Wireless Clueless & Hopeless, Part 4

| Queensland, Australia | Uncategorized

Me: “Welcome to [company], how can I help you today?”

Customer: “My internet is broken. This is so ridiculous! This happened two weeks ago. Your company is to blame and I am not happy!”

(The customer supplies their account details.)

Me: “Okay, so I’ve just run a quick test on your connection here and I can see that it is logged in, you say that you just cannot get any connection on your computer?”

Customer: “Yes! I’m getting ‘No Signal’. This is so ridiculous!”

(I go through roughly 20 minutes of troubleshooting, with the customer getting more and more angry the whole time.)

Customer: “It’s broken and it’s all your fault! It keeps saying ‘Check Signal Cable’ and it won’t go away!”

Me: “It says ‘Check Signal Cable’?”

Customer: “Yes! That’s what I said!”

Me: “Ma’am, is your computer plugged into your monitor?”

Customer: “Of course it…oh…” *click*

Related:
Wireless Clueless & Hopeless, Part 3
Wireless Clueless & Hopeless, Part 2
Wireless Clueless & Hopeless

Not A Chance In (Convention) Hall

| Sydney, Australia | Uncategorized

Customer: “So the next convention in Sydney is THIS Thursday?”

Me: “Yes, sir. Would you like me to register you?”

Customer: “Ah, well, Thursday isn’t really going to work for me. Could you move the convention to Friday instead?”

Me: “I’m afraid that we have already booked the venue and the speakers and planned everything for Thursday. It’s a little late to consider changing the date, especially since we have around 70 people booked for this particular seminar.”

Customer: “So…no chance at all then?”

Talk The Talk, Balk The Walk

| Richmond, VA, USA | Uncategorized

(The customer has two daughters, each with their own set of clothes for their toys.)

Customer, to one daughter: “Since your shoes match her purse, you girls can share the two between you.”

Me, to the same daughter: “Oh, what a good idea! Do you always share with your sister?”

Daughter: “Yeah, mom says, ‘Sharing is caring’.”

Me, to the customer: “Ma’am, your total is [price]. Would you like to donate a dollar to our charity?”

Customer: “No thanks, I’ve spent enough of my money today!”

D’ohpe

| Florida, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Why was my return denied?”

Me: “Ma’am, the system is showing us that you have recently made a lot of returns without a receipt. When this happens, corporate flags your ID and you can’t make any non-receipt returns for a while. It’s to prevent theft.”

Customer: “I’m not stealing. In fact, I have a lot of money. My boyfriend is a street pharmacist and he has a lot of money.”

Me: “A what, ma’am?”

Customer: “A street pharmacist! He sells dope.”

Me: “That is more information than I want to know ma’am. You have a good day.”

Even Rabbits Go Through Bad Patches

| Seattle, WA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Where can I find your carrot tops?”

Me: “We don’t sell carrot tops, but you can buy the whole carrot.”

Customer: “But I need to feed my rabbit her carrot tops!”

Me: “If people buy carrots would you like me to ask them if they’d like their carrot tops cut off and I can save them for you?”

Customer: “Oh that’d be lovely! I’ll come back next week after her therapy session. Her therapist thinks she has an anxiety disorder.”

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