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  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
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  • Opinion-Hated

    | NY, USA | Bad Behavior, Home Improvement, Liars & Scammers

    (I work at a very high-end store. One of the perks we enjoy is that every year we get exclusive collections of expensive clothing, furniture, and other household items that you wouldn’t be able to find anywhere else. On this particular day a woman storms up to my register brandishing a piece of silverware from one such collection.)

    Woman: “Hey, do you have any more of these in stock?”

    Me: “Certainly, ma’am. We just got a fresh shipment in last week.”

    Woman: “Good, I’ll take two sets to be delivered to my apartment. And be quick about it! I have to catch a train in ten minutes!”

    (Ignoring her abrasive attitude, I quickly and efficiently ring her up, get her shipping details, and log the silverware to be sent off. She then practically rips the receipt out of my machine the instant it’s printed and runs out of my area. I think nothing more of this and go back to tidying the shelves up when, around an hour later, I get paged to help someone in the kitchen area nearby. Upon walking over I discover the same woman being helped by one of my co-workers.)

    Coworker: “Ah, [My Name], this woman here is wondering if we have any pots and pans that match the silverware she just purchased from you. Thought you might be able to help her out with that. She’s in a bit of a hurry.”

    (The woman looks at me and promptly turns sheet white.)

    Me: “Hello again! Um… did your train get delayed?”

    Coworker: “Train? No, she said she had a dental appointment.”

    Me: “Oh… well, I’m sorry. I heard train and—”

    (The woman promptly cuts me off with an agonizing scream.)

    Woman: “Okay I admit it! I hate your f****ing store and every d*** s***-head that works here! If I had my way I’d have had this whole block demolished decades ago, but you’re the only place that carries [Designer] brand exclusive items so I’m trying to just get my stuff and get out of here as quick as possible so I don’t have to spend too long speaking to you f***ers! There, you happy now?!”

    Me: *stunned* “Well… uh… not really, but if it helps at all you don’t have to lie to us like that. We can handle the occasional low opinion.”

    Woman: “Burn in Hell!” *storms out*

    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 35

    | USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

    (As an employee at the store I work at, it is part of my job to ask our customers if they’d like to apply for a store credit card. A customer in her twenties comes through my line.)

    Me: “Would you like to save [percent] by applying for a [Store] charge card?”

    Customer: “Sure!”

    (The applications go through our computer and the customer is immediately approved and a paper prints out with the credit limit and card number.)

    Me: “Okay, it looks like you were approved today! You should get your [Store] card in the mail within the next two weeks. If you would like to put your purchase on your card today, it would save you another [percent]. Would you like to put it on the card? You can even pay it off in the store after we’re done.”

    Customer: “Sure.”

    (We put the purchase on the card and everything goes smoothly until the end.)

    Me: “Okay, and would you like to pay your card off today or would you like to wait until you get your statement in the mail?”

    Customer: “What? I have to pay for it twice?”

    Me: “No, you haven’t actually paid for it yet. You put it on the store charge card.”

    Customer: “Yeah, so why do I have to pay for it again?”

    Me: “The store charge card is just like any other credit card. It has to be paid for after you use it.”

    Customer: “What’s a credit card?”

    Related:
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 34
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 33
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 32

    An Epidemic Of Stupidity

    , | MD, USA | Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Holidays

    (I work for a company that sells emergency preparedness gear, including gas masks, chemical suits, and other disaster response equipment. Any time there’s a disaster or terrorist attack, our sales go through the roof by ‘preppers’ and other panicking individuals. Recently, there’s been an Ebola epidemic with the first cases occurring in the United States; thousands of orders have been coming in and those who ordered entire sets of equipment are backlogged at least a month.)

    Customer: “I’m checking on an order. I was charged but haven’t seen any shipping info yet. I placed it 7-10 days ago.”

    Me: “And did you order any gas masks or full sets of equipment?”

    Customer: “I’m not sure. I ordered a suit. For Halloween.”

    Me: *thinking such a small order should have been finished, I pull up his information* “Sir, you didn’t order just a suit, you ordered an entire protective kit… mask, filter, suit, gloves, boots, etc.”

    Customer: “That’s it!”

    Me: “Sir, there’s a minimum one month delay on protective gear right now due to high order volume.”

    Customer: “So, you mean I won’t have it for Halloween?”

    Me: “No, sir. There is a panic epidemic going on and you were one of thousands who’ve been ordering these products.”

    Customer: “Wow. I had no idea. So there’s no way I’m going to get a protective suit by Halloween?”

    Me: “Sir, the entire industry is wiped clean. GLOBALLY. It will take them months to get back up to speed.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, you should really let people know when there’s an epidemic going on, so we know there’ll be delays.”

    Dishrag For The Hag

    | VA, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Hotels & Lodging

    (I’m currently working in a hotel helping out at our breakfast bar as the assistant to the usual hostess. She would usually work alone but since we sold out she asked me to come in and help attend to the guests’ needs. I’m cleaning a table when I glance around and see a woman with a rather irritated look on her face…)

    Me: “Good morning, ma’am. Is everything to your liking this morning?”

    Guest: “NO! The carpet in the halls smell horrible, the rooms are overpriced and small, the gym for your place is across the road, and you let pets stay here. This hotel is the worst I ever stayed at.”

    Me: “I’m so sorry to hear that. We always try our best to please our guests and provide a clean facility. We apologize about the workout center being across the road but we didn’t have room to build it into the hotel at our last renovation.”

    (While saying all this I was thinking if she can’t even cross a road she probably isn’t much of a fitness person.)

    Me:  ”Is there anything I can get for you from our breakfast bar? I might be able to place a special order if you would like.”

    Guest: “Nothing you have to offer can make up for a crappy place like this. As soon as my husband is finished we’re leaving.”

    Me: *trying to act politely interested* “Okay. Well. I hope you enjoy your trip today, Where are you two heading? Do you need any direc—”

    Guest: “Don’t! Just. Stop. Talking. I hate talking to everyone in the morning and you’re only annoying me.”

    Me: *at this point I want to throw my dishrag at her but merely smile* “Okay. Let me know if you do need something.”

    (A moment later, as I continue cleaning another table, another guest comes up to sit at the recently cleaned seat.)

    Other Guest: “I have no clue what she was talking about because this place is the best stop we made our whole trip. This town is great and the customer service is excellent here. I don’t know how you kept your cool with her; I would have choked her with that dishrag.”

    (I’m laughing inside since I wasn’t the only one to think this. After a while I tell my coworker what happened and she goes to talk to the husband while the wife is away. She comes back to assure me that everything is fine with a suppressed smile on her face.)

    Coworker: “I asked if he needed anything and he replied ‘a new wife! She’s driving me crazy this trip and has complained everywhere we went!’”

    (I wanted to offer him my dishrag for the road.)

    Your Solution Is The Bomb

    | SC, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Coworker: “Thank you for calling technical support, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I think my tablet is about to explode!”

    Coworker: “Ma’am, did you just say explode?”

    Customer: “Yes! I think there’s a bomb in it! I was watching a video, and all of a sudden the video stopped and it started making this awful noise! It was a bomb, I’m sure of it! I threw it out in the front yard and I’ve already called the police to send the bomb squad!”

    Coworker: *unable to hide the fact that he’s now laughing* “You… you called the bomb squad?!”

    Customer: “Yes! I wasn’t sure if I should throw it outside or into the toilet!”

    Coworker: “No! You don’t want to throw it into the toilet! Is the tablet still in the yard?”

    Customer: “Of course! The bomb squad hasn’t come yet!”

    Coworker: “Can you go outside and grab the tablet for me? I promise it won’t blow up. It’s just frozen. We can fix it.”

    Customer: “I don’t know… Okay, I guess. If you’re sure.”

    (There is the sound of a frozen tablet glitching on a video gets loud as she goes outside.)

    Customer: “See! You can hear it! It’s going to explode!”

    Coworker: *struggling not to laugh directly at the customer* “No, ma’am, I assure you it’s not. Go ahead and pick it up and press the power button for me, then hold it down.”

    Customer:  ”It turned off! The screen is off! It’s going to blow!”

    Coworker: “No, ma’am, we just turned it off. Go ahead and turn it back on for me again?”

    Customer: “Oh… now it’s working. Thanks!” *click*

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