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    Dressing Up The Size Of The Back Room

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Crazy Requests

    (I am helping a bride order her dress because we don’t have her size and the color that she wants in store for her to purchase of the rack. Her mother is more than irritated at this.)

    Mother: “Out of all these dresses! I don’t see why you guys don’t have every dress, in every color, in every size.”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, we have over 100 wedding dresses styles in at least 2-3 colors, over 50 bridesmaid styles in over 50 colors, and we carry sizes 0-14 misses and 16-30 women’s.”

    Mother: “It doesn’t look like you have that many dresses here.”

    Me: “That’s because we don’t carry every dress, in every size, in every color.”

    Doesn’t Provide THAT Kind Of Customer Service

    | NS, Canada | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Rude & Risque

    (I have just started working at a small-town video store. I’m female, 20 years old, and look much younger. We have an ‘adult’ room in the back. Most customers who buy or rent the porn are middle-aged or elderly men, and are not remotely creepy. Most, in fact, were awkward around me at first because I looked like a teenage kid. They chat about the weather, they get their porn, and get out. One shift when I am working alone, one customer wanders into the store, heads straight to back room, and comes up to my till five minutes later with an armful of adult DVDs.)

    Customer: “Just these, please.”

    Me: “No problem, sir, give me a second to check the discs. That’ll be [total].”

    Customer: “Thanks.” *pays* “Hey, I’m from out of town, just in for two days. Do you have the number to the escort service?”

    Me: “Um, no. We actually don’t have one. This is a pretty small city.”

    Customer: “What!? No escort service? Well, what about a gentlemen’s club? With dancers?”

    Me: “No, sorry, there’s actually no strip clubs, either.” *laughs nervously* “We don’t have much to do here…”

    Customer: *frowns* “Well, do you know anyone who works on the side? Someone a lonely out-of-town visitor can call and spend a few hours with?”

    Me: *wanting to die at this point* “I… are you asking me if I know any prostitutes, sir? I can assure you that I don’t.”

    Customer: “I’m not a cop or anything.”

    Me: “And I’m not exactly a pimp, sir.”

    Customer: “Why did I even come here!? This is the worst business trip I’ve ever been sent on! What do people do for fun around here anyway?!”

    (The customer stormed out. It probably took another hour for the color to come back to my face, and for the feeling of ‘ew,’ to wear off.)

    Trying To Do A Double Take With A Double Take

    | NH, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers

    (I work in an ammo store. I’m working a morning shift, unpacking some newly arrived freight with 3 other workers. We’d just received some highly in-demand ammunition, in bulk packages, which is limited to 1 per customer per day due to its popularity. It comes in 325 round boxes, which is good for 1 to 3 trips to the shooting range. An older customer, gray haired and in his 60s, comes in.)

    Customer: “Hey, you have .22 ammo! Lemme get three boxes!”

    Coworker: “Sorry, we have a limit of one box per customer.” *hand him one box*

    Customer: “Oh, c’mon! No one cares. Just let me get three!”

    Coworker: “Sorry, I can only give you the one.”

    Customer: “What if I pay for this, leave, and come back?”

    Coworker: “I couldn’t give you another.”

    Customer: “You’re kidding me!”

    Coworker: “Nope, sorry. Strict policy, because it sells so fast.”

    (Customer walks away. After a few minutes, the guy who was behind the counter goes in the backroom to work there, and a suspiciously identical customer appears. He then speaks to a coworker who saw/heard none of the previous.)

    Identical Customer: “Hey, was my brother just in here?”

    Other Coworker: “Huh?”

    Identical Customer: “My brother! Looks just like me!”

    Other Coworker: “Uh…”

    Identical Customer: “Well, whatever. Hey, can you sell me some .22 ammo?”

    Other Coworker: “Um, sure…”

    (My other coworker begins walking to the ammo counter. I look over at my manager and shake my head ‘no.’)

    Manager: “Did he just leave here with .22 a minute ago?”

    Me: “Yup.”

    Manager: “Sir, we can’t sell you anything.”

    Identical Customer: “What?! That was my brother!”

    Manager: “No, it wasn’t. You need to leave.”

    Identical Customer: “Really!? You can’t hook me up?”

    Manager: “No. Leave.”

    Identical Customer: “Oh, well. Hey, you know I was just kidding, right?”

    Manager: “No.”

    Afraid Of Them Dropping By

    , | Round Rock, TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Liars & Scammers

    (I work at a popular national home improvement store, and started out as a temporary cashier. This was a particularly busy Sunday afternoon and, as usual, we were short-staffed for cashiers. A customer comes up to me and asks me to page a lot loader to help her load mulch. I do and the lot loader calls me on the register phone and tells me that he’ll help the customer when he’s done loading another customer. Later, the customer comes back with her mulch inside a large wheelbarrow as well as other items inside of it.)

    Me: “Got everything you need?”

    Customer: “Yes, but I’m not happy. The loader never showed up to help me. I had to use this because there’s no flat carts left!”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, there are carts under the annuals and perennials tables—”

    Customer: “There weren’t any when I needed them!”

    Me: “Well, I apologize for the inconvenience, ma’am. I’ll call the lot loader again and get him to help load the wheelbarrow and the rest of your purchase.”

    Customer: *annoyed* “Didn’t you hear me? There weren’t any flat carts left. I don’t want this. I’m not paying for it.”

    Me: “All right, then. I’ll grab a flat cart and I’ll just put your items on there and—”

    Customer: “Why? It’s already in here. Just ring me up.”

    Me: “Ma’am, if you’re not going to buy the wheelbarrow, you can’t take it out of the store. That’s why I offered to get a flat cart to—”

    Customer: *throws her hands up* “Just ring me up! I’ll bring the d*** wheelbarrow back.”

    (The customer continues to ramble as I ring her up. I call an associate, but tells me he’s busy with another customer. I explained my concern over the fact that the customer could steal a $200 wheelbarrow. Since the customer was urgent to leave and another cashier had come to relieve me for a break. I told the customer I would load her purchase for her. She led me to her mini-van and opened the back door. She had bought an iron rod used for hanging plants which sat on top of the pile of mulch. I placed it at the far side of the wheelbarrow so that I could load her mulch. Just as I load the first bag—with my back to the wheelbarrow—I hear a loud clang.)

    Customer: “Ow!” *holds her right ankle*

    Me: “Are you okay? What happened?”

    Customer: “The iron rod fell on me. I’m sorry. I have a low tolerance for pain. That really hurt.” *heavy tears begin to well up in her eyes*

    (I pick up the iron rod and scratch my head, perplexed at how it could’ve fallen when I put it out of the way. At this point, my coworker comes and finishes loading the customer’s purchase and lets her fill out an incident report. I continue working, but the assistant manager calls me into his office. Note: this manager is the asset protection manager.)

    Manager: “Hey, do you mind filling out the incident form?”

    Me: “Sure. Is the customer okay? She was crying pretty bad.”

    Manager: “She has a small bruise on her ankle, but she’s claiming that you dropped it on her.”

    Me: *staring, stunned* “Are you serious? After going to the whole trouble of helping her load her purchase? I didn’t want her to steal that wheelbarrow!”

    Manager: “Oh, I know. I checked the cameras that survey the parking lot. She dropped it on herself.”

    Me: “…seriously?”

    Manager: “Hey, you have no idea how far some people will go.”

    (Now that customer goes out of her way to let me ring her up. I’ve since been promoted to a higher ranking position, but I steer clear of her to make sure she can’t drop anything else on herself and blame me again.)

    His Assumption Is Not On The Money

    | West Allis, WI, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal, Money

    (I’m a legal secretary at a law firm, and I answer a call.)

    Me: “Hello, this is [Law Firm]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi. You guys handle bankruptcies, right?”

    Me: “Yes, we do.”

    Caller: “Oh good. So, I think I need to file bankruptcy…”

    (The caller explains his financial situation.)

    Me: “Okay, I can go ahead and schedule an appointment with an attorney for a free consultation if you’d like.”

    Caller: “Yes, let’s do that. I just have a question, though. What would the cost be?”

    Me: “It would be [attorney's fee] plus costs.”

    Caller: “And I pay that after it’s all finished, right? I don’t pay anything up front?”

    Me: “Actually, you have to pay one-third of the fee up front.”

    Caller: “What! But I just explained that I have no money! That’s the whole point! Why do I have to pay up front?”

    Me: “Well, because if we allowed that, then clients would just cut and run once the bankruptcy is concluded, and we end up paying the cost of the case ourselves. It’s happened too many times before. It’s just our policy now.”

    Caller: *trying to sound sweet* “It’s such a shame that a few bad apples have ruined the process for everyone else.”

    Me: “Yes, it really is.”

    (Long pause.)

    Caller: “So, can I pay after the bankruptcy is concluded?”

    Me: “… No.”

    Caller: “D*** it! What’s the point?!” *hangs up*

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