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    Empty Boxes And Equally Empty Threats

    | Overland Park, KS, USA |

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like to return this, but I don’t have a receipt.”

    Me: “Alright, let me see what I can do.”

    (I notice that she’s trying to return an empty display box, something no employee would have sold to her. It’s thus pretty clear that she shoplifted the box and is now trying to scam us.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I can’t return this.”

    Customer: “Why not?! Just because I don’t have my receipt?”

    Me: “Well, this is an empty box. There is nothing in it.”

    Customer: “What do you mean? I bought it like that! How was I supposed to know it was empty?”

    Me: “There is no way you could have bought it like that. None of the employees here would have sold that to you.”

    Customer: “Well, they did sell it to me! You have to give me the money back. This is ridiculous!”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, tell you what. Let me see your driver’s license. I’ll make a copy of it and run it through our machine and see if I can give you a refund then.”

    Customer: “Uh…I left my license in my car. I’ll just…uh…go outside and get it.”

    (The customer bolts from the store while leaving the stolen display box on the counter, jumps into her car and speeds off.)

    Monitoring (Lack Of) Progress

    | Michigan, USA |

    (I get a call from a customer saying that there is something wrong with her server.)

    Me: “Ma’am, is the screen frozen?”

    Caller: “Yes, it is.”

    Me: “Alright, go ahead and manually turn it off for me.”

    Caller: “Alright, it’s off.”

    (This is odd, as it normally takes up to 5 minutes for the server to turn off.)

    Me: “Okay. Go ahead and turn it back on, and let me know when it’s back up.”

    Caller: *without skipping a beat* “It’s back up, and still frozen.”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am. Are you actually turning off the monitor or the computer?”

    Caller: “I don’t know! I’m no computer whiz!”

    Economic Recession For Dummies, Part 2

    | Shirley, NY, USA |

    (A customer is cashing in a check worth $650.00.)

    Me: “How would you like that back, sir?”

    Customer: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “The cash…would you like it in large or small bills?”

    Customer: “I didn’t know you had different sizes of cash. Can I see which one fits in my wallet better?”

    Economic Recession For Dummies

    Seasoned Theatrics

    | Ohio, USA | Top

    Me: “Hello, what movie?”

    Customer: “Hi, I want tickets for two.”

    Me: “Two tickets, but what movie?”

    Customer: Yes, for Number 2.”

    Me: “Oh, I see, sir. The names of the movies on the side of the building don’t relate to the screen they are going to be in. What is the name of the movie you want to see?”

    Customer: “This is stupid, my wife and I want to see number 2! It‚Äôs posted outside. You should know what movie it is!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Can you tell me what the movie is about?”

    Customer: “I said it was NUMBER 2!”

    (Finally, the wife jumps in.)

    Wife: “Honey, just sell us two tickets for a movie. We can figure it out.”

    (As she requests, I sell them two tickets. A moment later, I can hear the husband grouching right beside my register.)

    Customer: “What kind of crap is this?! I don’t want to see no movie called JACKA***!”

    Wife: “Honey, you are the jacka***, and the whole theater just got a free showing!”

    Taxing Faxing

    | Brentwood, CA, USA |

    Me: “Hello Mrs. ***, I have the bid for your cabinets done.”

    Customer: “Great, thanks! Can you fax me a copy?”

    Me: “No problem, what’s the number?”

    Customer: *gives me the number*

    Me: “Okay, I will send it over right now.”

    Customer: “One more thing, this fax is at my work – could you please fold the paper in half before you fax it? I don’t want any of my coworkers to know that I am remodeling my house!”

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