November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Noisy Complaints Are All-Enveloping

| Provo, UT, USA | Bad Behavior, Extra Stupid, Top

(I am in a rather lengthy line at the post office to buy a bunch of stamps for work; it is early afternoon. An elderly customer behind me is complaining loudly to no one in particular about the wait.)

Customer: “I can’t believe they’re making us wait like this. It’s the middle of the day; the line shouldn’t be like this! I have places to be!”

(I glance back at her, but don’t really pay much attention.)

Customer: “This is ridiculous! They could just open up more lines and get us all through here quickly, but they just make us all wait in line.”

(When I get to the front of the line, the customer makes a big show of loudly counting all of the closed cashier stands and complaining. I ask the clerk for my stamps, and he goes to the back to get them, as I need more than he has at his station.)

Customer: “Oh, now one of them is leaving? I can’t believe this!”

(The customer suddenly walks up to the counter to stand next to me. When the clerk comes back, she speaks up.)

Customer: “I need to buy these things, now.”

Me: “Excuse me? He’s still helping me.”

Customer: “Well, I just need to buy a few things.”

Me: “So do I. It’ll just be a moment.”

Customer: “You’re buying a ton of stamps! I just need these envelopes.”

(I finally pay enough attention to realize what she’s holding: several flat rate envelopes.)

Me: “Ma’am, those are free.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “You can take those for free. You just have to pay the postage when you bring them back in.”

(The customer looks at the clerk, who nods.)

Customer: “Well, how was I supposed to know that?! Someone should have told me sooner!”

Me: “It’s written all over the stand you grabbed them from.”

(The customer looks back at the stand, and sees that I’m right. She then leaves in a huff, complaining about the post office wasting her time.)

Not So Rewarding

| Calgary, AB, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

Me: “And do you have your rewards card with you today?”

Customer: “Oh, yes, it’s in here somewhere…”

(The customer proceeds to open and search through their purse while I wait.)

Me: “I can take your phone number, if that’s more convenient.”

Customer: “No, no! I can find it; it won’t take a moment.”

(The customer keeps looking as the line grows longer.)

Me: “I’d be perfectly happy with a phone number.”

Customer: “You young people are so impatient these days!”

(My line has now grown by at least five customers, who are starting to look restless. The customer is searching her wallet.)

Me: “You’d be able to leave much quicker if you’d—”

Customer: “Oh, for goodness sake! Do you really think I’ll just give your my phone number that easily? That’s personal information! How do I know you won’t call me later trying to sell me something I don’t need?”

(I am speechless.)

Customer: “Oh… you know what? I think my husband has the card; he was going to use it tomorrow. My phone number is [number]!”

A Thick Slice Of Humble Pie, Part 2

| MO, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Math & Science, Money

(I’m working at the cash register of a pizza place. A customer storms in and demands his pizza.)

Me: “Sorry, sir, it seems I don’t have anything in here by that name or phone number. Are you sure you called the right store?”

Customer: “YES! The person who took my order refused to honor this coupon, and so I hung up on them!”

Me: “Well, sir, that’s probably why it isn’t in here. Should I place a new order?”

Customer: “Fine! But I want it delivered to my house!”

(The customer proceeds to place the order, as more customers are lining up and watching the spectacle. I read him the final total.)

Customer: “That’s not the total! What is wrong with you people?! Can’t anyone do math? It says here I get two pizzas for $11.95.”

Me: “Actually sir, it’s two pizzas for $11.95 each. Do you still want to place the order?”

(Everyone is watching at this point. The customer throws the coupon at me.)


Me: “Two pizzas for $11.95 each, no limit, expires [date].”

(The customer’s tail is between his legs, and he’s red with embarrassment. With an entire crowd watching, he reluctantly mumbles and pays the bill.)

A Thick Slice Of Humble Pie

Paying A Hire Price

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Money, Top

(I’m purchasing something from my workplace, and they happen to give very generous discounts to employees.)

Manager: “Alright kiddo, that’ll be $5.59.”

(I pay for my item. The next customer in line happens to be purchasing the same item.)

Manager: “That’ll be $22.39, please.”

Customer: “What!? That guy only paid five bucks for his! Why do I have to pay over $20?”

Manager: “Sir, he works here. He gets an employee discount.”

Customer: “Well, I’m not paying this price! I want to pay what he paid! This is a complete rip-off!”

Manager: “Alright, when can you start?”

Customer: “What?”

Manager: “The discount is for employees only. When can you start? I think I can arrange an interview for you next week.”

Customer: “Why the h*** would I want to work here? I already have a well-paying job! I don’t want to deal with any stupid customers!”

Manager: “And that’s why he gets a discount, and you don’t!”

Space-Time Is Money

| Minneapolis, MN, USA | Geeks Rule, Technology, Theme Of The Month, Top

(A customer enters, walks to the middle of the store, and starts looking around.)

Me: “You look lost.”

Customer: “Where’s your time machine?”

Me: “…sorry, what?”

Customer: “Don’t you guys have a time machine?”

Me: *laughing* “I kind of wish we did.”

Customer: “That’s weird that you don’t have one.”

(There is a pause.)

Customer: “Wait, what did I say?”

Me: “You asked for a time machine.”

Customer: “Oh, God, I meant an ATM machine.”

Me: “Yup, right over here.”

Customer: “Sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking.”

Me: “It’s alright, you made my day. Good luck finding the time machine!”