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    Tasting Is Believing

    | SSM, Ontario, Canada |

    (The pool I work at is run using a salt water system instead of chlorine. I am in the process of adding salt to the pool when a hotel guest shouts at me from a poolside chair.)

    Hotel guest: “Miss! What are you putting in that pool?”

    Me: “It’s just salt. It’s not dangerous to you or anyone swimming in it. In fact, it makes the water that much safer.”

    Hotel guest: “Salt? That makes no sense! No one puts salt in a pool! They put chlorine! Why are you lying to me?”

    Me: “Sir, I assure you that this is nothing more than food grade salt.”

    Hotel guest: “I don’t believe you! It has to be chlorine! Get over here!”

    (I walk over to the man with my bucket of salt, where he proceeds to stick his entire hand in, pick up salt, and eat it.)

    Hotel guest: “Oh…I guess it is salt. Can I have a glass of water?”

    Let The Flamewars Commence

    | Stockton, CA, USA |

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I want to buy a PS3.”

    Me: “That’s great. Which one would you like?”

    Customer: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “Well, I have an 80GB and a 160GB available.”

    Customer: “What does that mean?”

    Me: “One has twice the memory of the other.”

    Customer: “What does that mean?”

    Me: “One system can store two times the amount of data as the other.”

    Customer: “What does that mean?”

    Me: “The 160GB system can hold twice the amount of songs, videos and game saves.”

    Customer: “Well, what is the difference between the two?”

    Me: “One system has twice the memory of the other.”

    Customer: “Can they both play PS3 games?”

    Me: “Yes, sir…”

    Customer: “Then what is the difference between the two?”

    (This went on for awhile. He ended up buying an Xbox 360.)

    I Can See Clearly Now The Brain Is Gone

    | Saarland, Germany |

    Me: “Hello, may I help you?”

    Customer: “I need binoculars.”

    (I show him a selection of binoculars.)

    Customer: “No, no, no. Not one of these. I want one with a magnification of fifty or so.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, there are no binoculars with a magnification of fifty.”

    Customer: “Are you saying I’m wrong? I’m an engineer. I have two diplomas. Two! I know how things work, thank you!”

    (He grabs one of the binoculars, holds it the wrong way round and looks through it.)

    Customer: “This one’s broken!”

    Going Nuts For Nuts

    | County Limerick, Ireland |

    (A customer comes up to my counter; he seems to be on something because he’s grinding his jaw and his pupils are dilated.)

    Me: “Hi there, what can I get for you?”

    Customer: “I need some f***ing nuts and bolts now!”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, this is the butcher’s counter. You’ll find some nuts and bolts in the hardware section.”

    Customer: “But I love nuts. Don’t you love nuts? They’re so shiny and they are just so useful!”

    (The customer keeps talking and talking, so I take it on myself to walk him to the hardware section to get his nuts and bolts.)

    Me: “Here you are sir, your nuts and bolts.”

    Customer: “Thanks, man!”

    (I watch as the customer gets dozens of nuts and bolts and heads to the front of the store. Without warning, he starts hurling them at the checkout girl. Another coworker and I wrestle him to the ground, but not before he crams some of them into his mouth begins to choke on them. Thankfully, we’re able to stop him. The ambulance and the police arrive shortly thereafter and take care of things from there. Craziest 10 minutes of my life.)

    Extremely Public Education

    , | Minneapolis, MN, USA |

    Me: “Hi, can I take your order?”

    Drive-thru customer: “I’m sorry, I don’t understand what you’re saying.”

    Me: “Can I take your order?”

    Drive-thru customer: “I know, I heard you. But why would you ask that question like that?”

    Me: “Um, I need to know what food to have prepared for you.”

    Drive-thru customer: “Don’t get smart with me! I heard what you said, and I would prefer it if you’d word your sentence differently.”

    Me: “Oh, okay. May I take your order?”

    Drive-thru customer: “That’s better! Yes, you may!”

    Me: “Okay, what would you like?”

    Drive-thru customer: “I’m not sure yet. Give me a minute!”

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