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    It’s All About The Babies

    | Ohio, USA |

    Me: “…ma’am, I’m sorry, but unless you had insurance during that time, you will have to pay for the insurance we purchased for you.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand why you people are demanding we PAY for this s***! And the electric company wants money, too! How am I supposed to take care of my babies when all of you are demanding money for stuff?! WHAT ABOUT THE BABIES?”

    Kill Them With Kindness

    | Harrisburg, PA, USA | Top

    Me: “Thank you for calling C** Technologies, how can I help?”

    Customer, very irate: “Yeah! I didn’t pay my internet bill and now its saying my account is suspended and I want to know why!”

    Me: “Okay, you didn’t pay your bill, we suspended your account and you would like to know why?”

    Customer: “Yes! Why? Why did you suspend it?”

    Me: “Alright, let me take a look here…my system shows it suspended the account because you didn’t pay the last bill we sent.”

    Customer: “I know I didn’t pay the bill! Have a little f**king sympathy here! Are you customer service??”

    Me: “I’m tech support.”

    Customer: “Where is customer service at?!?”

    Me: “Our billing department handles all our customer service issues, I’ll transfer you down to them.”

    Customer: “You’re acting like a real a**hole you know that? You need to have more empathy for people!”

    Me, in the most uppity happy-go-lucky voice ever conceived; I almost gagged from bringing so much joy up: “You have yourself a fabulously sunshine-filled day, sir!”

    Customer: “WHATS YOUR F**KING NA–” *click*

    (Gotta love that transfer button…)

    Just Wait Until Congress Hears About This

    | Houston, TX, USA |

    Me: “Yes, how can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Well I need one of those things that go in back of my phone. What’s it called?”

    Me: “I’m not sure what it is, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Oh yeah, I remember what it is. A stem cell…”

    Me: “A what????”

    Customer: “You know, a stem cell so I can make calls…the little card thing…”

    (She was thinking of a SIM card; I died laughing when she left!)

    Age Ain’t Nothin’ But A Number

    | Texas, USA | Top

    (Yet another power cord/paint dispenser story…)

    Me: “Okay, it’s not plugged in.”

    Him: “It’s plugged in–it goes right to the back of the computer!”

    Me: “No, that’s a serial cable, not a power cable.”

    Him: “What’s this orange one then?”

    Me: “That connects the computer to the network. It’s also not a power cable and doesn’t connect to the dispenser anyway. The one for the dispenser is black and has a three-prong plug on the end.”

    Him: “Listen to me, young lady, I have been on this earth for 56 years and I know what a power cord looks like!”

    Me: “Yes, well, I’ve been on this earth 34 years and I know that some things have to be plugged into an outlet to work.”

    Him:

    Me:

    Him: “Oh. There it is. Okay, it’s working now. Thanks.”

    Playing Along

    , | Portland, OR, USA | Top

    Me: “Welcome to *** Pizza, how can I help you?”

    Customer (sincerely): “Do you have any Chinese food?”

    Me: “Errr…no.”

    Customer (still earnest): “Ohhh…really? What about Thai food?”

    Me: “Oh! Yes.”

    Customer: “Really?”

    Me: “No. Not really. Just pizza.”

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