Educated Retail

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Hold The Garlic Bread

| NY, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Movies & TV, Top

(I work the late shift at a pizza parlor, and am taking over delivery for a sick coworker instead of working the register as I usually do. I cycle up to the apartment that’s listed on the bill and knock on their door. The customer doesn’t answer so I knock harder.)

Me: “Your pizza’s here!”

(The door slowly creaks open. The lights are all off, almost like a horror movie, and I take a step back in surprise.)

Me: “Uhm… hello?”

(Unnerved, I turn to get the heck out of there, when I hear something moving. I look back in the house, and some guy is standing there, nearly invisible in the dark.)

Me: “Oh, haha, I didn’t see you there. Here’s your pizza, sir. You ordered online, so you’re good to go!”

Customer: “Who darez to tahlk to ze Count in zees mannehr?!”

(I realize that he’s wearing a full Dracula costume, complete with bloody fangs and a cape. He’s staring at me with Bela Lugosi’s signature death glare.)

Me: “Uh… Frank, the pizza delivery guy?”

Customer: “…”

Me: “…”

Customer: “Dihd you breeng extra ov zee leetle sauce packeets for ze breedsteecks?”

Me: “Uh… yeah, yeah, they should be in the box.”

Customer: “Exceeleent! Have a vunderful night, my child!”

(The customer slams the door closed.)

Me: “What just happened?”

Fought For His Country, Not Just His County

| NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Military, Money

(Our store gives a military discount, but you have to have one of three types of nationally-issued ID cards to get it. It can’t be a state, county, or city-issued ID. My current customer has a county-issued veteran’s card.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir; we can’t take these. It must be a nationally-issued card.”

Customer: “This IS nationally issued!”

Me: “No, this is a county VA card. The county seal is right there. It has to be from the Department of Veteran’s Affairs in DC.”

Customer: *blankly* “This IS a VA card.”

(I pull out the cheat-sheet for cashiers.)

Me: “It has to be one of these types. They’ve gotten very strict on that.”

Customer: “I’m going to [competitor]! They know how to treat their veterans right!”

(The customer storms out. A regular, who is a retired vet, comes up to me.)

Regular Customer: “Good for you! I can’t stand people like that.”

Me: “I was about ready to rattle off my parents’ names, ranks, and postings. Mom did her 22 years, and Dad’s a Lieutenant Colonel. And both of them would’ve told me that if I didn’t have my ID, too bad!”

Soft-Selling

| OR, USA | Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Top

(We have got a new mattress, so I put the old one up on Craigslist. It’s free to the first person who comes to pick it up. Shortly after I post the ad, my phone rings.)

Me: “Hello?”

Caller: “I’m calling about the mattress. Yeah, is it a pillow-top?”

Me: “No, sorry, it isn’t.”

Caller: “Oh. Well, I need a pillow-top. I’m having surgery next week, and I need a mattress with some support.”

Me: “I understand.”

(There is a long pause.)

Caller: “So what are you going to do?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Caller: *angrily* “I need a pillow-top mattress!”

Me: “Um, well, good luck?”

Endless Sale

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