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    Now Showing The Fugitive

    | Federal Way, WA, USA | Criminal/Illegal

    (I am outside in the box office by myself at night when a shady-looking guy walks up.)

    Customer: “Hi, when’s the very next show?”

    Me: “Twenty minutes.”

    Customer: “Okay, I’ll get a ticket to that one.”

    (This is very common for people who don’t care what they’re seeing and want to kill time, so I sell him a ticket for Harry Potter, which is the next movie. He walks away looking at the ticket.  A few minutes later, he comes back.)

    Customer: “You sold me the wrong ticket. You said Twenty Minutes.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I thought you wanted the next show that was playing.”

    Customer: “Yeah, I do.  You sold me a ticket for Harry Potter.  I don’t want this movie. I want the other one!”

    Me: *confused* “I’m sorry, what movie did you want again?”

    Customer:Twenty Minutes.”

    Me: “We don’t have a movie called Twenty Minutes.  You asked when the next movie was.”

    Customer: “Well, whatever. I don’t want to see this.”

    Me: “Okay, I can change it for you. What movie would you like to see instead?”

    (He picks a different movie, and our policy for exchanges is to write over the ticket itself and initial it. Otherwise, you have to ring up a new sale to print out another one, thus making our tills short.)

    Customer: “You have to give me a new ticket.  This won’t work.”

    Me: “It will. The door people will know I changed it for you.”

    Customer: “But you wrote on it.  They’ll think I did it.  It won’t work!”

    Me: “Sir, I promise you, this ticket will work. Those are my initials, and they know them.”

    Customer: “No, you don’t understand. I’m under house arrest and I need proof of where I’ve been.  They’ll think I was the one who wrote on it.  I have the ankle bracelet and everything…” *ominously* “You want to come out and see?!”

    (I immediately printed out a new ticket for him!)

    Psychos Are Crazy Precise

    | USA | Language & Words

    (I sell jewelry at a major department store. A foreign customer comes in wanting to see some merchandise at my watch counter.)

    Customer: “I want to see a Psycho!”

    Me: “I beg your pardon?”

    Customer: “I want to see a Psycho!”

    Me: “Sir, I’m not quite comprehending.”

    (He points to the watches inside my counter.)

    Me: “Oh, you want to see a Seiko!”

    Size Matters, Part 8

    | Buffalo, NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science

    (A parent is asking about a supplemental document she needs to upload for her financial aid application. She’s having a little trouble.)

    Parent: “It says here that the file needs to be under 4 megabytes, but the file I need to upload is 4.49 megabytes. So, is 4.49 bigger than 4?”

    Related:
    Size Matters, Part 7
    Size Matters, Part 6
    Size Matters, Part 5
    Size Matters, Part 4
    Size Matters, Part 3
    Size Matters, Part 2
    Size Matters

    The Super Leap Days

    | Canada | Extra Stupid

    Customer: “So, when do I have to return this equipment?”

    Me: “The end of the month.”

    Customer: “So, February 31st?”

    Me: “No, February 28th.”

    Customer: “Why?! You said the end of the month!”

    They Are Not The Balls You Are Looking For

    | Gulfport, MS, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (Note: I am a male. It’s the week of Easter and I’m walking through the store, when suddenly I hear someone scream at me.)

    Customer: “You don’t have any balls, do you?!”

    (I stop in my tracks, shocked. I turn around to see a little old lady.)

    Me: *laughing, embarrassed* “Um, what?”

    Customer: “Little balls!”

    (She shows me how small with her fingers. I stare at her, dumbfounded, jaw-dropped, and shrug.)

    Customer: “You know, the chocolate Easter balls!”

    Me: *erupting in laughter* “Oh, yeah, they’re right this way…”

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