Practically Screaming Your Age

, | Yorktown, VA, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(I work at a drive-in where you park you car and order food from a speaker, then we bring it to you. Sometimes customers let their kids make the order for them.)

Me: “Welcome to [Restaurant]. What can I get for you?

(The drive-in is very new, and our headsets have pristine hearing.)

Mother: *whispering* “Tell them, ‘one chocolate milkshake.'”

Child: *screaming* “ONE CHOCOLATE MILKSHAKE!”

(I nearly fall over as I jerk the headset off my ears. I can still hear talking through them.)

Mother: *whispering* “One vanilla milkshake.”

Child: *screaming* “ONE VANILLA MILKSHAKE!”

Mother: *whispering* “And two strawberry milkshakes.”

Child: *screaming* TWO STRAWBERRY MILKSHAKES!”

(I gingerly put the headphones back on.)

Me: “Okay, that will be [price]. Will it be cash or card?”

Child: *screaming* “I DON’T KNOW! I’M SIX!”

Needs To Re-edit Their Workload

| Sacramento, CA, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

(I have a regular customer who comes in and asks me to help him type up real estate documents, as he is an elderly real estate agent who lacks a secretary, and his typing skills are nil. Usually, his work takes quite a while and he is always willing to let me help other customers with basic orders in between working on his documents.)

Me: “All right, sir. Here’s a printed copy of the documents we just edited. If you would just review those and let me know if we need to change anything? I’m going to step aside so [Coworker] can help her customer really quick, then I’ll finish your order.”

Customer: *mumbles assent and takes stack of papers*

(I wait off to one side while my customer reads his paperwork. When he’s finished, my coworker is just about to wrap up with HER customer, when my customer speaks up.)

Customer: “HEY! When did I get pushed to the side?! We’re working on my order!”

Me: “Err… [Coworker] was just finishing up some quick prints for her customer, but we can get back to working on yours, I suppose!”

(I sit, bring up the rest of the customer’s documents and ask him for his notes. My coworker apologizes to her customer and the two of them wait off to one side.)

Me: *pulling up the next set of notes* “So, what did we need to do with this set?”

Customer: “Why don’t you help that girl!? If she’s just going to print a few things, you might as well get them out of the way, because my stuff’s going to take longer! Besides, you young people are always so impatient and I don’t want you hovering over me while I work!”

(My coworker and I exchanged glances, and then traded places once again so she could finish helping her customer as was originally planned.)

I Hail From Unenthusia

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Awesome Workers, Language & Words

(I witness the end of this conversation between a customer and my coworker. The customer sometimes comes in drinking alcohol, and my coworker is usually very sweet and polite.)

Customer: “What’s your accent?”

Coworker: “Sorry?”

Customer: “Where’s your accent from?”

Coworker: “…I’m from here. Australian.”

Customer: “Oh… You sound more American or something…”

(The customer finishes his transaction and leaves.)

Coworker: “More like my accent was unenthusiasm…”

A Total Brazil Nut

| France | Food & Drink, Geography, Language & Words

(Every year I work at a local fair as a waitress, at a travelling Brazilian restaurant. I am not a native, but my Portuguese is perfect. A Brazilian woman, accompanied by a French friend, sits at one of my tables and interrupts other customers while I finish taking their orders.)

Customer: *in Portuguese* “YOU! Come serve me right now! I’m starving. I am Brazilian, you know! Brazilians eat a lot. We are not like these skinny French people who don’t eat a thing. These French people can wait. I can’t!”

(After explaining her the different formulas she can choose from, she goes for all you can eat beef.)

Me: “I will only serve the side dishes, and the meat slicers will cut prime beef into a plate whenever you want it.”

Customer: “My friend doesn’t want to eat; just a cocktail, because she is French, and these people don’t eat like Brazilians.”

(Her friend confirms it to me in French. When her plate and the friend’s cocktail are ready I start serving her the side dishes.)

Customer: *yelling* “What is this? Are you putting me on a diet? This is NOT what I had ordered! I wanted all you can eat beef and you are not serving me meat! This is outrageous! If this were Brazil, you’d be fired straight away!”

Me: “I am sorry; maybe I haven’t explained myself very clearly. I am just serving the side dishes, and the gentlemen other there will come straight to your table and cut beef right into your plate.”

Customer: “I have another HUGE problem. Look at my friend; she’s got nothing to eat. This is so rude of you; you have only served her a drink. She may be one of those skinny French, but she has the right to eat you know! This is clearly not Brazil! What part of Brazil are you from to be such a bad waitress?”

Me: “I am sorry; I’ll bring food to your friend right away. And I am not actually Brazilian. I am a local.”

Customer: “Why would they dare employ a non-Brazilian? This is outrageous! French people are just NOT qualified to work here.”

Me: “Well, you hadn’t noticed my accent until now, so it means my Portuguese is good enough to work here. Besides, I’ve lived in Brazil, I am married to a Brazilian, and I am also a certified samba instructor, so it is not as if I didn’t know anything about your culture.”

Customer: “I can’t believe this! This is a scandal! You are not Brazilian! You are such a bad waitress! Call the boss; I’ll make sure you’ll get fired because you are not Brazilian! You can’t possibly know how to serve us. You are a disgrace to my country!”

(I refused to continue serving her. When she finished eating, she made a scandal at the checkout. While leaving, she met the restaurant’s boss, and told him that the service had been horrible, that I had been rude to her, and that French people shouldn’t work at such a place. She also complained about the ‘fat b****’ she had to deal with at the checkout. The boss replied that no one had ever complained about the quality of my service, and that the ‘fat’ woman at the checkout was his pregnant wife. He told her to never dare come back again, and insulted her in front of a bunch of laughing Brazilians.)

I’m Not La La Laughing

| San Antonio, TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre

(I’m listening in on a call my husband/coworker is taking.)

Husband: “Ma’am, I apologize, your assumption was not correct. The service is not transferable and must be used by the end of next month. This information is stated on our website and on the receipt we sent you at the time of purchase.”

Caller: “La la la la la la la la!”

Husband: “Ma’am, I can continue to assist you but we need to have this conversation like grown-ups. If you insist on acting like a child, I will have to put you in time out by hanging up”

Caller: “Well, f*** you!” *click*

Me: “Aren’t you glad you married me instead of someone like that?”

Husband: “If you acted like that, we wouldn’t have even started dating.”

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