October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Almost As Dangeroos As The Jackalopes

Montana, USA | Uncategorized

Park visitor: “Excuse me, sir. I was wondering about where I could see deer in this park.”

Me: “Just about anywhere.”

Park visitor: “And what about the dangeroos?”

Me: “The what?!”

Park visitor: “The dangeroos. Where should I go for those?”

Me: “I don’t think we have dangeroos. In fact, I don’t think that’s even a word.”

(The visitor pulls out a yellow information sheet. Everyone who enters National Parks receives one at the entrance.)

Park visitor: *pointing at sheet* “Right here. It says, ‘Bears are dangeroos’. I thought that was a type of bear you had here.”

Oh Give Me a Home, Where The Jackalopes Roam

Dialog Boxes Are Forever

| Ottawa, ON, Canada | Top

(I’m at the library checking my email, when another patron seated next to me taps me on the shoulder.)

Patron: “Excuse me, I’m trying to get into email, but something pops up, I click “No”, and all I get is a blank page.”

Me: “Have you tried clicking ‘Yes’?”

Patron: “Why would I do that?”

Me: “Well, if it’s asking if you want to continue, and you should click ‘Yes’.”

Patron: *tries again* “It just brings up the blank page again!”

Me: “Did you click ‘Yes’ to continue?”

Patron: “No, I clicked ‘No’.”

Me: “Why did you click ‘No’? I told you to click ‘Yes’.”

Patron: *tries again* “Okay, do I click ‘No’?”

Me: “You click on ‘Yes’!”

(Not surprisingly, she clicks on ‘No’. She does this several times as other library patrons who overhear us begin to laugh.)

Patron: “Okay, so I get this message–”

(This time, I seize her mouse before she can do anything and click ‘Yes’. Hotmail pops up.)

Patron: “Oh, it works now! That’s funny. Thank you!”

Infinitely Loopy But Happy As A Clam
Stupidity Is The Mother Of Repetition
Stupidity Is The Mother Of Repetition, Part 2
Laziness Is The Father Of Repetition

Forensics For Dummies

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hi, what can I do for you?”

Customer: “I have this group photo. Can you scan it and cut people out?”

Me: “Yes, to an extent.”

Customer: “I want the people in the front row taken out so I can see what the guy in the back row is wearing.”

Me: “Um, it doesn’t work like that.”

Customer: “Why not? He’s standing right there! If you take these people away, you can see all of him!”

Me: “If I remove these people from the photo, all that will be left is nothing. Photos are two dimensional, not three dimensional.”

Customer: “That’s not true! I’ve seen ’em do it on CSI!”

Little Know It All Has No Reason To Be Still Waiting

| Lowell, MA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, how can I help you today?”

Caller: “Yes, I’d like to make a complaint.”

Me: “What’s the problem, ma’am?”

Caller: “Last night, I came here to see Sum 41 and The Offspring. Sum 41 called some people up onto the stage, but they didn’t know the words!”

Me: “Wait, you’d like to complain about a random fan a singer picked to come up on stage?!”

Caller: “Yes! These girls just danced around like fools! I’ve been a fan for years and I know all the words, so why wasn’t I picked to go on stage?”

Brainless Through The Looking Glass

| Greensboro, NC, USA | Top

(I’m stocking milk when I see a customer tapping the mirror that reflects back down on the groceries in the refrigerated section.)

Customer: “Excuse me?”

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “I was wondering if you could open this case so I can get to the eggs on the other side?”

Me: “All the eggs should be in the same place.”

Customer: “No, I want the ones in the case.”

(She starts tapping the mirror above the eggs again.)

Me: “Ma’am, that’s a mirror.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “There are no other eggs, it’s a reflection of the same eggs.”

Customer: “But I want those eggs!”

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