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    Got A Tip-Off About Grandpa’s Antics

    | ID, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (I’m waitressing at a small restaurant when a young mother with a toddler walks in accompanied by the mother’s grandfather. I seat them and they order. The grandfather orders the chicken fried steak which is soft enough that a knife isn’t necessary so one normally isn’t given with the meal. This happens as I drop off their plates.)

    Grandfather: *looks at his plate then up at me angrily* “WHERE THE F*** IS MY KNIFE? HUH? HOW THE F*** AM I SUPPOSED TO EAT THIS—”

    (Suddenly the mother slaps her hand onto the table hard enough that all the dishware jumps, the toddler yelps, and the grandfather is startled into silence.)

    Toddler: “Uh oh. Mama MAD. Not me did it!”

    Mother: *looks at the grandfather with a look of pure fury* “You do NOT speak to people that way! Do you understand? Now, I told you, if I’m going to take you out to eat then you WILL be on your best behavior. Now you will either apologize to this young lady or you can go sit in the car by yourself and be hungry. Everyone else in the family might be willing to put up with your attitude but not me! So you got two options: apologize or leave.”

    Grandfather: *crosses his arms and sulks*

    Mother: “Apologize or car. NOW.”

    Grandfather: *sighs* I’m sorry for saying those things to you.”

    Me: “Thank you for apologizing, sir. Now, that was a steak knife you needed?”

    Grandfather: “Yes.”

    Mother: *crosses her arms and raises her eyebrows at him*

    Grandfather: *looking like he bit into a lemon* “Please.”

    (The mother smiles and I turn my attention to her.)

    Me: “And anything for you, ma’am?”

    Mother: “More napkins, please.”

    Me: “Okay! I’ll be right out with those.”

    (The rest of the meal passes by in complete silence with the grandfather sulking the whole time. I drop off their check, the mother tucks it under her arm, drops a tip on the table, then turns around and helps her son put on his jacket. While her back is turned the grandfather quickly picks up the tip, stuffs it in his jacket pocket, and scurries out. Finishing with her child the mother leads him over to the counter and places the check on the counter. I’m struggling with myself on whether or not I should tell her about what her grandfather did.)

    Mother: *watches me for a minute* “Well, you obviously want to say something so say it! I’m sorry for the way my grandpa acted. I’m working on teaching him manners. But, if you have something to say feel free to speak up. So long as it’s said respectfully I can listen.*

    Me: “It’s… um… just that your… um, grandfather took the tip money while your back was turned.”

    Mother: “HE WHAT?!”

    (Leaving her son there the mother storms off back to the table, audibly gasps when she sees the lack of money, practically runs back to the register, scoops up her child, and leaves. Through the window I see her walk to the passenger side of the car, point to the grandfather, mouth the words ‘big trouble,’ and open the back-seat passenger door. The grandfather moves down in his seat a little bit, the mother calmly buckles her kid into the car, closes the door, then opens the grandfather’s door. I can’t hear what’s being said but it’s obvious that whatever she’s screaming has the grandfather shrinking in his seat until he is literally hiding his head in his jacket. The mother suddenly reaches forward, snatches something from him, slams the car door, and comes back inside.)

    Mother: “The nerve of some people! My goodness! I am so so sorry for my grandfather’s antics. Thank you. though. for being honest. *I ring up her transaction* I was going to give you a bit for being so patient with him but I think you deserve a bit extra. As for him, well, he can stay home eating cold ham and cheeses sandwiches for a few days. We’ll see how well he likes that!”

    (The mother tipped me generously then left. They did come in the following week but this time the grandfather was much better behaved!)

    IMEI Oh My

    | UK | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Customer: “My phone is completely dead. I can’t do anything with it”

    Me: “Does it have a removable battery?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Can you please remove it as I need to check the IMEI number?”

    Customer: “But that will disconnect the call.”

    Hopes And Dreams In Aisle Four

    | Dallas, TX, USA | Bizarre

    (I’m at the register checking out a customer.)

    Me: “Hi! How are you doing today? Did you find everything you were looking for?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. What were you unable to find today?”

    Customer: “I didn’t find a million dollars. Or a man made of gold. Or 11 inches!”

    (I’m trying to keep a straight face.)

    Me: “Did you try the garden center?”

    A Bad App-raisal Of The Situation

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid, Technology

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I bought an eBook from your website, but I can’t read it on my tablet.”

    Me: “Okay, let’s see what we can do. What sort of tablet do you have? Is it Apple or Android?”

    Customer: “It’s a [high end Android]. My son bought it for me.”

    Me: “Nice. And when you open up [Our App], does the book appear there?”

    Customer: “No, it’s not in my library.”

    Me: “You say you purchased the eBook from our website. Are you sure the account information you used when you purchased it is the same as your app is registered under?”

    Customer: “Um, yes? I can’t imagine that I would have more than one account with you.”

    Me: “And other books work just fine?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Have you tried syncing your library?”

    Customer: “How do I do that?”

    Me: “Open the app and hit the refresh button. It’s a circular arrow in the bottom left.”

    Customer: “I don’t have that.”

    Me: “That’s weird. What do you see?”

    Customer: *describes a screen which sounds suspiciously like our competitor’s app*

    Me: “Sir, what app do you use to read your eBooks?”

    Customer: “I use my library.”

    Me: “Yes, sir, your books appear in the library screen of the app, but which app do you use? Are you using [Our App] or [Competitor’s App]?”

    Customer: “I use the app on my tablet.”

    Me: “Okay, where do you normally buy your eBooks?”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “The eBooks currently in your library which you are able to read. Which website were you on when you bought them? [Our website] or [Competitor’s website]?”

    Customer: “[Competitor’s website]. They have lots of good deals.”

    Me: “All right sir, I’ve figured out the problem. You purchased an [our format] eBook from our website. That book is not compatible with [Competitor’s App]. You’ll have to download [Our App] in order to read it.”

    Customer: “But I already paid for it.”

    Me: “Oh, don’t worry, sir. The book is yours. The app is available as a free download both on our website and from the Play Store. It only takes a minute.”

    Customer: “My books always show up in my library when I buy them. Why doesn’t this one?”

    Me: “I know it’s confusing, sir. [Our Company] sells [Our eBook Readers], and [Competitor] sells [Competitor’s eBook Readers]. EBooks bought from [Our Company] can only be read on [Our eBook Readers] or [Our App], just as [Competitor]’s eBooks can only be read on their products.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand. I paid for this book.”

    Me: “Yes, sir, and it is yours. But the app you are using is made and run by [Competitor]. You bought this book from us. [Competitor] has no way of knowing that you bought this book, so they can’t put it into the app on your tablet.

    Customer: Can you call them and tell them I bought it? Then they’ll know.”

    Me: “I’m afraid it doesn’t work like that, sir. But again, you can download [Our App] for free and read the book you purchased.”

    Customer: “Okay, so you guys have your own books and your own app thing, and [Competitor] has their own books and their own app, and they don’t work together at all?”

    Me: “Yes sir. That’s absolutely correct. A little complicated, I know.”

    Customer: “So how do I get your app so I can read my book?”

    Me: “The same way you got [Competitor’s App]. Open the Play Store, search for [Our App], and download it. Once it installs you’ll have to enter your email address and password. Then your book will appear in your library. We’ll give you a couple additional titles for free.”

    Customer: “My tablet’s library?”

    Me: “No, sorry, the library in [Our App].”

    Customer: “So when I want to read this book I’ll need to open your app, and when I want to read my other books I’ll need to open [Competitor’s App]?”

    Me: “Yes, sir.”

    Customer: “Okay, I suppose I can handle that. When should I expect my app to arrive?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

    Customer: “The app that you’re sending me in the mail. When will it be here?”

    Me: “The… mail? You know what, sir? I think you should come into our store. Can you drop by tomorrow?”

    (And I made d*** sure I was not around when he came in!)

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