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    Maybe If I Just Dial Random Numbers

    | Suffolk, UK |

    Me: “Good morning, thank you for calling ***** Pet Insurance. My name is Barry, how can I help?”

    Customer: “I’m not happy!”

    Me: “And why is that?”

    Customer: “I don’t know the sort code for my bank account!”

    Me: “Okay…have you tried calling your bank?”

    Customer: “If I did that I’d end up talking to somebody in India! Can’t you just tell me?”

    Me: “Well, I sell pet insurance, so unfortunately, I don’t have that kind of information. I only have information on how much it will cost to insure a cat or a dog. I guess you could find it if you went to your bank’s website.”

    Customer: “Oh great! Could you do that for me?”

    Me: *sigh*

    Having A Hussie Fit

    , | Michigan, USA |

    Me: “Here’s your lemonade sir, what can I get you to eat?”

    Customer: “I’ll have a bowl of chili.”

    (I walk to the back of the restaurant get bowl of chili and take it to him. This takes all of one minute.)

    Customer, angrily: “That took far too long. Did you socialize with the other hussies that work here on your way?”

    Me: “No, sir. That’s how long it takes to walk back and get the chili.”

    Customer: “I’m not paying for any of this.”

    (He then gets up to storm out the front door but instead runs into the door that has the “Use Other Door” sign on it. The “hussies” and I didn’t stop laughing for a good 20 minutes.)

    Meatheaded

    | UK |

    (A customer walks up to counter and stares at produce.)

    Customer: “Don’t you have any vegetarian sausages?”

    Me: “This is a meat counter; we only have meat. We should have some prepacked though.”

    Customer: “But, I want to buy from here. Why don’t you sell them?”

    Me: “We only have meat on the meat counter, I’m afraid. Is there anything else you would like?”

    Customer: “Do you have tofu burgers here??”

    Me: “…”

    Nowhere To Hide

    | New England, USA |

    Man: “Oh miss! I notice your shirt says the “*** Steam Train”. You work there?”

    Me: “…yes?”

    Man: “So there are, like… trains?”

    Me: “Of course…”

    Man: “So why are you at “Stop and Shop”? Shouldn’t you be doing your job? There are no trains here!”

    Me: “Sir, it’s called a lunch break.”

    Man: “Oh…” *radiates a healthy scarlet color*

    If Dr. Phil Has Hair, I’m A Friggin’ Sasquatch

    | Dallas, TX, USA |

    Customer: “I’m looking for that book by the guy with the hair.”

    Me: “The…guy with the hair?”

    Customer: “Yeah. I saw it on TV this morning. It has a red cover, I think…”

    Me: “What was it about?”

    Customer: “Ummm…I think it was about losing weight?”

    Me, making an intuitive leap: “Was it The Ultimate Weight Loss Solution by Dr. Phil McGraw?”

    Customer: “That’s it!”

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