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    Being Picky Is An Exact Science

    , | Indiana, USA |

    Me: “Welcome to ****, what can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like a medium coffee with twenty-seven and a half sugars.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, was that…twenty-seven and a half?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “You’re sure you don’t just want the twenty-eight?”

    Customer: “Ewww, gross! That’d be too sweet.”

    Yes, Your Highness

    | Cleveland, OH, USA |

    Me: “Excuse me, can I help you ma’am?”

    Customer, in a very mean tone: “Yeah, I need a Dove bar.”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am. The soaps are right over there; see the sign?”

    Customer: “…”

    Me: “?”

    Customer: “I’M WAITING…”

    Me: *sigh*

    (I go and get the soap and hand it to her. Then, she shows me a list of eight other things.)

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    Ask And Ye Shall Receive

    | Houston, TX, USA | Top

    (December 24th, last day for Christmas shopping.)

    Customer: “Do you have a Nintendo Wii?”

    Me: “No sir, unfortunately we are all sold out.”

    Customer: “Why?”

    Me: “It’s just pretty much the top holiday item, sir, and we have been selling out of the Wiis non-stop since last November.”

    Customer: “When do you get them in?”

    Me: “I don’t know. Not until after February, probably.”

    Customer: “D**n it! I have kids you know! Show some sympathy!”

    Me: “So do probably 70 of the 100 people in line behind you, sir. Now is there anything else I can help you with?”

    Customer: “What if I slip you a $20?”

    Me: “What about, no.”

    Customer thinking I’m stupid: “Well, sell me the box you have right there up on the corner of your shelf, you liar!”

    Me: “I can’t sell it to you, but I guess I could give it to you for free if it makes you feel better. There’s nothing in there by the way…”

    (Customer apparently completely ignores that last line.)

    Customer: “HELL YEAH I GOT MYSELF A WII! HAHAHAHAHA MERRY CHRISTMAS SUCKERS!”

    (Crowd stands with death glares fixated on me and the guy.)

    Me: *hands him the box* “Merry Christmas…next person, please.”

    Customer: “WHAT THE F***! GOD D**N S**T! There’s nothing in this d**n box!”

    Customer behind him: “That’s because he said that was just a display box. He gave it to you just so you could be happy and you accepted it, moron!”

    (Crowd of customers returns to holiday mode.)

    There’s A Turkey Alright, But It’s Standing In Line

    | San Diego, CA, USA |

    Customer: “Hello, can I please get a turkey burger?”

    Me: “You mean a turkey sandwich?”

    Customer: “No, I mean a turkey burger!”

    Me: “Miss, we don’t sell turkey burgers here.”

    (Another customer orders a soy patty.)

    Customer: “Don’t lie to me! That woman just got one!”

    Me: “That is a soy patty.”

    Customer: “DON’T F***ING LIE TO ME!”

    She Probably Needs Someone To Put Her Clothes On, Too

    | St. Petersburg, FL, USA |

    Customer: “Is this the children’s department?”

    Associate: “Yes this is.”

    Customer: “And where’s the little girl’s?”

    Associate: “Right over around the corner.”

    Customer: “Well? Aren’t you going to do your job?”

    Associate: “Ma’am?”

    Customer: “You know, you pick out my outfits for me.”

    Associate: “Like a personal shopper?”

    Customer: “What is this, some sort of self service store?”

    Associate: “Typically, customers shop for themselves.”

    Customer: “Well, fine! I’m going to shop somewhere else!”

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