October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Does Not Compute

| The Netherlands | Extra Stupid, Technology

(An old couple walks up to me:)

Couple: “Hello, where can we find modems?”

Me: “Modems? We don’t sell those; you need to get one from an ISP.”

Couple: “Yes, you do. We bought one over ten years ago in a store like this.”

Me: “Well, yes, we may have sold them back then, but you can’t just buy modems these days.”

Couple: “Yes, you can. My neighbours just bought a new one here last week!”

Me: *thinking they’re looking for a new router* “What would you like to use it for?”

Couple: “For going on the Internet! What do you think we mean?”

Me: “Well, we have many routers here, like this one with 802.11ac and this one—”

Couple: “—How the h*** are those things so small? Where do you need to plug your keyboard in? Where does your screen go? How does that work, sonny boy? Tell me, HOW DOES THAT WORK?!”

Me: “Oh. I think you’re looking for a desktop. One of those big boxy COMPUTERS?”

Couple: “Yes, yes, that!”

(In the end, they bought a laptop – “All that stuff in such a small box? Wow!”)

He Needs To Be Taken Outside And Quartered

| NH, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Money

(It’s Black Friday and the line has never shortened or ended since we opened.)

Customer: “Hey, I was wondering if you guys sell World of Warcraft subscriptions?”

Me: “Yes, we do. The cards are over there on that carousel. They only come in a two-month pack, though, so it’ll be $29.99. Is that all right?”

Customer: “Oh, yeah, that’s perfect. It means I can get rid of these!”

(At this he takes out a GIGANTIC zip-lock bag of quarters and plops it on the counter in front of me. I stare at it in disbelief for a second and look helplessly at my supervisor… but he’s staring helplessly, too. In fact, the rest of my coworkers and most of the Black Friday line are staring.)

Coworker: “You don’t happen to have an alternate form of payment, do you?”

Customer: *cheerfully and blissfully unaware of the several withering glares being sent his way* “Nope!”

(I had no choice but to count out $30 in quarters in the middle of Black Friday. Ten minutes later, after he gets his subscription, picks up his giant zip-lock bag, and leaves, the next customer comes up with an aghast look on his face.)

Next Customer: “It’s Black Friday, for f***s sake! Who DOES that?!”

Hold That Note

| Norway | Musical Mayhem

(The computers at work are very slow, and while on the phone with a customer, this happens:)

Caller: *asking for information about her dog*

Me: “I can look it up for you on the computer, but it will take a little while, because our system is a bit slow.”

Me: *humming on a song while typing*

Caller: “Wow, you make your own hold music.”

Hit The Nail On The Head

| VA, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

(A couple of months ago, the replacement crown on my front tooth fell off as I was habitually biting on one of my fingernails. I set up an appointment for the next day to get it replaced.)

Assistant: “So, what were you doing when it fell out?”

Me: “Well, I was biting my nail…”

(I look over and see a look of horror on the woman’s face. I’m very aware that a lot of people find this habit disgusting, and she was elderly, so I just assumed it was a combination of the two.)

Me: “I know. I know. It’s a bad habit…”

Assistant: “Why would you do that?!”

Me: “…I’m sorry? It’s just biting my nails.”

(I lift up my thumb to my mouth and making a biting motion, and she sighs in relief.)

Assistant: “You mean your FINGER nails! Oh, thank goodness.”

Me: “What did you think I meant?”

Assistant: “NAILS. Like you hit with a hammer.”

Me: “WHAT?! Why would anyone just be biting on nails?”

Assistant: “We get a lot of people…”

Having A Brain Freeze

| AB, Canada | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(We are an ice cream shop but we have a selection of frozen yogurt and lactose-free ice cream as well.)

Customer: “What’s the difference between ice cream and frozen yogurt?”

Me: “Well, ice cream uses a heavy cream base while frozen yogurt uses a yogurt base.”

Customer: “So the frozen yogurt is actually yogurt?”

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