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    That’s One For The Books

    | USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Books & Reading

    (A customer drives up to the store, gets out, comes in, and walks directly up to the counter without looking at a single book or item for sale. Before I can even welcome him…)

    Customer: “You are going to lose your job.”

    Me: *shocked* “I am?”

    Customer: “No one likes books anymore. Your store is going to shut down and you’ll be out of a job.”

    (He turned around, walked out without looking at a single item, jumped in his car, and left.)

    A Creepily Patient Patient

    | USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

    (I work as a tech. I’m going up front to hand a file to the receptionist for a check out. There is a man about 20 years older than me talking to the receptionist.)

    Him: “Hey…” *does that smile that says ‘heeeyyyy’*

    Me: “Hi. I hope you haven’t been waiting too long. Do you need anything or are you waiting for the doctor?”

    Him: “No, I am juuuuusst fine.” *creepily looking me up and down*

    (I leave, do some things in the back and come back out to get the next patient which isn’t him. He is still standing there. The receptionist pulls me aside and hands me a note that has his name and number on it.)

    Me: “What is this?”

    Receptionist: “He is into you. He wants to know how old you are and if you are single.”

    Me: “He is way too old for me. I’m not interested.”

    (I hope he’ll just leave me alone if I don’t talk to him unless necessary. He waits around for a good hour. Because of the layout of the hospital, I have to cross the lobby a number of times. Each time, he stands in the doorway so I have to walk past him.)

    Him: “Give me your number.”

    Me: “No, sir, I’m sorry.”

    (I keep walking. I’m not very good at telling people straight out that I’m not interested. A few days later… he has come back once on my day off and left when he finds out I am not working.)

    Receptionist: “I’m glad you didn’t give him your number. This guy is crazy!”

    Me: “What happened?”

    Receptionist: “He sat and waited in the parking lot to see if you would come out. When I did, he got my husband’s number off the truck.” *he sold diet products from home and had an advertisement on her truck*

    Receptionist: “He called me every day for three days asking if you were going to give him your number!”

    Me: “I’ll take care of it. I’m so sorry!”

    (I called him from the work phone, so he wouldn’t have my number, and told him to leave us both alone. We never heard from him again.)

    Dude Needs Some Sleep

    | Big Rapids, MI, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre

    (I’m working on register at about eight am when a middle-aged woman walks in. She is quite intoxicated.)

    Customer: “I slept in the woods last night.”

    Me: “Okay? How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I had to put this flower in my hair because they said I looked like a dude. I’m not a dude. Do you think I look like a dude?”

    Me: “No… What can I help you with?”

    Customer: “I need cigarettes. But they made me sleep outside in the woods. I don’t know where. But they kept calling me a dude!”

    (I ring up her cigarettes hoping she leaves soon.)

    Customer: “It’s like that song. Dude looks like a lady. Except the opposite. Lady looks like a dude. I’M NOT A DUDE!”

    Make Him Go Red In The Face

    | Louisville, KY, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Pets & Animals, Rude & Risque

    (My father runs a dog grooming shop, and I have been helping him out there since I was about 10 during times when I’m not in school. During the time of this exchange, I was maybe 14 and working the counter when an older man, maybe in his 50s or 60s, came to pick up his dog.)

    Man: “I’m here to pick up Maggie.”

    Me: “All right, that’ll be $42 today.”

    Man: *smiles* “So, is your hair dyed, or are you a natural redhead?”

    (I had recently bleached my hair from black in an attempt to get it light enough to dye bright red. It was a bright orange color from the bleach, and very obviously not a natural color. On top of that, my eyebrows are dark brown, revealing my natural color.)

    Me: “Um, I bleached it from black, and it just kind of turned this color. It wasn’t on purpose.”

    Man: “Oh, I see. Yeah, my ex-wife was a redhead. Feisty little thing, she was.”

    Me: “Oh, that’s nice.” *awkward smile*

    Man: “But, yeah, I’m just bringing Maggie by to be groomed while I’m waiting for my wife to get out of physical therapy. She can’t move around very well.”

    Me: “All right. Well, if you’d like to hand over your leash and collar, I’ll go get Maggie for you.”

    (I go to get the dog and he leaves with her, only to forget his wallet on the counter. Still not sure if he did that on purpose or not, really. I of course have to call him and let him know that we have it, so he immediately returns.)

    Me: “Here’s your wallet, sir.”

    Man: “Thanks. Haha, you didn’t use my card to buy a new car, did you?”

    (Considering the subtle yet creepy lines he’d dropped, I wasn’t sure if he had realized how young I was. I decided to drop a hint.)

    Me: “Oh, no, haha. I’m nowhere near old enough to drive.”

    (He started to look a bit surprised and just left with a simple thank you. I haven’t seen him since.)

    Dolled Up And Priced Down

    | Summit, NJ, USA | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers

    (I work at a small mom and pop pharmacy. We are having a buy-one-get-one sale on some collectible dolls. A middle-aged female customer is browsing the collectibles. There are six different dolls, each a different color. I happen to be at the counter where they are displayed.)

    Me: “Hello, I see you are interested in these dolls.”

    Customer: “Yes, but I’m unsure which one to get.”

    Me: “Well, we are having a sale on them.”

    Customer: “I see.”

    Me: “Well, just inform me which ones you decide on.”

    Customer: *eyes light up* “I can get more than one!?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “How much for one?”

    Me: “$14.50.”

    (The customer starts counting on her fingers, then sighs.)

    Me: “What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “I only have enough money for three of them.”

    (I am confused.)

    Customer: “Even with your sale, I would only get be able to get four.”

    (I figure out what is the misunderstanding in her logic.)

    Me: “How about this, you buy three and I’ll give you the other three on the house?”

    Customer: “You will won’t you get in trouble for that?”

    Me: “I won’t tell if you won’t tell.”

    (I got her dolls and rang her up. She kinda skipped out of the store.)

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