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    Love In The Time Of Customers

    | Texas, USA | Love/Romance

    (I work at a tourist company where we sell fishing trips.)

    Elderly Customer: “Do you have availability for this date?”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, but we’re booked until next week.”

    Elderly Customer: “And I bet if I asked for your phone number, you’d tell me ‘Sorry,’ too.”

    Me: *laughing* “Well, I’d tell you my husband might not approve of that!”

    Elderly Customer: “Husband? You have a husband? Those tend to get in the way! “

    A Resistance To Watt’s Current In Science

    | Texas, USA | Bizarre, Technology

    (A customer comes into my store to return an analog multimeter.)

    Me: “Hello, ma’am. What can I help you with?”

    Customer: “I want to return this meter.”

    Me: “Okay, no problem. Do you have your receipt?”

    (She gives me her receipt and I check it.)

    Me: “Everything seems to be in order. Why are you returning this today?”

    Customer: “This meter doesn’t detect electro-pulses in the air. Computers and stuff can cause currents to run through your bed, and it causes cancer. I wanted to measure the currents running through my house and bed.”

    (Multimeters can be used to measure current, voltage, and resistance, but this specific one can’t measure currents in the air.)

    Me: “It’s true that this device can’t measure currents in the air. However, you do know it’s literally impossible to avoid being bombarded by electromagnetic waves, right? You are more likely to win the lottery than die from over-exposure to electromagnetic waves. You don’t have to worry about that.”

    Customer: “That is EXACTLY what the government wants you to believe! Look it up online if you don’t believe me! Children are especially affected by them. It causes cancer and all sorts of other sicknesses. I can even sense them in the air now!”

    Me: “Well, you are in an electronics store after all. But if you could sense these waves, why do you need a multimeter in the first place?”

    Customer: “I am not crazy!” *storms out of the store*

    Disturbingly Dense, Part 2

    | Michigan, USA | Extra Stupid, Hotels & Lodging, Top

    (We are a small hotel in an even smaller town. Because of our size, we only have housekeeping until about 1 pm. After that, the front desk can stock towels and things, but we don’t fully clean the room.)

    Guest: “We left at 9:30 this morning to go out for the day. It is now 12:50 and we still don’t have maid service!”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, sir. We can have housekeeping come up immediately and clean that for you.”

    Guest: “Absolutely not! We will be here for an hour. Then you can get in!”

    Me: “Unfortunately, sir, we do not have 24 hour housekeeping service. Housekeeping is not offered after 1 pm.”

    Guest: “But we put out our sign!”

    Me: “The sign on the inside of the door? Your ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign?”

    (Upon saying this, the guest realizes that they are in error.)

    Guest: “Well, yeah… but they should’ve know we weren’t in here!”

    Me: “If there is a ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign up, sir, they are not supposed to disturb you.”

    Guest: “You are incompetent! I demand to speak to a manager!”

    Me: “You’re speaking to her, sir.”

    Guest: *click*

    Related:
    Disturbingly Dense

    Can’t Hide That You Lied About The Ride

    | MN, USA | Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers

    Me: “Sorry, can I double check your son’s height? I just want to make sure he’s tall enough.”

    Guest: “Ugh, all right! [Son], stand against the sign.” *to me* “He’s been on this one before. He loves it! It’s his favorite ride.”

    (The guest’s son is just tall enough to ride, so I let them in. I run the ride, but notice that her son is noticeably frightened. As they get off the ride, I decide to question the guest.)

    Me: “Is it still his favorite ride?”

    Guest: “What?! No! He’s never been on this one before!”

    Unintentional Prejudice Is Still A Kick In The Teeth

    | Tennessee, USA | Bigotry, Language & Words

    (I’m a British exchange student working at a Tennessee supermarket. I have a very obvious accent. I’m stocking the shelves when I need to place an item out of my reach.)

    Me: “Hey, [coworker], can you give me a hand?”

    Customer: “Oh, my! Your accent is amazing! Are you English?”

    (I nod.)

    Customer: “Oooh, ooh… can you say…” *in a very bad Cockney accent* “Can I please get some help setting up this fish and chips so I can retire for tea time?”

    Me: “Erm? Sorry, I won’t.”

    Customer: “Well, why not?! I thought all you British people liked tea and fish and chips.”

    Coworker: “If I were to ask you why you aren’t wearing blue jean overalls or ending every sentence with “Y’all”, would you be offended?”

    Customer: “Well, of course I would!”

    (Both my coworker and I raise our eyebrows at her. We watch as her face turns red with realization.)

    Customer: “O-oh… I’m sorry.”

    (The customer quickly walks to the next aisle, face still red as a beet.)

    Coworker: “Sorry about that. We get a lot of people like that around here.”

    Me: “Well, at least she didn’t make a comment about my teeth.”

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