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    How To Make Your Cake Extra ‘Special’

    | NC, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names

    (I am helping a customer place an order for two cakes.)

    Me: “Okay, that’s about everything. Did you want anything written on the cakes?”

    Customer: “I’m not sure.” *turns to his wife* “Honey, what should I have written on the cakes? How about ‘Pot’ on one and ‘Luck’ on the other since it’s a potluck?”

    Customer’s Wife: “Are you asking if I think you should have ‘Pot’ written on a cake?”

    Customer: “Good point. No, nothing written on them.”

    Me: “Sounds like a good choice.”

    No Vocation For Location, Part 9

    | Folkestone, Kent, UK | Extra Stupid, Money, Tourists/Travel

    (I am serving two customer, who are talking amongst themselves.)

    Customer #1: “You off on holiday then?”

    Customer #2: “Yeah, off to France. Need to get my money!”

    Customer #1: “What do they use in France anyways?”

    Me: *having overheard* “They use the Euro over there, madam.”

    Customer #1: “Nah, they don’t! France ain’t in Europe! It’s just across the Channel!”

    (Folkestone is a port on the English Channel separating the UK and France, and is just 26 miles away from the French town of Calais!)

    No Vocation For Location, Part 8
    No Vocation For Location, Part 7
    No Vocation For Location, Part 6
    No Vocation For Location, Part 5
    No Vocation For Location, Part 4

    Artificial Unintelligence

    | Raleigh, NC, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (It’s near closing. A coworker and I are doing some paperwork when a client comes in.)

    Client: “Do you use WordPress?”

    Coworker: “No.”

    Client: “Then what do you use?”

    Me: “For what exactly?”

    Client: “Web design.”

    Me: “Well, sir, none of us here do any web design.”

    Client: “Then what is the point of your job?”

    Coworker: “We fix computers.”

    Client: “Aw, man. Don’t you know you are gonna be replaced by robots?”

    Me: “What?”

    Client: “Yeah. They got these robots that look just like you or me. They can do everything. They even be secretaries. They can cross their legs and everything.”

    (The client attempts to cross his legs while standing and nearly falls down.)

    Me: “Sir, the robots currently available have very little AI and have mostly just mastered walking.”

    Client: “Man, don’t you know… THE ROBOTS ARE COMING!”

    Coworker: “When the robots break down, who will fix them?”

    Client: “Well, people, I guess.”

    Coworker: “That’s right! Adapt or die, baby!”

    Doesn’t Have A Thought For Food

    | Scottsdale, AZ, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I have worked at this restaurant for three years, but for the past six months I have only worked on Sundays. I am covering a shift for a coworker on a Saturday, a day when all of the hamburgers on the menu are half price.)

    Me: “Is everybody ready to order?”

    Customer: “Well, I get the same thing every week but, since apparently you’re new, I guess I’ll have to order today.”

    (I decided it wasn’t worth arguing that I most definitely wasn’t new.)

    Me: “Okay… What would you like?”

    Customer: “I want it medium well, with fries extra crispy.”

    Me: “What is it that you want medium well?”

    Customer: “My hamburger.”

    Me: “Which hamburger would you like?”

    Customer: “The same one I always get!”

    Me: “I understand that ma’am, but as you already mentioned, I haven’t served you before so I don’t know what you usually order.”

    Customer: “Fine!” *to her husband* “What do I usually get?”

    Husband: *shrugs*

    Customer: “Ugh. I just want a regular burger medium well!”

    Me: “Okay, so a plain hamburger medium well with extra crispy fries.”

    Customer: “No! I don’t want a plain hamburger!”

    Me: “I’m sorry. What did you want on your burger?”

    Customer: “Cheese!”

    Me: “Okay. What kind of cheese?”

    Customer: “Swiss!”

    Me: “Okay so that’s a Swiss cheeseburger medium well?”

    Customer: “And bacon!”

    Me: “Okay, so a bacon cheeseburger with Swiss and extra crispy fries?”

    Customer: “Yes! Was that so hard?!”

    Best To Try To Rise Above It

    , | Portland, ME, USA | Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Themed Giveaway

    (I am in the middle of a health scare involving my lungs, and my doctor has told me not to use the stairs for more than one flight. I need to be on the fourth floor, so I am waiting for the elevator when a patron storms up to me.)

    Patron: “Excuse me! I don’t know if you read the sign, but it clearly says that this elevator is for handicapped people. Not people who are just too lazy to use the stairs.”

    Me: “…I beg your pardon?”

    Patron: “You need to leave the elevator for the people who really need it.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I need the elevator.”

    Patron: “That’s bulls***.”

    Me: “Look, lady. One of my LUNGS is not functioning right now, and my doctor has told me that I’m not allowed to take the stairs.”

    Patron: “Your doctor is too easy on you!”

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