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    A Rock Solid Alternative

    | Nanuet, NY, USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

    (I’m the manager and am back in the aquatics department writing up the weekly order of fish when a woman and her two young kids approach me:)

    Customer: “How long do these fish live?” *she gestures to a tank full of assorted community fish*

    Me: “Usually a few years, ma’am, sometimes longer or shorter, depending on the fish.”

    Customer: “And these?” *holds up the betta cup she brought over*

    Me: “Bettas generally live up to three years. It’s possible for them to live longer, but it’s uncommon.”

    Customer: “How old is this one?”

    Me: “I don’t have an exact age, but it’s approximately a year. Baby bettas are very plain, so we don’t sell them because you won’t know what color you’re getting.”

    Customer: “How long will this one live, then?”

    Me: “Given the average lifespan, about 1 to 2 years.”

    Customer: “That’s too short. What do you have that doesn’t die.”

    Me: “…Excuse me, ma’am?”

    Customer: “I want a pet that doesn’t die. What do you have that doesn’t die?”

    Me: “Rocks.”

    Winging For More

    | FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (It is late morning and I’ve just put out a fresh tray of barbecue wings in our wing bar. A tray holds 30-40 wings, or 4-5 pounds. As I’m walking back behind the counter, this happens:)

    Customer: “You gonna make any more?”

    (I turn around and see that the man has taken the entire tray of BBQ wings.)

    Me: “Uh… I can make some more. It’ll take 15 or 20 minutes.”

    Customer: “I’ll wait.”

    (Feeling annoyed, I fry and sauce another tray’s worth of BBQ wings. When I put the new ones out, the customer again scoops every single one into buckets.)

    Customer: “You gonna make any more?”

    Me: “How many wings do you need, sir?”

    Customer: “I dunno, like 200 or something.”

    Me: “Uh… to make that many, it would take me at least 45 minutes, probably an hour.”

    Customer: “I’ll wait.”

    Me: *screaming bloody murder inside* “Uh, next time, sir, you might want to call us and place your order ahead of time, for your convenience.”

    Customer: “Yeah, right. Who has time to do that?!”

    Information That Has Already Been Enclosed

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    Swimming To A Fault

    | UK | Family & Kids, Health & Body, Tourists/Travel

    Me: “Hello!”

    Customer: “Three juniors for swimming, please.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    (We have a strict policy at our pool that children under eight have to be accompanied by an adult. I can see that one of the children is under eight.)

    Me: “And is it just the children going swimming?”

    Customer: “Yes, I can’t go; I am ill.”

    Me: “Okay, how old are they?”

    Customer: *obviously Grandpa* “They are seven, twelve and thirteen.”

    Me: “I am sorry, sir, but I cannot allow the seven-year-old in the pool without an adult over the age of 16.”

    Customer: *shouting* “Tell me where is says that!”

    (I point to the BIG poster on the wall.)

    Customer: *walking away he shouts back* “YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE A HOLIDAY RESORT!” *he then says to the youngest child* “That woman wouldn’t let you in!”

    Me: “I am sorry that being on holiday seems to you that you can abandon all safety for you grandchildren. Please feel free to go outside, chuck them in the sea, and see how that goes. But that will probably be somebody else’s fault, too!”

    Piloting A New Reason To Drink

    | Norway | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink

    (I am working in a bar calling last orders. Finishing the last orders, I go on to clean down the bar and finish off. A man walks over to the bar and asks for a beer. Licensing law being very strict in Norway I’m in no way allowed to sell that beer after closing hours.)

    Customer: “One beer, please.”

    Me: “Sorry, we are closed and I can’t sell you a beer.”

    Customer: “Come on, I’ll finish the beer by the time you have finished.”

    Me: “Sorry, no can do. It’s the law.”

    Customer: “It’s been a long hard day and all I ask is one beer, please?”

    Me: “Look, if you are getting to airport at 2:15 and your plane is leaving at 2:00, you’re not getting on that plane, are you?”

    Customer: “If I’m flying at 2:00 the plane is waiting for me, because I’m the pilot!”

    (He got the beer…)

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