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    A Rose By Any Other Name, Part 2

    | Mississippi, USA |

    Customer: “Do you serve boneless wings?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, we do.”

    Customer: “Ok, then that’s what I’d like to order.”

    (I bring the customer her meal.)

    Customer: “Here are your boneless wings, ma’am. Enjoy.”

    Customer: “This isn’t what I ordered.”

    Me: “These are the boneless wings your ordered ma’am.”

    Customer: “No, these are chicken tenders. I want boneless wings.”

    Me: “Ma’am, boneless wings are basically chicken tenders.”

    Customer: “No, I want chicken wings with no bones!”

    Me: “Yeah…those don’t exist.”

    A Rose By Any Other Name

    One-Woman Wrecking Crew

    | Olympia, WA, USA | Top

    Woman: “I’ve been standing out there trying to pump gas for the last 10 minutes! Your @&$%*# gas pump is broken!”

    Me: “I’m sorry. I’ll go out with you and see what I can do.”

    (I see a bright red “Out of Order” bag on the nozzle; she had shoved everything into her tank, bag and all.)

    Me: “Yes, that pump is broken. You’ll need to pull up to another pump.”

    Woman: “Oh, well you guys should really mark it better. I wasted a lot of time here!”

    Me: “Um…yes, we usually put a traffic cone in front.”

    Woman: “Oh yeah…I saw it, but I didn’t know what it was for, so I just drove over it.”

    (The cone was wedged under her car.)

    I Bet His Computer Has A “Cup Holder” Too

    | Tulsa, OK, USA |

    (This is from a few years ago, when I worked tech support for a major satellite TV company.)

    Me: “How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Is your satellite down?”

    Me: “No sir, the satellite is working properly.”

    Customer: “Are you sure? Because I’m not getting ANYTHING on my TV.”

    Me: “Well, let’s try and get this solved for you. What do you see on the screen?”

    Customer: “It’s black.”

    Me: “There’s nothing at all on the screen?”

    Customer: “I told you, it’s completely black!”

    Me: “Is…is there a message of any kind?”

    Customer: “Yeah, it says ‘searching for satellite signal’. That’s how I know your satellite is down. You need to connect me to a different one.”

    Me: “Well sir, just in case it’s possibly something else and not the satellite, could you tell me who installed your equipment? Did you pay for an installer or did you do it yourself?”

    Customer: “I did it myself! I’m not an idiot. I took the box out of the package and connected it to my TV and DVD player and stereo just fine. I know how to connect a few wires…”

    Me: “Okay, maybe there’s something blocking the dish, like a tree or perhaps a neighbors house. Where did you mount the dish?”

    Customer: “Dish? The bowl thing? It’s still in the box. Look, just connect me to your other satellite already!”


    Word Of The Day: Owned

    | Eau Claire, WI, USA |

    (As I am working in the department, refilling betta containers, dressed in company attire and name tag clearly displayed.)

    Customer: “Do you work here?”

    Me: “Yes ma’am, I do. What can I help you with?”

    Customer: “I was standing here for 10 minutes, waiting for someone to help me.”

    Me: “Oh, well I have been here for the last 20 minutes.”

    Customer: “Could you help me find this [competitor's can of cat food]?”

    Me: “I am sorry ma’am, we do not sell that brand here.”


    Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t.”

    Customer: “FINE THEN, PROVE IT!!”

    (I turn to the back of the can and read it.)

    Me:Marketed and sold by [competitor]. Anything else I can help you with?”

    Customer: *turns and walks away*

    Me: *smile*

    Yes, I’m 12 Feet Tall, With Horns And A Pitchfork

    , | South Carolina, USA |

    (A customer calls in 30 minutes before our store actually opens.)

    Customer: “Do you have [style of shoe] in a size 11?”

    Me: “Yes ma’am, we do. Would you like me to hold it for you?”

    Customer: “No. I want to pay for it over the phone, and then come pick it up on my lunch break.”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, I can’t do that transaction over the phone.”

    Customer: *yelling* “WHY NOT?! I’ll come in for it sometime between noon and two; it’s for my son, I want to be sure I can get this for his birthday.”

    Me: “Like I said, I can hold it for you–”

    Customer: “I heard you, but you aren’t hearing me! I want to buy it NOW.”

    Me: “I can’t do that over the phone, I would have to see your ID along with your card to verify that it’s yours.”

    Customer: “Can’t I just tell you my name?”

    Me: “No, because anyone could read the name off the card. I have to see a photo ID.”

    Customer: “Well, can’t I tell you what I look like then?”

    Me: “Are you serious?”

    Customer: “I want to speak to your manager.”

    Me: “I am the manager, ma’am.”

    Customer: “You’re a terrible manager then. You are SO rude!”

    Me: “Yes, you’re right.” *hangs up*

    (I can’t really say I’m all that surprised she never showed up for that shoe…)

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