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    No Real Cause For Concern

    | USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

    (I work at a very busy furniture store that is often out of stock of popular items and is constantly changing stock. A customer demands an item that has been discontinued and is no longer displayed as current merchandise. A manager and I find out there is an order of one left coming in but the date is unknown and a week later explains to the customer that the date is set to arrive a month from now.)

    Me: “Sorry, ma’am, but the merchandise you ordered isn’t expected to come in until the 31st, so—”

    Customer: “What do you mean the 31st!? This is not acceptable.”

    Me: “Ma’am, we have no control over the expected date. We no longer carry it on our floor and a final order has been fulfilled for you at the expected date but we will—”

    Customer: “No, that is not acceptable. No one told me it was no longer available. You need to make this right for me.”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, before you started talking I was trying to tell you we would refund your money for delivery since you are having to wait such a long period of time.”

    Customer: “Well, you should apologize for that.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I did apologize right before the first time you interrupted me.”

    Customer: “You should do something to make me happy.”

    Me: “Ma’am, after I apologized I offered you our delivery service for free which would normally cost you $120.”

    Customer: “Fine. You should sound more concerned. Your voice didn’t sound sincere enough for me.”

    Has No Bridge Over These Troubled Waters

    | USA | Rude & Risque, Technology, Wild & Unruly

    (I am a retail rep at a well-known cellphone carrier store.)

    Customer: “I bought two phones two weeks ago. My brother’s doesn’t work. He says it has never turned on since he got it in the mail.”

    (I pull up the account to view if the device has been in use. Before I see this info…)

    Customer: “Oh, and how come his phone has a red square on the back but mine is white?”

    (For those who don’t know cell phones have liquid damage indicators that turn white to red when exposed to liquid.)

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, sir. This device has liquid damage and is not covered by the warranty. You also didn’t add insurance to this line.”

    Customer: “So what does that mean?”

    Me: “You have to continue to pay on the phone and get a new one if your brother needs a phone.”

    Customer: “Well, that’s impossible. He said it never turned on since he got it.”

    Me: “I see on the account the device was used for the first time on [date] and stopped use three days ago. It had been in use for nine days of the twelve days you have had service.”

    Customer: “No, he would’ve told me if he got some liquid on it. That’s not possible.”

    Me: “Well, pink indicates exposure. Red, which this is totally red, means the phone was drenched in liquid. He must have gotten significant amount of liquid on it.”

    Customer: “So, you’re not gonna replace it?”

    Me: “We can’t. You have no insurance and you voided the warranty with damage.”

    Customer: “You’re telling me [Company] won’t back up the products they sell?”

    Me: “We do. So long as you have insurance for accidental damage or if there is no damage for warranty exchanges. You have neither.”

    Customer: “That doesn’t make sense. If I bought a car and there’s something wrong with it, the dealer would take care of it! The dealer would fix it for free!”

    Me: “Not if you rammed the car into a building.”

    Customer: “Well… If… So what? I gotta keep paying on the phone even though he can’t use it?”

    Me: “Yes. You still owe $300 on it.”

    Customer: “That’s outrageous! I’m not buying him a new phone. Cancel his line!”

    Me: “Okay, sir. Although you have no contract therefore no early termination fee, your next bill will have a charge of $300 for the phone.”

    Customer: “What?! What happened to paying it off monthly like I was told?”

    Me: “As long as you have an active line you can pay it off monthly. You signed something that said the entire value of the phone is due immediately once service is canceled.”

    Customer: “I will still have my line.”

    Me: “The phone isn’t attached to your line. Yours is.”

    Customer: “Well, don’t you all just HAVE ME BY THE BALLS. Y’ALL GOT ME BY THE BALLS!”

    (He grabs all his stuff and starts to storm out.)

    Me: “Have a nice day, sir.”

    Customer: “BY THE BALLS!”

    Read You Loud And Unclear

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Language & Words

    (One of my coworkers is a quiet, well-spoken man normally, but has an astonishingly loud voice if he wants to shout. My manager is also the shop owner, has a great sense of humor, and likes to let him use that voice in situations.)

    Customer: “A carton of [Brand] cigarettes, please.”

    Coworker: “Yes, sir. What kind?”

    Customer: “[Brand].”

    Coworker: “Yes, sir. Twenties, thirties, mild menthol, filtered or plain?”

    Customer: “[BRAND]!”

    Coworker: *just as loud* “Yes, sir. Twenties, thirties, mild menthol, filtered or plain?”

    Customer: *as loud as he can shout* “[BRAND]!”

    Coworker: *louder than the customer; painful to the ears* “YES, SIR! TWENTIES, THIRTIES, MILD, MENTHOL, FILTERED OR PLAIN?!”

    (The customer turns pale, and takes a step back.)

    Customer: *normal voice* “Er, um, sorry. What?”

    Coworker: *normal voice*  ”Twenties, thirties, mild menthol, filtered or plain?”

    Customer: “Oh. Twenties, filtered, plain. Thanks.”

    (The customer paid, and then left, turning back, looking, and shaking his head in disbelief.)

    Fire Sale Fail

    , | Stettler, AB, Canada | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month

    (We have a small electrical fire at our fast food restaurant. My fellow coworkers and I have just checked the building to make sure all the customers are out. Most of my coworkers have inhaled smoke and are being checked out by EMT’s. I’m standing near the doors to keep customers out.)

    Customer: “I ordered $40 worth of food. Why are you standing outside?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, Ma’am, we’ve had a small electrical fire…”

    (The building is clearly filled with smoke, visible through the windows that surround the restaurant.)

    Customer: “Well, is my chicken ready? Someone can just go get it. I’ve already paid.”

    Me: “You want someone to go into a burning building in order to get your chicken?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    (Before I could respond my supervisor comes back from being checked out.)

    Supervisor: “Ma’am, even if someone did get your chicken, it wouldn’t be safe to eat. It was in the warming tray right below where the smoke came pouring out of the roof.”

    Customer: “THIS IS F****** RIDICULOUS! I’M A PAYING CUSTOMER AND I WANT MY CHICKEN!”

    (I walk away and leave my supervisor to deal with the customer. Shortly after I see the supervisor run back in the building and come out with the customers refund. The customer rips the money out of her hand and storms off, nearly hitting an employee in the parking lot with her car.)

    Supervisor: “I just refunded her $60 and told her she could have fresh chicken in the morning.”

    Me: “Just so you know, she ripped you off. Her order only came to $42.50.”

    Supervisor: “S***.”

    (Thankfully, the damage was mostly in the electrical work and the restaurant was opened the next morning.)

    Now You’re Talking

    | Allentown, PA, USA | Bizarre

    (I am alone in my store when a customer comes in. Because of where I am located, I can’t get to within her line of sight immediately, but it’s not a very big store so she can hear me.)

    Me: “Hi! How are you today?”

    Customer: “I’m well, thanks, and you?”

    Me: “Fine, thank you!”

    (I continue talking as I walk. I am now two feet away from her and wearing a nametag.)

    Me: “Has it been a while since were here?”

    Customer: “Oh. Um. I guess it has?”

    Me: “Okay, welcome back!”

    (She gives me a puzzled look.)

    Customer: “Do you, um, work here or something?

    Me: *baffled* “Yes, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Oh, I thought you were another customer. I wondered why you were so chatty!”

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