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    The Final Word On Passwords, Part 2

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Technology

    (I work at a call center helpdesk. As with most call centers, the bulk of calls we receive are for password resets. The following was between a coworker and one of our callers:)

    Coworker: “I can reset the password back to the password you had before. That way we can keep it the same and you won’t have to rem—”

    Caller: “NO. I don’t want that. I have a billion passwords already; I don’t want to be remembering another. Let’s just change it to something different.”

    The Final Word On Passwords

    Should Have Explained More Plainly

    , | Basildon, England, UK | Food & Drink, Language & Words

    (I work throughout college. A woman approaches my till with her young daughter.)

    Me: “Hi, what would you like today?”

    (The woman leans down and says to her daughter loud enough for everyone to hear:)

    Woman: “See? THIS is what happens when you don’t do well at school!” *stands up and gives her order extremely slowly, pronouncing every syllable deliberately while I’m trying not to laugh* “…and a plain burger. PLAIN. Do you know what that means?”

    Me: “Yes, I’m aware. That’ll be [total], please.”

    Woman: “No… No, is that burger PLAAAIN?”

    Me: “Yeees, I put that through. [Total], please.”

    Woman: “Explain what plain means for me so I’m sure.”

    Me: “It means plain, devoid of condiments, bereft of ketchup, void of mustard, a lack of lettuce and onions, nothing but a solitary burger on a lonely bun, the isolated meat longing for the sweet embrace of salads and sauces but doomed to remain on its barren bed awaiting sweet consumption.”

    Woman: “What does that mean?”

    Me: *head-desk* “[Total], please.”

    GPS: Great Practitioners Of Stupidity, Part 3

    | Ottawa, ON, Canada | Technology, Transportation

    (An elderly woman comes into the store and asks for a new GPS because her old one is “broken.”)

    Me: “How long have you had the GPS?”

    Woman: “Three years.”

    Me: “That doesn’t seem that old. Usually, they last longer. What is wrong with it?”

    Woman: “I was driving in Cobourg and it got me lost many times.”

    (Cobourg is a town with new developments.)

    Me: “When was the last time you updated the maps?”

    Woman: “What?”

    (I explain to her that she needs to update the maps in order to get accurate results. She responded by saying she does not own a computer and thought I was trying to sell her a computer she did not need. I show her some of the GPS that we have and recommended a basic one with lifetime maps.)

    Woman: “Why can’t I get this one? It’s $40 cheaper.”

    Me: “It does not have free map updates. To update a single map costs $60-$80, so you’re saving money.”

    Woman: “I don’t need to update the maps. It tells you where you’re going!”

    (I gave up. She bought the GPS that did not have the lifetime maps. I’m still waiting for her to come back and tell me the new GPS is broken.)

    GPS: Great Practitioners Of Stupidity, Part 2
    GPS: Great Practitioners Of Stupidity

    He’s Never Going To Ketchup

    | CO, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (We have ketchup packets upon request.)

    Customer: “I will also like some ketchup.”

    Me: “We don’t have any, but we do have packets.”

    Customer: “That’s all right.”

    (We hand him the packets to put on his sandwich. Five minutes later he walks up.)

    Customer: “These don’t work.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Your ketchup packets.”

    (He had literally put the ketchup packets INSIDE his sandwich.)

    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 15

    | White House, TN, USA | Books & Reading

    (I’m working the register at the local library. We have a program where we help aspiring writers get their names out there by printing previews of the first few chapters of their book for local review before they send it to major publishers. One of said aspiring writers is talking with some people about his book, a long and detailed story with a vampire and werewolf as dual protagonists. Comparisons with Twilight have been drawn by several people, and he calmly explains the (myriad) differences, usually ending with a blunt jab about Twilight being “ploddingly written garbage.”)

    Writer: “I’ve spent a lot of time building up this world with a bunch of traditional mythos. There aren’t just vampires and werewolves, but many other mythological creatures from all over the world.”

    (Another customer comes up and begins speaking to him with a paperback preview of the first few chapters.)

    Customer: “Oh, my god, this book is such a Twilight rip-off, and it’s such a bad rip-off, too! And your character is all wrong. He’s supposed to be broody and dark and hate what he is and that he can’t control it. Yours loves being a vampire and drinks blood like a drunk drinks wine!”

    Writer: “You know, there are more types of vampires than just the one from Twilight. And quite honestly, Twilight—”

    Customer: “Is the best thing ever! Honestly, the reason I’ve never heard of vampires before Twilight is because the old ones are all STUPID!”

    (The woman throws the paperback on the ground and stomps off, the writer’s face is deadpan but I can see his eyes glaring a hole into the woman’s head. He looks to the guy he was speaking to and gives an exasperated sigh.)

    Writer: “And that’s why I want people to help me get my book published.”

    (The customer agrees with him and buys the preview the woman just threw down, he came back a few weeks later to return it, extremely satisfied and waiting on the final product.)

    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 14
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 13
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 12

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