Faster The Phones The Slower The Service

| Ada, OK, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Technology

(I work in a popular hardware store. The following happens as I’m dealing with a family of five or six. The mother and one of her daughters approach my register, both looking at their cell phones.)

Me: “Good afternoon! Did you find everything you needed today?”

(Both women stare at their phones; 15 seconds go by.)

Woman: “Huh?”

Me: *repeats myself*

(Another 15 seconds go by.)

Woman: “Oh, yeah, just this stuff here.”

(I proceed to ring up their merchandise.)

Me: “Okay! You’re total is [total]; would you like to use [Store] card on your purchase?”

(Neither the woman or her daughter answer me. Another 15 seconds go by.)

Woman: “What?”

Me: *repeats myself*

Woman: “Oh! They aren’t done playing yet. We have some more.”

(We wait for a few minutes while the rest of the woman’s family “plays” with some of the stuff we have set out on display so that people can test out the merchandise before they buy it. The rest of the family finally comes to the register, but no one says anything to me although I have smiled and asked what else I can get for them. They are now all on their phones and I ask repeatedly for the husband to please tell me what they need from a different department. Several more minutes follow of me asking for information, followed by silence, and then a confused “what?” As the rest of their merchandise is relayed to me between riveting bouts of cell phone induced silence, I finally complete the order. By this time I am extremely frustrated, but manage to smile and try to tell them their new total.)

Me: “Okay! Your new total is—”

Woman: “Wait! I have a coupon!”

(She proceeds to scroll frantically on her phone. When she turns it to face me, it is the store’s cell-phone app, but it is on a black screen with only a search bar showing.)

Woman: “What do I do with this? It’s for five dollars off.”

Me: *finally fed up* “Ma’am, I don’t know. Our coupons are actually sent through—”

Woman: “Oh! Never mind. Let’s just finish this up.”

Me: *unable to control my exasperation and sarcasm drips through* “Thank you!”

Woman: “Wow! You sure are in a hurry to get rid of us now, aren’t you?!”

Me: *internally screaming*

Works With Different Fibres

| Finland | Bizarre, Home Improvement

(During a day off, I get a phone call.)

Me: “[My Name].”

Caller: “Hi, this is [Caller], about [some renovation project]…”

Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

Caller: “…Isn’t this [Plumber]?”

Me: “No, this is a private number.”

Caller: “Well, do you by any chance do plumbing for living or something like that?”

Me: “Telecom engineer, so different kind of pipes. Sorry.” *click*

Whistling With A Specific Porpoise

| USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids

(I work as a cashier. It’s a slow Monday, so I’m at the front tidying up shelves. A woman wearing dark sunglasses and holding the harness of a dog comes walking in and stops about five feet from the door.)

Me: “Hello!”

Woman: “Hello!” *starts whistling loudly and walks a few more feet into the store* “Mom!”

Me: *raise eyebrows*

Woman: *sees me looking at her* “It’s okay. We have echolocation!” *starts whistling loudly again*

(After a few more seconds, nobody has answered her whistling.)

Woman: “Nope. Not this store.”

Raise A Broken Glass To That Employee

, | Supermarket | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(I’m a manager at a popular grocery chain. A certain brand of pasta has just been recalled due to some broken glass getting mixed into some of the batches of boxes and as a precaution, all boxes are removed from the store. One of my new employees, a high school part-timer, is stocking shelves with me. She’s so timid that she makes a rabbit look exciting, but she is normally very good with customers. On this day, a well-dressed older gentleman approaches her and asks about the pasta brand.)

Employee: “Oh, sorry, sir. That brand has been involuntarily recalled.”

(Most people understand that that means we have none of it and I thought it would be the end. However, when I hear her scream suddenly, I turn to see the man has hurled his shopping basket at her face and she’d barely managed to duck in time.)

Man: YOU’RE F******* KIDDING ME! I NEED THAT FOR MY GRANDSON’S BIRTHDAY TOMORROW! YOU’RE GOING TO GET THAT SCRAWNY LITTLE A** BACK IN THAT F****** STOCKROOM AND GET THAT F****** BRAND NOW!!

(I’m about to storm over, but to my surprise and amazement, my employee gets right up, composes herself and turns.)

Employee: “Right away, sir. I’ll be right back.”

Man: “WALK FASTER, YOU LITTLE SNOT! I’M IN A HURRY!”

(Dumbfounded, I watch as she goes to the back for a minute and comes back out with one of the recalled boxes AND the notice stating the recall. She hands him the box.)

Employee: “Is this what you wanted, sir?”

Man: “YES! You’re too f****** slow!”

Employee: “My apologies. Oh, and sir, could I get your grandson’s name, please? I’d like to send him a get-well soon card in a few days when he’ll have to be hospitalized.”

Man: *whirls around* “WHAT?!”

Employee: “Oh, yes, sir. Eating broken glass is sure to lacerate his insides horribly. He’ll be hemorrhaging blood, no doubt, maybe throwing it up as well. It’s really not a pretty sight. That’s why this brand has been recalled and taken off the shelves. Some broken glass got into the mixing vats at the factory. But if you’re so insistent on having THAT brand of pasta, then I guess it can’t be helped.”

Man: “Y-YOU’RE S****** ME?!”

Employee: “No, sir, I’m afraid I’m serious. We have some generic brands of the same thing that’ll taste about the same if you’d like.”

Man: *pales considerably and drops the box* “Uh… y-yeah, sure. Can… uh, can you show me where they are? Maybe?”

Employee: “Of course. They’re right here, and they’re actually cheaper!”

Medicareless

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Crazy Requests

(I have called a patient to confirm an appointment she has with us the following day. Medicare is Australia’s free healthcare system and it entitles some people to receive discount health treatments if on a certain program.)

Me: “Hi, this is [My Name] from [Company]. I just wanted to confirm your nine am appointment with us tomorrow.”

Patient: “Oh, yes, that’s fine. Can you tell me what the cost will be?”

Me: “No problem. I see you’re a Medicare patient. If your [Program] has been renewed for this year, it will only be $6. Otherwise, if you haven’t, it will be $65.”

Patient: “Oh. Well, I don’t know if I have been renewed for that. I won’t come if I haven’t. Could you find out if I have been?”

Me: “I can’t find out directly ma’am, but your doctor will have told you if you have.”

Patient: “I have a letter from him. Would that help? Can you read it for me and tell me?”

Me: “Sure. Did you get the letter sent here or do you have it?”

Patient: “No, it’s in my hand. Can you read it?”

Me: “…Not over the phone. I would need to actually see the letter. You can read it over the phone if you’d like.”

Patient: “No, no, I don’t want to open it. Are you sure you can’t tell me what it says?”

Me: “No, ma’am. I can’t tell you what the letter says without seeing the letter.”

Patient: “…Oh. Are you sure?”

Me: “…Yes, ma’am.”

Patient: “Okay, then. I’ll just bring it tomorrow.” *hangs up*

Page 7/2,467First...56789...Last