• Retract The Tract
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  • July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

    Rangers Triumph Again

    | NJ, USA | Bigotry, Geeks Rule, Movies & TV, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m a girl looking around the movie section of a popular superstore. A male customer happens to be walking next to me through the aisle. I am wearing a Power Rangers/Pokémon crossover t-shirt. Traditionally, the red Power Ranger is the male team leader, while the pink is the ‘girly girl’ or stereotypical ‘chick’.)

    Customer: “Power Rangers, huh?”

    Me: “Huh? Oh, yeah.”

    Customer: “Why red, though?”

    Me: “Just liked the Charizard, I guess.”

    Customer: “You shouldn’t have wanted Red though. You should’ve gotten Pink!”

    Me: “…why? Because I’m a girl?”

    Customer: “Yeah! No girl would ever be the Red Ranger!”

    Me: “Actually there have been at least two female Red Rangers. The A-Squad team in ‘SPD’ had a female Red, as did the ‘Samurai’ season.”

    Customer: “Those seasons didn’t exist!”

    Me: “…yes, they did.”

    Customer: “How would you know? You’re a girl!”

    Me: “Yes, as you’ve been telling me. Would you also like to comment on the ‘Mass Effect’ games I have in the car, or—” *I hold up my right hand* “—or perhaps on my Superman ring, too, since apparently I can’t be a female geek?”

    (The customer stares at me for a minute before mumbling an apology, and slinking away.)

    A Gem Of A Customer

    | Worcestershire, England, UK | Awesome Customers, Money, Uncategorized

    (A lovely, regular customer has called up after we have sent her the wrong thing. She has always been very friendly and polite and this is no exception.)

    Customer: “Have you got what I was supposed to have in stock?”

    Me: “We have some of the items. I’d be happy to send them to you for free.”

    Customer: “Okay, well I’ll send this stuff back.”

    Me: “Don’t worry about it, keep it. I know you can use it all, so just keep it.”

    Customer: “Then you have to charge me for these beads!”

    Me: “No, I will not.”

    Customer: “Charge me for them!”

    Me: “No, no, no, no, no, no.”

    Customer: “Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.”

    Me: “No! You will have free gemstones if you like it or not!”

    Customer: “Not if you’re not going to charge me!”

    Me: “Too late! I’ve added them onto your order!”

    Customer: “Well, if you insist!”

    That Means A Customer Did That


    Bad Jokes Make A Good Customer

    | KY, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers

    Me: “Keep in mind, sir, these items are a three day return!”

    Customer: “Well I don’t think I will wait three days in line just to return some shirts.”

    Me: “Haha, very clever, sir. However do not worry; I wouldn’t make you wait three days. But if they don’t fit right when you get home, bring them back to me within three days so we can get you a refund.”

    Customer: “And you know what? I was eating at a fast food joint the other day. I noticed on the door in the bathroom it said that employees must wash hands. So I stood there and stood there, and no employee ever came in to wash my hands. I really didn’t think it was good service.”

    Me: “Thank you, sir; that made my day.”

    Putting The Dire Into Directions, Part 2

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Geography, Transportation

    (I’m boarding passengers at a stop.)

    Passenger: “Excuse me, do you go to [street]?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, I’m going in the other direction.”

    Passenger: “Ugh! I was told that bus [number] goes to [street], but you’re the third one I’ve asked, and they all say they’re going in the opposite direction!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, because all of the traffic on this side of the street goes in that direction. You need to board on the other side of the street to catch buses going in that direction.”

    Passenger: “But you’re bus [number]! You should be going that direction!”

    Me: “The bus routes go both directions, ma’am. You need bus [number] eastbound, on the other side of the street. Actually, I can see it just a few blocks down right now. If you just cross here to that stop right across the street, you can catch it in just a moment.”

    Passenger: “Oh, no, no, I don’t want to go all the way to the other side. I guess I’ll just have to keep on waiting. But if the right bus doesn’t come soon, I’m going to be very annoyed!”

    Putting The Dire Into Directions

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