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  • Got Him Out Of A Pickle
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    What They Really Think

    | Sydney, Australia |

    Me: “Sir, I’m afraid your SIM card has been destroyed due to entering your PUK code too many times. You will have to get a new one.”

    Customer: “Ok, thanks.”

    (Some moments pass and he hasn’t hung up. I put the phone on mute.)

    Customer: “Stupid b**ch!” *miscellaneous other insults*

    *mute off*

    Me: “Uh, sir, you might want to disconnect the line, I’m still here.”

    Customer: “OH F***!” *click*

    Tomorrow’s Leaders, Indeed

    , | Central Illinois, USA | Top

    (I work tech support for a university, and our help desk supports faculty/staff only. On this day, a student walks in.)

    Student: “I’m here to turn in my paper.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, this is the *** Faculty Help Desk, we don’t deal with student assignments.”

    Student: “But I don’t know where to turn it in. Can’t you just turn it in for me?”

    Me: “No, if you don’t know where to turn it in, I would certainly not have a clue.”

    Student: “But can’t you just take it?”

    Me: “No. If you’re really that confused, contact your professor or go to the department office. I’m sure they can help you.”

    Student: “But can’t you just take it?”

    Me: *blinks in disbelief* “Um…”

    Student: “Please, take it!”

    Me: “Ok.”

    (I proceed to take it and place it in the recycle bin in front of her.)

    Student: “Thank you so much!”

    All [Retail Slaves] Look Same

    , | Washington, USA |

    (I fix registers and self-checkout equipment at said store. I wear a badge, it states which company I work for and has a picture of me on it. It looks nothing like the name badges the store uses but everyone asks me if I work there or if I can help them. I always answer politely that I don’t and point them in the direction of someone who does. But this time…)

    Me: *walking to back of store to fiddle with a printer that was acting up*

    Lady: “Can you help us with picking a TV?”

    Me: *Looks around* “Me?”

    Lady’s Boyfriend: “Yes you, we need some help here.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I don’t work here.”

    Lady: “Look, I just want to know about some of the features.”

    Me: *dumbfounded* “Like I said, I don’t work here.”

    Lady’s Boyfriend: “Un-f***ing-believable…I guess this is what minimum wage pays for these days.”

    Me: *snorts and starts to walk away*

    Lady: “Well who the f*** is supposed to help us now?”

    Me: “Maybe you should try asking someone with ***-**** written on their name tag, I’m sure they’d be glad to help you out seeing as they WORK here.”

    Lady’s Boyfriend: “This is shoddy customer service! We want to speak to your manager right now!”

    Me: *shakes head and walks off*

    Lady & Boyfriend: *insert string of obscenities here*

    (I saw them 10 minutes later as I was leaving the store, they were complaining to a department manager. I’m sure they were trying to describe me because he had a very confused look on his face. Poor guy.)

    Honor Among Thieves

    | New Hampshire, USA | Top

    Me: “Your total is $87.95.”

    Customer: “I have a coupon for [X product]. It was for a dollar off.”

    Me: “Ok.” (I wait 30 seconds for her to produce it, but she stares blankly at the total on the screen.)

    Customer: “Well, aren’t you going to type that in? It’s for one dollar.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I just need to see the coupon so I can scan it.”

    Customer: “Well I don’t HAVE it with me…it’s at home. I forgot it, but it’s for [X product] for a dollar.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I can’t credit you for that unless you bring the coupon with you. You are welcome to bring it next time. Your total today is $87.95.”

    Customer: “So what, you don’t believe me? Why can’t you just give me a dollar off? That’s what the coupon was for.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I believe that you bought the product and that you have the coupon at home, but I am unable to give you the discount without actually physically having the coupon in my till drawer.”

    Customer: “Well that’s just the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. What ever happened to the honor system! It’s rude of you not to believe me!”

    There Is Such A Thing As A Stupid Question

    | Sitka, AK, USA |

    (I was a naturalist on a semi-submersible vessel for a summer in Alaska. The passengers get to sit in the bottom section of the boat, six feet below the water line, looking out of large windows. Over the course of the summer, I got a couple of fun questions.)

    Tourist 1: “Hey, where are all the tropical fish?”

    Me: *blink* “Um, in the tropics, sir. This is Alaska.”

    Tourist 2: “Are we going to see any bears?”

    Me: *looking out the windows at fields of kelp and bored-looking rockfish* “Sorry, no. We haven’t been able to get them to use the scuba equipment without chewing through it yet.”

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