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    One Bad Joke Deserves Another

    | Movie Theater |

    (I was once a ticket taker at a movie theater. The passageway to the restrooms looked exactly like the passageways to the auditoriums, and it had a small marquee above it, just like an auditorium. Naturally, the marquee displayed the word “Restrooms.”)

    2,137th patron who thinks he is making an original joke, pointing at the “Restrooms” marqee: “Is that film any good?”

    Me, getting tired of the lame joke: “I thought it was OK, but the reviews have been in the toilet.”

    Socrates Meets The Elevator

    | Edmonton, Alberta, Canada |

    Customer: “Is there an elevator to the theatre?”

    Me: “Yes, directly across from me.”

    (The customer walks to the front of elevator and starts yelling…)

    Customer: “How does this thing work?!”

    Me: “Press the button and when the doors open, get in and press floor number 2.”

    Customer: “No, how does this thing work?”

    Me: “Do you mean the physics behind elevators? This brand of elevator…or something more specific?”

    Customer: “No, how does it work with me?”

    (My phone is ringing and I must go answer it in a different room. I wander off. Ten minutes later, customer is still arguing with elevator. I leave for lunch…a very long lunch.)

    Everyone Loves A Cynic

    | Toronto, Canada |

    (I have been cleaning up the magazine section for over an hour, as people leave piles of magazines all over the store rather than buying them or putting them back. Two women approach me as I’m working.)

    Woman #1: “Excuse me, didn’t you have chairs here in this section before?”

    Me: “Yes we did, but we took them away because this area isn’t monitored as often and it results in a large mess and damaged products.”

    Woman #2, after leaving a pile of magazines on the floor: “Oh, so you mean you got lazy.”

    (I try hard to not roll up a magazine and bop her on the head with it.)

    Magical Little Computers

    | St. George, UT, USA |

    Caller: “Yes, I would like a room for tonight.”

    Me: “I’m terribly sorry. We are completely sold out.”

    Caller: “Really!? I can’t believe that.”

    Me: “I’m sorry. We truly do not have any rooms to sell.”

    Caller: “Can I be put on a waiting list?”

    Me: “No, we do not do waiting lists.”

    Caller: “Who has rooms then?”

    Me: “I would try **** and ****. They may still have rooms available.”

    Caller: “You mean you don’t know?”

    Me: “Um…no. I’m sorry I do not.”

    Caller: “Well book me a room at one of those then!”

    Me: “Yeah…there is no way for me to do that. I can give you their phone numbers though.”

    Caller: “Why can’t you just book them for me? Use your fingers at your little computer and get me a room!”

    Customer To The Rescue

    | Boone, IA, USA | Top

    (I was currently working in the electronics section of a discount super store, who’s favorite color use to be blue, when I was approached by a customer, which was surprising since the state was being hit by a significantly large ice storm.)

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like to pick up my pictures.”

    Me: “Hmm…it seems they aren’t in yet, when did you send them out?”

    Customer: *very angry* “They were supposed to be in today!”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, but the lab where they are processed is hours away and its too dangerous for the drivers to be out on the roads today.”

    Customer: “Well I made it, how come they can’t?”

    Me: “Sir, you live on the street behind the building, which is a much shorter and safer distance compared to the over 120 miles the driver would have to drive, especially on roads that not even emergency vehicles won’t go onto.”

    Customer: “I was told my pictures were going to be back today, and I want them today!”

    (I’m about to apologize to the man but am beaten to the punch by the customer behind him…)

    Customer #2: “Yeah! You guys should have dog sleds on the side just in case.”

    Original Customer: “Don’t be ridiculous!”

    Customer #2: *in a very apologetic tone* “I’m sorry, I thought it was my turn to make insane demands.”

    Original Customer: *storms off talking to the air about how rude people are*

    Customer #2: “That was fun!” *walks away*

    (Unfortunately, I never got to thank that second customer. Wherever you are Customer #2, thank you.)

    We Need One Of These In Every Store

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