The Problem Was Licked

| Albuquerque, NM, USA | Uncategorized

(I am troubleshooting with a customer. I notice the liquid damage indicator is red, which means it has been exposed to liquid.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but your warranty is void since the phone has been exposed to liquid.”

Customer: “No, it hasn’t! I’ve never dropped it in water.”

Me: “Well that sticker only turns red when its been exposed to moisture.”

Customer: “Well then, of course it’s red. I licked it!”

Me: “Unfortunately, that would count as liquid damage.”

Customer: “That’s stupid! I just wanted to see if it really works!”

Yukon See It On A Map, Part 2

| Chicago, IL, USA | Uncategorized

(I am checking out a man with a thick southern accent.)

Me: “How would you like to pay for that?”

Customer: “Oh, darn. I must’ve forgotten my credit card at home. All I got is money.”

Me: “We do take cash.”

Customer: “It’s American money. I know you folks don’t take that.”

Me: “We take American money. This is America.”

(The man’s mouth literally drops open.)

Customer: “No fooling? When did that happen?”

Me: “When Illinois became a territory of the United States of America?”

Customer: “America took land from the Canadians? I must’ve missed it on the news.”

Related:
Yukon See It On A Map

Smelly Cat, Smelly Cat, What Are They Feeding You

| Farmington Hills, MI, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Oh, I needed help putting in this cat food, and the young man put in the wrong brand!”

Me: “Okay, let’s go over there and get the right one.”

(We walk over, and she looks at about five different bags of cat food, then goes to a bag of litter.)

Customer: “I think it was this one I wanted.”

Me: “Wait, did you want cat food or litter?”

Customer: “What’s the difference?”

TV On Demanding

| Texas, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [satellite company]. How can I be of assistance?”

Customer: “I need you to move the satellite, please.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Well, I want to watch the movie but we’re having a storm. Can you move the satellite closer so I can see the rest of the movie?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but the satellite is in space and I can’t just move it closer to you.”

Customer: “Okay. Well, can you pause the channel until the storm is over then?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, that is a broadcast going to everyone at the same time. We cannot pause the broadcast.”

Customer: “Okay, just replay the movie for me. I get home from work about 5, so if you could start it at 6 I’ll have time to make a bite to eat first.”

Me: “Ma’am, that is not how the broadcast works.”

Customer: “You’re just not helpful AT ALL!”

Helping The Needy

| Salem, OR, USA | Uncategorized

(To make the day more interesting, I am asking the prospective students about their Halloween.)

Me: “So how was your Halloween? Did you dress up?”

Student Caller: “I was Spock, of course.”

Me: “Awesome. Live long and prosper.”

Student Caller: “The needs of the many…”

Me: “…are greater than the needs of the few.”

Student Caller: “Or the one.”

*long pause*

Student Caller: “Marry me?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Student Caller: “What, is this moving too fast for you? Okay, how about a date? Coffee? I can be there in 4 hours!”

Me: “Uhh… I don’t think this is appropriate. If you have any questions, you can call the office of admissions-”

Student Caller: “Wait! I need to tell my mom I’ve met the future Mrs. Finkler!”

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