Featured Story:
  • Whine Isn’t Gonna Get You Your Wine
    (1,310 thumbs up)
  • Rolling High Doesn’t Sound Quite Right

    , | Ontario, Canada | Geography

    (I work in an airline call center where we make reservations and make changes to existing reservations such as seat/meal requests.)

    Customer: “I’d like a window seat for my return trip”

    Me: “Okay, no problem. Let me check availability for you.”

    (I book the seat for her.)

    Me: “Okay, I was able to book you in 31K, which is a window seat on your return flight from Frankfurt to Seattle.”

    Customer: “What?! I’m on a PLANE? I thought I was taking a bus?!”

    Me: “Yes, I assure you it is a plane, as it is difficult to cross the Atlantic on a bus.”

    Customer: “Thanks so much. I am so excited about going on a plane!”

    1 Thumbs (781 Thumbs Up!)

    Just Calling It As I See It

    | Columbus, OH, USA |

    (I am a telephone operator for a very large international company. Callers need to know the first and last name of the person they need to be transferred to.)

    Caller: “Hi, can I be transferred to Steve?”

    Me: “Sure, what’s Steve’s last name?”

    Caller: “Oh, I don’t know his last name. I just know his name is Steve.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but this is the global directory and I would have no way of looking him up without his last name.”

    Caller: “Oh, I see. Well, I’ll just call him and get his last name, then.”

    Me: “Wait…if you have his direct number, why were you calling me in the first place?”

    Caller: *hangs up*

    1 Thumbs (762 Thumbs Up!)

    Should’ve Ripped You A New One

    (I work at a really nice Country Club on the golf course side of things. Since it is a nice club, it isn’t unusual to get fairly large tips every once in a while.)

    Me: “Hey mister, could you break a hundred for me so we split tips tonight?”

    Member: *clearly inebriated* “Sure, man, I can totally break that hundred for you!”

    (I hand him the hundred dollar bill which he then proceeds to rip in half and then hand back to me.)

    Member: “There! I broke it for you.” *walks off laughing with his friends*

    Other Member: “Man, what an a**hole. Here’s another hundred for the ripped one. I appreciate y’all.”

    (I took the ripped hundred to the bank and they replaced it. I tried to give the other hundred back, but the member refused and said we earned it!)

    1 Thumbs (1,158 Thumbs Up!)

    Finders Stealers

    (I am bagging groceries at the checkout for a family during Christmas week. This is the busiest week of the year, with many rich out-of-staters coming up to go skiing.)

    Little Girl: “Mommy, look what I found! What should I do with it?”

    (I look over and see that the little girl has found money on the ground.)

    Mother: “Shhhh! Just put it in your pocket, quick!”

    (Knowing our store’s policy, I speak up.)

    Me: “Actually, if you don’t mind, can I hand it into the service desk? That way, if the person who lost it returns, they can get it back.”

    (The little girl hands it to me willingly and I go hand it in. A couple minutes later, the parents come up to the service desk.)

    Father: “My little girl found some money on the ground, and some employee made her hand it in. However, I think she should just have it.”

    Manager: “Store policy says that if no one comes to claim it after 30 days, then the person who found it—your little girl, in the case—can have it.”

    Father: “But it was all tightly rolled up! The person who dropped it was obviously using it to snort coke or something!” *leaves with his family*

    (Ten minutes later, the same family managed to con their way into getting the money by speaking with a different employee at the service desk. The real, original owner—one of our regulars—came in two hours later inquiring about $40 he dropped, which at that point was unfortunately long gone.)

    1 Thumbs (841 Thumbs Up!)

    So Call Me Maybe

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Extra Stupid

    Me: “Thank you for calling sales and support! This is [name]; how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Yes, I received this letter telling me to call you.”

    Me: “I’d be happy to help. Can you tell me what the letter states?”

    Caller: “For 24/7 customer service, call [number].”

    Me: “Okay, sir, did you need any assistance with your account?”

    Caller: “No, the account is fine. This letter says to call.”

    Me: “What you read to me indicates that you should call our number should you need customer service. Did you need any help today sir?”

    Caller: “No.”

    Me: “Have a nice day, sir.”

    1 Thumbs (613 Thumbs Up!)

    Ph.Duh, Part 2

    , | Grand Rapids, MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Top

    (I work at the college IT department. One day, I get a phone call from a professor.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling the help desk. How may we help you?”

    Professor: “My computer is making a beeping sound. I can’t get it to stop. Can you send someone to fix it?”

    Me: “Sure, I’ll be right over.”

    (I arrive at the professor’s office.)

    Professor: “I don’t understand why it is doing this. It has never done this before.”

    (I notice a rather large book on top of his keyboard.)

    Me: “Sir, you can’t leave objects on top of your keyboard. That is what causes the beeping.”

    (I remove the book.)

    Professor: *embarrassed* “Oh.”

    (This professor is the department chair of the Computer Science division of the college. He has a Ph.D in Computer Science.)

    Related:
    Ph.Duh

    1 Thumbs (1,187 Thumbs Up!)

    Some People Aren’t Backward Compatible

    (I work at a public library. Patrons often ask us how to print from the computers.)

    Patron: “I need to pay for my printing.”

    Me: “Okay. When you hit the print button, how much did it say it was going to cost?”

    Patron: “I did not hit the print button.”

    Me: “What computer were you sitting at?”

    Patron: *impatient* “I was not sitting at a computer. I am trying to print from the typewriter!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I am confused. You were not sitting at a computer, but at the typewriter? And you want to print what you typed?”

    Patron: “This is ridiculous! I cannot believe you won’t help me!” *leaves*

    1 Thumbs (701 Thumbs Up!)

    Young (At Heart), Wild, And Free

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Rude & Risque

    (I am doing a pat down on an older woman in a wheelchair. As I clear each area, I’m letting the woman know that I am moving to a new area. Fairly quickly, it becomes obvious that the woman is intoxicated.)

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, I’m going to clear your back now.”

    Woman: *throws her arms out and says quite loudly* “Honey, I’m loaded! You can do whatever you want to me!”

    1 Thumbs (544 Thumbs Up!)
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