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    Not Getting To The Meat Of The Issue

    | Christchurch, New Zealand | Food & Drink

    (At the sandwich shop I work at, pretty much all the meat is cold and we only heat it at the customer’s request. I am working the first position on the sandwich line, greeting people, and starting their sandwiches for them. An older customer comes up to the line.)

    Me: “Hi there, welcome to [store name]. What can I get you today?”

    Customer: “I’d like a sandwich, please.”

    Me: “Sure! What would you like in it?”

    Customer: “Cold meat.”

    Me: “Ma’am, all the meat is cold. What meat would you like?”

    Customer: “Cold meat. I already said that!”

    Me: “Well, what type? We have ham, chicken, beef, turkey—”

    Customer: “How hard is it for you to just put cold meat in my d*** sandwich? Are you new here?! They always put cold meat in my d*** sandwich! For f***’s sake, just put cold meat in my sandwich!”

    Me: *speechless* “Okay, how about I get you the person who regularly serves you to help you out?”

    Customer: “No! F*** it! You’re useless at this!” *leaves store grumbling*

    Related:
    Getting To The Meat Of The Issue

    Has A Problem Espresso-ing Himself, Part 3

    | North Carolina, USA | Food & Drink

    (A latte is steamed milk with espresso. Without espresso, it’s just a cup of milk. Our small lattes have two shots of espresso.)

    Customer: “I’d like a small latte with a shot of espresso.”

    Me: “A single-shot latte?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    (My coworker makes the latte and gives it to the man.)

    Customer: “Is there a shot of espresso in here?”

    Coworker: “Yes, did you want it on the side?”

    Customer: “No, I wanted a latte with espresso in it.”

    Me: “But you just wanted the one shot, right?”

    Customer: “No, I wanted a regular latte with a shot of espresso.”

    (I begin thinking maybe he actually wanted a latte with an extra shot to bring the total number of shots to three.)

    Me: “So did you want an extra shot on top of the two included shots? Three shots?”

    Customer: “Oh no, two is fine.”

    (The customer leaves.)

    Me: “I still have no idea what he wanted.”

    Coworker: “Me either!”

    Related:
    Has A Problem Espresso-ing Themself, Part 2
    Has A Problem Espresso-ing Herself

    Just Roll With It

    | Arizona, USA | Food & Drink

    (I wait tables at a sushi place. I’m currently serving two male customers.)

    Customer #1: *to customer #2* “Look at her eyes. Just look at them!”

    Customer #2: *to me* “Can I get a lunch combo?”

    Me: “Of course.”

    Customer #1: *to customer #2* “Did you not f***ing hear me? Look at her eyes!”

    Customer #2: *to customer #1* “I did. They’re beautiful!”

    Customer #1: *to me* “Can I have a lunch combo? Also, I love you!”

    Momma Knows Best

    | Florida, USA | Family & Kids

    Me: “It sounds like the fireworks are just starting. I can hear them.”

    Boy: “Good, that means we can go on the big ride next door! All the dumb people will watch the fireworks when they could be riding the—”

    Boy’s Mother: *chiding her son* “Now, now, they’re not ‘dumb people.’ They’re ‘suckers.’”

    You Can’t Fix Stupid

    | Alberta, Canada | Extra Stupid

    (I am calling back a customer who had a 6-year-old TV with a cracked screen. Unfortunately, due to its age, we can no longer get parts for it.)

    Me: “Hello, we’d like to let you know that unfortunately we are unable to repair your product. The parts are discontinued.”

    Customer: “So, you can’t fix it?”

    Me: “Correct.”

    Customer: “So you can fix it?”

    Me: “No, the parts are unavailable.”

    Customer: “Can you order them?”

    Me: “No, the parts are discontinued.”

    Customer: “You can order them somewhere else, yes?”

    Me: “No, we cannot fix this unit at all.”

    Customer: “Does [brand name] carry the part?”

    Me: “No, they don’t.”

    Customer: “Okay, so you can get it fixed, right? Test it again?”

    Me: “No, we cannot fix it.”

    Customer: “So it can’t be fixed?”

    Me: “It cannot be fixed, ever, unfortunately.”

    Customer: “Okay, I’ll call you back when it’s done!” *click*

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