Me: “May I get something for you ladies to drink?”
Lady 1: “Um, yes. (to Lady 2) What are you having, dear?”
Lady 2: “I’ll have the white zinfandel.”
Lady 1: “Oh yes, I’ll have the infidel, too. Last night I had the marlo!”
Me: “Would you like regular ice or ice made from coffee?”
Customer: “What is ice made from coffee?”
Me: “It’s … ice … made from … coffee.”
Customer: *stare*
Me: “Frozen coffee?”
Customer: “Um… Why?”
Me: “Regular ice then. I’ll have that out in just a moment.”
Bookstore Customer: “Do you sell maps? You know, things with pictures of roads on them?”
(I worked at this local market as a kid during the summers on Nantucket. Here are some questions the tourists asked.)
Random Customer #1: “Where is the beach?” (We’re on an island???)
Random Customer #2: “Where’s main street?” (The store was on main street.)
Random Customer #3: “When did Nantucket become a part of the United States?” (The same time as the rest of Massachusetts. It’s not the 51st state, people.)
Random Customer #4: “What is that one - O-RAY-oh?” (We serve ice cream; Oreo is one of our flavors).
Library Patron: “Do you guys have books?”
Me: (I turn and give a side glance to the shelves of books on my right) “Nope. It’s all online.”
Customer: “Do you have that book from that movie Les Miserababah?”
Me: “Les Miserables? Yes it would be on the 3rd floor.”
Customer: “What section would it be in?”
Me: “The fiction section.”
Customer: “So nonfiction is true, and fiction is not true, right?”
Me: “Yes.”
Customer: “How can this book be fiction if there is a movie about it?”
Me: “Movies are not true.”
Customer: “Really?”
Me: “Yes. Movies are not true, movies are fiction.”
Lady: “Yeah I just got back so I missed the big rain storm.”
Me: “Well it wasn’t too bad, where did you go? Out of town?”
Lady: “What?”
Me: “You got back from somewhere, where did you go?”
Lady: “I haven’t been anywhere.”
Me: “So you were here for the rainstorm?”
Lady: “No, I was gone.”
Me: “What size?”
Lady: “Electric Lime.”
Me: “What size?”
Lady: “Electric Lime.”
Me: “That’s a color miss. What size did you want the harness in?”
Lady: “What do you mean, ‘What size?’”
Me: “How many inches is it?”
Lady: “Oh I didn’t even think about the size.”
*grimace*
Old man: “Well, I’d like 3 slices, all meat and a Coke.”
Me: “Is Pepsi okay? We don’t serve Coke anymore.”
Old man: “WHAT?!?!?!?!? YOU DON’T SERVE COKE? ANYMORE? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?”
Me: “Well, we used to sell both brands. It was just far too expensive to keep both stocked when most people aren’t devastated by not having Coke.”
Old man: “THAT’S ABSURD! WHO DOESN’T SELL COKE! THAT’S INSANITY!”
Me: (at this point, I’m egging him on and holding back laughter) “Well…you can go next door. The convenience store probably sells Coke, but I can’t guarantee it.”
Old man: “That’s what I’ll do! You won’t get my $0.75!”
Me: “Umm…okay. I’ll have your pizza in just a minute.”
His wife: “Don’t mind him. He’s crazy.”
Old man: “Shut it! What kind of a day and age is it when you don’t sell Coke? It’s just plain un-American.”
Me: “…you know Coke cans are red. Like communism. ”
Customer in an ice cream shop: “Wait, your mint ice cream is white?”
Me: “That’s right. We don’t use artificial colors in our ice cream.”
Customer: “So shouldn’t your Orange Cream ice cream be green, since oranges are green?”
Me: “Blurgh!?”
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