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    Totally Free From Thought

    | ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Money

    (A customer comes up to my till and hands me two movie passes and a club card.)

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like two for [Movie], please.”

    Me: “Here you go, two tickets for [Movie]. Enjoy your movie.”

    Customer: *takes out her debit card and puts it in the debit/credit reader*

    Me: “Oh, sorry, did you want more tickets for that show on top of the passes?”

    Customer: *takes debit card out* “No, I only need two.” *gestures at herself and husband and puts debit card in the reader again*

    Me: “Oh… well, it’s just that you keep putting your debit card in the machine but you don’t need to pay for anything, so I don’t understand—”

    Customer: “What? OH! It’s free, isn’t it?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Oh! Okay! Sorry!”

    Should Keep Better Account Of His Account, Part 2

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Crazy Requests, Money, Technology

    Customer: “I need help. I’ve locked myself out of my Netflix account and I can’t remember my password.”

    Me: “Okay, well you should probably call Netflix and ask them for help.”

    Customer: “But how can I get them to stop charging my bank account?”

    Me: “Call them and cancel your service.”

    Customer: “How do I call them?”

    Me: “On a phone.”

    Customer: “How do I get their number?”

    Me: “Google.”

    Related:
    Should Keep Better Account Of His Account, Part 2
    Should Keep Better Account Of His Account

    (Trans)Late To Understanding

    | Virum, Denmark | Language & Words, Technology

    (We run a tech support channel. Unlike traditional channels, we allow anybody and everybody to ask and receive answers. The popularity of the channel forced us to bring in a bot which tells the user to speak English in their own language if they are speaking a non-English language. The user is from Colombia.)

    User: *in Spanish* “Hi, my game is broken. Can you help?”

    Bot: *in Spanish* “This is an English-only channel. Try Google Translate if you need translations to English.”

    User: *in German* “Hi, my game is broken. Can you help?”

    Bot: *in German* “This is an English-only channel. Try Google Translate if you need translations to English.”

    (The user disconnects.)

    Another User: “I wonder which part of “this channel is English only” doesn’t he get?”

    Caribbean There, Done That

    | London, England, UK | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Geography

    (I’m a volunteer lunch-server in a nursing home, but I’ve spent the last month working in the south of France. I’ve picked up a slight tan, but usually my skin is as white as it gets. One lady stares at me oddly as I bring her her food.)

    Lady: “Where are you from?”

    Me: “From here, ma’am. I live a few roads away.”

    Lady: “No, I mean where were you born?”

    Me: “Finchley, originally, but I moved—”

    Lady: “No, no, no. Where are you from?”

    Me: “Uh. London, ma’am. Britain.”

    Lady: “And your parents?”

    Me: “Also from London.”

    Lady: *squints at me* “No, you’re lying. There’s no shame in being Jamaican, you know. You can tell me.”

    Me: “I… What?”

    Driving Thru Justice

    , | Springfield, MO, USA | Awesome Workers, Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I work at a fairly popular fast-food restaurant. Our location is right next to three different college campuses, so our main customers are a lot of students and teachers in-between classes. This, of course, means our fast service is super-essential, especially in the middle of a rush-hour lunch period.)

    Me: “Thank you for choosing [Fast Food]! How does a [Burger] sound today?”

    Customer: “What sounds good is a moment to order. Just wait a second.”

    Me: “Okie-dokie, just holla as soon as you’re ready to—”

    Customer: “Will you shut the f*** up and let me f****** decide?!”

    Me:  *shocked* “Um, okay. I—”

    Customer: “Um, um, um! BE QUIET. I AM TRYING TO ORDER!”

    (I stay quiet for four minutes, until she speaks again.)

    Customer: “Are you even f****** there?”

    Me: “Yeppers, and I’m ready to take your order whenever you are.”

    Customer: “Don’t you f****** take that tone with me! I’ll have a large number six with a [Soda], no ice.”

    Me: “Excellent, I’ve got a—”

    Customer: “What’s my total?”

    Me: “I’ll ring it up.”

    (The customer drives up before I am done punching it in, and parks at the first window. There is no one there, since that employee is on her break, and all of the service is left to me. Eventually, the customer seems to get the message, and I wave her up to the final window.)

    Customer: “Why isn’t there anyone f****** there to take my money?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. He’s on break. It’s just me right now.” *I hand her her drink* “Your total came to $6.55.”

    Customer: “WHAT? That’s too much. I don’t have that!” *waves her credit card*

    Me: “I’m sorry. I was trying to tell you the total at the speaker—”

    Customer: “This [Soda] tastes like s***. I want a free one.”

    Me: “I’ll just pour you another one—”

    Customer: “I want to talk to your manager.”

    (I get my manager, who had heard the better part of our exchange over the headsets.)

    Manager: “How can I help you, ma’am?”

    Customer: “I swear I never do this, but I have been waiting forever to get my food, your worker is a f****** b**** and totally incompetent, and this isn’t the drink I ordered. And if I don’t get a free [Competitor’s Burger] and some pies or something, then I swear I’m never coming back and I will tell my kids and all of my grandkids and everyone I know to never come back to this restaurant ever again!”

    Manager: “That’s really too bad. If you want a free [Competitor’s Burger], you’ll have to get your a** down three blocks and b**** at the [Competitor]‘s people instead. And you’ll have to, now that I’m officially banning you. Get the f*** out of my drive-thru.”

    (At this, my manager slammed the window shut and told me to go ahead and eat the meal that the rude customer had left behind.)

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