November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

The Cake Is A Lie, Part 4

| WI, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(My grocery store bakery has started a new display in our chilled sweets case, showcasing a whole cake on a pedestal with a slice of it on a plate, along with it’s price on a tag that is clearly labeled ‘Display Only’. These cakes, since they are clearly not sold, are not changed out very often. I notice that one of the plates is behind the display cake, which I find odd. My manager also notices and laughs.)

Manager: “Did you notice this?”

(My manager holds up the slice that had been placed in back of the display.)

Me: “Oh yeah, I noticed it was in an odd spot. What’s up with it?”

(My manager brings the plate over to show me. The piece of cake has a bite taken out of it, and the fork displayed along with it is dirty.)

Manager: “A customer must have tried to eat it!”

Me: “Wow, those cakes have been in there for ever!”

(To prove a point, my manager takes the fork, and pokes at the cake. It is quite literally rock solid; it even sounds rock solid.)

Manager: “They didn’t get very far! They must have taken that one little bite and realized it was inedible.”

Me: “How the heck did they get to it?”

Manager: “Well, the front window does swing open with some effort for cleaning but…”

Me: *laughs again* “I know it says ‘display’, but come on. Display does not mean ‘sample’!”

(We can only guess that a customer tried it after the bakery closed for the day!)

The Cake Is A Lie, Part 3
The Cake Is A Lie, Part 2

Very Shy To TMI

| USA | At The Checkout, Rude & Risque

(I am a cripplingly shy teenage girl, in line at a dollar store. The elderly customer behind me has noticed my shirt, which says ‘Top Ten Reasons I Procrastinate:’, and is otherwise blank.)

Customer: “Hey, I like your shirt! You know, I wanted to procrastinate, but I kept putting it off.”

Me: *laughs nervously*

(The man starts putting his items on the conveyor belt.)

Customer: “We’re gonna have fuuuuun tonight.”

(I glance back and notice that he’s buying 10 bottles of baby oil, and nothing else. I turn bright red and turn away.)

Customer: *laughing* “Aw, I think I scared her.”

(An elderly woman has just come up behind the elderly customer.)

Woman: “What’s that?”

(The customer explains what’s just happened to the woman—his wife.))

Woman: “Oh! Haha!” *she walks up to me* “You see, things tend to dry out when you get older!”

Modern Scammers Work Double Time

, | WI, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

(I’m a crew member at a fast food joint, while my uncle is the general manager at a sit down restaurant across the street. I’m working drive thru.)

Customer: “Hi, I just came through a few minutes ago, and my burger was all wrong, plus my fries were cold.”

Me: “I’m sorry about that. Just come up to the window, and we’ll get it all fixed up.”

(She pulls up, and I don’t recognize her at all. I don’t see a bag from us in her car either.)

Customer: “I also didn’t get my soda either.”

(Now I know she’s lying, because I’ve been in drive thru all day, and I never poured an extra soda. My manager just says screw it and give her what she wants. After I got off, I went up to my uncle’s restaurant to sit and chat. I tell him about the woman.)

Me: “I would have noticed someone wearing fleece pants in this heat!”

Uncle: “Uh… I’m pretty sure she came here.

Me: “WHAT!”

Uncle: “This lady came in. She was wearing fleece pants and a college sweatshirt. I see her looking at a menu. I speak up, and she says her salad was wrong and her wings were cold. I don’t recognize her from before. I ask for a receipt, and she doesn’t have one. I ask what kind of salad and what kind of wings. She looks at the menu for a few more minutes. I just wanted to get her out because we had big orders in the kitchen. So she got about $25 out of me.”

Me: “You did better than me! She got $7 from us! Did you forget her soda?”

Uncle: “YES! Yes, we did!”

Under The Sea Meets Under The Influence

| FL, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Movies & TV, Pets & Animals, Top

(I am shopping with my four-year-old daughter. She has just seen ‘The Little Mermaid’ for the first time. She has become obsessed with Sebastian, the singing crab. As we pass by the seafood section, her eyes go wide and she zooms right up to the lobster tank.)

Daughter: “Daddy! They have crabs!”

Me: “Those are lobsters, babygirl. They’re like crabs but different.”

Daughter: *crestfallen* “Oh… so they don’t sing?”

Me: “Nope. Remember what mommy said? Real crabs don’t sing; only pretend ones do.”

Daughter: “I still wanna see them!”

(At this point a seafood counter employee walks up.)

Employee: “Hey there, little lady. Are you checking out the lobsters?”

Daughter: “Uh-huh.”

Me: “She’s fascinated by sea creatures.”

Employee: “Is that so?”

(The employee kneels down to my daughter’s eye level.)

Employee: “Would you like to see one up close?”

Daughter: “Yeah! Can I, daddy?”

(I nod to the employee, who puts on some rubber gloves and fishes a large lobster out of the tank. He kneels down again and lets my daughter get close to it.)

Employee: “Now don’t put your fingers near his feet or his mouth, sweetie. You see how he has his pincers here, and his big tail back here?”

My Daughter: “Cooooooool!”

Employee: “You want to touch him? Make sure you only touch him on his back, like this.”

(The employee pats the lobster along its back, just like one would do with a cat or dog. My daughter copies him, giggling about how funny the lobster feels. Suddenly there is a loud shriek from behind us. A middle-aged woman is staring wide-eyed with both hands over her mouth.)

Woman: “Oh, my God! What are you doing?! Put that horrid thing away!”

Employee: “I’m sorry?”

Woman: “You can’t let a little girl touch a gross, ugly thing like that! Get it away!”

Me: “Ma’am, my daughter is quite responsible with animals. She holds and plays with my wife’s pet gerbils all the time.”

Woman: “You let her touch RODENTS?! How disgusting! She’s going to get a disease! You should be thrown in prison!”

(She barrels away at full speed, almost running into two people.)

Daughter: “Daddy, is that lady crazy?”

Me: “I think so, babygirl.”

Can’t Get A Handle On The Handle

| MD, USA | Bad Behavior, Extra Stupid

(We are an appliance dealer. Our doors are locked as a safety precaution, and we have to buzz people in. A customer is furiously jiggling the door handle. I speak to her through the intercom.)

Me: “Can I help you, ma’am?”

Woman: “OPEN UP!”

Me: “Okay ma’am, wait for the buzzer and pull.”

(The customer continues to jiggle it before and through the buzzer sound, so it doesn’t open.)


(I speak louder over the non-stop jiggling and banging.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’ll buzz you in again. Just please let go, wait for the buzzer, and then pull.”

(The customer continues to jiggle the handle and yell and bang. This repeats two more times.)

Me: “Miss, I don’t mean to be rude, but it’s really not that difficult. Please, just take your hands off the handle, wait for the buzzer, and then pull the handle.”

(The customer continues to jiggle the handle.)

Woman: “WELL F*** THIS! I DON’T NEED THIS! I’M A F****** QUEEN!”

(The customer punches the glass and leaves.)

Me: “Have a nice day, your highness.”