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  • Talking At-At Cross Purposes
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    Nonsensical Hypotheticals

    , | San Diego, CA, USA |

    (Customer has pulled up the the drive-thru after ordering a coffee.)

    Customer: “Can you add the cream and sugar for me?”

    Me: “It’s against policy to do that to prevent contamination.”

    Customer: “Well, what if I had no arms?”

    Me: *dumb founded*

    Customer: “If I spill the cream as I’m adding it while driving, I’m going to sue you!”

    Me: “Sir, you’re in a parking lot. You can pull over.”

    *customer speeds off*

    Manager: “If he didn’t have arms, how would he be driving?!”

    The Birds And The Bees Talk, Illustrated

    , | Belgium | Top

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like a Playboy for my son.”

    Me: “…excuse me?”

    Customer: “You know, a Playboy to play with.”

    Me: *trying very hard not to laugh* “You mean a Gameboy?”

    Customer: “Yeah that!”

    Customer: *realizes what she said* “OH!”

    How OJ Might Order OJ

    , | Midwest USA |

    Customer at a drive-through: “Do you have orange juice, not an orange drink?”

    Me: “Yes, we have orange juice.”

    Customer: “I asked if you have orange juice, not an orange drink!”

    Me: “And I said we do have orange juice…”

    Customer, yelling: “Why don’t you answer my question!”

    Me: “I did…twice…”

    Customer: “F**k you! I don’t need to take this!”

    Me: “Oooookay then…”

    Low Class, High Class, Still An Ass

    | Toronto, ON, Canada |

    (A customer is sitting in front of a display, reading a book.)

    Coworker: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but you can’t sit in front of our displays.”

    Customer: “I have to sit here because the customers over there are sending me bad energy.”

    Coworker: “Uh, okay…”

    (Coworker walks over to me.)

    Coworker: “Your turn.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but you can’t sit in front of our displays.”

    Customer: “I’m not low class you know!”

    (I walk away stunned. After awhile, the customer finally gets up and walks toward the cashier.)

    Customer: “I have a complaint about two of your staff members. They called me low class. I’m not low class–I’m almost forty!”

    A Burger, Made Entirely Of Cheese

    | Portsmouth, UK |

    Me: “Hi, how can I help?”

    Lady: “Yes I’d like a hamburger please…”

    Me: “Okay.”

    Lady: “…with cheese on.”

    Me: “Okay, so you would like a cheeseburger then?”

    Lady: “No, I’d like a hamburger with cheese on.”

    Me: “Yes, that would in fact be a cheeseburger.”

    Lady: “But it says on your menu that you do hamburgers.”

    Me: “Yes, we do, but you asked for cheese on it, so that is a cheeseburger.”

    Lady: *getting angry now* “Look, I just want a hamburger with cheese on!”

    Me: *calls over my shoulder* “One hamburger with cheese!”

    (Sound of giggling in the back.)

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