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    The Final Cherry On Top

    | Interlochen, MI, USA | Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (I work at the retail store of an arts camp. Since the campus is about a half hour away from the annual Cherry Festival, we sell a number of cherry products. One of these was a bottle of cherry concentrate. It is about $20 for a 12 oz bottle. Being concentrate, not juice, you don’t drink it by itself. You take about a teaspoon of it and add it to water to make it into juice. Most people, though, think that it is just normal juice and so it doesn’t really sell well.)

    Camper #1: “What is this? Juice? Geez! Why would anyone buy juice for $20?”

    Camper #2: “THAT’S NOT JUICE!”

    Camper #1: “What? Isn’t it?”

    Camper #2: “NO! THAT IS CONCENTRATE! IF YOU DRINK IT BY ITSELF YOU WILL POOP FOREVER!”

    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 14

    | CA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Books & Reading

    (I’m working at the register when a regular customer (who is a man) approaches me.)

    Regular: “[My Name], I have a question for you.”

    Me: “Yeah, what is it?”

    Regular: “Um… have you read Twilight?”

    Me: “No, I haven’t actually read it.”

    Regular: “Oh, thank God! I like you.”

    Related:
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 13
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 12
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 11

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    Go From Feeling Low To Feeling J-Lo

    | Cornelius, OR, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids

    (I am checking out a customer and her young son.)

    Me: “Did you find everything all right?”

    Customer: “Yes, thank you.”

    (Meanwhile her little boy is staring at me open mouthed. I figure it’s because I’m a little shorter, not as skinny as his mom, and have thick poofy hair that looks like it belongs to a witch. But I smile at him.)

    Me: “Hi!”

    Little Boy: *in awe* “Mommy! She’s pretty like Jennifer Lopez!”

    Me: *stares back in shock as my heart melts* “Aww! Compliment lying already! You’re going to make your girlfriend very happy when you get older!”

    You Haven’t Seen Anything Yette

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words

    (I help a mother find a dress for her daughter for a special occasion. It is really busy since it is prom season but we are able to find a dress. She is a bit demanding, but we try to accommodate as much as we can. Before deciding, we are talking about possibilities for alterations.)

    Customer: “So the dress will be finished by then, RIGHT?”

    Me: “Yes, I assure that it will all be fixed by then.”

    Customer: “It better be since I’m paying all of this money for one dress.”

    Me: “Well, if you prefer, there is another place that does alterations right around the corner. If you want, we can leave the dress on hold so you can check to see if their prices are within your price range.”

    Customer: “No, I don’t want to. It’s such a hassle.”

    Me: “All right, then.”

    (My coworker turns to me for help.)

    Coworker: “How do you spell ‘corset?’”

    Me: “C-O-R-S-E-T.”

    Customer: “…T-E! It is spelled; C-O-R-S-E-T-T-E.”

    Me: *sighs with an awkward smile*

    Some Parenting Choices Can’t Be Made Up

    | Yorkshire, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids

    (I am stocking the make-up aisle in a large drug store. A customer is next to me trying on lipstick at the stand I am filling, with her three-year-old son sat on the floor next to her. I see him take the lid off a tube of foundation and raise it to his mouth.)

    Me: “Miss, you might want to stop your kid before he eats that. It won’t be good for him.”

    Customer: “Oh, yeah.”

    (Without looking away from the mirror she is using to try the lipstick, she pats the boy on the head.)

    Customer: “Don’t do that.”

    (The kid ate the foundation while his oblivious mother continued to test the products, and I moved away before I said something I’d regret.)

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