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    The Sound Of Silence

    | Calgary, AB, Canada | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

    (A customer comes into my shoe store and requests several pairs to try on. He tries the first pair and walks around.)

    Customer: “No, no. I don’t like shoes that make noise. I need quiet shoes.”

    (I give him a new pair to try.)

    Customer: “No, I said QUIET shoes! QUIET!”

    Me: “Sir, what noise are you referring to? I’m not hearing it.”

    (He walks around more.)

    Customer: “That! You don’t hear that?”

    (All I can hear is the sound of his footsteps.)

    Me: “Can’t say I do.”

    (He begins stomping his foot on the floor.)

    Customer: “Listen to how loud those are!”

    Me: “That’s just your foot stomping.”

    Customer: “It’s the shoe!”

    Me: “So you want a shoe that won’t even make the sound of a footstep?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    Me: “… Good luck?”

    Caught With Her Pants Down

    | OR, USA | Bigotry, Crazy Requests, School

    (I manage a set of female residence halls at a small, private university.)

    Me: “Hello, Ms. Smith? This is the residential coordinator for your daughter’s hall. I’m calling on behalf of my student staffer to find out what’s going on that you’re concerned about.”

    Mom: “What?! Why the h*** you callin’ me? That’s stupid!”

    Me: “Well, you contacted my student staff saying that you needed to talk to them immediately about your daughter. I told them I would call you back because there are a lot of legal issues surrounding parent communication that they are not necessarily up to date on. So, what’s the problem?”

    Mom: “I hate this university. That is so stupid. Well, anyway, some stupid [Asian slur] stole my daughter’s pants from the laundry!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, what? Tell me exactly what you know.”

    Mom: “Well, she went down to move her laundry into the dryer, and someone already had done it! She was only an hour late! And there was some [Asian slur] girl doing her own laundry! She told my daughter that she didn’t move the laundry, that it was already moved when she got there, but she could hardly speak English, so she’s lying.”

    (Note: We have five washers for 200 girls. You have to be on top of your laundry or someone will move it so they can do their own. 10 minutes is the grace period we encourage people to give others.)

    Me: “Okay, well, I will talk to your daughter and get some more information, including who the other student was.”

    Mom: “It was a [Asian slur]! I’m so disgusted with this University. We pay so much for it and it’s terrible.”

    Me: “I’m going to have to ask you to stop saying that word. We have several students of Asian descent who live in the building, and I honestly cannot imagine any of them stealing laundry. I will talk to your daughter to get more information and hopefully find the pants. I hope one student’s potential actions don’t cloud your judgment of the university as a whole.”

    Mom: “Well, I am going to go say very bad things about this University to everyone I know! You all should teach students how to handle laundry and how to be nice people! It’s your job!”

    Me: “I will be sending a reminder email about laundry etiquette to the building, but all I can do is encourage good behavior. We also will document the situation with the pants, and try to find out what happened. I hope we find them. Is that all I can help you with?”

    Mom: “Well, I’m very angry, and it’s stupid that you called, and that d*** [Asian slur] needs to be sent back to her own country!”

    Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way, ma’am. Goodbye.”

    (Five minutes later, the resident found her pants, in her room, in her laundry basket. She hadn’t looked for them before talking to her mother. I hate my job.)

    Be The Change You Want To See

    , | Houston, TX, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Money

    (I’m picking up my son from elementary school when he asks for ice cream. The man selling outside is in his 50s-60s and pushing an ice cream cart in 100+ degree weather. There’s a 10 year old boy with his 5 year old sister ahead of us.)

    Girl: “I want that one”

    Boy: “How much is that?”

    Ice cream Man: “$1.50″

    Boy: *to sister* “We only have two dollars.”

    Sister: “I want that one.”

    (She points to another that also turns out to be $1.50, this goes on for another three times until the man finally sells them for $1 instead of $1.50.)

    Boy: “I’ll take two.”

    (The man’s expression seems like he can’t afford to lose a penny but he gives it to them anyway.)

    Son: “I’ll take that one.”

    Ice Cream Man: “That’s $1.00.”

    (I hand him $3.00 and tell him it’s to cover the kids in front of us. The man seems so relieved it made me wish I had more change.)

    Not Been Teenage For An Age

    | ON, Canada | Bad Behavior, Health & Body

    (I’m older than I look, and married. I also have my nose pierced and a couple of tattoos that show if I’m wearing a t-shirt.)

    Older Male Customer: “Do you have a boyfriend, young lady?”

    Me: “No, I’m—”

    Customer: “No wonder with all that nonsense on your arms and that hoop in your face. How do you ever expect to get a boyfriend looking like that?”

    Me: “Well, my husband doesn’t seem to mind them.”

    Customer: “Married?! You’re only a teenager.”

    Me: “Sir, I’m 25…”

    Customer: *blushes and turns away, fuming*

    The Color Of Death

    | Canton, OH, USA | Funny Names, Technology

    (A customer comes in looking for a new ink cartridge for his printer.)

    Customer: “Yeah, I was wondering if you could help me find ink?”

    Me: “Sure! Do you know the brand, number, and color you need?”

    Customer: “Yeah, it’s [Brand] number eight cyanide!”

    Me: *pauses for a few seconds, not sure if he’s joking* “Um, yeah. It’s right over here.” *give him the cyan ink*

    Customer: “Great, thanks so much for your help!”

    (I don’t have the heart to correct him as he continues on his merry way!)


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