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    Flaws And Effect

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Food & Drink, Top

    (We used to have a candy topping for a certain holiday drink. It was discontinued because people found it unpleasant. One customer went as far as to claim that a barista “must have dropped fried rice from their lunch into the drink”. There had been a minor incident over it, and the customer was outraged. This takes place the following year in the drive-thru.)

    Coworker: “Hi, here’s your latte! Have a nice night.”

    Customer: “Where’s the candied ginger from last year? I only ordered this because I wanted the ginger. I’m not going to enjoy my drink as much now!”

    Coworker: “Well, we don’t use it any more because people didn’t like it. Someone even insisted there was rice in their drink! Isn’t that kind of funny?”

    Customer: “Oh yes…I remember. Uh…that was me, actually.” *drives away sheepishly*

    As Long As It’s A Tofu Hat

    | USA | Pets & Animals

    (I am a zookeeper, and am taking care of five lions which are new arrivals. We’ve set up a natural habitat for them and they are ready to be introduced to their new home. I press the button that raises the gate between their cage and the habitat, and they begin to examine their new surroundings. As I do this, I get tapped on the shoulder by a visitor.)

    Visitor: “New arrivals?”

    Me: “Yes, just got here this morning.”

    Visitor: “What do they eat?”

    Me: “Well, meat, of course.”

    Visitor: *nods* “I thought so. Then, I am just in time. We need to protect these poor animals!”

    (The visitor hands me a poster about being a vegetarian. I look at it, and then look back at her.)

    Me: “So these lions should NOT eat meat?”

    Visitor: “No, of course not! There are enough healthy alternatives, as listed on this poster!”

    Me: “I don’t think the lions would agree with that. However, they do eat vegetarians; cows and so on, you know. Nature.”

    Visitor: “Oh, no!” *turns to the lions* “I’ll bring tofu tomorrow, you’ll like it!”

    (As she leaves, a female coworker who has overheard the conversation chimes in.)

    Coworker: “If she can do that, I’ll eat my hat!”

    May The Employees Be Ever In Your Favor

    | Belgium | Top

    (I’m a customer sitting in a bookstore calmly reading my own book. I always go there because it’s pretty cozy and they let me because I’m a regular.)

    Customer: “Hey, you have a copy of The Hunger Games! The store employee said it was sold out!”

    Me: “This is my own copy, ma’am. I just come here to read.”

    Customer: “You little liar! You just don’t want ME to take the last copy to the counter first!”

    (Suddenly, the customer snatches my book out of my hands and runs to the counter.)

    Employee: “Excuse me ma’am, but I’m going to ask you to give that book back to the young miss over there.”

    Customer: “WHAT?! But I came here first!”

    Employee: “I can, in fact, confirm that the book belongs to the young miss.”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous! Sell me this book!”

    Employee: “I’m afraid I can’t, ma’am.”

    Customer: *slams my book on the counter* “This is the worst service I’ve EVER gotten! I’m NEVER coming back here!” *runs out*

    Employee: *to me* “I’m so sorry about that. If your book was harmed in any way, please let me know and I’ll reserve a new one for you.”

    Me: *laughing* “Thanks, but it’s fine. Great service though!”

    The Dark Chocolate Knight

    | Virginia, USA | Family & Kids, Geeks Rule, Top

    (I work in a coffee shop. I am on break in the lobby when a couple walks in. Directly behind them is a cute little boy in Batman costume.)

    Me: “Oh my God! It’s BATMAN!”

    (The boy stops, strikes a pose and starts looking around menacingly. After a few seconds, he approaches the counter.)

    Mother: “Jeff, would you like a chocolate milk?”

    Boy: “I am not Jeff. I am The Batman.”

    Mother: “The Batman, would you like a chocolate milk?”

    Boy: “Yes. Yes, The Batman would.”

    (The couple pays while the boy sits down with his chocolate milk. He keeps a stern look on his face as he sips the drink.)

    Boy: *sips* “Gotham is safe.”

    Sink Or Dim(witted)

    | Vernon, NJ, USA | Health & Body, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I work for a large water park that has a ride which involves a jump off a 25 foot cliff and a Tarzan rope swing. On these rides, we have a series of questions we legally must ask.)

    Me: “Are you a good swimmer?”

    Guest: “Huh?”

    Me: “Are you a good swimmer?”

    Guest: “Oh…uh…yeah, of course.”

    Me: “Any head, neck, or back injuries?”

    Guest: *indignant* “Would I be standing here if I did? No injuries!”

    Me: “Any history of heart problems?”

    Guest: “Nope.”

    Me: “Any shoulder dislocations?”

    Guest: *rolls shoulders* “No, I’m good.”

    Me: “Okay, no flipping or diving. Grab this rope, and you’re good to go…”

    (The guest proceeds to swing out over water and falls off almost instantly. I look down and see him struggling to stay afloat, so my coworker jumps in and leads him to the ladder. I close off the ride to fill out a report for the save.)

    Me: *to coworker* “What happened?!”

    Coworker: “I don’t exactly know. He says his shoulder hurts.”

    Me: “Sir, have you ever had a dislocated shoulder?”

    Guest: “Yes, why do you ask?”

    Me: “Because when I asked you before, you said no, and now you hurt it. Also, was it because of your shoulder that you were having trouble swimming?”

    Guest: “No. I just can’t swim.”

    Me: “So, when I asked if you were a good swimmer, why did you say yes?”

    Guest: “I didn’t realize I would have to swim!”

    Related:
    No, Really: Sink Or Swim

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