November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Making A Dis-Appointment

| Hanover, Germany | Crazy Requests

(I am a law student doing my practice course at a law firm which houses about a dozen lawyers just in the office where I am. It’s my last day, a Friday, and I’m assisting the lady at the front desk. She has just left for the back room, leaving me at the desk, when a client storms in, beet-red in the face and clearly agitated.)

Client: *in heavily accented German and just about to yell* “I have to talk to one of the lawyers. It’s about [case reference number].”

Me: “Sure, with whom do you have an appointment?”

Client: “I don’t have an appointment. But it’s really urgent.”

Me: “Oh, that’s a bummer. You do need an appointment. With whom do you want to talk?”

Client: “Mr. [Name].”

Me: “He’s not here today; he’s in the office in [Other City]. Do you want to make an appointment for Monday, as it’s so urgent?”

Client: “No, Monday doesn’t work. I don’t have time then.”

Me: “Would you like him to call you back?”

Client: “No, this needs to be done in person.”

Me: “So you would like an appointment with him.”

Client: “No.”

(I am starting to get a bad feeling about how this conversation is going to go.)

Client: “There’s more lawyers in this office, though, aren’t there? Let me talk to one of them.”

Me: “I’m afraid that won’t be possible. Mr. [Name] is the lawyer assigned to your case.”

Client: “Well, but he wasn’t my original lawyer here at this firm. I used to be with Mr. [Other Name].”

Me: “Yes, but Mr. [Other Name] left this office and moved to another, and all his cases were re-assigned to Mr. [Name].”

Client: “How is that even possible?!”

Me: “When you brought the case to us, you signed a letter of authorization.”

Client: “Yes, for Mr. [Other Name]!”

Me: “No, our standard letter of authorization clearly says it’s for all the lawyers of this office. And when Mr. [Other Name] left, Mr. [Name] took on all his cases.”

Client: “Well, then send me to another lawyer if the letter is good for everyone!”

Me: “I can’t do that. None of them are familiar with your case; they don’t work on it. Mr. [Name] does.”

(The client starts to pace in front of the desk and is breathing heavily.)

Me: “Do you want to talk to Mr. [Name]?”

Client: “Yes.”

Me: “Then let’s make an appointment.”

Client: “No.”

(The entire discussion described above is repeated. Twice.)

Me: *really annoyed now* “Okay, I’m going to break policy a bit now and see if I can reach him at the other office.”

(Usually, the offices act separately from each other, but I figure since the lawyer in question is a bit of an oddball by working at two offices, it’s okay for me to call. I do, but can’t reach him because he is with an appointment. The lady at the front desk of the other office – after chewing me out for breaking protocol – jots down the client’s mobile phone number, though.)

Me: “Now, Mr. [Name] has your number now, and he’ll call you once he’s available.”

Client: “Great. Now I can ask him when he wants me to come in on Monday for an appointment.” *leaves*

Me: *mentally goes through every known method of murdering a person*

Colleague: “Soooo, d’you think you’d like to work here permanently?”

Me: “I wasn’t planning on going to jail that soon into my career.”

Just Floating That Idea Out There

| CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work for a company in California that rents out houseboats for vacations. Someone calls in.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. This is [My Name]; how may I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, I was just wondering when my power was going to be back on.”

(I assume the customer means the generator on his houseboat stopped functioning.)

Me: *confused* “What lake are you at?”

Caller: “What lake? I’m at my house in Virginia.”

Me: “Well, this is a houseboat rental company in California.”

Caller: “Yeah, I know.”

Me: “How would we know when your power is coming back on?”

Caller: “I don’t know.”

Should Have Known All A Bong

| New Castle, DE, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Health & Body

(I’ve driven a friend of mine to go get his wisdom teeth taken out. My friend happens to be a smoker, and I’ve noticed an unusual smell in his car that I’d been unable to place for about a month. At the end of the appointment, the assistants are talking to us about how he can take care of himself while healing.)

Assistant: “And [My Name] says you smoke, so that’s something we need you to not do while healing. Okay?”

Friend: “Can I hit a bong?”

(Well, now I know what that smell was.)

Not Feeling Neutral About Those Colors

| New Zealand | Home Improvement

(I have a customer in our specials book to call when we receive new stock of a certain style of shoe in. We have a note by her name that said ‘likes navy and grey.’ Like a lot of people that shop with us, she obviously likes neutral tones that go with everything. I ring her yesterday when we receive a new shipment in grey. When I tell her, she says, ‘oh, grey,’ in a disappointed voice.)

Customer: “I was hoping for a bit of colour.”

The Mother Of All Fake Complaints

| Chicago, IL, USA | Bad Behavior, Language & Words

Older Older Guy: “Do you guys have [item]?”

Me: “I believe it’s on [aisle], but let me confirm real quick.” *asks manager, who is two registers away and answers that we don’t carry the item in question*

Older Guy: “Oh, no, don’t ask HER!”

Me: “That person is my manager, sir. She knows this store like the back of her—”

Older Guy: *cuts me off* “Oh, no, I spoke with her earlier! She’s… well, she’s not very professional at all.”

Me: *dumbfounded* “I don’t see how you could have gotten that impress—”

Older Guy: *cuts me off again, eyes cast down* “Oh, when I went to talk to her, she was on the phone with her mother! I had to interrupt her! That’s not very professional at all. I know, you see, I was in business for seventeen years.”

(I HAVE seen my manager, who does the work of three people and still manages the store and a burgeoning staff with a smile, take brief calls to round up the next shift for schedule changes – but only while stocking shelves and never for more than a few moments. She’s been very patient and kind with me, so I’m quite fond of her.)

Me: *breaks out college vocabulary, something I’ve found shuts down snobby customers* “Well, sir, I’m very sorry you garnered such an impression of her. She’s always been eminently professional in my interactions with her.”

(It works, but he keeps forlornly grumbling about “seventeen years in business” and “never acted that way myself” until I finish ringing him up. When I have to do returns, I find my manager and tell her what he said. She bursts out laughing.)

Manager: “Yeah, I remember that guy! He wanted me to walk him to a hundred items on his list individually and got mad when I wouldn’t… And my mother’s been deceased for years!”

(I joked that she should take the guy’s behavior as a compliment: since she doesn’t make mistakes, people have to make things up if they want to complain about her!)