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    Mentally Unplugged

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Musical Mayhem

    Me: “Hi, [music store], this is [my name]. How may I direct your call?”

    Customer: “Where the h*** do I plug this guitar in?”

    Me: “Oh, you have an electric guitar there? And an amplifier?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I just bought this beginner’s all-in-one package from you guys, and when I opened the box, there’s a cord missing.”

    Me: “Um, if you bought the ‘Strat Pack’, it should come with a six foot black cable in a plastic bag.”

    Customer: “Yeah, I have that. But where do I plug it in?”

    Me: “Just plug one end into the guitar near the bottom, and the other end into the amp where it says ‘input’.”

    Customer: “No, I got that already. Where do I plug it in?”

    Me: “Um…you already have it connected to the amp?”

    Customer: “Yeah, now how do I plug it in? There’s no cord!”

    Me: *confused* “Um, I don’t think I understand how you can plug in the guitar and not have it plugged in.”

    Customer: “It’s plugged in to the amp already! The amp is plugged in to the wall! How do I plug the GUITAR in to the WALL? It’s an ELECTRIC guitar, right?”

    Me: “Ohhh! If you already have it plugged in from the guitar to the amp, then it should work already. Did you try turning on the amp and strumming the guitar yet?”

    Customer: “That’s not how it works, is it?!”

    (I hear fumbling noises in background, followed by a very loud “TWANG!”)

    Customer: “Well, how the h*** did that happen?”

    Me: “Got it okay now?”

    Customer: *slams phone down with a BANG*

    Respect Your Zombie Elders

    | Delaware, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Top

    (I am a customer at a very popular superstore in my town. I have my five-year-old daughter in line with me. An elderly customer is in front of me talking to the cashier.)

    Cashier: “Hello, how can I help—”

    Customer: “How dare you.”

    Cashier: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “How dare you wear that keychain!”

    Cashier: “I don’t understand.”

    Customer: “That!”

    (The customer points at the cashier’s keychain, which has a zombie on it.)

    Customer: “How could you support that man in Florida? He ate another man’s face while he was naked! How dare you!”

    (The cashier is completely stunned, but my daughter suddenly steps up to the aggravated woman.)

    My Daughter: “Lady, that man wasn’t a zombie. He was just crazy. Zombie’s aren’t real! You should know that. You’re about a hundred!”

    June Top Story Roundup

    | Not Always Right | Roundups

    June Top Story Roundup: From a bite-sized Batman to bigots getting the boot, here are our top-rated stories for the month of June!

    1. The Dark Chocolate Knight (3,446 thumbs up)
      Gotham is safe, as long as this pint-sized Batman is around!
    2. Alls Well That Bookends Well (3,004 thumbs up)
      Two former pranksters fess-up and pay-up for their past shennanigans.
    3. To Conjugate A Thief (2,479 thumbs up)
      If you’re gonna steal, don’t say it in a foreign language the employee knows!
    4. Dingbats In The Drive-Thru (2,474 thumbs up)
      A careless, door-dinging customer gets caught red-handed.
    5. Intolerable Intolerance (2,377 thumbs up)
      A bigoted couple gets the boot from a couple in love!

    PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

    PS #2: Read more roundups here!

    Water You, Stupid, Part 10

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    (Due to a broken water line in the apartments above, our copy shop has been flooded and needs to be closed. All power to the building is shut off and we are currently trying to clean up the mess. Despite this, a customer walks past the barricade and orange cones. I find her standing at one of the copy machines in ankle-deep water while wearing high heels.)

    Customer: “Why aren’t your machines on?”

    Manager: “Ma’am, the store is flooded.”

    Customer: “But your doors are unlocked! Everything should be on!”

    Manager: “Ma’am, we are currently in the process of removing everything that was damaged, so we need the doors unlocked to take stuff out.”

    Customer: “Well, this is terrible. I’m contacting your corporate office. If your doors are unlocked, everything should be working!” *storms out*

    Related:
    Water You, Stupid, Part 9
    Water You, Stupid, Part 8
    Water You, Stupid, Part 7
    Water You, Stupid, Part 6
    Water You, Stupid, Part 5
    Water You, Stupid, Part 4
    Water You, Stupid, Part 3
    Water You, Stupid, Part 2
    Water You, Stupid

    Power Trips Of Ten

    | New Port Richey, FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Language & Words

    (I work for a company that sends techs out to repair TVs and computers in customers’ homes. We have an automated call that goes out to confirm customers’ contact information and addresses. One day, a customer calls in.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [business]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Yeah, I got that auto-call and it got my address wrong.”

    Me: “Okay, just a second…”

    (I pull up the customer’s information.)

    Me: “Okay, I see that we have the address listed as 1-3-6 West—”

    Caller: “NO! It’s ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY SIX! It’s NOT ONE-THREE-SIX!”

    Me: *confused*

    Caller: “You fix that, okay?”

    Me: “Sure…sir. I’ll…update that right now for you.”

    Caller: “Thanks…bye!” *click*

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