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    It’s No Use Lying Over Spilt Milk

    | ON, Canada | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I work at a big name coffee chain. This conversation is taking place over headsets; I’m in the back unpacking stock.)

    Coworker: “Is it possible to be allergic to milk fat?”

    Me: “I don’t know, maybe? Some pretty weird allergies run in my family.”

    Coworker: “This customer just asked for a drink made nonfat because she’s allergic to milk fat.”

    Me: “Well, if she says there’s an allergy, assume she’s telling the truth.”

    Coworker: “And she wants whipped cream on it.”

    Me: “…”

    The Request Is Not Relative To The Situation

    | UK | Crazy Requests, Technology

    (I work in the admissions office.)

    Caller: “Can you email me to confirm that I’ve paid the deposit?”

    Me: “No problem. I’ll do it as soon as I get off the phone.”

    Caller: “It’s very urgent…”

    Me: “Okay, just give me a second… Right, I just wrote you an email and I’m sending it now.”

    Caller: “Can I get it sooner? I don’t have much time.”

    Me: “Sooner than now?”

    Caller: “Yes, please.”

    Giving You A Cold Reception

    | OH, USA | Crazy Requests, Tourists/Travel

    (I’m working in a 19th century mansion that has been turned into a museum. It’s late autumn and the house already gets very cold inside. I’m ringing up a couple for a tour.)

    Customer: “Aren’t they ever opening this house for Christmas again?”

    Me: “Well, it’s very difficult to hea—”

    Customer: “Yes, they said something about it being hard to heat. I wouldn’t think you’d need much heat just for a tour!”

    Me: “Oh, you might feel differently in December. But I also think the guides might revolt over being kept in a 50-degree house all day.”

    Customer: “You’re all just lazy!” *walks away*

    It Has A Few Bugs In It

    | MA, USA | Health & Body, Pets & Animals, Technology

    (A customer comes in with a weather station, where there’s a small transmitter that goes outside to give you the outside temperature, and a bigger receiver that goes inside to show you the indoor temperature and what the transmitter is saying the outdoor temperature is. The transmitter isn’t working properly and is saying “LL” instead of a temperature. When a customer comes in with anything they claim doesn’t work, we have to troubleshoot.)

    Me: “All right. The transmitter runs on batteries, so I’m gonna swap them out and see if that’s the problem.”

    Customer: “Oh, those are brand new. I don’t see why that would be a problem.”

    Me: “Well, sometimes it just happens, so let’s look.”

    (I open the transmitter and take out the batteries, when something small and white falls out.)

    Customer: “What’s that?”

    Me: “…sir, I think those are maggots.”

    Customer: “Well, how did those get in there?”

    Me: “Bugs tend to go wherever its warm, and the transmitter must have been giving off heat.”

    (The customer then proceeds to bang the transmitter on the counter, trying to get out all the maggots. Now the counter covered in maggots and I’m starting to feel sick.)

    Me: “All right, sir, maybe I should take one more look at it.”

    (I took the transmitter back from the customer and went to look in the battery pack, when I saw spiders start to crawl out towards me. I dropped the transmitter on the counter and ran into the back to have a panic attack alone. I came back out and the customer is still there, talking to my coworker, and wanting to get the device replaced. We told him no. Lucky for us, he left his maggot and spider infested product with us.)

    She Likes Piña Coladas, And Getting Sugar To The Brain

    | Bar | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I recently started bartending and learning to mix cocktails. One night a customer was unhappy with her piña colada.)

    Customer: “This tastes horrible!”

    Me: “I’m very sorry about that. Would it be okay if I tried the drink, to figure out what I messed up?”

    (I try the drink and it tastes normal.)

    Me: “Sorry, but I can’t taste the problem. I could try and make you another one, but it’ll probably taste the same. Maybe another cocktail?”

    Customer: “No, I want a piña colada. What have you been putting into this?”

    Me: “The usual. Ice, coconut syrup, cream, white rum, pineapple juice—”

    Customer: “Why in the world would you put white rum in that?”

    Me: “Because that’s the recipe? At least the one we are using here.”

    Customer: “No, there’s no white rum in a piña colada. There’s piña colada in piña colada!”

    (At that point I realise she’s probably used to store-bought pre-mixed drinks. I tell her that my boss will sort it out, and after talking to him, we make a drink with half the alcohol and double the syrup. Apparently that hit the spot.)

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