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    Thank You For Calling The North Pole

    | Dublin, Ireland | Family & Kids, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    Me: “Good evening. You’re through to [My Name]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I mean it. It’s really him!”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “It’s really Santa Claus!”

    (I now realize the customer is speaking to someone on his end. I hear gasping on his end.)

    Me: “Sir, did you redial this number by accident?”

    Customer: *still talking to his child* “Yes, yes, Santa. Jack is being naughty.”

    Me: “Put me on speaker.”

    Customer: “Jack, Santa wants to talk to you.”

    (Puts me on speaker.)

    Me: *in my best Santa voice* “Ho ho ho, Jack, you be good now so your Dad will let me bring lots of presents to you this year.”

    Tiny Voice: “Yes, Santa, I promise.”

    (Clicks off speaker.)

    Customer: “Thanks for that. Couldn’t get him to go to bed.”

    Me: “No problem. Merry Christmas.”

    Santa Knows Who’s Being Naughty

    | KY, USA | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (It’s Christmas Eve and I’m working until close. It’s been a very busy day, and I’m not exactly thinking clearly. I’m a girl in my early 20s, generally considered somewhat attractive, as I’m tall and thin with a rather large chest. A young handsome guy approaches the register with a friend, having a conversation in French.)

    Me: “Hi there! Did you find everything you were looking for today?”

    Customer: “Yes…” *he leans in close to me, over the counter* “Uh, Playboy have you done, no?”

    (I blink at him in surprise for a few seconds. My immediate reaction is to take off my Santa hat, worried it somehow makes me look scantily dressed.)

    Me: “I, erm, no, erm, what?”

    Customer:Playboy. Magazine. Have you?”

    Me: *realizing* “Oh! Oh, no, no, we don’t carry that.”

    (He thanks me and we finish the transaction. A coworker, who overheard, leans over to me:)

    Coworker: “It’s the Santa hat.”

    Sweet Holiday Bonus

    , | Singapore | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (I’ve just finished junior college, and a couple of friends and I get temp jobs as sales staff manning a small patisserie’s stall at a Christmas food fair. Everything they sell is made by hand by the co-owner’s mother and absolutely delicious. I’m rushing about the stall as usual, on my own. A customer gives me the usual ‘just looking’ brush-off and so I step back to leave them to it when two hands grab me about the arms. I jump and turn; behind me there is a tall, positively Amazonian lady. She’s in yoga pants and a tank top and flip flops, but she is unmistakably well-groomed.)

    Me: “I’m so sorry, ma’am.”

    Customer: “I’d just gotten my nails done and it would have spoiled my pedicure.”

    (I thought I was in for a world of pain; but we both look down and admire her nails for a bit and the conversation turns to the wares. I offer her samples and give my spiel, and we chat while her husband, an older long-haired man just as casually dressed, stands around staring into space, occasionally munching the samples when offered. In the end she leaves with four massive shopping bags filled to the brim with cookies, gift boxes, and various other seasonal confectioneries. It is the largest sale I’ve ever made (not that I get a commission, but I am awed just keying that amount of money into my till as it was more money than I’ve ever seen in one place. They leave as my boss approaches, and they greet each other, chat for a bit, and move off. He comes to me.)

    Boss: “Do you know who they are?”

    Me: “Um… no?”

    Boss: “He owns [Large Business] and she’s the lady boss of [Car Dealership that is the exclusive distributor of a particular luxury car brand]. They’re very impressed with your service. She told me to pay you more.”

    (I’m stunned and it takes a while before it sinks in. On the last day of the fair our boss comes with our paychecks and pulls me aside to give me mine.)

    Boss: “Don’t show the others your pay-slip. You got more than them.”

    Me: “They know I put in more hours and overtime.”

    Boss: “No, your bonus is a higher percentage than theirs and it’s reflected there. [Customer] and [Husband] made sure to remind me, and [Hidden Partner] posed as a customer yesterday and he was really impressed with you, too.”

    (This was seven years ago, but as an awkward and really quite off-kilter seventeen year old, being told that my hard work paid was an insane boost to my self esteem. I still look for the stall every year at that food fair and make sure to say hi and buy something.)

    Christmas Cancellation Fee

    | Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (A man rented six Santa suits for his various insurance company locations, as he owns several. Two hours before he is to pick up his order he calls in.)

    Caller: “Hi, I’d like to cancel the Santa suits, and I’d like a refund.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we require at least 48 hours’ notice for all cancellations.”

    Caller: “But I don’t need these any more.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but it’s in the rental contract you signed that you can’t cancel the day of and get a refund.”

    Caller: “What, actually you expected me to read that thing!?”

    (Our contract is one page long, size-14 font, with all major points in bold, and we go over each point with the customer before they sign it. But apparently that was too much for an insurance salesman to read.)

    Some People Have Extra Large Baggage At Christmas

    | Marquette, MI, USA | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (A mother is buying a BB gun for her son for Christmas.)

    Customer: “Do you have a really large bag that will cover this whole box?”

    Me: “No. These are the largest bags I have, but I could put one on each end and only a little would be showing.”

    Customer: “THANKS a lot! You are ruining my son’s Christmas! It’s ruined now! He is in the car and you can’t even get me a large bag!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry. These are the only bags the stores orders. I can try to cover it the best I can. But maybe next time don’t shop with your son in the car.”

    Customer: “You ruined his Christmas, I hope you can live with that!”

    (She then walked away with no bag… and guess what, I’m still living.)

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