October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Suddenly, Everything Just Clicked

, | Saskatoon, SK, Canada | Uncategorized

(I am helping an elderly caller troubleshoot her computer issue, and I ask her to unplug her router. I hear a strange noise, after which her voice sounds very distant.)

Caller: “Okay, it’s unplugged.”

Me: “You sound really far away, ma’am. Did you drop the phone or something?”

Caller: “No, all I did was open the window… oh!”

(The caller starts laughing hysterically, and I can now hear her clearly.)

Me: “What happened, ma’am?”

Caller: “I was accidentally holding the mouse to my ear instead of the phone!”

Not-So-Immaculate Conceptions

| Sioux Falls, SD, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m cleaning a table that a young couple just left and find a used tampon floating in their old drink and a pregnancy test hiding in their napkin. I turn around to see a frantic woman.)

Customer: “Where is it?!”

Me: “Uh…excuse me?”

Customer: “I left some personal things here – what happened to them?”

(I look at my tub and then back at her. She looks at my tub and then back at me, and suddenly turns pale.)

Customer: “Oh…”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am?”

Customer: *suddenly quiet* “Do you remember what the result was?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Well, that’s just f****** great! Thanks for nothing!”

Please See The Sci-Fi Section

| Seattle, WA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “What is this Blu-ray thing? Are they like movies?”

Me: “Well, ma’am, they are like DVDs, but with better graphics and sound. Let me show you this packet we have that explains it.”

(I show her the packet.)

Customer: “OK, well, do you have any movies that are 3-D?”

Me: “We have The Polar Express and the Hannah Montana concert, but those are not going to be near the quality that you see in the theaters.”

Customer: “Oh. What about holograms? Do you have any movies on holograms?”

Me: “What? No, those don’t really exist ma’am…”

Customer: “Oh. I’ll just come back later and check then.”

Please See The Time Travel Section

Shoot First, Worry About Living Later

| Washington, USA | Uncategorized

(I work for a propane company, and I had the following customer call in one day.)

Me: “Thank you for calling ****, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Your damn tank is hissing at me!”

Me: “Well, that sounds like a gas leak sir. How large is the leak, and can you see where it’s coming from?”

Customer: “It’s coming from the d*** hole in the tank where I shot it!”

Me: …you shot our propane tank?”

Customer: “How else was I suppose to get the gas out?”

Symphony In Underage Minor

| Baltimore, MD, USA | Top

(I work at a music store which also offers private lessons. There’s a student practicing on a piano when another customer comes in.)

Me: “Welcome to [music store], how may I help you today?”

Customer: “I’d like a to buy a piano for my son. He’s starting lessons next week.”

Me: “Digital, upright, or grand?”

Customer: “I just want a piano!”

Me: “Certainly. This is the Roland RD-700GX, which–”

Customer: “Is that girl for sale with that piano?” *points to the girl*

Me: “Uh, no, ma’am. That is a student. She’s just practicing.”

Customer: “Well, I want that girl to teach my son! How much does she cost?”

Me: “Ma’am, she is NOT for sale.”

Customer: “She’s not? But she’s sitting right there! This is false advertisement!”

Me: “We sell pianos, ma’am. Not children.”

Customer: “But it’ll be so romantic to have that playing in the background during meals!”

Me: “Ma’am. For the last time, she is not for sale. Please stop.”

Customer: *walks over to girl* “Hello!”

Girl: “Uh…hi?”

Customer: “How much do you cost?”

Girl: *without missing a beat* “Lady, you must be really desperate if you’re looking for a hooker in a music store!”

Customer: *quickly leaves the store*

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