I Can Put On My Own Pants And Everything

| Buffalo, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Underaged

(A customer comes in to buy a pack of cigarettes. He looks under-age.)

Me: “Can I see some ID please?”

Customer: “I don’t have to show ID. C’mon, I’m wearing snowpants!”

(Ironically enough there was a young boy about four-years-old standing in line behind him wearing… snowpants.)

If I Won The Lottery

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When Crazy Requests Reach The Stratosphere

| Tulsa, OK, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work for a major satellite TV provider providing tech support when this customer calls in:)

Me: “Thank you for calling [TV provider]. My name is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, there’s nothing on my TV!”

Me: “When you say nothing is it a black screen?”

Customer: “No! It says searching for satellite signal. What is that?”

Me: “Oh, that means that for some reason either the dish isn’t picking up the signal from our satellite or else it isn’t getting from the dish to your receiver.”

Customer: “Well, then put a new satellite up there.”

Me: “Sir, I don’t believe that would—”

Customer: “You’re not paid to think, so just put a new satellite up.”

Me: “Sir, am I correct in hearing that you want us to launch a new satellite, knowing that such a process would take several months and cost millions of dollars?”

Customer: “Yes, but we both know it won’t take months. I want it done tonight, and it better not affect my bill.” *hangs up*

Needs A Taste Of Common Sense

| WI, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(A table orders a bottle of wine, so I go over to open it in front of them, let them taste it, and pour it for them. It’s standard procedure when you order a whole bottle.)

Me: *after opening the bottle* “So, who would like to taste it?”

Woman: *snaps* “Well, you already opened it so I guess we’ll just have it.”

Me: *pours their glasses and leaves while wondering how she expected to taste it without me opening the bottle*

Sandwiched Between The Truth And The Law

| Kirksville, MO, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink

(A customer who is also a police officer comes through the drive thru with an empty sandwich box and his receipt. We ran out of the double quarter boxes so we’ve been using regular quarter ones and placing a sticker on top to tell them apart. This customer has one of the regular boxes with a sticker. He states he was given the wrong sandwich and demands another one even though the receipt is for double quarter and the box is correct. I ask my manager.)

Manager: “No. If the receipt and the box are both correct and they’ve already eaten the sandwich, I’m not going to just give him free food.”

(I return to the customer.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but both the box and the receipt are for a double quarter pounder and multiple coworkers say they checked it, and it was correct before you ate it.”

Police Officer: “Are you saying I’m a liar?”

Me: “I’m not saying you’re a liar—”

Police Officer: “Me? An officer of the law? You’re saying I’m lying just to get free food! This is ridiculous!”

Me: “Sir, I didn’t say you’re a liar. I’m saying we can’t prove it was the wrong sandwich because the box is correct and you’ve already eaten the food.”

Police Officer: “But you charged me for a double sandwich and gave me a single.”

Me: “Except the box—”

Police Officer: “I’m an officer of the law. Do you think I would just lie?! YOU CHARGED ME FOR THE WRONG SANDWICH.” *starts getting very confrontational*

Me: “Which you ate. The box is for what you paid for. My coworkers double check the orders and make sure they’re correct. I’m not saying you’re a liar, but everything on our end says it is the right sandwich, and my manager has already said no.

Police Officer: “What?! Are you kidding me? I want to speak to them immediately.”

(I give up and go get my manager. She tries to reason with him for a good minute before I hear him yell something I can’t understand and he speeds off.)

Manager: “He tried to pull Ferguson on me, saying we would have given him his food if it wasn’t for that shooting. I told him I didn’t know what I could do for him, but it wasn’t going to be a sandwich!”

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