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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Super Friends

    | TX, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Top

    (A group of friends of mine stop by the store where I work. As a joke all of them come to my lane to ‘make me earn my pay’ for the night. A customer with her son tries cutting them all and jumps in the front.)

    Customer: “Hurry up! I’m a very important person! I have things to do.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’ll be glad to check you out before each of these gentlemen that you cut if you ask each of them what they do and honestly think that what you do is more important.”

    Customer: “FINE!” *turns to Friend #1* “And what do you do?”

    Friend #1: “I train soldiers at [local military base] who are willing to fight for your freedom.”

    Customer: “… Oh.” *turns to Friend #2* “What about you?”

    Friend #2: “I’m a firefighter.”

    Customer: “… Um.” *skips Friend #3 and #4 and goes to #5* “And you?”

    Friend #5: “I do cancer research.”

    (The customer gives up. I proceed to checkout everyone accordingly and the customer pays and bolts out the door.)

    Me: “Have I ever told you guys how proud I am to actually know you guys? Wonder why she didn’t ask [Friend #3] and [Friend #4]?”

    Friend #3: “Well… she’s a waitress where I eat lunch while I’m on patrol… so she knows I’m a cop!”

    Friend #4: “I… I can’t actually say!”

    Friend #5: “Fine! I will! Her son came up to [Friend #4] and asked how working at [medical practice where Friend #4 is shadowing] is going. She sees him at her kid’s pediatrician!”

    Second Life, Same Bigotry

    | USA | Bigotry, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I create products for several virtual worlds. Please note that I’m male and so is my primary character. I also have a female character logged in for doing testing when I get a message from a customer.)

    Customer: “I’m having problems with one of your products.”

    Me: Can you describe the problem?”

    Customer: “Well, I really need you to see. Can you come?”

    Me: “Well, I have a screen full of programming and building, but I have a friend who I’m sure can help.”

    Customer: “Okay, that will be fine.”

    (I send my female character and never let on that it’s actually me. The problem gets resolved quickly and I bring my female character home. The customer messages me again.)

    Customer: “YOU SENT A WOMAN!”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “Why did you send a woman?”

    Me: “Well, did you two resolve the problem?”

    Customer: “Yes, BUT IT WAS A WOMAN!”

    (Punch-line? The customer was female, too!)

    No Credit For Offering Help

    | VA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Technology, Themed Giveaway

    (I am ringing up an older customer at a grocery store. When it is time to pay she swipes her debit card. She wants to use it as credit and in order to do this, you have to press the red button and hit credit when the machine asks for your pin. The customer keeps putting in her pin and then tells me she wants to do credit, so I have to cancel her card numerous times.)

    Me: “Ma’am, if you want to use your card as credit, press the red button when it asks for your pin then press credit.”

    (The customer ignores me and continues to type in her pin so I turn the machine around to help her.)

    Customer: “How about you stay back there and do what you’re supposed to do and let me do what I’m supposed to do! You obviously don’t know what you’re talking about!”

    (I sit there and watch her struggle with it for a couple more minutes.)

    Customer: “ARE YOU GOING TO HELP ME OR WHAT?!”

    All Smoke Where There Is No Fire

    | Madison, WI, USA | Bizarre, Criminal/Illegal, Health & Body

    (I volunteer as an EMT. This was one of the first calls I respond to.)

    Caller: “Please help! I can’t breathe!”

    Operator: “Yes, ma’am. Are you having an asthma attack?”

    Caller: “No, but I am about to! Those neighbors are frying chicken and the smoke is really bothering me! I can’t breathe! Please help!”

    Operator: “Okay, please go outside to get some air. We will dispatch an EMT crew to you.”

    (When we arrive, we discover the caller on her deck with a LIT CIGARETTE in her mouth, pacing back and forth.)

    Caller: “Finally! Someone to help me! I can’t breathe because of the horrible chicken smoke!”

    (The caller was taken to the ER for a check-up but, she was fine. Later I was told that she does this little trick often because she gets bored just sitting at home.)

    Put Them In The Hot Seat

    | AL, USA | Extra Stupid, Top, Tourists/Travel, Transportation

    (I always like to follow up after a trip I have booked for a customer. A couple had booked a plane flight to Florida, a small rental car, and a few nights hotel on the beach.)

    Me: “Hi, Mrs. [Name]. This is [My Name] calling from [Travel Agency]. I just wanted to make sure you had a wonderful time on your trip.”

    Wife: “You’ll have to speak with my husband. I’m too upset to speak with you.”

    Husband: “I can’t believe you have the courage to call, after what you did. I’ve dealt with incompetence before, but you are the worst!”

    Me: “I’m so sorry. What happened?”

    Husband: “When I booked the flight, I told you that I wanted an aisle seat, and my wife preferred a window seat. You had us backwards on all four flights!”

    Me: “I’m so sorry. Why didn’t you just swap seats? Or, say something to a flight attendant, who would have told you to just swap seats?”

    Husband: “…” *click*


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