Customer: “Didn’t you have glasses on last time you checked me out?”

Me: “No, I don’t wear glasses.”

Customer: “Are you sure? Maybe you just wear them occasionally?”

Me: “No, I don’t need glasses. I’m one of the only people in my family who doesn’t.”

Customer: “But I know there was something different about you last time. I know I’ve seen your face before just on a different body.”

(I work at a small shop that sells sea shells and other beach items. A customer comes in and holds a piece of merchandise to her ear.)

Customer: “I think I can hear the ocean. I thought they were lying!”

Me: “Um, ma’am…”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “You’re holding a cup with a seashell painted on it to your ear.”

(I really like Japanese animation and am learning Japanese as a second language so I listen to a lot of Japanese songs.)

Customer: “Excuse me, what kind of music would you recommend? I want to know what CD I should buy.”

Me: “Oh, I don’t think I listen to the kind of music you’d be interested in.”

Customer: “That’s not very helpful. Just tell me what kind of music you like.”

Me: “Well, I listen to a lot of Japanese songs.”

Customer: “I love that song!”

Me: “It’s not just one song. There are a lot of songs in Japanese.”

Customer: “Really? How many.”

Me: “Oh, far too many to count. There are thousands!”

Customer: “Well that’s a bit silly, isn’t it, what’s the point in making songs in a language that no one can understand?”

Me: “A lot of people understand Japanese.”

Customer: “Like who?”

Me: “The people who live in Japan?”

Customer: “You mean Japan’s a real place?! Well, you learn something new every day!”

(Two women come into my grandpa’s locksmith shop and are saying really obnoxious things in Russian.)

Woman 1: “Careful, I think he may speak Russian.”

Woman 2: “That oaf? No way.”

Woman 1: “Maybe he does.”

Woman 2: “He doesn’t.”

Grandpa: *in Russian* “He does.”

(For legal reasons, our store cannot offer any discounts on books by a certain publisher.)

Customer: “I’d like to use this coupon on my order, please.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. Your order is nothing but books by [publishers], and we can’t accept the coupon on them.”

Customer: “Excuse me?”

Me: “See, it says right here in the fine print, ‘Not valid on any [publisher's] products’.”

Customer: “Well I know that! But you need to give me the discount anyway!”

Me: “It’s against store policy. I can’t give you a discount on these books.”

Customer: “Look, I’m using these books to witness to people who don’t know the Lord. You should give me a discount because I’m giving them to people who need them!”

Me: “There is nothing I can do about that. I don’t set the prices or the policies.”

Customer: “If [bookstore] really does claim to be a Christian business, then they should give discounts to people who buy stuff to witness to other people! You’re making me waste the Lord’s money!”