October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Please Do Not Be Fed By The Customers

| CA, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

(I am a senior barn helper/junior instructor at a riding stable for children on the autism spectrum. One rider’s mother is dropping off her daughter and brings some food for the horses, including a large bag of apricots, which are bad for horses, and gourds, which are also not good for horses.)

Mother: *to daughter* “See, you just give them the apricots like this!”

Me: “Um, I don’t think apricots are really good for horses. Especially the pits.”

Mother: *gesturing to stable owner* “But she said it was okay! They’re just apricots!”

(The stable owner is talking to the senior instructor about the lesson schedule for today at this point.)

Me: *seeing I can’t do anything to stop her, since she’s already fed at least four apricots to one of the horses* “Just take the pit out first. And don’t force the horses to eat them. They’re sensitive to acidic foods.”

Mother: “Oh, okay!”

(She proceeds to take the pits out, but drops them on the floor outside one of the horse’s stalls. We have a dog at the stable, too, so I pick up the pits before he can eat them.)

Me: “Can you also put the pits over in the compost heap so the dog doesn’t get them, please? He could choke on them.”

Mother: “Oh, sure. And what about these gourds? My friend gave them to me and said the horses would love them.”

Me: “Well, horses don’t eat gourds, but maybe the goats will be interested.”

(Our goat appear rather fat from grazing constantly, but are actually quite agile and can get through tight spaces if need be, a fact the mother doesn’t seem to grasp.)

Mother: *trying to whack open a gourd against a wooden tack trunk* “Ugh. This thing won’t open. Do you happen to have a knife somewhere around here?”

Me: “Um, no, we don’t. Try that lemon cucumber. My goats like those.”

Mother: *breaking open lemon cucumber* “Oh, wow! This looks like a cucumber but…” *sniffs* “…it smells like a lemon!”

Me: “That’s why they call it a lemon cucumber. Here, I’ll offer it to the goats and you can just leave your gourd there on the trunk.”

Mother: *not paying attention* “Here, goat! Eat this!”

(She waves the lemon cucumber in the goat’s face. The goat, understandably, backs away, towards a gap you wouldn’t expect it to fit through. The mother goes to the other side of a shed to find the other goat, who also backs away. She comes back to the first goat, which is now gone.)

Mother: *looking around* “Where’d it go? It couldn’t have gone through that gap! Or under the shed! Where is it? Why’d it leave?”

Me: *to my co-volunteer* “Maybe it went through the gap because you’re shoving food it doesn’t want in its face?”

Co-Volunteer: “And maybe she should trust us when we say not to feed something to an animal?”

The Name Is A Sticking Point

| Overland Park, KS, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names

(I’m a waiter at a local pizza place and am currently on the phone with a customer that is placing an order. They’ve ordered a special which enables them to get their choice of either breadsticks or cheese sticks.)

Me: “All right, sir, would you like the breadsticks or cheese sticks with your pizza?”

Customer: *after much thought* “”Hmm, you guys used to have these breadsticks that had cheese on them. Could I get those instead?”

Me: “Sir? Do you mean the cheese sticks?”

Customer: “No, no. The breadsticks with cheese!”

Me: *clicking the cheese sticks button* “Oh yeah, the breadsticks with cheese! I can do that for you!”

Customer: “Thank you! You have no idea how many other [Store]s don’t know what I’m talking about!”

Pepsi Max-imum Idiot

| Macomb, MI, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

Customer: “Um, excuse me. I was rung up wrong. These cases of pop are supposed to be 3 for $12.”

Manager: “Ma’am, only Coke products have that deal.”


Manager: “Pepsi isn’t a Coke product.”

Picture Perfect Response

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Crazy Requests, Money

(I am a claims adjuster in motor vehicle damage. I’m talking to a claimant who is trying to get me to pay for their damage without pictures to go with the estimate of the repairs.)

Claimant: “I don’t understand why you haven’t paid me yet. I sent you an estimate!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, but I also requested that you get pictures of the damage. I offered to send someone out to take pictures and write up the damage but you told me you’d take care of that yourself. I can’t pay anything out on this claim until I have images of the damage.”

Claimant: “Ohhhhh. So you’re gonna play that game.”

Me: “…The one where we require that you provide documentation of damages before we write you a check?”

Not Sleeping On The Job

| Jersey City, NJ, USA | Family & Kids

(A man comes up to my till to purchase a few items. He has his two children with him, a boy and a girl, both of which I suspect are no older than five years old. The man and his children are very nice, friendly, and overall good customers. As I ring his purchases, the children are excited and happy, with the boy even giving me his own saved up money for a snack, with his father’s permission.)

Me: “Okay, sir, your total is [Total].”

(Just as he’s about to swipe his credit card, the little girl looks up at me and smiles sweetly.)

Girl: “Do you all sleep here?”

(Her father and I couldn’t help but laugh at this point.)

Me: *laughing, but politely* “No, no, we don’t sleep here. We just take turns coming here. In fact, someone else is coming when we all leave tonight.”

Girl: “Okay!” *she happily skips away with her father once the transaction is completed*

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