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  • My Roommate Is My Pet Hate
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    My Roommate Is My Pet Hate

    | Edmonton, AB, Canada | Pets & Animals

    (I’m 18 and at working at a convenience store which sells, amongst the usual odds and ends, pet food. I’m working the night shift, and it’s 4:30 am and really quiet, so I have my minor tasks finished. I’m just relaxing and doing some cleaning when I hear shouting outside. I see a man coming towards the door, screaming into his cell phone. He walks in mid-scream.)

    Customer: “—JUST GOT TO [CONVENIENCE STORE], YOU SELF ABSORBED A**-HOLE! I’M EXHAUSTED AND DEALING WITH THIS GARBAGE BECAUSE OF YOU!”

    (I stare as he walks by, when suddenly he stops and looks at my nametag. He starts speaking (slightly) quieter, and heads towards a back aisle.)

    Customer: “—and you know what else? Now there’s another night ruined. [My Name] is stuck working tonight at [Convenience Store]. He was looking forward to a quiet night where he could do some cleaning, some inventory, and take it easy. Instead, he has to stand behind the counter listening to a crazy man screaming into his phone because HIS ROOMMATE IS A STUPID, MOTHERF******, SELFISH, IDIOTIC, TOOL! IF YOU THINK I’M GOING TO PUT UP WITH YOUR STUPIDITY FOR ANOTHER—”

    (He pauses mid-sentence, then looks at his phone, then at me.)

    Customer: *in a completely calm voice* “His voicemail just cut out again.”

    Me: “What happened?”

    (The customer comes up and puts several cans of cat food on the counter. As I ring him up, he unlocks his phone and starts dialing while he talks.)

    Customer: “I work in a 24 hour call center. I just had the shift from hell, and got home to find my roommates cat howling and crying because it’s hungry and we have no cat food. My roommate knew, but he went out partying anyway and left me to deal with it.” *suddenly he holds the phone closer and begins screaming again* “SO I’M HERE AT 4:30 IN THE F****** MORNING MAKING YOUR DAY WORSE BECAUSE MY ROOMMATE IS AN A**! THE CAT IS HOWLING AND SCREAMING, AND I CAN’T SLEEP UNTIL IT’S FED, BUT G** F****** FORBID THAT ANYBODY INTERFERE WITH THE A**-HOLE’S LATEST HOOKUP!”

    (He continued to scream obscenities into his phone while paying me for the cat food, then apologizes to me again for his behavior and wishes me a calmer night before screaming again into his phone.)

    Customer: “YOU HEAR THAT? YOU NEED TO GET YOUR STUPID A** DOWN HERE AND APOLOGIZE TO [My Name] FOR MAKING HIS NIGHT THAT MUCH STUPIDER!”

    (He walks out screaming, and I burst out laughing. It became a running joke for several days after that, when I see the customer and another man at midnight looking at junk food. They’re talking normally, and when they reach the counter the customer’s eyes widen and he greets me happily, and then looks at his friend.)

    Customer: “Well?”

    Customer #2: “Well what?”

    Customer: “This is [My Name].”

    Customer #2: *looking confused* “Hi?”

    Me: “Hi.”

    Customer: “Are you going to apologize?”

    Customer #2: “For what?”

    Customer: *eyes narrowing* “You didn’t listen to my voicemails, did you?”

    Customers: Terrified Of Change

    | Cambridge, MA, USA | Crazy Requests

    (We’ve just spent the last two weeks completely renovating our retail space. The layout is entirely different, including knocking down some walls. Shortly after re-opening a customer comes up to the counter.)

    Customer: “Everything’s just moved around for the weekend, right? You’ll move it all back to the way it was tomorrow?”

    A Reversal Of Fortune

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Transportation

    (I’m on a Landscape Lighting service call with another one of our technicians. We’re going back to a recent install to add more lights along the driveway. Talking to the client, we get more info on what he’s looking for.)

    Client: “Yeah, I’d like more lights along the driveway so I can see to reverse my car at night.”

    Service Tech: “That’s not a problem. We can have them added and running in a couple hours.”

    Client: “Thanks, it’ll make a big difference. I like to think I’m better at reversing. I find it so much easier.”

    (We get to work and the client leaves while we’re working. Note, we’ve parked our van in his driveway. We finish up and are sitting in the van filling in the paperwork.)

    Me: “So, we put in four of the—”

    (There is a loud thud as the van jolts.)

    Client: *coming up to the driver’s window* “Sorry, I just backed into your van…”

    Can’t Follow Her Train Of Thought

    | USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    Me: “Can I help you find something?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for a board game about trains, and there’s tickets…”

    Me: “Oh, Ticket To Ride?”

    Customer: “No. In the game, you collect these tickets for different routes, and you used these colored trains to connect the routes…”

    Me: “That’s Ticket To Ride. It’s actually one of my favorites—”

    Customer: “It’s NOT Ticket To Ride. But in the game, the different tickets are worth a certain amount of points, and the further the routes are from one another, the more points the ticket is worth…”

    Me: “Hold on.”

    (I grab a copy of ‘Ticket To Ride’ off the shelf and show it to her, with the name of the game facing me. An image of the game’s board is printed on the back.)

    Me: “Is this the game you’re looking for?”

    Customer: “Yes!” *grabs the game*

    Me: “This is Ticket To Ride. ”

    Customer: “Oh, then this isn’t it.” *drops it back onto the counter*

    Makes You Freeze In Place

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body

    (I work in a fairly large grocery store. Arizona heat can be brutal. As I am walking around the store, I see a shopping cart full of ice cream, but since it’s so hot, I don’t think much of it. As I am walking down the aisle, I look and see a man INSIDE the freezer.)

    Me: “Sir! Please come out of the freezer!”

    Customer: “No!”

    Me: “Sir, you could suffocate in there!”

    Customer: *in a whiny voice* “But it’s hot outside!”

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