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  • The True Appliance Of Science
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    About To Get Charged With Low Battery

    | USA | Crazy Requests, Technology

    (I work for a security company that installs alarms into residences. I have received an alarm indicating the customer’s alarm system has a low battery so I’m calling to notify them.)

    Me: “This is your alarm company calling. May I speak to Mr. [Name]?”

    Customer: “What the h*** do you want?”

    Me: “Your alarm system sent us a low battery signal.”

    Customer: “Low battery? What the h*** does that even mean? Is someone trying to break in?”

    Me: “No, sir. It means the backup battery is low and needs to be changed.”

    Customer: “The alarm system is plugged in; there is no battery. Send the police. I think someone is tampering with the system.”

    Me: “I’d be happy to do that for you but—”

    Customer: “JUST SENT THE D*** COPS!”

    Me: “Okay, sir. Will do.”

    (I explained the situation to the police department, and they weren’t too happy about having to respond to a low battery signal. They intended to make sure the customer learned the difference between an emergency signal and a low battery!)

    Intelligence Is On Lockdown

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Theme Of The Month

    Customer: “EXCUSE ME! Are you going to check me out or am I going to have to stand around at the register all night waiting on you to finish whatever you are doing?”

    Me: *thinking we had accidentally closed the store on the customer* “Ma’am, we closed 15 minutes ago. My manager has already closed all of the registers. I’m sorry, but I cannot check you out and you will have to come back in the morning.”

    Customer: “Is that why the door was locked?”

    Not Very Closed Minded

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Crazy Requests, Theme Of The Month

    (I am working closing shift. The last staff member has left and I am on my own to count the day’s takings. Our store closes at 7 pm on Thursdays, due to it being in a dark, remote area. A man knocks on the door. It’s dark outside.)

    Me: “Sorry, we are closed.”

    Customer: “But I really need to get something. Let me in.”

    Me: “No, I can’t let you in. We are closed.”

    Customer: “Just let me in. I’ll be quick.”

    Me: “NO. We are closed. The registers are closed down.”

    Customer: “Can’t I just pass the money under the door and you get me [item]?”

    Me: *knowing I would have to open door to pass the item out* “No, sorry, can’t do that. Our stores in [Location #1] and [Location #2] will be open until 9pm. You need to go there.”

    Customer: “But they are too far!”

    Me: “NO. I CAN’T HELP YOU!”

    (I felt shaken as I finished the count and put the money into the safe. I didn’t have a good feeling about this man, so after turning the lights off I waited 10 minutes out of sight in the hope that he thought I’d left by another door, even though my car – the only one in the parking lot – was right outside the door he was knocking on.)

    Closing Late Is Such A Rush

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Theme Of The Month

    (We’ve had a customer in store for well over two hours. She’s prevented us from finishing jobs because she’s monopolised our time. She’s wanting to buy fabric for curtains for a holiday home.)

    Coworker: “Just letting you know that we are actually closed now. Have you decided what you want yet?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’ll take this fabric, I need 20 metres.”

    Coworker: “Are you sure it’s the one you want? There is no return on fabric. Maybe you should take a sample home to show your husband.”

    Customer: “No, it’s fine. I’ll take it.”

    (I am counting out my register while Coworker measures the fabric.)

    Customer: “I bet you are just waiting to leave, right?”

    Coworker: “Yes, we are, but because we’ve been with you for the last few hours we can’t. We have to finish these jobs before we can leave.”

    Customer: “So you can be thankful to me for getting you overtime.”

    Coworker: “We don’t get overtime. We get paid only until 5:30.”

    (She finally leaves.)

    Coworker: “I am so glad she’s gone. She was such a time waster and I have a bad feeling that she is going to try to return the fabric, because she made me choose it for her.”

    (It’s after seven before we can finally leave. Sure enough a couple of days later she returns with the fabric because her husband doesn’t like it. My coworker refuses to do it but after insistence by the customer refers her to the store manager.)

    Coworker: *to me* “If he returns it, I am going to be so pissed”.

    (He did return it, because the customer told him that she was rushed into the choice by us.)

    The Service Is Second(s) To None

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Crazy Requests, Theme Of The Month

    (My manager is at the door controls to close the roller door into our store.)

    Manager: “[My Name], I need you to call out the time as soon as it hits 5:30.”

    Me: “Okay, it’s 5:30.”

    (Manager shuts the door and comes over to me.)

    Manager: “You are my witness that the door was closed right on 5:30.”

    Me:  ”Yes, according to the company computer, but why? You don’t normally do this.”

    Manager: “I got an official write-up for closing early after a customer complained to head office. Apparently I closed the door 30 seconds too early.”

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