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    The Lowest Form Of Life In The Zoo

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

    (I work in retail at a zoo. A teenage girl is talking with her friends and looks over at me.)

    Teenage Girl: “Do you think the animals come alive at night after the zoo closes?”

    Can’t Sweeten The Deal

    , | Orlando, FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I overhear a conversation in a café:)

    Customer: “Hey! I just wanted to add some of your delicious flavored syrups to my coffee.”

    Barista: You bought that coffee somewhere else.”

    Customer: “Yeah, but you have better flavor syrups.”

    Barista: “Well, I guess I can add some to your coffee. It will be 40¢ for each flavor. What would you like?”

    Customer: “What? I just want the syrup.”

    Barista: “I know but we did buy them, so I have to charge you something.”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous! I came here just for your flavored syrup!”

    Barista: “Maybe next time you can come here for your coffee and then get whatever you want added to it.”

    Customer: “But [Other Coffee Shop] has better coffee!”

    No Longer Power-Mad Over Those With Power

    , | TN, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Money

    (At the fast food place where I work we’re constantly getting customers complaining about the prices of our food, mostly when it’s only women working the counter. Though we tell them they can call the number provided to complain to our main branch, they never do. This day, however, corporate representatives, including the owner of the store, was at our restaurant for a routine inspection.)

    Customer: “I can’t believe how high this stuff is! This is ridiculous!”

    Manager: “I’m sorry, sir, but we have no control over the prices.”

    Customer: “It’s still f***ed up! You need to lower the prices!”

    Manager: “Sir, I have no control the price of the food. However, if you have a problem with it, you can go talk to the man in the tie right over there. He’s the one that sets the prices.”

    (The man looks at the owner and turns back, red-faced. He takes his food and leaves the store, not even glancing back in the direction of the owner.)

    Manager: “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

    (He’s never complained about the prices since.)

    It’s Just Bad Customers


    The Place With The Dragon Menu

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    Me: “Does anyone have any questions regarding the menu?”

    Guest: “Yes. I see here that you have a dragon sushi roll on your menu. Now is that REAL dragon or imitation dragon?”

    (I chuckle and smile and wait maybe three seconds before I realize that this is a legitimate question. I look at her friends who are mortified and respond.)

    Me: “Oh, no, ma’am, that is absolutely real dragon! In fact here at [Restaurant Group] we’ve employed an entire department to make special trips to England to hunt and slay dragons. I believe the dragon we have today was killed two days ago and picked up this morning from Savannah.”

    Guest: “Well, good, because I just absolutely can’t stand imitation dragon.”

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