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    Ah, Parents…

    , | Rhode Island, USA | Family & Kids, Top

    (The phone rings at around 6-ish.)

    Me: “Hello, this is D-…”

    (I hear loud crying in the background.)

    Man: “Hello, Disney World? I’m just calling to say that if my children don’t finish their vegetables in the next five minutes, we won’t be visiting you this year.”

    Me: “I…er…what?”

    Man: *whispering* “Thank you.” *click*

    Prime Rib With A Side Of Sadomasochism

    | North Carolina, USA |

    (As I serve an order of prime rib with a side of mushrooms…)

    Customer: “Ohhh, ewww!”

    Me: “Is there a problem, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Not really, I just don’t like mushrooms.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I thought you ordered the mushrooms.”

    Customer: “Oh, I did. But I just don’t like mushrooms.”

    Gullible’s Travels

    | Northern Virginia, USA |

    (A customer walks into the video rental store toward the end of a long, tiring night.)

    Customer: “Do you have any movies?”

    Me, joking: “Nope, just sold the last one.”

    Customer: “Alright…”

    (The customer proceeds to walk out of the store.)

    That Darned Cat

    | Texas, USA |

    (I work as a computer tech and do in house calls, I got a call one day and went to the customers house to assist with her computer not coming on.)

    Customer: “Thank god you’re here!”

    Me: “What’s wrong with the computer?”

    Customer: “It wont turn on at all, not even the monitor.”

    Me: “Okay…”

    (I begin to look at it, and it won’t come on at all, the tower or the monitor, so I check the easy things first. I find her power strip unplugged from the wall and plugged into itself. So I plug it into the wall and the computer magically comes on.)

    Me: “Okay, your problem was that your power strip was plugged into itself, and therefore did not have any power to the computer.”

    Customer: “How do you think that happened?”

    Me: “Well, I’m sure your foot got caught up in it and accidentally unplugged it from the wall, and then you saw a plug hanging there later and plugged it into the power strip.”

    Customer: “No, I don’t think that happened.”

    Me: “Well, I’m not sure as to what really happened, but that is what I think happened.”

    Customer: “I think my cat did it.”

    Me: “I’m sorry.”

    Customer: “I think my cat got back there and got caught up in it and unplugged it.”

    Me: “That’s possible…”

    Customer: “But how did it get plugged into itself?”

    Me: “I’m sure you saw it hanging there and plugged it into the power strip.”

    Customer: “No, I’m pretty sure the cat did that too.”

    Me: “I don’t think the cat can or did do that.”

    Customer: “Yeah he did…he does all kinds of stuff like that. One day I came home and he had turned the thermostat up.”

    (She was pointing at the thermostat which was on a wall with no way for the cat to get to it…and it was digital, so the cat would of had to push the button several times.)

    (That was just too funny, when I got back to the office and turned the work order in all the coworkers laughed because under problem description it said, “Cat unplugged power strip and plugged it into itself.”)

    (Since that day, every time we get a simple call we joke with each other and ask if the customer has a cat.)

    If Only It Grew On Trees, Part 2

    | London, UK |

    (I work in a local government call centre and take calls from the residents about all kinds of things–including education.)

    Customer: “Hi, I got your booklet about the school meals and it said I can get a grant for clothing.”

    Me: “That would be the school uniform grant. Could I take yours and your child’s details? I can send you an application form.”

    Customer: “I don’t have kids, can’t I have the money for myself? I’m on income support.”

    Me: “The grant is for the school uniform sir, and it is only available for children.”

    Customer: “So I can’t have the money for myself?”

    Me: “Um…no.”

    Customer: “For f**k’s sake!” *hangs up*

    (I wasn’t sure if he wanted the money for normal clothes, or wanted to buy himself an actual school uniform.)

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    If Only It Grew On Trees

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