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    Reiterate The Eight

    | Oslo, Norway | Crazy Requests, Time

    (I work part-time at a dry cleaning place that closes at 8 pm on weekdays. I always close at exactly 8 pm, and finish up as fast as I can to catch the bus home. This particular night, I am running a few minutes late, and don’t get to start closing the register until 8:05. A customer comes with her arms full of clothing at 8:10.)

    Customer: “Hi! I want to hand in some clothes for cleaning!”

    Me: “I’m so sorry, but I’m already closed. I can’t take in any more clothes today. You’re going to have to come by tomorrow.”

    Customer: *seeming perfectly calm* “Oh… that’s all right! I’ll do that then!”

    (The next day, the customer comes back. This time, the manager, who works the daytime shift, is still there.)

    Me: “Hi! How may I help you?”

    Customer: *very angrily, to the manager* “I came here last night, and this girl told me I was too late and that I couldn’t hand in my clothes!”

    Manager: “Oh? [My Name], did you close early last night?”

    Me: “No. Actually, I closed later than I usually do.”

    Customer: “Well, I was only here three minutes past eight! I don’t understand why you couldn’t take in my clothes!”

    Me: “Actually, you were here ten minutes past eight. I was looking at the giant clock that’s hanging right behind you. But I’d be happy to register your clothes in now.”

    (I finish the transaction, with the customer still looking generally unhappy.)

    Manager: *to the customer as she’s leaving* “And by the way! We close at exactly eight. Three minutes past is still after closing time!”

    Customer: “Well, that is just horrible customer service!”

    Manager: *to me, after the customer has left* “How is it bad customer service? Technically, that’s no customer service.”

    Remain As Cold As Ice

    , | GA, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m a manager in a well-known fast food restaurant.)

    Customer: “You a**holes are trying to kill me!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, what’s the problem?”

    Customer: “You stupid mother-f***ers are trying to kill me!”

    Me: “I assure you we’re not trying to kill you. Could you please tell me what’s wrong?”

    Customer: “I ordered a [Soda] with no f****** ice, and you stupid mother-f***ers filled the cup with ice! I am deathly allergic to ice!”

    Me: “I’m really sorry about that, ma’am. Let me fix that for you.”

    Customer: “You’d better fix it. And I want my f****** money back, you stupid mother-f***er. I’m going to call the district office and have you all fired.”

    Me: “Sure. I need to get that number from my office, as well as a refund slip for you to sign.”

    (She continues to call me assorted names as I walk away.)

    Me: “Sorry about the wait. Just print your name and sign. You can include a contact number if you’d like the district manager to call you.”

    Customer: “I’m calling the f***ing office first thing tomorrow morning.”

    Me: “I apologize again. Here’s your money, and here’s your [Soda], no ice, to which you are deathly allergic. I’m really sorry for the inconvenience. Have a good night.”

    (She leaves the store still cussing up a storm.)

    Next Customer: “That was amazing. Your facial expression didn’t change a bit the whole time.”

    Me: “That’s because a decade of working customer service has left me dead inside. Now I’m going outside for a cigarette to try to finish off the rest of me.”

    (The next morning I got a phone call from the district manager about how I was rude and unsympathetic to her serious medical issue, which she conveniently didn’t explain to him. I faxed him the refund slip with the reason for refund: Customer is deathly allergic to the solid form of water. He ended up praising me for not physically assaulting her.)

    Can’t Stretch To Accommodate This Call

    | Southaven, MS, USA | Bad Behavior, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

    Customer: “Hi, I needed to ask you some questions about condoms.”

    Me: “Okay, go ahead.”

    Customer: “Well, you see I have a problem. All the condoms seem to be too small and are very tight.”

    Me: “Okay, well they do make larger condoms such as Trojan Magnums.”

    Customer: “Well, I’ve tried those and even those are too small for me.”

    Me: “Well, I’ve never really heard of that, since condoms are designed to be very stretchy.”

    Customer: “I’ve just tried all sorts of condoms. What I really need is for you to help me try on the condom.”

    Me: *click*

    Pranks For Breakfast

    , | Wheat Ridge, CO, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m 16, working in McDonald’s over the summer, and for this particular shift I’m taking orders in the drive-thru. It’s about three in the afternoon.)

    Me: “Welcome to McDonald’s. What can I get for you?”

    Customer: “I’ll have an Egg McMuffin.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, that’s one of our breakfast items, and we stopped serving breakfast at 10:30.”

    Customer: “Okay, I’ll just have some hash browns.”

    Me: “Sadly, that’s another breakfast item.”

    Customer: “Hot cakes!”

    Me: “Breakfast item again, sir.”

    Customer: “Okay, I’ll have a Whopper with cheese.”

    Me: “I’d be happy to serve you one of those, but they’re sold at the Burger King a block down the road. We have Big Macs.”

    Customer: “I’ll just have a drink. Medium Frosty, please.”

    Me: “And for that, you’ll have to go to the Wendy’s across the street. We just have regular milkshakes.”

    Customer: “Medium Coke, then.”

    Me: “Lovely! That’ll be $1.08. Please pull around to the first window.”

    (I used the moment it took the car to pull around to take a deep breath before I turned to take the customer’s money, and saw him looking back at me with the biggest grin ever, laughing at himself.)

    Me: “Hi, Dad.”

    The Sign Of A Bad Week

    | Winnipeg, MB, Canada | Extra Stupid, Health & Body

    (Two of the three doctors in our clinic are going on vacation for a week in the middle of summer. We have signs up for a month informing people when they will be away and make sure we tell everyone who calls the dates they will be away for. During the time they are away, there is a huge sign on the door stating the walk-in is closed, as well as a huge sign on the desk that we purposely place directly in the way so people will see it. I am also off for the week while my coworker remains at the office to do paperwork. The next week I return:)

    Me: “So, how many people pushed the sign on the desk out of the way to ask you to get in to see the doctor?”

    Coworker: “I lost count after 12.”

    Me: “When did you hit 12?”

    Coworker: *sigh* “Tuesday.”

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