May Be Stupid But Having A Ball

| Bangor, ME, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “The stop button on your roulette wheel isn’t working.”

Me: “Let me see.”

(I put a token into the machine. I allow the customer to play to show me what’s wrong.)

Customer: “See, now when I hit the stop button, it keeps going.”

Me: “The stop button only starts it slowing down to stop.”

Customer: “No, I mean the ball.”

Me: “Sir, the button does not control the ball.”

Customer: “What does?”

Me: “Physics?”

North Of The Moral Border

| Port Stanley, ON, Canada | Uncategorized

(A mother approaches me, violently dragging her two teenage boys along.)

Mother: “I demand you call the police immediately and have them arrest those ‘flashers’ at once!”

(She motions to the two topless girls on the beach.)

Me: “Actually, here in Ontario, it’s legal for women to go topless. Are you not from around here?”

Mother: “I am from America where we have morals and standards. You people sicken me! They are far too young to be doing that!”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, but there is technically no age limit on the law. It applies the same as it does to your sons.”

Mother: “Is there not a family section for decent people to enjoy the beach without these sick perverts exposing themselves to everyone?”

Me: “Again, I apologize, but it’s not about the beach. It’s legal for women of any age to go topless anywhere outdoors they please…same as men.”

Mother: “I will sue this whole country for punitive damages! My sons will be scarred for life!”

(Her sons are clearly scarred, as they are staring at the topless girls with huge grins on their faces. All of a sudden, three more topless girls walk past. She attempts to cover both her sons’ eyes with her hands.)

Mother: “Heathens! You will all burn in h***! Sinners and perverts, that’s all you Canadians are!”

Just Give Them A Watered Down Answer

| Niagara Falls, ON, Canada | Uncategorized

(I work at a hotel half an hour away from Niagara Falls.)

Customer: “What time do the Falls stop?”

Me: “You mean the stores? I think they’re probably closed-”

Customer: “No, no, the Falls. What time do they run until?”

Me: “The lights? I believe 10 or so–”

Customer: “No, no, I mean the actual waterfall, what time do they turn it off?”

Me: “Midnight.”

(It’s about 11:30pm, so they thank me and run out. Two hours later, they return.)

Customer: “Thanks a lot for the help earlier! I guess it was our lucky day. They didn’t turn them off yet!”

Jokes From Down Under Are Just Too Alien

| Bremerton, WA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling . How can I help you?”

Caller: “Have you seen District 9?”

Me: “Yes, I have. Do have questions about it?”

Caller: “Is this some sort of Australian joke?”

Me: “I beg your pardon?”

Caller: “All this movie has been is interviews with government people and aliens wearing brassieres! Am I watching some weird special feature or is this some kind of Australian joke?”

Me: “Well, the movie is in a documentary style and that definitely sounds like the beginning of the movie. If you want, you can come down to the store and exchange it for no charge.”

Caller: “Thank you very much. Those Australians have a weird sense of humor, man. I should know…I used to be married to a Brit and they’re strange, too!”

Me: “All right, sir you have a good night.”

Caller: “OK. I will put in a decent movie now which is not an Australian joke.”

Canada: America’s Hat

| Boston, MA, USA | Canada

(The customer’s total is $9.67. She hands me a ten dollar bill and three Canadian quarters.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I can’t accept this change.”

Customer: “Why not? It’s 67 cents and I gave you 75.”

Me: “Right, but this is Canadian currency.”

Customer: “So? They’re still quarters.”

Me: “Right, but they’re Canadian Quarters. I can’t accept foreign currency.”

Customer: “Canada’s not foreign! It’s in America!”

Page 2,082/2,657First...2,0802,0812,0822,0832,084...Last