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    Maturity Can Be A Tall Order

    | USA | Pets & Animals

    (At our zoo, during certain times of the day, guests can buy lettuce to feed our giraffes on an observation deck.  One day a man comes up with his family carrying a couple of leafy branches.)

    Guest: “Hey, I found these branches in the woods around the zoo.  Can I feed these to the giraffes.”

    Me: “No, sorry, sir.  The zookeepers determine the diets of the giraffes, and we really can’t feed them anything the keepers haven’t approved.  If you would like to feed them, you can purchase some lettuce.”

    Guest: *disappointed* “Okay, I guess that makes sense.  I’ll get a few pieces of lettuce for my kids.”

    (I return to selling lettuce to other guests, when out of the corner of my eye I see the man holding the branches just out of reach of the male giraffe’s tongue.  The giraffe is clearly desperate to get the leaves, and the man is grinning. My coworker apparently witnesses this as well.)

    Coworker: “Sir, please stop teasing the giraffes.”

    Guest’s Wife: *to her husband* “You’re a 36-year-old man.  You should know better!”

    The Boss-tomer Is Always Right

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Technology, Top

    (I am overhearing a heated argument between a very rude customer and my manager.)

    Customer: “This game isn’t working like it’s supposed to. I demand a full refund!”

    Manager: “Once again, sir, the packaging’s already been opened. I’m afraid there’s not much I can do. If you had read the packaging before opening it, you would have known that this game would not be compatible with your system.”

    Customer: “That’s a lie! You are lying to me! This game is d*** well compatible. This one is just defective!”

    (I walk over to where my manager and the customer is. Much to my horror, I am met with a very unpleasant surprise: the customer is actually my boss at my second job.)

    Customer: “Hey! [my name]! Help me out here! This guy clearly doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”

    Me: “Well, [boss], why don’t you explain to me your side of the story, since I just joined in?”

    Customer: “I tried to run this game on my girlfriend’s laptop and it won’t work. Now this guy over here is trying to tell me that it isn’t supposed to work!”

    Me: “Um, well, he’s right. That game isn’t compatible with computers. This is an Xbox 360 game.”

    Customer: “Aww, for Christ’s sake, not you too! My girlfriend’s laptop runs Windows. Windows is Microsoft. Xbox is also Microsoft.”

    Me: “No, I’m afraid it doesn’t work that way. If it did, that would defeat the purpose of having two separate products.”

    Customer: “Don’t give me that bulls***! I want my money back now!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but you really should’ve asked an employee before you bought that game, or at least read the back of the box. We can’t take back opened products.”

    Customer: “You really gonna talk to me like that? Well, fine! You better start working here full-time now, because as of now, your a** is fired from MY shop!”

    (My now ex-boss takes his game and angrily leaves the store. What does he do for a living? He’s the owner of a retail shop and his return policy is much more strict than ours.)

    Sometimes, More Really Is More

    | Sacramento, CA, USA | Money

    (A customer comes in asking for a quote.)

    Customer: “Hi, how much will it cost for 600 single-sided flyers?”

    Me: “That’d be [price].”

    Customer: “Okay, and how much for 600 single-sided flyers plus 100 double-sided ones?”

    Me: “That’d be [higher price].”

    Customer: “What?! How’d you come up with [higher price]?!”

    Me: “You have more copies than [lower price], so it costs more.”

    Customer: “I don’t think you understand! I want 600 of these AND 100 of these!”

    Me: “It’s still [higher price]. You’re adding more printing to your order. That’s going to make the price higher.”

    Customer: “No! Never mind. I’ll come back later and ask someone else!”

    Aisle Always Need Directions, Part 2

    | Ontario, Canada |

    (Our store credit card has recently changed banks it affiliates with, so everyone with our store credit card was given notice on every bill for a few months before they received their new cards.)

    Customer: “Yeah, I got a new credit card in the mail.” *tosses his card on the counter*

    Me: “Yes, we changed banks. If you had a balance on your previous card, it will just have transferred over to this one.”

    Customer: “But it has a company name on it and we don’t own this company anymore.”

    Me: “Oh, so you want to change the information that’s on the card?”

    Customer: “I don’t know, you tell me.”

    Me: “Um, well, I don’t know. I can’t really tell you what to do with your card–”

    Customer: “But we don’t own this business anymore!”

    Me: “So, do you want to call the credit card company and get them to change it to a personal account?”

    Customer: “I don’t know! Why aren’t you telling me what to do?!”

    Me: “I’m not really sure what you want me to tell you.”

    Coworker: *stepping in after overhearing* “You have to go home and think about what you want. Then when you make up your mind, call the 1-800 number on the back of the card and tell them what you want to do with your card.”

    Customer: “Okay!” *leaves happy*

    Related:
    Asile Always Need Directions

    Thar She ISOs

    | Hollywood, FL, USAUSA | Criminal/Illegal

    Customer: “You guys buy games, right?”

    Me: “That’s right.”

    Customer: “Any games, right?”

    Me: “Unless we have several of them in stock, or they’re in very poor condition, yes.”

    Customer: “So, you’ll take any games as long as there’s no scratches and you don’t have a bunch of them, right?”

    Me: “Correct.”

    Customer: “Okay, good! I’ve got 20 games here that I wanna sell.”

    (The man opens the shoebox he’s been carrying and starts to unload a number of discs onto the counter.)

    Me: “Uh, sir…I can’t take these games.”

    Customer: “Why not? You just said you could!”

    Me: “Because they’re illegally copied games.”

    Customer: “But you said you’d take them!”

    Me: “Not if they’re DVD-Rs with the names written in Sharpie!”

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