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    Setting Daddy’s Little Girl Straight

    | New Haven, CT, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Money, Rude & Risque, Top

    (I’m gay and working in a clothing store for teens/young adults. A roughly 15-year-old girl comes into the store. Her dad is sitting on a bench right outside the store in clear view of the check-out counter.)

    Girl: “Hey there. Do you offer discounts for pretty girls?”

    Me: “I’m afraid not. Unless you have a coupon, your total will be [total].”

    Girl: “Maybe you can give me a discount for a different kind of coupon?” *slowly pops open the top buttons of her shirt*

    Me: “Oh, honey, you’re gonna need a few more years and a surgery before that’s going to work on me.”

    Girl: *scowling* “Are you calling me flat-chested?”

    Me: “Different kind of surgery, honey.” *pointing out my rainbow bracelet*

    Girl: “Oh, ew!”

    (The girl’s dad has managed to storm right up next to his daughter without her noticing. He’s clearly fuming.)

    Girl’s Dad: “You better have a good reason for flashing this kid your cleavage, [Girl’s Full Name].”

    (He made her put all her clothes back and leave the store in tears.)

    Will Try To Tag Themselves In Jail

    | TX, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid, Technology, Themed Giveaway, Top, Transportation

    (I stop a young, 20-something woman for using her cell while driving in an active school zone.)

    Me: “I stopped you, ma’am, for using your phone while driving in a school zone, which is against the law.”

    Driver: “I am not calling anyone or texting, so I am not using my phone. I was updating my Facebook status!”

    (After citing her, we both pull away from the curb. I then witness her using her cell AGAIN, so I stop her once more.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I have already explained and cited you for the very same reason I am pulling you over the second time. I do not want to have to arrest you, so please do not use your phone while driving again.”

    Driver: “One more time, officer, I am NOT calling or texting! I am uploading a picture of my citation to Pinterest!”

    Great Minds Think Alike

    | GA, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Top

    (I am working in a fast food sub shop when a nice regular walks in. Behind in line are a small child and his mother.)

    Me: “A cheesesteak sandwich with no onions and a medium drink, [Regular]?”

    Regular: “As always.” *pays and leaves*

    Small Child: “You knew exactly what that guy wanted! Do you READ MINDS?! Tell me what I want to eat!”

    (The mother mouths to me behind her son’s back.)

    Me: “You want a… peanut butter and jelly sandwich!”

    Small Child: “Well… what kind of jelly do I want?”

    (The mother mouths to me again.)

    Me: “Hmm… grape!”

    Small Child: “Wow, you do read minds! Mommy, she reads minds!”

    The Father Of All Bad Examples

    | MO, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids

    (I work at an indoor children’s play place. Leaving with kids who aren’t yours could be a problem, so we stamp a different number on every family’s hand, You can’t leave with a child who has a separate number. I am working the front counter where I have to stamp a number on the family’s hands, work the register, answer the phone, and check family’s hands to let them out the door. Sometimes it’s overwhelming working by yourself.)

    Me: *answering phone* “Thank you for calling [Indoor Play Area]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “I’d like to get a birthday party room for my son.”

    Me: “Okay, give me the date and I’ll start looking up times for you.”

    (As I am looking up times for the caller, an enraged father comes up to me.)

    Father: “HEY! WHERE’S MY SON!?”

    Me: *caught completely off guard * “What!?”

    Father: “WHERE IS MY SON?! YOU LET MY SON WALK OUT THE FRONT DOOR! WHERE THE H*** IS MY SON?”

    Me: “Sir, the door that you go out of is locked and I have been keeping an eye on this door. I’m sure your son is still in here and is in the the [play area] somewhere.”

    Father: “YOU LET MY SON OUT THIS DOOR! IS HE IN THE PARKING LOT? IF HE GETS HIT, I’M KICKING YOU’RE A**! HE GETS HIT, I’M SUING YOU!”

    (Some back and forth goes on like this for a minute. I am almost ready to go into the parking lot to find his son when some other father in the [play area], actually playing with his child and keeping an eye on him, speaks up.)

    Other Father: “Hey [Father], isn’t this your son?”

    (The father looks up and sees his son directly above us in the [play area] watching this whole little episode. He looks back at me, doesn’t say a word, and walks away. I sit there for a few seconds, collecting myself.)

    Caller: “Is someone yelling at you?”

    Me: “Oh, shoot. Sorry, ma’am. I completely forgot you were still on the phone.”

    Caller: “Haha, that’s quite all right. That guy is kind of a d***.”

    (I set up the birthday party, and then went on working. I’m closing this night, too, so I have the distinct pleasure of having to check this father’s hand to make sure it’s his son. They finally decide to leave after a while. As they walk up to the door.)

    Me: “Excuse me, sir, but I have to check your hands to make sure this is your son.”

    (They show me their numbers and he is, in fact, this boy’s father.)

    Me: “Have a nice day, sir.”

    (The father never said a word to me or made eye contact. What a great example of how to be a man he is setting for his son.)

    Thoughts Suspended

    | CA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid, Top

    (I am in a reserve officer training class at a sheriff’s academy. Enrollment in this class is done through a community college, not the Sheriff’s department. When it is time to do the firearms instruction, you have two choices: you can use your own firearm if it was one of the authorized service pistols, or you can borrow one from the academy. If you borrow one, you need a driver’s license for proof of identity in case something happens to the firearm.)

    Student: “Well, I don’t have my license.”

    Deputy #1: “Then we can’t loan you the pistol.”

    Student: “But I need to do this range stuff to graduate, right?”

    Deputy #1: “Yes. That is why we tell people to bring their license if they need to borrow a firearm. We cannot lend you one without it.”

    Student: “I can’t bring one in. I don’t have a license right now.”

    Deputy #2: “What? I saw you drive up here. What do you mean you don’t have a license now?”

    Student: “Well, it was suspended.”

    Deputy Sergeant: “Did you just tell us you are driving on a suspended license?”

    Student: “Yeah. It sucks.”

    (Deputy #1 and #2 share a look.)

    Deputy Sergeant: “So which car is yours?”

    (The student points it out.)

    Deputy Sergeant: “And you drove that here on a suspended license?”

    Student: “Yeah. Like I said, it sucks.”

    Deputy Sergeant: “Okay, well, let me see what I can do.”

    (The deputy sergeant goes to the office, and comes back about 15 minutes later.)

    Deputy Sergeant: “When you found out that your license was suspended, did they also inform you that it was for a failure to appear on your drunk driving case and that there was a warrant for your arrest?”

    Student: “Uh, let me think… Yeah. There was something like that in the letter.”

    Deputy Sergeant: “Well, that warrant is why you are under arrest.”

    Student: “What!?”

    (The rest of the class was amazed at the idiocy that this guy displayed. His mom came by later to get the car. She was not pleased with her son, and she had no idea he even had a drunk driving incident!)


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