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    No Point Gagging Over Spoiled Milk

    | CT, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m working behind the customer service desk when an elderly woman approaches with a plastic bag.)

    Customer: “I’d like to return this milk and get my $3.69 back.”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am. If you give me your receipt, I’ll be happy to help.”

    Customer: “I don’t have the receipt. I threw it away somewhere. I don’t know. Just give me the refund. I smelled this milk, and it went very bad!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I’m not allowed to issue refunds on opened dairy products without a receipt, but I can do an exchange if you’d like to go pick up a new one.”

    Customer: “I don’t want a new one. I bought this milk this morning and it went very bad, so I’m sure all your milk is bad. I haven’t even had a chance to put it in my fridge yet and it’s already bad!”

    Me: *thinking of the record heat wave we were having* “…Ma’am, it’s almost four pm. Are you saying you’ve had the milk in your car all day today?”

    Customer: “Yes! Where else would I keep it while I visit my friends?! And it is very bad!”

    (She then proceeds to take the plastic jug of milk out of the bag and puts it on the counter. The plastic is transparent and the sun has done a serious number on it; it’s bulging so much that the bottom isn’t flat and the jug is barely standing up straight.)

    Me: “Oh , dear lord… Ma’am, you can’t willingly let your milk spoil and then come ask for a refund. Or even an exchange! I’ll have to ask you to take that away.”

    Customer: “If you don’t believe me, then smell it!”

    Me: “I believe you and I’m not getting near that thing!”

    Customer: “No! You smell it right now!” *grabs the jug of milk and waves it at me*

    (I start backing away and give a little knock on the door behind me to summon the manager. As he comes out, he sees the bulging container in her hands and gasps.)

    Me: “She left it in her car all day. It’s 104°F out there. She wants a refund and she wants me to smell it.”

    Manager: *still standing in the doorway behind me* “Ma’am, we can’t possibly give you a refund for being negligent with your items. You’re welcome to grab a new milk if you want.”

    Customer: “I don’t want a new one. They’re all bad! See? Smell this!”

    (She starts twisting open the cap and everything goes into slow motion as my manager leaps backwards into his office trying to close his door and I reach out to stop her, yelling ‘nooooo!’ Everyone within earshot is watching while she takes the cap off and something comes belching out of the jug: chunky white liquid splashing out onto the counter and the floor. The customer has conveniently opened it facing away from herself and remains clean and upwind.)

    Customer: “See? It’s bad. Smell it!”

    Me: *retching and on the verge of tears* “Oh, god, I can’t NOT smell it!”

    Manager: *cracking open his door with his mouth and nose covered* “Give her the money! Get her out of here!”

    (I smother myself with my own arm as I open the register and throw a five dollar bill onto the counter.)

    Me: “Here is your refund, ma’am, plus whatever. Please just go!”

    (She put the opened milk back on the counter, calmly opened her purse, counted out the $1.31 difference, took the $5, thanked us, and left with a satisfied smile on her face. As I called for the cleaning crew, I grabbed her plastic bag off the counter and felt something inside. She had the receipt the whole time.)

    Not fluent in sarcasm

    Putting The Terror Into Terabytes

    | | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (A customer walks in and grabs a 3 GB USB stick from the rack and brings it to the counter.)

    Me: “Afternoon, sir.”

    Customer: “Yes, hello. Can you help me? What can I do with this?”

    Me: “Umm… you can store files on this device using a computer.”

    Customer: “Files?”

    Me: “Yeah, pictures, text, movies, music. Anything.”

    Customer: “And Google-ing?”

    Me: “If you mean the Internet, no. You’ll need a bigger USB stick.”

    (The customer grabs a 32 GB stick.)

    Me: “Eh. Right, that was sarcastic. You’ll need millions and millions of USB sticks for that.”

    Customer: “There are only 20 on the rack.”

    Me: “What I’m trying to say is that it is impossible to copy the Internet to a USB stick.”

    Customer: “Oh. What about a floppy?”

    Me: “Those are outdated and store even less than a USB stick.”

    Customer: “But can I store a ‘Internet’ on it?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “I want the manager.”

    Me: “I am the manager.”

    (The customer stormed off.)

    It’s the only reason I come here!

    5 Stories Of A French Disconnection

    | Not Always Right | Roundups

    Weekly Roundup: 5 Stories Of A French Disconnection Such a beautiful language, except when used in customer service:

    1. Lost In Their Own Translation (3,195 thumbs up)
    2. French Disconnection (3,516 thumbs up)
    3. Giving The French Stick (4,208 thumbs up)
    4. English And Polish And French, Oh My (2,892 thumbs up)
    5. Would You Like French Resistance Fries With That (2,434 thumbs up)

    PS #1: check out our Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news!

    PS #2: Read more roundups here!

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