November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Has No Patience To Be A Patient

| Australia | Crazy Requests, Health & Body

(It is a very slow day so the doctor is hanging out at the reception desk. The receptionist is new. There is a phone call.)

Caller: “Does your clinic prescribe [common drug of addiction]?”

Receptionist: “Hang on; I’ll check.” *to Doctor* “Do we prescribe [common drug of addiction]?”

Doctor: “Not to new patients.”

Receptionist: *to Caller*  “Not to new patients.”

Caller: “Oh, okay. I’m having no luck today!” *click*

No Longer Deaf To Reason

| Baraboo, WI, USA | At The Checkout, Health & Body

Customer: “Are you deaf or something? I was trying to talk to you and you ignored me like an idiot!”

Me: “Yes, sir. Sorry, I was blown up by a landmine in Afghanistan and it destroyed most of my hearing in that side.”

(All the while I put on the most offended and hurt face I could muster. The customer’s face was quite possibly the best “I need to rethink my life” face ever.)

Don’t Ask Where The Chicken Came From

| SC, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names

(I work at a new Chinese restaurant in a small town; a customer is looking over a menu.)

Customer: “What’s human chicken?”

(Cue laughter:)

Customer: “Oh! Hunan chicken! I mean Hunan chicken!”

No License To Be An A**-Hole

| NY, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Liars & Scammers

(Our store has a scanner that we use to scan both products and IDs. Without scanning an ID, we literally cannot ring up age-restricted products like tobacco, lottery, alcohol, and even lighters. There is absolutely no way to bypass the system and hand type in the birthday, and the system has been in for nearly a year. I’ve worked here for about five months.)

Older Man: “…and give me a pack of [Brand] cigarettes.”

Me: “Okay, sir, may I just scan your license?”

Older Man: “What, I don’t look old enough?”

Me: “That is not the case, sir. Unfortunately, unless I physically scan the barcode on the back of your license, I cannot ring up cigarettes.”

Older Man: “That’s b*******. I’ve come here every other day and they’ve just typed in my birthday.”

Me: “…No, you have not.”

Older Man: “Excuse me, you stupid little girl?!”

(I am a transgender male, so this hit a real hard spot. I know I won’t get in trouble if I explain myself to my manager in the morning, so I go off.)

Me: “Do NOT lie to me, sir. I have worked here for almost five months and this system was in long before I started working here. I have not ONCE seen you, despite working all three shifts on multiple occasions. You have been incredibly rude this entire transaction, and you have outwardly misgendered me and I will NOT tolerate dealing with someone as horrible as you. You need to leave.”

Older Man: “This is all kinds of f***ed up. I hope you f***ing lose your job, you dumb, stupid b****.”

Me: “If you do not leave this instant I will call the police for harassment. We have your license plate and you swearing on tape.” *I point up to the camera above my head*

Older Man: “…but they ALWAYS just type in my birthday!”

(He left, but not without spitting on the door first!)

That Tipped Her Over The Edge

North Vancouver, BC, Canada | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Money

(I’m at a popular Canadian coffee shop waiting in line. This coffee shop does not usually have tip jars available but today there is one at each counter. The older lady waiting in front of me strikes up a conversation.)

Customer: “Look at that! They’ve put tip jars out!”

Me: “Oh, yeah. I guess those aren’t usually there.”

Customer: “I’ve been to…” *lists every franchise in the area* “…and they all have tip jars now, too. The management changed and they are allowing them to put out tip jars!”

Me: “Well, every other coffee shop has tip jars.”

(Before she can reply the lady is called up to the cashier.)

Cashier: “What can I get for you, ma’am?”

Customer: “I’ll have a medium double-double and just so you know I am never coming here ever again!”

Cashier: *obviously taken aback* “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. May I ask why?”

Customer: “You put out tip jars!”

(The customer begins to berate the poor cashier about a decision that clearly wasn’t hers. After about a minute I’ve had enough. I grab a few dollars out of my bag and go up the counter, reach around the crabby customer and throw it in the tip jar.)

Me: “This is for having to deal with her.”

(They finished up their transaction and the woman waited for her order while staring daggers at me. I went up to make my order and the cashier thanked me for standing up for her. I went in there about a week later and lo-and-behold, who did I see? The same cranky old bat! Looked like the tip jars weren’t so offensive after all. Hopefully she was treating the lovely staff there more respectfully… Maybe even throwing in a tip or two – though I doubt it.)