get it for us?”

    Me: “Well… these are books of more puzzles. Um… I don’t actually work here, sir. But if you’re having a hard time finding a suitable book, you can always Google up keywords like ‘sudoku tips’ or ‘solving sudoku’.”

    Man: “Yes, but do you have it in a book?”

    Me: “Sir, if you would go to the service counter and ask, I’m sure they can find it for you.”

    Man: “You! Why can’t you find it!?”

    Me: “Sir, I don’t work here. If you go to the counter, an employee could help you look something up in their computer.”

    Man: “You’re not going to help us find this book?”

    Me: “I wouldn’t be sure where to start, but an employee—”

    (An employee that has been walking toward us in the last part of the conversation finally comes up next to me.)

    Employee: “I can take over.”

    Me: “—can take over from here. Thanks, bye!”

    Related:
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 10
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 9
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 8
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 7
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 6
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 5

    Emotional Coke

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    All’s Well That Messengers Well

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Health & Body, Money

    (I work at a healthcare store. Whenever we have promos such as gift cards when purchasing more than a certain dollar amount, we call our regular customers a week in advance to let them know. After each call, either actually talking to the customer or leaving a message, we put a check next to their name on our list. One cranky regular misses the promo weekend and comes in three weeks later.)

    Customer: “Hello, [My Name]. I’m just parked outside. Can you get me my products?”

    Me: “Sure, I’ll be right back.”

    Customer: “Don’t you have any promos? You haven’t had one since December.”

    Me: “No, I know it’s been a while.”

    (I make sure not to mention the promo three weeks prior, as I know she missed it, and I am sure she will throw a fit. I go to the back to get her products. As I am coming back, I see the customer yelling at my coworker. She then turns to me.)

    Customer: “This is so disappointing! I told you guys to call me every time you have a promo. [Coworker] said that you had one three weeks ago!”

    Me: “Oh, we did call you. I’m sure we did. You’re the first one we call.”

    Customer: “No, I did not get any call. No message. This is the second time!”

    Me: “I remember the first time you said your daughter forgot to tell you.”

    Customer: “Well, this time I really didn’t get any call! No message, nothing!”

    (The customer goes on and on as I am ringing her in, and I am just nodding. She’s always in a hurry, so I need to ring her in as I am listening. I can see the other customers looking at her.)

    Me: “I really apologize, but as you see here on our call list, I called all these customers including you. Your name even has an asterisk ’cause you’re the first one we call.”

    Customer: “Well, I didn’t get anything! There could be something wrong with my answering machine, but I doubt it! You guys owe me!”

    (The customer storms out of the store. The next day she calls.)

    Me: “Good afternoon, [Store]. [My Name] speaking. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Oh [My Name], this is [Customer]. I just called to apologize for my behavior yesterday. I asked my daughter if she knew of any promos you guys had, and she just gasped because she forgot to tell me that you guys called.”

    Me: “That’s okay Mrs. [Customer]. It’s not a problem.”

    Customer: “Okay, thank you. Bye!”

    Modern TV’s Have A Solid State

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work at a call center that deals with warranties on different products. In order to file any complaints regarding the product, I first have to get all of the info about the product. I am speaking to a customer who is calling to make a complaint about her TV.)

    Me: “Alright, and would you mind telling me the size of your television?”

    Customer: “I’m not sure what size it is. Should I measure it?”

    Me: “No, no, that is fine. Could you tell me what brand it is?”

    Customer: “It is [name brand TV set].”

    Me: “Great, thank you! And now could you tell me if it is an LCD or LED TV?”

    Customer: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “Well, it is the type of screen. I can’t remember what LED stands for currently, but I know LCD stands for ‘Liquid Crystal Display’.”

    Customer: “Oh… okay. Just one second and I’ll find out for you.”

    Me: “Great, thanks!”

    (I hear silence over the phone for a moment, then some light tapping sounds in the background.)

    Customer: “Okay, I’m back, and it isn’t a Liquid Crystal Display. The screen is too hard!”

    Descending Into Obnoxiousness

    | Montevideo, MN, USA | Bad Behavior, Transportation, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m standing at the bus stop when I see the bus coming. There’s a car just a few meters before the bus stop, not allowing the bus to stop very close from the side walk. The doors open and a passenger starts descending, and stops half-way, blocking two other people and myself from getting in.)

    Me: “Ma’am, are you going to descend?”

    Passenger: “Yes I am, whenever this driver decides to get closer to the side walk.”

    Driver: “Sorry, but I can’t get any closer, ma’am. The car is blocking me.”

    Passenger: “You are obligated to stop 50cm from the side walk, and you are stopping at least a meter and a half!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but can you let me pass?”

    Passenger: “No, you’ll just have to wait. I guess I’m going to stay here until the next stop.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but the next stop is two blocks away, and I’ll never catch the bus. I really can’t wait for the next one.”

    (I try to get on, and she pushes me away with incredible strength and I almost fall.)

    Passenger: “No! You’ll just have to wait.”

    Me: “Look, we are happy to help you descend if that’s the problem, but we all need to get on the bus.”

    Passenger: “I don’t want you to help me descending. Do you think I’m crippled? I want the bus driver to respect the law or I’ll fill a complaint!”

    Person Behind Me: “Oh, come on! Just let us pass!”

    Me: “Yes, just let us in, and you can descend the next stop.”

    Passenger: *screaming at bus driver* “You should stop closer to the side walk; move the bus!”

    Driver: “Ma’am, I can’t. These people offered you help to descend if that was the problem, but you refused it. You can stay on the bus and descend at the next stop and let these people in, or just descend.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I have had enough! I need to get to my job.”

    (I manage to get on the bus even though she pushes me again. She eventually descends while cursing at all of us.)

    Me: “Wow, some people are just crazy.”

    Driver: “You have no idea, girl!”

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