Featured Story:
  • Always Time For A Rhyme
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  • Other Customers Might Need Hazard Pay

    | Newry, Northern Ireland, UK | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

    (I’m looking for a cheap pair of runners for bike riding in a well known, high street supermarket. I’m wearing a hoodie that looks similar to the fleece jackets worn by staff. A man, large and burly, comes up to me.)

    Man: “Hey, you! How much are these jeans?”

    (I realise he thinks I work here.)

    Me: “Sorry, friend, I don’t work here. Wouldn’t know.”

    (I expect that to be the end of it.)

    Man: “That’s not what I f***** asked, pal.”

    (I left quite quickly.)

    Gallons Of Stupidity

    | CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I work at a well known grocery store, mainly working to direct searching customers to their desired products. I am walking down the dairy aisle. I spot two teenagers waiting for a time. The first customer is holding cartons of milk in his hands, and the second customer is holding out a smart phone.)

    Me: “Do you two need any help right now?”

    Customer #1: “Actually… um, yeah…”

    (Customer #1 suddenly nods to Customer #2, who raises his smartphone. I can hear the sound from his that signals the record button being pressed. At this point, I’m starting to catch on that this is a gallon smashing prank.)

    Customer #1: “Woah, woah, woah!”

    (He badly acts that he’s accidentally falling, and tosses the containers of milk into the sky, and he falls flat on his back. The cartons hit the floor, but don’t shatter or release milk.)

    Customer #2: “Crap!”

    Customer #1: “We need to redo that!”

    (I’m just standing in amazement about how bad these two are at pranking someone.)

    Me: “Sir, if you keep intentionally keep damaging our products, I’ll have to ask you to leave.”

    Customer #1: “It was an accident! I just slipped!”

    Me: “What about your friend over there recording?”

    Customer #2: “I’m just… taking a selfie!”

    (I start rolling my eyes, and go to pick up the cartons of milk. Out of nowhere, Customer #1 grabs the cartons of milk off the floor and tosses them up again. Again, nothing happens as they hit the floor.)

    Customer #2: “S***! We need another take!”

    Customer #1: “C’mon, just let us have one more try?”

    Me: “No. Get out of this store now, or I’ll call security for multiple attempts of destruction of property.”

    (The two teenagers quickly scurry out of the store, Customer #1 even tripping once during the way out.)

    Coworker: “Did those two try to do a gallon prank with cartons?”

    Me: “The world may never know.”

    A Slight Blip On The Double-Dip

    , | Baltimore ,MD, USA | Home Improvement, Liars & Scammers

    (A customer comes into the store and orders a large amount of building supplies to build a shed. She is helped and checked out by me. Her brother comes for the items a few hours later, and I load them up. She calls back the next day.)

    Customer: “Hello. I’m coming to pick up my order today, and just want to make sure it’s ready.”

    Me: “Not a problem, ma’am. What is the name and phone number attached to the order? ”

    Customer: “It’s [Name] and [phone number].”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, it appears your order was already picked up by your brother.”

    Customer: “What? My brother? I don’t have a brother. Someone stole my merchandise!”

    (When she placed her order with me, she told me her brother’s name and that he would be picking it up. This was listed on her order at the time of purchase by me.)

    Me: “Hmm. No brother?”

    Customer: “Let me speak to your manager! I’m an only child!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I’m not going to do that for you.”

    Customer: “What…?”

    Me: “See, when I first answered the phone I stated my name. When running this double dip scam in the future, please note the name of the person you’re dealing with. I not only helped you with the purchase and rang you up. I also loaded your brother’s truck with the merchandise. [Brother’s Name]. I also checked his id, first and last name. I hope this is all clear as I would hate to repeat myself and waste any more of my time.”

    Customer: “I… what is your name?!”

    Me: “We here at [Store] thank you for your business and your continued support. Please do not hesitate to shop again with us. And can you do me a favor?”

    Customer: “…what?”

    Me: “Have a lovely day.”

    (Her brother returned the next day to return the merchandise. He was denied.)

    Always Time For A Rhyme

    | UK | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Language & Words

    (Our county council has online web-forms for people to get in touch.)

    Customer Email:

    “The winds outside blew and blew
    and my bin lid verily flew
    in a lickety split
    I emailed you quick
    to request a brand new one from you”

    (Since the customer did not tell us whether it was her recycling or refuse bin that broke in the weather I have to contact her back. It is the first time I have EVER received a request in limerick form, so I decide to phone the lady. Unfortunately, it goes to voicemail.)

    Me: *to the voicemail*

    “The council received your request
    but you leave us a little perplexed
    Amidst rhyming hype
    forgot ye the type
    of the bin-lid you meant to suggest”

    Fired Before You’re Hired

    | WI, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

    (I’m at a very large store with my mother. While she is getting some groceries, I wander to the electronics area. I hadn’t realized that I was wearing a shirt similar colored to the ones the employees wear, and a keychain around my neck. I heard a customer asking someone for help for some while, but I obviously had nothing to do with it.)

    Customer: *angrily storms up to right beside me* “EXCUSE ME!

    Me: “Sorry?”

    Customer: *visibly irritated and switching a baby from hip to hip* “I’ve been trying to get your help for the past two minutes! I need you to open up the games’ case!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t help you. I actua—”

    Customer: *begins yelling* “WHO THE F*** DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?! ARE ALL OF THE PEOPLE AT [STORE] REALLY THAT F****** STUPID AND LAZY?!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I don’t w—”

    Customer: “I want to see your manager! He NEEDS to know that you’re just lazying about, refusing to help those who PAY your bills!”

    Me: “See, that’s impossible because I actually work at—”

    (The customer angrily storms off and I just sort of shrug it off. I continue browsing and start to make my way over to back by my mom a few minutes later when the enraged customer and an obvious employee come over.)

    Customer: “Yeah! This is the f****** lazy dumb-a** who was refusing to help me!”

    Employee: *annoyed* “Where’s your name tag? What’s your name?”

    Me: *fed up* “I don’t work here!”

    Customer: “Yeah, not anymore you lazy b****! You’re too stupid to even work at [Store]!”

    Employee: “Which department are you because I want to speak with the department manager about their negligence in supervision!”

    (At this time, my mom came around because I’d been taking so long, and she gets pulled into the argument. It took fifteen minutes and the electronics department manager before they told me to ‘just not come in for the next shift.’ I got fired from a job I never had.)

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