Me: “Thank you for calling [technology firm]. How can I help?”

Caller: “I’ve been charged £60 by you, and I’m not sure why.”

Me: “Okay, what does the bank charge say?”

Caller: “It’s [technology firm] service.”

Me: “Okay, that’s the name of a annual subscription we offer.”

Caller: “Oh. I think my husband has that, but I’m not sure.”

Me: “Well, can you check with him? We don’t want to cancel if he uses it.”

Caller: “Well, I’d like to ask him. But he died on Tuesday, so I can’t get in contact with him.”

Me: “I think we can probably cancel that for you.”

Related:
Zombies Need Healthcare Too
Zombies Need High Speed Internet Too

(A customer approaches with a half empty bucket of popcorn.)

Customer: “Excuse, but this popcorn made me feel really sick.”

Me: “I am so sorry. Was it too salty?”

Customer: “I don’t know. What can you do for me?”

(The guest’s daughter, who looks about 8 years old, speaks up.)

Guest’s daughter: “Then why did you eat the whole thing and get a refill?”

Me: “I am sorry, but there really isn’t anything we can do for you.”

(The guest walks away, telling the little girl how she needs to keep quiet.)

(It’s 9 pm and the hotel is sold out. A guest calls from the 8th floor. Note: our rooms have exterior entrances.)

Me: “Front desk, how can I help you?”

Guest: “I was wondering, do you had any rooms on a lower floor? My grandson is only two, but he can reach the safety lock. He keeps trying to go outside.”

Me: “The only rooms we have available tonight are on the 6th floor. I can set you up for a room transfer tomorrow, if you like?

Guest: “That would be great!”

Me: “I’ll look for one all the way to the ground floor. Is that okay?”

Guest: “That would be fine, thank you. I just don’t want my grandson getting outside, you know.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll go ahead and set you up for that. But just to let you know, the ground floor hasn’t been renovated yet. The room is going to be a little outdated. The renovation has only reached the 6th floor.”

Guest: “Oh really? You know what? Packing all my things up might be a little difficult. It’s okay, never mind!”

(I work in the walrus exhibit at the park answering questions about the animals. One of our four walruses has metal caps on her teeth because she scrapes them on the ground constantly.)

Guest: “Hey, I have a question about the walrus with the metal teeth.”

Me: “Ah, yes. That is an interesting story! See, she–”

Guest: “So, why is that walrus a robot?”

Me: “Sorry, what? A robot?”

Guest: “Yeah, that’s the only one with metal teeth. You can tell it is a robot. Why would you put a robot walrus in with the real ones? Or are they all robots?”

(I work in the warehouse for a large, online-only retailer. I am standing outside talking to friends at the bus stop. A man drives past, slowing down to talk to me.)

Driver: “Hey, what’s this place here?”

Me: “It’s a warehouse for [online retailer]. This is where we ship out orders and whatnot.”

Driver: “So, I can go in there and pack up my own stuff to take home?”

Me: “No, you order things online. We process it, pack it, and then send it to you.”

Driver: “Wait. This isn’t a store?”

Me: “No, sir. We’re online only.”

Driver: “Well, then why do you have facilities? Doesn’t all that internet stuff come from the internet?”

Customer: “I’d like to buy some syringes.”

Me: “Can I see some ID?”

Customer: “They’re not for me, they’re for my dad. He’s a diabetic and needs them for his insulin.”

Me: “Okay. I still need to see some ID. Do you know his date of birth?”

Customer: “I’ll never forget his date of birth. I had it tattooed on my arm the day he died.”

(The customer proceeds to show everyone in the pharmacy the tattoo of his deceased father’s DOB–the same father that he is trying to buy syringes for.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [store]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Hi. I was wondering if you had [brand] formula?”

Me: “If you hold on, I will go check.”

(I go and check. I come back on the line a few minutes later.)

Me: “Thank you for holding, ma’am. We have the formula. Would you like me to hold some for you?”

Caller: “No, I’m in the parking lot. I just wanted to make sure you had it today before I came in.”

(I am a customer entering the store. I hear a loud scraping sound. I turn and notice a lady in a minivan trying to drive right over the median barrier in the road. She is trying to get into the drive-thru from the wrong direction. She gets stuck and keeps trying to drive through. I walk into the store to tell the cashier what is happening, but he stops us.)

Cashier: “Sorry, miss. It’ll be a few minutes until we can take your order. It seems as if someone has tried to drive over the median.”

Me: “It’s alright. I saw it happen. I was just about to tell you guys.”

Cashier: “This happens a lot. I think it must be people who really need coffee.”

(Just as she says that, the minivan drives up and parks. The lady rushes through the doors, and starts announcing loudly.)

Lady: “I need coffee. NOW!”

Related:
Has A Problem Espresso-ing Herself
Has No Problem Espresso-ing Herself
Espresso Yourself Can Cause A Latte Problems