May We Suggest A Troublemaker Instead

| Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | Uncategorized

Me: “Hi there, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Hello dear, I was wondering if I could return this coffee machine? It’s not making any coffee.”

Me: “Oh, right. Well, normally you would send it to the manufacturer and they would repair it.”

Customer: “Who?”

Me: “The manufacturer.”

Customer: “But I bought it here. Have a look at it anyway, son.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll have a quick look.”

(I open the box to find the machine wrapped in plastic and only slightly wet, but otherwise as clean as a brand new one.)

Me: “When you tried it out, did you put coffee in it?”

Customer: “Coffee?”

Me: “Yes, did you put coffee powder or granules in it?”

Customer: “No, of course not! Don’t be silly, it’s a coffee machine. It’s meant to MAKE coffee, is it not? Why buy a coffee machine that needs coffee in it to make coffee?!”

Fun With Photons

| California, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hi sir, was there anything I could help you find today?”

Customer: “Yes, I was wondering something. Why do all these glasses have the same white circles on the lenses? It’s really unstylish. I’m surprised people like this store!”

Me: “Sir, that’s the reflection of the light on the glasses.”

Customer: “Oh.”

Hasta-La-Vista

| Wisconsin, USA | Top

Customer: “Hey, you know them laptops over there? Do they come with the internet?”

Me: “They are internet capable and also have wi-fi.”

Customer: “So, I buy it and send it to the warehouse and they put the internet on it for me?”

Me: “You just need to select a company and purchase their internet services.”

Customer: “What? Then what the h*** is that Visto thing that comes on it? I need to buy two internets?”

Me: “No. Windows Vista is an operating system.”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “Getting the internet is kinda like getting cable television.”

Customer: “Cable?”

(The conversation only went downhill from there.)

Got An Urgin’ For Some Urchin

| Seattle, WA, USA | Top

(At the aquarium where I volunteer, a guest sticks her whole hand in our touch tank, rips off a sea urchin and proceeds to stuff it in her bag.)

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, but you can’t do that.”

Guest: “What do you mean?”

Me: “You can’t rip the urchin off the tank’s wall. Could you please hand me it?”

Guest: “But I was going to take it home and eat it. Isn’t that okay?”

We Ain’t Got Jack

| Worcester, MA, USA | Uncategorized

(Note: this occurred on October 30th.)

Customer: “Hi, can you help me find a costume? I’m looking for a Jack Sparrow costume for my son.”

Me: “Ah, well, I can tell you that Jack was a very popular character this year, and unfortunately we are out of all our Jack Sparrow costumes, even adults. But we–”

Customer: “What! That’s outrageous! How can you be out of the most popular costume?”

Me: “Well we’ve tried to keep up with demand, but I guess a lot of people shopped early this year. We sold out of many of the most popular costumes, Jack Sparrow being one of them. We have other pirate items.”

Customer: “No, no, no! He wants to be Jack! I can’t believe this, this is the fifth costume shop I have been to today and no one has this costume! Why don’t you people keep more of them around?”

Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am. If you like, I would be happy to help you pull together a Jack Sparrow costume out of items we do have.”

Customer: *walking away* “Outrageous! How can a store be out of the most popular Halloween costumes when Halloween is tomorrow?!”

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