(I work in a big box retailer in the toy department. A customer approaches me when I’m stocking in the Barbie aisle to ask a question.)

Customer: “Excuse me?”

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “I’m looking for a specific Barbie and I was wondering if you had it in.”

Me: “Okay, which one?”

Customer: “Do you have Fascist Barbie?”

Me: “Fascist Barbie?”

Customer: “Yeah, it’s Fascist Barbie.”

Me: *confused* “Uh, no, we don’t have a Fascist Barbie doll.”

Customer: “Really? I can’t find that anywhere! I don’t really know the name of it. It’s like fascist. Fashion-something Barbie.”

Me: “Oh, Fashionista Barbie?”

Customer: *suddenly happy* “Yes! That’s it!”

Me: “Yeah, we have those. They’re right over here.”

(A customer is filling out a handgun license application.)

Customer: “It asks here if I have a misdemeanor for domestic violence.”

Me: “Yes, that is what it is asking you.”

Customer: “You can’t buy a gun if you have a domestic violence charge?”

Me: “Of course not. You can’t even legally be in this store.”

Customer: “What do you mean, ‘Of course not’? You f****** b****!”

Me: “Have a good one.”

Customer: *grabs paperwork, tears it up, and tosses it at me*

Customer: “Don’t get upset, okay?”

Me: *confused* “…okay?”

Customer: “Just, please don’t be mad at me.”

Me: “Um, all right.”

Customer: “I like your hair.”

Me: “Thanks.”

Customer: “It’s a compliment.”

Me: “I know. Thanks.”

Customer: “So, don’t get mad.”

Me: “Okay…”

(A customer calls and needs a password reset. I reset it and the password has upper and lower case letters and a number in it.)

Me: “Okay, I have a new password for you.”

(I spell out the password for the customer to write down.)

Customer: “Thanks. Is the 4 capital, too?”

Related:
As Easy As !-@-#

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to return this item, I can’t give it as a gift .”

(He hands me a copy of Pygmalion.)

Me: “That shouldn’t be a problem. Is there anything wrong with it?”

Customer: “Turns out it’s a play. They wont be able to read it.”

Me: “Oh, they don’t like plays?”

Customer: “No, they can’t read it because there aren’t enough people to read the parts!”

Me: “Might I suggest that they just read it like a regular book?”

Customer: *looks at me like I’m crazy*

(I work in a small gift shop that has two doors, one in front and one in back. The front door latches to the outside wall to keep it from swinging shut. One day, a little old lady comes to the back door.)

Customer: “Excuse me, but your front door is locked.”

Me: “Are you sure? I’m looking at it now. It’s open.”

Customer: “Well, I just tried it and I couldn’t get it open.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but it’s open already.”

Customer: “But I couldn’t open it!”

(At this point, it dawns on me that she has been trying to open the door while it was latched to the wall, while ignoring the obviously open doorway to her immediate left.)

Me: “I’m sorry. I’ll look into it…”

(I work at a cashier at a local fast food place. A young woman approaches me.)

Me: “Hello and welcome to [restaurant]. Can I take your order?”

Customer: “I’d like a medium Diet Coke.”

(I get the Diet Coke and give it to her. She pays and leaves. Five minutes later, she returns looking rather angry.)

Me: “Hello, did you enjoy your Diet Coke?”

Customer: “NO! This isn’t Diet Coke! I can taste the Coke in it!”

Me: “Uh…let me get you a new one, then…”