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    Complaining Incognito

    | United Kingdom |

    Me: “You’re through to ****** tech support, can I take your telephone number?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Okay, can I take your post code instead?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Okay sir, I’m trying to help but I need to bring your account details up in my system.”

    Customer, rather angrily: “What the **** do you want my details for? I can’t connect to the internet, you need to sort it out!”

    Me: “I will do my best, sir, but like I explained I need to bring up your account details to verify what the problem seems to be.”

    Customer, screaming: “That’s it, I’m calling your complaints department. This is ***** ridiculous. I also want to speak to your manager NOW!”

    Me: “Sorry sir, I cant do that as you haven’t verified any of your account details.”

    Customer: “That’s it, I’m leaving your provider for somebody else!”

    Me: “Thanks for calling ***** technical support. Have a nice day!”

    (Two minutes later my manager comes over and just bursts out laughing.)

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    QWERTY Makes Me Go ASDFASDF

    | Ohio, USA |

    Library Patron: “I need some help comparing heating prices.”

    Me: “Okay, let me show you a website where you can compare the different gas companies.”

    (Leads patron to computer, and types in website address.)

    Me: “Here you go. Just type in your information.”

    Library Patron, looking at keyboard: “These letters are all mixed up!”

    Me: “Uh, well…”

    Library Patron: “Have they always been like this?”

    Me: “Only since the 1800′s. Here, let me do the typing.”

    Maybe If I Just Dial Random Numbers

    | Suffolk, UK |

    Me: “Good morning, thank you for calling ***** Pet Insurance. My name is Barry, how can I help?”

    Customer: “I’m not happy!”

    Me: “And why is that?”

    Customer: “I don’t know the sort code for my bank account!”

    Me: “Okay…have you tried calling your bank?”

    Customer: “If I did that I’d end up talking to somebody in India! Can’t you just tell me?”

    Me: “Well, I sell pet insurance, so unfortunately, I don’t have that kind of information. I only have information on how much it will cost to insure a cat or a dog. I guess you could find it if you went to your bank’s website.”

    Customer: “Oh great! Could you do that for me?”

    Me: *sigh*

    Having A Hussie Fit

    , | Michigan, USA |

    Me: “Here’s your lemonade sir, what can I get you to eat?”

    Customer: “I’ll have a bowl of chili.”

    (I walk to the back of the restaurant get bowl of chili and take it to him. This takes all of one minute.)

    Customer, angrily: “That took far too long. Did you socialize with the other hussies that work here on your way?”

    Me: “No, sir. That’s how long it takes to walk back and get the chili.”

    Customer: “I’m not paying for any of this.”

    (He then gets up to storm out the front door but instead runs into the door that has the “Use Other Door” sign on it. The “hussies” and I didn’t stop laughing for a good 20 minutes.)

    Meatheaded

    | UK |

    (A customer walks up to counter and stares at produce.)

    Customer: “Don’t you have any vegetarian sausages?”

    Me: “This is a meat counter; we only have meat. We should have some prepacked though.”

    Customer: “But, I want to buy from here. Why don’t you sell them?”

    Me: “We only have meat on the meat counter, I’m afraid. Is there anything else you would like?”

    Customer: “Do you have tofu burgers here??”

    Me: “…”

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