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  • August Theme Of The Month: Best. Customer. Ever!

    Treating Them Im-Parcel-ly Is Only Polite

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal

    (I witness a customer exchange at the counter while I am in line.)

    Customer: “I’m here to pick up a parcel; here’s the delivery card.”

    Clerk: “Sure, I’ll just look that up for you.”

    Customer: “By the way, why were you rude to my daughter?”

    Clerk: “I… what?”

    Customer: “My daughter came in earlier to get this parcel. You were rude to her, and wouldn’t let her pick it up for me.”

    Clerk: “I’m sorry. As I explained to her at the time, only the person whose name is on the parcel can take it. We have to do that to prevent fraud.”

    Customer: “Her name is on it! Look at the card!”

    Clerk: “Um… I’m sorry, but you wrote that in yourself. It’s a different coloured ink, and the handwriting is different.”

    Customer: “Are you calling me a liar?”

    Clerk: “Look, I’m sorry; only the person whose name is on the card can pick it up. I explained that to your daughter—”

    Customer: “You should learn how to speak to people properly, and stop being so rude!”

    Clerk: “Um… let me go get your parcel.”

    (The clerk is visibly upset as she leaves. Her supervisor comes back with the parcel in question.)

    Supervisor: “Here is your parcel. Now, can you see here on the parcel where it has your name on it?”

    Customer: “I don’t f****** care whose name is on it! I wanted my daughter to pick it up, and you should have given it to her!”

    Supervisor: “That would have been illegal. We can’t just give out parcels because someone says—”

    Customer: “I don’t f******* care! Just give me the f******* book to sign!”

    (She signs for the parcel and storms out, offering one final pearl of wisdom before going out the door.)

    Customer: “You should learn to f******* speak to people more politely, b****!”

    Not Sue-ted To Shoplifting

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Theme Of The Month

    (I spot a young woman looking shiftily around, obviously checking to make sure no associates are watching her. I step up behind her as quietly as I can; she hasn’t spotted me yet. She starts putting a couple stacks of shirts into her bag.)

    Me: “Ah-HEM!”

    (She freezes, and slowly turns around.)

    Woman: “I was just—”

    Me: “Uh-huh.”

    Woman: “I really need—”

    Me: “Mm-hmm?”

    (She sheepishly puts the stack of shirts back onto the table, and starts to walk towards the exit.)

    Me:All of it please, ma’am.”

    (She scowls like a little kid, stomping over and throwing the last shirt in her bag at me.)

    Woman: “I’ll sue you all!” *stomps out*

    Judging A Book By Its Fabulous Cover

    | Nashville, TN, USA | Bigotry, Food & Drink, Religion, Top

    (I am standing in the waiting area near the hostess station. A man who is gay is requesting a table. A primly dressed woman walks in.)

    Woman: “Ugh, how horrid! You should be ashamed of yourself dressing like one of those sinful f***! People will get the wrong idea about you.”

    (The man keeps his calm like he’s used to this.)

    Man: “Actually, ma’am, it wouldn’t be a wrong idea as I am—in fact—gay.”

    Woman: “Have you no shame at all!? You sound proud of it! You should be more like this young man.”

    (She gestures to me.)

    Woman: “He obviously is a proper, god-fearing individual.”

    Me: “I’m honored. You really believe he should be like me?”

    Woman: “Of course, you obviously have your priorities straight.”

    (I walk over to the man and extended a hand for a handshake. He takes it.)

    Me: “Well, you heard her…”

    (I lean in and give him a quick peck on the lips.)

    Me: “Never change sweetie.”

    (The other three people in the waiting area break out laughing and the woman goes beet.)

    Woman: “Well, I never!…”

    (She stomps out. The man and I end up sharing a table for dinner. We’re now good friends and we laugh about that meeting a lot.)

    Young Boys Love Player-Time

    | Ventura, CA, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids

    (I am a female photographer working in a family oriented portrait studio. I have just finished doing Christmas pictures for a single mother and her two young sons. The youngest son, roughly six, is more interested in me.)

    Me: “Go ahead and click through those. When you see the ones you want, just write the number down on this first line here. If you have any questions let me know, okay?”

    Mother: “Okay, that seems easy enough.”

    Boy: “Oh, I have a question!”

    Me: “Yes?”

    Boy: “Do you like this hat? This hat is so special!”

    Me: “That is a neat hat! What makes it special?”

    Boy: “It’s got my name on it! See?”

    (The name ‘Ruben’ is written in green glitter on his Santa hat.)

    Me: “Ruben?! Did you know there’s a really good sandwich named after you?”

    Boy: “No way!”

    (I check on the mother’s progress.)

    Boy: “Hey, hey lady!”

    Me: “Yes?”

    Boy: “What’s your name?”

    Me: “It’s Veronica, why?”

    Boy: “Well, if there’s a sandwich named after you, I would so eat it!”

    (The mother and I look at him, and laugh. The mother has also made a few decisions on her pictures.)

    Me: “Okay, so your photos will be done in about an hour and a half; sound good?”

    Mother: “Perfect!”

    (The mother picks up the youngest boy and begins to leave my store. As they are leaving, the boy is clawing over her shoulder reaching out at me.)

    Boy: “Hey, Veronica! Call me!”

    Me: “I’ll call in 20 years, dude!”

    Boy: “Okay! Don’t forget to call meeee!”

    Flying Off The Pan-Handle

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

    (My coworker and I work in retail, but we are the customers in this story. We decide to hang out at her place after work. I order some pizza, and pick it up on the way to her house.)

    Me: “Hi, I’m [name], and I’m here to pick up my order.”

    Assistant Manager: “I am terribly sorry, sir. There has been a mistake with your order. We’re trying to fix it as soon as we can.”

    Me: “Oh, dear. What happened? If it’s the wrong toppings, I’ll still take it.”

    Assistant Manager: “No, sir, unfortunately one of our staff members accidentally gave your order to another customer. I am very sorry about this. We’ve just remade your order, and it’ll be done in just a couple of minutes.”

    Me: “Okay, that’s fine, I totally understa—”

    My Coworker: “WHAT?! I can’t believe you let this happen!”

    Me: “Whoa, calm down, [coworker]! People make mistakes, and it’s not going to take very long.”

    My Coworker: “No! I will not calm down, this is an outrage!”

    (My coworker addresses the assistant manager.) “I demand that we be compensated for this inconvenience! I can’t believe they let you be assistant manager around here!”

    Me: “Hey, hey, time out! I’m the one paying here, so you have no right to talk to him like that!”

    Coworker: “No, the customer is ALWAYS right! He should throw in a few extras for free!”

    Me: “Okay, if he did that, our order is gonna take even longer.”

    (Not even one minute after our short argument, our pizzas get brought up to the front. I pay for exactly what I ordered, no more, no less, and we leave. On the way back to my car, my coworker is still muttering.)

    Coworker: “I still think we should’ve gotten some free breadsticks or something.”

    Me: “Listen. You work in customer service too. You go through the exact same s*** he does, and I know YOU wouldn’t tolerate customers who fly off the handle like you just did. I am not impressed with the blatant hypocrisy you just displayed.”

    Coworker: “No, this is different! Our customers think they’re always right! In my case, I actually am!”

    Me: “Normally, I’d make you walk home for saying such a dumb comment, but I really don’t want to expose your current state to the general public.”

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