Featured:
  • Retract The Tract
    (2,288 thumbs up)
  • July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

    Feeling Bad For Jimmy

    | Waukesha, WI, USA | Funny Names, Rude & Risque

    (It is 1995. I am 18 and working as a third shift stocker at a major grocery store chain. I am approached by an 18-20 year old white male.)

    Customer: “Hey, man, you got any Jimmy Hats?”

    Me: “…and they are?”

    Customer: “You know man! Jimmy Hats! I need to get my Jimmy Hats. They are for my girl.”

    Me: “Are they a type of candy? If so, aisle four, far end on your left.”

    (The customer leaves off in that direction and I continue stocking. The customer comes back.)

    Customer: “Hey, I couldn’t find them. I need to get the Jimmy Hats my girl wants.”

    Me: “Okay, I will come look. Do you know what the packaging looks like?”

    Customer: “Yeah, they are Jimmy Hats.”

    (I walk him over to the candy aisle and start looking with him and he also looks through the candy.)

    Customer: “See, man? I don’t see Jimmy Hats here anywhere.”

    Me: “Okay, do you want me to page someone else for assistance?”

    Customer: “No man, I just need the Jimmy Hats.”

    Me: “Do you know what they look like?”

    Customer: “Yeah! They look like Jimmy Hats.”

    (This goes on for a bit like this in a horrible circle.)

    Me: “Okay, I can’t help you. Let me page someone else.”

    Customer: “Okay, hopefully they can help me find the Jimmy Hats.”

    Me: *on intercom* “Customer in need of assistance in [aisle].”

    (One of my coworkers comes over.)

    Customer: “I need a box of Jimmy Hats for my girlfriend and he can’t find them.”

    Coworker: *looks confused* “And they are?”

    Customer: “JIMMY HATS! My girlfriend wants me to get a box of JIMMY HATS!”

    (The customer suddenly looks embarrassed that he yelled that. Starts looking around nervously. A grandmother and her grandkids have now come into the aisle and start going through the candy.)

    Coworker: “We might not carry that type of candy.”

    Customer: “But they are Jimmy Hats. She said she got them here before!”

    Coworker: “We might be out of stock.”

    Customer: “But I need to get Jimmy Hats for my girl.”

    (I go and get a female cashier to try and help him. The customer turns red.)

    Customer: “Um. I just need them… you know…” *gestures downwards*

    Me: *realizes* “Condoms?”

    Customer: *he just blinks and nods*

    Me: “Why didn’t you tell me it wasn’t candy when we were searching this aisle? You even looked at the candy.”

    Customer: “Well, I am hungry…”

    (I take customer to the proper area and he gets his condoms.)

    Cashier: “Okay, one bag of Twizzlers and your Jimmy Hats.”

    Customer: *just turns red, pays, and walks out*

    Only Has Half A Brain

    | ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior

    (I work at a store that also sells plants and flowers in the spring and summer. A customer comes to my till and brings me three packages of flowers that are always packaged in packs of twelve. I scan all three of them.)

    Customer: “How much are the yellow ones?”

    Me: “They are $5, ma’am.”

    Customer: “But that’s the regular price for twelve of them. I only need six; that’s why I only brought half the package.”

    Me: “So you broke a package of twelve in half because you only want six? Unfortunately, we only sell them in packages of twelve, so even if you only get half of it, there is only one barcode I can scan… and it comes up to 5.97.”

    Customer: *sighs loudly* “BUT I ONLY NEED SIX! Get your manager out here. He needs to have a barcode you can scan for only half of these flowers. Or give me half off because I’m not buying twelve. I only need six.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sure they don’t have a barcode for something that is sold as a package of twelve but I’ll get someone to verify that.”

    (I go to another cashier and ask, in front of the customer, if there is anything we can do for her.)

    Other Cashier: “Unfortunately they are sold in packages of twelve. We can’t sell half of them to you and sell it for half price simply because you don’t need the other six.”

    Customer: “This is absolutely ridiculous. I’m forced to pay for something I don’t need. Forget it, I don’t want them at all.”

    Giving Them A Minor Earful

    | IL, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body

    (I work in an alternative store that sells body jewelry and such. My earlobes are stretched to about the size of a nickel. A woman and her daughter come in to the store.)

    Daughter: “Mom, I want to stretch my earlobes like that girl.”

    Mom: “Absolutely not! Those look disgusting. You’re not ruining your body like her.”

    Me: *standing five feet away* “Well, one pro to ear stretching is that it does not affect your hearing at all… Just so you know.”

    Mom: *to daughter* “Well, maybe you can have really small ones.”

    Customers Leaving

    processes

    Not Very Manly Behavior

    | ON, Canada | Bigotry, Crazy Requests

    (I am in my 20s. I am a moderately tall and sturdily-built woman. An older man, perhaps in his 70s, buys a 50 pound bag of dog food. My coworker on cash asks if he would like someone to carry the heavy bag out to his car, and he says yes. Since I’m working the front, I go to do that.)

    Old Man: “No, I want your boss to do it.”

    (My boss is a small man, shorter and slimmer than me, and is helping another customer.)

    Me: “He’s busy at the moment. I’m perfectly—”

    Old Man: “No, you can’t. I want him to do it.”

    Me: “Really, I’m quite strong…”

    Old Man: “No, no, you can’t do it. Just put it down!”

    Boss: *having overheard, comes over and gestures to me to give him the bag* “It’s okay.”

    Me: “But I’m bigger than you…”

    Boss: *taking the bag* “Yeah, don’t worry about it.”

    (When my boss came back, he told me that the older customer just didn’t want a woman doing something he could not.)

    Page 3/2,74412345...Last