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    Making False Bald Statements

    | KS, USA | Pets & Animals, School

    (I am currently working in the birds of prey section when a group of students and a few chaperones walk in.)

    Chaperone #1: *points at golden eagle* “Look kids! It’s the state bird of America.”

    Me: “Ma’am, that’s actually a golden eagle. The bald eagle is the national bird.”

    Chaperone #1: “I went to school for four years. I think I know what the state bird of America is!”

    Me: “I’m not questioning your intelligence, ma’am, but America does not have a ‘state bird.’ It’s national symbol is, in fact, the bald eagle. If you look at the sign in front of the exhibit you will see that this is a golden eagle.”

    Chaperone #1: “That’s a f****** bald eagle! I’m a history teacher! I know my s***!”

    Chaperone #2: “Michelle, you are not a teacher! You are merely a chaperone. If you continue to act like this you will never be a chaperone again.”

    Chaperone #1: *dumbfounded*

    Student: “You tell her, Mrs. [Chaperone #2]!”

    Losing The Niceties Of Self-Importance

    | USA | Bizarre

    (My job is to sit at the front desk, a kind of helpful concierge, transferring calls, accepting packages. I am there to let people know that the company cares about their problems, and that there’s a human manning the lobby for security.)

    Me: “Hello, welcome back.”

    Young Man: *flings up his arm* “Don’t talk to me! I’m important!”

    Me: “Not a problem, sir. I won’t do that again.”

    Balking At Your Talking

    | USA | Crazy Requests, Hotels & Lodging

    (It is morning, and all the guests are eating breakfast. Since no one is asking for service, I relax and chat with my coworker. A man and woman come up, with annoyed expressions.)

    Man: “Hey, you!”

    Me: “Yes? Can I help you with something?”

    Man: “Yes! You can help by not talking to your friend!”

    Me: “You mean, my coworker?”

    Woman: “Yes! Her! You’re supposed to work here, not chit chatting! I’ll be telling your manager about you slacking off!”

    Man: “What kind of service is this, where the workers just chatter on?”

    Me: “Well, I was just talking with my coworker here since there was no one in line or at the counter.”

    Man: “No, I don’t want you to do that! It’s very rude!”

    Me: “So…  you don’t want me to talk to my coworker?”

    Woman: “Yes, exactly! You are here to serve us! Nothing else! You hear me?”

    (They storm off, very incensed.)

    Manager: “What was that all about?”

    (They did complain, and their complaints were laughed off.)

    Rated ‘T’ For Tobacco

    | Long Island, NY, USA | Bizarre

    (I work in a video game store, the entirety of which is, as expected, covered in video games. We’re relatively empty one night, and a gentleman comes in and gives the whole store a visual once-over. After seemingly not finding what he’s looking for, he comes to the counter.)

    Me: “Hi, there. Is there anything I can help you find?”

    Customer: “Yeah, hi. Do you sell cigarettes here?”

    Me: *slightly taken aback* “Uh, no, sir. I’m sorry. We’re a video game store.”

    Customer: “Oh, d***. Thanks.”

    (My manager and I have a small chuckle to ourselves, and nearly forget the man, until he pokes his head back in through our front door roughly ten minutes later.)

    Customer: *barely taking a step in the store* “You don’t sell cigarettes here, do you?”

    Manager: “Uh, no, sir. Haven’t gotten any cigarettes in. Sorry.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. Thanks.”

    Laptop Flop, Part 7

    | Sacramento, CA USA | Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Technology

    (Because we are an office supply store, many identity thieves and money launderers try to buy laptops from us because they assume we’ll be less vigilant than some other, more popular electronics stores. On this day, a customer we’ve seen many times before, who always uses questionable payment methods – like cards with important info scratched off, expiration dates that don’t match, etc. – comes in. Somehow he thinks we won’t recognize him, despite the fact that he comes in every two weeks. As always, he heads straight for the cooler, to buy an orange soda – which is the same thing he’s always done every time he’s come in. According to policy, we can’t refuse a customer service even if we know he’s been trying to scam us.)

    Coworker: “Oh, hey, [Customer]! Good to see you again!”

    Customer: “Hey! I— what? I’ve never been in here before!”

    Me: “You really like that orange soda, don’t you? You get one every time you’re here! I have to admit, it IS pretty good.”

    (The customer grabs a bag of chips, too, you know, because that will throw us off!)

    Me: “What brings you in today?”

    Customer: “I wanna buy a laptop. Just give me the cheapest laptop you have.”

    (Honest customers browse the selection, ask questions about features, and pick a laptop that will work for the tasks they have planned for it. Not this guy! But I decide I’m not going to play the game of pulling a laptop from lockup, dealing with this guy’s fraudulent card, or watch him try to make a grab for the items we’re keeping behind the counter.)

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. We’re out of that one. It’s on sale this week, so it’s pretty popular.”

    Customer: “Well, then how about the next cheapest one?”

    Me: “Let me check.”

    (I wander around the store for a minute, and then come back up.)

    Me: “Well, we had one of those, but it got returned because it’s damaged. I can’t sell it.”

    Customer: “Well… how about [Brand]? Just give me any laptop you have! I don’t care what it is. Just give me one. It’s for my little brother for school.”

    Me: “Yeah, you know? All these models are being cleared out for next year’s models. It doesn’t look like we have ANY in stock! But, hey! I’m pretty sure by the time you come back next week, we’ll have some. Did you want to leave us your name and phone so we can call you when we have more in stock?”

    Customer: “Err, no. I’ll go somewhere else.”

    (He tried to play it cool and leave the store, but we saw he had someone idling in the parking lot right outside the door. We were able to get a license plate number, make, and model, to report to the police. We bet he was going to try to make a grab for the laptop and run with it. But once he realized we all knew his face, he stopped coming in. Thank goodness!)

    Laptop Flop, Part 6
    Laptop Flop, Part 5
    Laptop Flop, Part 4

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