Caught In Your Own Conundrum

| Las Vegas, NV, USA | Uncategorized

(The company I work for sends out notices to people with FHA home loans letting them know that they may be eligible for a new FHA program, and to call us for more information.)

Me: “Hi, this is ***. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Take me off your mailing list!”

Me: “Okay, that’s no problem. What’s the file-number on the notice?”

Caller: “I’m not giving you any information!”

Me: “I just need that so I can pull up your file and remove you from the system.”

Caller: “I’m not giving you any information!”

Me: “But then I don’t know who you are.”

Caller: “Good!”

Me: “But then how do I know who to stop sending the notice to?”

Caller: *several seconds of silence, and then she hangs up*

Scratching Is Believing

| Melbourne, Australia | Uncategorized

(A customer appears at my elbow and grabs my arm.)

Customer: “You’re wearing too much make-up!”

Me: “I’m not wearing any makeup. I just have chap stick on my lips.”

Customer: “I don’t believe you!”

(Suddenly, the customer scratches her nail down my cheek and checks under it for make-up.)

Customer: “Oh, I guess you’re not. You have lovely skin.” Walks away*

(Her scratch left a huge red mark on my lovely skin that was still clearly visible three days later.)

Cereal Alcoholic

| Manitoba, Canada | Uncategorized

(It is 9 AM. I am serving a mother and her young son.)

Me: “Can I get you anything to drink while you’re looking at the menus?”

Mom: “What’s in a Roy Rogers?”

Me: “Grenadine and coke.”

Son: “I want that!”

Mom: “No, you can’t have coke for breakfast!” *to me* “Can you make it with sprite instead?”

Seriously Bad Hair Day

| Melbourne, Australia | Uncategorized

(It’s 10pm we are in the final motions of locking up, registers closed and lights off. I’m just locking the door.)

Customer: *runs up in a panic* “Oh no! You are closed? It’s an emergency! I really need to buy one thing!”

Me: “Sorry, we’re closed. Maybe you could come back in the morning.”

Customer: “No! I can’t wait that long-this is an emergency! Please help me!”

Me: “OK, I suppose I can help you quickly for an emergency. Do you need antibiotics or paracetamol or something?”

Customer: “I need a packet of hair pins!”

Photo Incognito

| Ottawa, ON, Canada | Uncategorized

Me: “How can I help you, ma’am?”

Customer: “My daughter’s passport photo was just rejected.”

Me: “Did she take it here?”

Customer: “No, it was taken at [other location].”

Me: “What can we do for you then?”

Customer: “It needs to be retaken!”

Me: “Well, if you would like to have your daughter come in we will be happy to take it for her.”

Customer: “She has to be here?”

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