Burger Joint | Seattle, WA, USA
(I worked at this little burger joint in Seattle. I’m white, but I’m bilingual. Our grill workers all spoke primarily Spanish, so I would talk to customers in English and call back orders in Spanish.)
Old Man Customer: “Now, what is a pretty young thing like you doing speaking the Dirty Man’s Language?”
Me: “Excuse me, sir?”
Old Man Customer: “You should be speaking English! Its only natural, here in America!”
Me: “It’s just fastest, sir. The language communicates more efficiently in an environment like this.”
(I was not about to tell him that the grill workers were mostly South American immigrants, after hearing his first reaction.)
Old Man Customer: “Have some pride in your country! SPEAK ENGLISH when you call back my order, do you understand?”
Me, knowing full well that his order wouldn’t actually come through if I did that: “I’m sorry, sir. I’m afraid it’s procedure.”
Old Man Customer: “I want to speak with your manager! This restaurant is just UNAMERICAN!”
Manager, who had been working the register next to me: “Si, señor?”
Old Man Customer: *storms out*
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Home Improvement Store | San Diego, CA, USA
Customer: “Yeah I need some shelving.”
Me: “Sure, do you want the wall mounted kind?”
Customer: “Oh…no.”
Me: “Okay, so you want the free standing kind?
Customer: “No, that’s not it either.”
Me: “Umm, okay. Do you want it to hang from a ceiling or something?”
Customer: “No, I just want some shelving!”
Me: “Do you want it to levitate??”
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Frozen Yogurt Shop | Pasadena, CA, USA
(Note: we are VERY generous in offering frozen yogurt samples in those tiny paper cups that could fit on your thumb.)
Me: “Here you go, our six choices!” *offers samples*
(Customer takes samples and shoves the whole thing in her mouth and sucks contents out. When done, she puts the cups back on the counter with yogurt and a LITTLE bit of saliva dripping off the sides. She scoots them in my direction.)
Me: *stares back, thinking, are you serious?*
Customer: *stares back at me for what seems like forever*
Me: “There is a trashcan right below you that you could put those in.”
Customer: “Ew, I’m not touching those! That’s your job.”
(The customer walks away, leaving me staring at the messy glob of cups on our front counter.)
Me: O___o
Video Rental | Reading, Berkshire, UK
(A man comes in with about 4 children running about behind him. He comes up to the counter.)
Me: “Can I help you?”
Customer: “Yeah…I’m looking for some *whispers*…porn.”
Me: “You mean adult movies?”
Customer: “Yeah, I guess.”
Me: “Sorry, we don’t stock those here.”
Customer: “What?!”
Me: “There are some stores in the town centre. Perhaps you can try there?”
Customer: “I want some porn now! What kind of store is this?”
Me: “I apologise, but we don’t stock adult movies.”
Customer: “This is ridiculous, I only want to watch some porn with my wife.”
Me: “Sorry, this is a family store.”
Customer: “MAYBE IT’S FOR THE KIDS TOO! ”
(Customer storms out with all 4 children jumping around behind him as I stand there dumbfounded.)
Wireless Phone Retail Store | Nashville, TN, USA
(Back story: I sold a woman four phones on a family plan for her and her 3 teenage daughters. She insisted that she be put on the 500 minute plan (the smallest family plan). I informed her that most teenagers can use 500 minutes in a week and begged her to take a larger plan.
She refused and became quite angry and belligerent with me for suggesting “that her daughters were not responsible adults.” I noted on her account that she was advised of all overage charges and that there were to be no refunds on the account for overage charges. One month later she returns purple faced and on the verge of a stroke with her $3,200 phone bill.)
Customer: “I need these charges taken off.”
Me: “No, I explained the overage scale to you when you activated your phone, and begged you to take a larger plan. You insisted this was the one you needed and I cannot refund any of the charges.”
Customer: “F**k you then, and f**k [cellular provider]. Cancel my account!”
Me: “I’ll be happy to deactivate your phones but unfortunately that does not release you from your contract. There will be a $240.00 charge for each phone on the account for breaking your contract and you will still be responsible for the current charges.”
(The customer suddenly throws her phone at my head. I duck and it smashes into the wall in a million pieces.)
Customer: “F**K [cell phone provider]! F**K YOU, AND F**K ALL OF YOU A**HOLES TOO!”
(Inexplicably, the last part was directed at the other customers waiting patiently for her to finish. She then proceeds to storm out to her car, a brand new Lexus SC 430. She redlines the engine, drops it into gear and hits a lamp post hard enough to shatter every piece of glass in the car as well as almost tearing the front half of the car off.)
Customer: *comes back in the store* “Can I use your phone?”
Another Customer: “Karma’s a b**ch, ain’t it?”
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Hospital | Joplin, MO, USA
Me: “[Hospital Name] Nutrition, this is ***, how may I help you?”
Patient: “Yeah, I was wondering if I could have some peas. Just been craving them.”
(I take the last name, look her up in the system to check the diet type/restrictions.)
Me: “Um, ma’am? It says you are allergic to green peas.”
Patient: “Yeah, but it’s alright. They just give me a rash.”
Restaurant | Lake Buena Vista, FL, USA
(I was working in the Specialty shop, which sells Mexican food, two types of sandwiches which are preassembled by chefs, and chicken strips.)
Guest: “What’s on the turkey sandwich?”
Me: *recites the list of ingredients, which includes cheese*
Guest: “Can you make me one without cheese?”
Me: “No, ma’am. These sandwiches come into the shop premade.”
Guest: “I just want you to make me a turkey sandwich with no cheese.”
(This went on for a bit. Finally…)
Me: “Ma’am, we have no sandwich-making materials in this shop. It is not possible for me to give you a turkey sandwich with *any* different ingredients.”
Guest: “Then what do you do for people who can’t have cheese?”
(I look at the ham and salami sandwich, which does not have cheese. I look at the fryer for the chicken fingers. I look at the shells for the taco salad, which is “Build Your Own” so all ingredients, including cheese, are completely optional. I look next door at the Grill shop, which serves hamburgers and hot dogs, cheese optional. I look at the Pizza shop, which serves items such as spaghetti and tomato soup. Then, I look back at the guest.)
Me: “I do not know.”
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Restaurant | New York, NY, USA
Coworker: “Hi, can I start you off with any drinks or appetizers?”
Customer: “Lettuce!”
Coworker: “…”
Retail | Hopewell Junction, NY, USA
(I rang up a customer and about ten minutes later, the woman comes back in, cuts in front of the rest of the line and begins yelling at me.)
Customer: “You never gave me my credit card back! You stole it!”
Me: “No, ma’am, I did not steal your credit card. I gave it back to you.”
Customer: “No you didn’t! I know you stole it! I demand my credit card back!”
(This goes on for ten minutes as I continue ringing up other customers, all of them staring at the insane woman screaming at me.)
Customer: “I looked everywhere and I cannot find my credit card! I know you have it!”
(She opens her wallet to show me that her credit card is missing. I spot the credit card in her wallet.)
Me: “Is your credit card a light-blue visa?”
Customer: “YES!”
Me: “…It’s in your wallet, right there.”
(She storms out with an attitude and doesn’t even apologize.)
Retail | Richmond, KY, USA
(An elderly man comes into the store and buys two cigars, I place them in a bag and try to hand him his receipt.)
Elderly Man: “I don’t want that.”
Me: “Oh, okay. I’ll just throw it away for you.”
Elderly Man: “Don’t do that I need it!”
Me: “Here you are then.” *trying to hand it back*
Elderly Man: “What am I suppose to do with it?!”
Me: “You said that you needed it.”
Elderly Man: “I do! But where in the hell am I suppose to put it!”
Me: “Your wallet or your pocket, maybe?”
Elderly Man: “It will get mixed up with everything else and I’ll have to dig it out and throw it away when I get home! I don’t want it!”
Me: “So you want me to throw it away for you?”
Elderly Man: “No, I need it to show my wife!”
Me: *confused* “Do you want it in your bag?”
Elderly Man: “Well that’s what it’s for, isn’t it–to carry things? What’s wrong with you trying to hand someone a receipt? Where the hell would they put it?!”
(I placed his receipt in his bag and he left muttering about me. He became a regular after that, and never again did I hand him a receipt.)
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