July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

Is It Plugged In?

media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com_736x_88_ac_c8_88acc8216648b26114507ca04686b357

At Least It Rules Out ‘Twilight’

| ID, USA | Books & Reading, Crazy Requests

(I work at the reference desk, and I often help patrons find books. The following exchange happens one morning:)

Patron: “Hi, I’m looking to see if you have a book.”

Me: “I can help you, then! Can you give me the name of the book?”

Patron: “I don’t remember it.”

Me: “Well, do you remember the author’s name?”

Patron: “No… but it was about vampires and it had the word ‘blood” in the title.”

Me: “…That doesn’t narrow it down nearly as much as you think it does.”

Entitled And Newly Titled

, | Mankato, MN, USA | Bad Behavior, Funny Names

(My mother and I are deciding on a gift to buy for a sick relative. I wander away so she can check out but a few minutes later she comes over to me, empty handed and confused.)

Mother: “I was at the register about to buy it, but a woman standing next to me looked over and grabbed it out of my hands!”

Me: “You’re kidding! Did she ask for it?”

Mother: “No! She just grabbed it and handed it to the cashier. And the cashier rang her up!”

Me: “Mom, there’s a phrase that my friends and I use. It makes you feel a bit better sometimes.”

Mother: “Okay…” *keep in mind, she is an older and very mild mannered woman*

Me: “Entitlement b****!”

Mother: *happily and with great diction* “Entitlement b****!”

Fluid Memory; Difficult To Grasp

| Tucson, AZ, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

(I sometimes eat in at a pizza joint about a block or so down the road from work when my shift is over and I’m hungry enough to eat a rhinoceros.  I’m doing so after a very busy Christmas week shift I hadn’t been prepared for. Needless to say, I’m a bit out of it, and I usually order the same thing, so I hardly ever look at the menu. The drink order goes a bit like this.)

Employee: “Hi, welcome to [Restaurant]. What can I get you to drink?”

(At this point, I recall a half-and-half mix of root beer and Dr Pepper I grew fond of during a recent dinner party, and decide that’s my drink order for the evening.)

Me: “Could I get a half-and-half of root beer and Dr Pepper?”

Employee: “We don’t have Dr Pepper. Would you like something else in that half-and-half?”

Me: “Well, could you please tell me what you do have?”

Employee: *lists several sodas, including root beer – which I somehow mishear as Dr Pepper*

Me: “Dr Pepper.”

(The waitress repeats that Dr Pepper is unavailable at least three more times before I pause for about three seconds. I face-palm and start chuckling once I realize I’ve momentarily become that customer who never seems to understand something spoken to him, clear as day, regardless of how many times it’s mentioned.)

Me: “Oh, my God. Ah, I’ll have a cola-root beer half-and-half, please.”

Employee: “All right, a cola-root beer half-and-half. Anything else to drink?”

Me: “No. Thanks for being so patient with me, by the way!”

(I still visit that particular pizza joint. But every so often, as I’m eating my pizza, I still remember how I once somehow failed to understand what “We don’t have Dr Pepper” means.)

Totally Estúpido, Part 2

, , | Cleveland, OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words

(I have a Hispanic name, but was born in raised in the United States; therefore, I have no accent. The phone rings and I’m the closest so I go to pick it up.)

Me: “Having a great day at [Restaurant]. This is [Name] speaking. How can I help you?”

Customer: *beep*

Me: “Hello?”

Customer: *beep*

Me: *I try one more time before hanging up*

Customer: “English.”

Me: *in an overly enthusiastic voice* “Having a great day at [Restaurant]. This is [Non-Hispanic Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Oh, that’s better. I think I got the Spanish line when I first called.”

Page 6/2,710First...45678...Last