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    Needs Some Fabric Softener

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Crazy Requests, Home Improvement

    (I work at a large big box retailer that sells fabrics, interior furnishings and home-wares, and craft. The phone rings.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Store Name and Location]. You’re speaking with [My Name]. How can I help you this afternoon?”

    Customer: “Hi, I was in your store earlier and I purchased some curtain fabric, and I have an issue with the piece.”

    Me: “Okay, sure thing. If there are any flaws, just bring the piece back with your receipt and we’ll be more than happy to replace the piece for you.”

    Customer: “Excuse me? Did I say the fabric was flawed?”

    Me: “Uh, okay. So what is the issue then?”

    Customer: “Well, as I was saying before you rudely interrupted me, I was in your store purchasing some curtaining fabric earlier today, and I paid for five metres. The problem is that I was only given five metres of fabric.”

    Me: “Okay, well that is standard practice for all of our stores to give you as much fabric as you pay for.”

    Customer: “Well, this is obviously unacceptable. What if I make a mistake when sewing the edges up? You should have given me half a metre extra, so I am coming back to the store now and I want five and a half metres of [fabric] waiting for me for the inconvenience you’ve caused me.”

    Me: “That is fine; you’ll have to pay for the extra metre so I will let the department team know you’re coming in for the exchange.”

    Customer: “Aren’t you listening to me? You owe me a free half metre of fabric so I will not be paying for it.”

    Me: “Unfortunately, we cannot do this, madam. I apologise for any inconveniences caused but no customer will get fabric for free.”

    Customer: “You clearly don’t understand how retail works, you stupid child.”

    Me: “How about I get a manager to chat with you about this and we can go from there?”

    (The manager who had been standing next to me the entire time laughing at me threw me a dirty look, and answered the call. The customer still didn’t understand why we wouldn’t give her the free fabric, and angrily hung up on my manager. She never came in, as far as we know.)

    Talking Turkey About Tofu

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Food & Drink

    Me: “Hi, welcome to [Restaurant]. What can I get for you today?

    Customer: “Um… well….. hmm… Is there turkey in the turkey sandwich?”

    (I have been having a very bad day:)

    Me: “Nope. It’s tofu.”

    Customer: “Oh, I love tofu. I’ll have that…”

    Must Be Super Baked

    | USA | Awesome Workers, Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (Our bakery is designed so that customers can see me working. There are large signs proclaiming BAKERY right above the employee door. One day I am bent over doing some intricate detail work on a trim. I am clearly wearing our uniform and appropriate apron.)

    Customer: “Do you work in the bakery?”

    (I don’t immediately respond, thinking they were addressing my coworker who is right there out on the sales floor.)

    Customer: “Excuse me! Do you work in the bakery?”

    Me: *look up with a slightly incredulous look on my face* “Yes. What can I help you with?”

    (The customer asks a question which I cheerfully answer and they leave. I immediately start laughing. My coworker gives me an inquisitive look.)

    Me: “I don’t know why I keep getting that question. Next time I’m going to panic and say ‘OH, GAWD, I’M SLEEP-DECORATING AGAIN! How did I get here?!'”

    (We laughed and shook our heads and continued working in our bakery, which we then dubbed ‘The Fakery.’)

    Better Than Thanksgiving


    The Signs Of Change

    | Omaha, NE, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Workers, Language & Words

    Me: “Paper or plastic?”

    Customer: “Paper.” *after some consideration* “No, plastic.”

    (My bagger obviously doesn’t catch the change, and continues bagging in paper.)

    Customer: “Excuse me!” *snaps her fingers in front of the bagger’s face* “Weren’t you listening? I want plastic! Not paper! You should be paying attention!”

    (My bagger, startled, gives her a confused look and starts signing something, indicating that he’s deaf. The woman goes extremely pale.)

    Customer: “Uh, thank you. Goodbye.” *she grabs her bags, still paper, and rushes out of the store*

    (My bagger then slides me a note that says:)

    Note: “What I said to that woman was so rude.”

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