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    …And Stupidity Resolves Itself

    | Maine, USA |

    Large Woman 1: “This is not my ice cream, I ordered the butter pecan! It’s simple–just scoop ice cream!”

    Large Woman 2: “This is not my ice cream either, I ordered the maple walnut! How d*** complicated is it to give people the right ice cream?”

    (Glancing at both of their ice creams, I realize that the problem was their fault, because they just took each other’s ice cream.)

    Me: “Yeah, complicated…”

    (I walked out back and looked at them on the security camera, until they realized they were the idiots, and left.)

    Ahh, Youth

    | Hartford, CT, USA | Top

    (A teen girl walks through security and collects her belongings.)

    Teen: “Excuse me sir, what did you do with my purse?”

    Worker: “I’m sure it came through ma’am, just look around for it.”

    Teen, in a condescending tone: “Sir, I would appreciate it if you would find my purse that went through YOUR machine that YOU lost. Thats your job you know, now reach up in the machine and feel around for it.”

    Worker #2: “Umm, your purse is on your arm.”

    Teen: “Oh…” *walks away*

    Breaking The Terms of Service, LA-Style

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA |

    (A customer is looking at a laptop. I approach to help.)

    Me: “That’s a really great computer.”

    Customer: “I don’t need a computer. I need wireless internet.”

    Me: “Alright, how much range do you need cover?”

    Customer, dead serious: “From here to Santa Monica.”

    (Note: This is about a distance of ten miles.)

    Me: “Alright, let’s start over. This time I’ll be from the future.”

    Singleminded

    , | Watertown, NY, USA |

    Me: “How can I help you today, sir?”

    Customer: “Yeah I’d like a pound of cajun chicken.”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir but we don’t carry cajun chicken, would you like some buffalo chicken in substitute?”

    Customer: “Which cajun chicken do you have?”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir but we don’t serve cajun chicken.”

    (My night manager is standing next to me. This guy goes on three more times, calm as can be, demanding cajun chicken.)

    Manager: “Sir…we don’t…would you like the santa fe chicken?”

    Customer: “I’d like the cajun chicken, where is your cajun chicken?”

    Me: *palmface*

    Manager: *slices santa fe chicken and wishes him a nice day*

    Sloth, Envy, Lust and … Prepaid Gas

    | Kansas, USA |

    (We are a prepay station. A little old lady walks in.)

    Lady: “So what, I can’t get gas now because so many idiots drive off? What kind of world do we live in that a Christian doesn’t get treated right?”

    Me: “… I’m sorry, Ma’am, we lost over 75,000 gallons of gas last year due to drive offs.”

    Lady: “This is just stupid. Why don’t you just turn the d*** pump on? I’m filling up, I don’t know how much it’s going to take.”

    Me: “Ma’am, you can either leave your keys, a credit card, or an ID, and I’ll be more than happy to turn the pump on.”

    (The lady hands me a $20 bill.)

    Me: “Alright, I’ll just prepay this 20, and it’ll shut off for you when it hits 20.”

    Lady: “No no no. That’s my down-payment. Turn the pump on and I’ll come pay the rest.”

    (I sigh and turn the pump on, I’m really not supposed to, but at least I’ll have some money to put towards it if she drives away. The lady goes out and pumps her gas, comes back in to pay.)

    Lady: “One day, the Lord is going to come down and smite everybody who doesn’t respect the Christians who live by the rules.”

    Man behind her: “I’m going to be a good Atheist and prepay my gas. $15 on pump 3, please and thank you.”

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