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  • Your Connection Is Totally Forked
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    Give Her Family Credit

    | Canberra, ACT, Australia | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Money

    (Our system uses a PLU (Product Listed Under) list, which consists of numbers from 1-200, which are used for produce, milk, flowers, and meat coming through the registers. It has been a long busy day and I was getting a bit bored with repeating the same spiel over and over, so I decided to mix it up a little bit.)

    Me: “Your total comes to $94.55. Would you like to pay by cash, card, or firstborn child today?”

    Customer: “Firstborn child? How much is she worth?”

    Me: *turns to customer’s daughter* “How old are you this year?”

    Customer’s Daughter: “I’m five and two thirds!”

    (I put the number five into the system, which corresponds with a 750 gram bag of tomatoes, worth $3.50.)

    Me: *to the customer* “She’s worth $3.50.”

    Customer: “D***, not enough. It’ll have to be card.”

    (The transaction finishes and she starts to head off.)

    Customer: “Can I pay with my husband next time?”

    Your Connection Is Totally Forked

    | Norway | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Technology

    (I work at a call center for an Internet provider. This winter we have particularly bad weather. There has just been a huge thunderstorm over the west side of the country, frying both slams and modems all over. The call center is overloaded due to all the calls, and every time I get a new call I know the caller will spend the first 10 minutes complaining about the wait… which only makes the wait for other customers longer.)

    Me: “Welcome to [Internet Provider]. Thank you for calling. My name is [My Name]. How may I help you today?”

    Caller: *eerily cheery* “Oh, you sound nice! I’m so glad you decided to talk to me!”

    Me: *not sure if this person is being sarcastic or not* “Um… Thanks? What can I do for you?”

    Caller: *all of a sudden sounds very normal* “Oh, yeah. I kinda have a problem. You see, there is something wrong with my line. You know, into the house. And I’ve kinda fixed it myself, but now with all these storms, I’m not sure it will be good enough. So if there is any chance you could get a tech out and fix it before the next storm hits, that would be very much appreciated.”

    Me: *happy this has turned into such a normal and nice call* “Sure! I’ll put in an order for a tech right now! But, just for the record, please note that we do not encourage people to fix their own lines… It could be quite a fire hazard.”

    (I go ahead and get the usual info. Address, when the person is available, type of line etc. Everything seems normal.)

    Me: “Okay, so just one more question. Do you know what caused damage to the line?”

    Caller: “Well, it happened in another storm. In 1645!”

    Me: “Excuse me?!”

    Caller: “Yes! The big storm of 1645! It came loose from the connection point in my house because of the wind! And lightning! But I fixed it! With a fork!”

    Me: “You… fixed it. With… a fork.”

    Caller: *excited* “YES! But the fork is rusty now. It would be nice if you fixed it!”

    Me: *defeated* “Sure. Why not.”

    (I make a note of the whole stupid story in the tech’s order, send it on it’s way, and think no more of it. Two days later, a tech calls in and asks to talk to me. I get the call transferred.)

    Me: “Hi, this is [My Name]. You wanted to talk to me?”

    Tech: *super excited* “THERE REALLY WAS A FORK!”

    Doesn’t Understand The ‘Custom’ Part Of Customer, Part 2

    | Victoria, BC, Canada | Crazy Requests

    (I answer the phone on a busy day.)

    Me: “Hello, [Bookstore]. How may I help you?

    Customer: “Hello. Can you tell me if [Competitor] has [Book]?”

    Me: “Er… well, I don’t know about [Competitor] but I can tell you that our store has it in stock.”

    Customer: “You’re downtown, aren’t you?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Well that won’t do. I’m not going downtown; I live much closer to [Competitor]. Find out if they have it!”

    (If she managed to find our phone number, how hard would it have been to find their number?!)

    Related:
    Doesn’t Understand The ‘Custom’ Part Of Customer

    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 34

    | OR, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

    (I’m next in line at a chain arts and crafts store. Everyone who shops here complains about how long the lines always are, and how there are never any employees around, but I think it’s more because there is ALWAYS a difficult customer at the front of the line.)

    Customer: “I’d like to do an even exchange, this ribbon for this yarn. I don’t have a receipt for the ribbon.”

    Cashier: “Well, we don’t do exchanges without a receipt, but I can do a return on the ribbon and then we can use the money you’ll get back toward the yarn.”

    Customer: *death glare at the cashier* “Fine.”

    Cashier: “It looks like you’ll get $2.61 back for the ribbon. I’ll just put that toward the yarn if that’s okay?

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Cashier: “Okay, and the yarn comes out to $2.51. So you’ll actually get a dime back!”

    Customer: “WHAT?! I TOLD YOU I WANTED AN EVEN EXCHANGE! WHY ARE YOU SO STUPID?!”

    Cashier: “Ma’am, this is just the price of the yarn. I have nothing to do with it. It’s in your favor. You’re getting money back.”

    Customer: “WHY WOULD I WANT MONEY BACK?! I HATE THIS STORE! EVERYONE HERE IS SO INCOMPETENT!”

    (Everyone in line stares in confusion as she storms out of the store with the yarn and not the dime. As I’m next in line, the cashier looks at me.)

    Cashier: “Well, then. Looks like you get a 10-cent discount on your purchase, miss! I hope that’s okay; I know money’s so darn inconvenient these days!”

    Related:
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 33
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 32
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 31

    Saved His Bacon

    | SC, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I’m taking the food to an eight-top table, and everyone gets their food. One customer has ordered a breakfast sandwich on a bagel. The way that we make the sandwiches is by wrapping the meat and cheese in the eggs. It’s basically a folded omelet placed on a bagel. I can tell that the man is a little confused looking at his food, so I wait for him to ask the question.)

    Customer: “I ordered bacon. Where is the bacon?”

    Me: “The bacon is wrapped up in the eggs, and you will find it as soon as you bite into it.”

    (I then go on to ask if there is anything else I can do for the table. For the most part, everyone is fine, and I only have to get a couple of drink refills. However, before I am able to turn around to leave, he asks again:)

    Customer: “Where is my bacon? I ordered bacon on my sandwich?!”

    Me: *looking at him in the eye* “Sir, it is wrapped up inside the eggs. I promise it is there.”

    (I make a quick exit to get the refills and then come back. When I return, I notice that he still has not touched his food, and I am beginning to feel a little annoyed. Unsurprisingly, the first thing he says when I walk in the room is:)

    Customer: “I ordered bacon on my sandwich, and there is no bacon on my sandwich.”

    (Once again I let him know that the bacon is in fact on the sandwich, and that he can’t see it because it is wrapped up in the eggs. Other people at the table begin to ask me random questions about the restaurant and the area, but in the background, all I can hear is him asking for his bacon. I finally turn to the man, and in a rather harsh voice say:)

    Me: “Sir, the bacon is wrapped up in the eggs. Could you please either take a bite of your sandwich or cut it in half to verify that the bacon is there before I leave?”

    (The table was completely quiet and was staring at me. He took a bite of the sandwich, and found that there was, in fact, bacon in the eggs!)

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