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    A Customer And A Blowtorch: This Cannot End Well

    | Prince George, BC, Canada |

    (At our store, we sell mostly tool related items. At the time, I worked in the welding section, and was letting a customer try out a few welding. He was trying a MIG welder, which requires you to be quite close to the work.)

    Customer: “Why isn’t this working?” (Holds torch about three feet from work.)

    Me: “Well, you have to hold it about an inch away from the work for it to work.”

    Customer: “Why isn’t it working?” (He has it about a foot away now.)

    Me: “Closer…”

    Customer: (Six inches.)

    Me: “Closer…”

    Customer: (Three inches.)

    Me: “Closer…”

    Customer: “Why isn’t it working!” (He has just welded the torch to the work.)

    Me: “Not that close!!!!”

    (This goes on for a good 20 minutes, even after I ran a beautiful bead for him at the right distance.)

    Coworkers: They Make Life Worth Living

    | Newfoundland, Canada |

    Tourist: “I saw a sign that said historic downtown, what’s down there?”

    (To the best of my knowledge, no such sign exists so I’m already confused.)

    Me: “Uh, a few churches and shops.”

    Tourist: “Oh, how do I get to the lighthouse?”

    Me: “You go through downtown.”

    Tourist: “I don’t want to go through downtown!”

    Me: “Sorry, but that’s how you get there.”

    Tourist: “Is there another way to get there?”

    Annoyed coworker: “You could fly there on your broom!”

    (The tourist looks shocked and storms out.)

    Gotta Love Them DIY ‘Puters

    , | London, ON, Canada | Top

    (I was working in warranties for a large computer manufacturer, mostly with businesses but a few individuals came through on the line here and there.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling ***. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “My computer don’t work.”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am. Can I get the serial number off of your CPU?”

    Customer: “My what?”

    Me: “The computer tower.”

    Customer: “Huh?”

    (I’ll spare you the agony but, I went on for about 3 more minutes trying to describe the CPU and getting nowhere.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t seem to be expressing myself well today. Can you describe to me all the computer parts on your desk? I’ll tell you which one the number I need is on.”

    Customer: “It’s just a keyboard and a screen, like any other computer.”

    Me: “Oh, you have a laptop!”

    Customer: “A what?”

    Me: “A little computer you can take with you. The keyboard and screen fold together with a hinge in the middle, right?”

    Customer: “No, I don’t! I don’t know what is wrong with you computer people today. First the sales guy tries to sell me a bunch of sh*t I don’t need in this big box package and now you don’t even know what a computer is! Brand new today and it don’t even work.”

    Me: “So…you just bought a keyboard and a monitor?”

    Customer: “What’d I need all the rest uh’ that sh*t in the box for? This was way cheaper! I ain’t stupid!”

    Me: “…”

    Racism Rears Its Ugly Head, Gets Decapitated

    , | Charlottesville, VA, USA |

    (Working at a sandwich place across the street from my college campus. One of my Spanish professors enters, and we chat in Spanish as I make her food. Another man comes in while we’re chatting, and stares at us.)

    Customer: “What the hell? Don’t you dare coddle that job-stealing Mexican!”

    Me: “Sir, that woman is a Ph.D. I can guarantee you, she did not steal your job. Oh, and she’s from New York. Can I take your order?”

    Customer: *storms out*

    On Pennies, Principles, and Pissiness

    | Edmonton, AB, Canada |

    (This is when I was working at a certain home improvement store in a rural area of Edmonton.)

    (A lady walks up carrying a bag of manure.)

    Lady: “Can you tell me the price of this item, please?”

    Me: “Sure thing. It comes up to $6.50, ma’am.”

    Lady: “$6.50? Hmm…I don’t suppose you can call [competitor store] and see how much they sell it for, can you?”

    Me: “Sure thing, ma’am.”

    (I call up our competitor, and it turns out they sell the same product for $6.49.)

    Me: “They have it on sale for $6.49, ma’am.”

    Lady: “$6.49! Would you be able to make a price match?”

    Me: “Uh….you want me to lower the price from $6.50 to $6.49?”

    Lady: “Yes, that’s right. Is that a problem?”

    Me: “Well, uh…”

    (She wants it lowered by a CENT? The store policy doesn’t let me lower it unless it’s a dollar difference, or by special request of the currently absent manager.)

    Me: “Erm…well, policy is that we can’t lower the price unless the difference is at least a dollar.”

    Lady: “What!? That’s crazy! I demand you lower the price for me, or I’m taking this straight to management!”

    Me: “Ma’am, there’s really no need to do that. It’s company policy, there’s nothing really I can do.”

    Lady: “FINE!” *throws down the bag* “I’m leaving and going to [competitor store]!”

    Me: “…Have a nice day.”

    (I’d like to point out that the nearest competitor store is about twenty minutes away. She’d have paid more in gas getting there than she would have if she just bought it here.)

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