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    That’s A Latte Coupons

    | British Columbia, Canada |

    (A woman had been coming in every day and paying for venti drinks with all the trimmings using service recovery coupons. This went on for about a year and a half, and finally we were told to stop taking them from her. They were old, we had never given any to her, and she could not have acquired so many of them legitimately.)

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, but we can’t take any of these coupons, they’re outdated.”

    Coupon Lady: “…but I use these all the time. They always take them!”

    Me: “They’re outdated. There are new ones now, and we’re not allowed to take the old ones anymore.”

    Coupon Lady: *pays for her drinks, leaves*

    (The next day Coupon Lady returns with her husband and tries the same thing.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, I told you yesterday, we will not accept any more coupons from you.”

    Husband: “I want to speak to your manager.”

    (I go and get a manager; the husband commences shouting at manager.)

    Manager: “You’ve been using these coupons almost daily since this location opened. We are not going to accept them anymore.”

    Husband: “We know the man in charge! WE GOT THESE FROM THE HEAD GUY!”

    Manager: “Sir, if you’d actually gotten these coupons from the man in charge, you would know that the man in charge here is a WOMAN.”

    Ah, Students

    | Edinburgh, UK |

    (A group of students come into the bar dressed as cavemen, complete with wigs and squeaky plastic clubs.)

    Caveman 1, banging squeaky club on bar: “Ugg!”

    Me: *stares at him in disbelief*

    Caveman 1: “Ugg! Ugg!” *bang* *squeak*

    Me: *still maintaining silence*

    Caveman 2: “Are we getting service here or not?!” *bang* *squeak*

    (A crescendo of grunting student cavemen start to bang each other on the heads with the squeaky clubs and proceed to upset the other punters.)

    Me: “Right, that’s enough! You’re not getting f-ugg-ing served and you’re all f-ugg-ing barred!”

    (The cavemen left only to be replaced by a group of student girls dressed as nuns. They all got a free drink.)

    If You Don’t Have Anything Nice To Say…

    | Waco, TX, USA |

    (While performing a normal transaction…)

    Bank customer: “When is your baby due?”

    Me, smiling: “Oh, I had my baby 5 months ago! She’s doing wonderfully.”

    Bank customer: *waves her hand around her face in a circle* “Oh, I guess you still haven’t lost your baby fat.”

    Me: “…”

    I Woke Up Today And Felt Like Complaining

    | Encinitas, CA, USA |

    Angry man: “This is ridiculous! Look how small these cones are!”

    Other server: “Uh…?”

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Angry man: “Yeah! Each time I come in here, the cones get smaller and smaller, and the scoops are tiny!”

    Me: “Sir, those are standard sized scoops. But if you’d like, I can add on a bit more ice cream.”

    Angry man: “It’s not about the ice cream! It’s the fact that you are taking money from people and making everything smaller. This is ridiculous! Don’t you feel ashamed?”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir…I’ll talk to my manager about that if you’d like.”

    Angry man: “Yeah, well, good!”

    (He tries to toss the ice cream cone in the trash, but misses. He picks the cone up off the ground and throws it away. The other server and I try to keep from laughing.)

    Angry man: “You’ve just lost a customer for life!” *stalks out, red-faced*

    Me and the other server: “Wow…”

    (In re-enters a customer with his son who I had just served moments before.)

    Another customer: “Don’t worry about that guy. He was just screaming at someone over at the next door grocery store for not having the correct amount of bananas per bunch.”

    There’s No Accounting For Taste

    | Wellington, New Zealand |

    (I work at a city cafe and we open early and get a lot of stupid obviously not morning people coming in. This one woman ordered 2 coffees.)

    Me: “Here you go, two large flat whites.”

    Customer: *takes a sip* “You know, these aren’t really hot. Your coffee isn’t cheap you know. It’s not good enough.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, here, let me make you another one.”

    (I make her the coffees over, this time as hot as I can without burning the milk.)

    Customer: “Look, seriously, they’re still too cold. Make them again!”

    (I make the coffees again, this time burning the milk so badly it stinks, burning the coffee shot, and generally doing everything I can to make it a crap coffee. It is, however, really hot.)

    Me: “Here you go, I hope thats a bit better. If you still aren’t satisfied, I can give you a refund.”

    Customer: *takes big sip* “FINALLY, THANK you. Would it have been that hard to make it like this before?”

    (The only explanation I can think of is that drinking too much hot coffee has burned off her tastebuds.)

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