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    Self Checkout Lanes: Asking For Trouble

    | Harrisburg, PA, USA |

    (At the self checkout, a customer is waving a lime over the scanner.)

    Customer: “Why isn’t my lime scanning?”

    Me: “Produce items don’t have bar codes on them, ma’am.”

    Customer: “So?”

    Me: *facepalm*

    (Little Red Riding) In The ‘Hood

    | Roanoke, VA, USA |

    Me: “Hello ma’am, what can I do for you?”

    Woman: “Well, I’m looking for a book to get my daughter reading, but I’m not sure where to look.”

    Me: “Okay, what does your daughter like?”

    Woman: “She really likes ghosts…and gangs.”

    Me: “?”

    Woman: “Oh, she’s a gang member.”

    Me: “Um…”

    (A tiny, little white girl in a wife beater hops up to the desk.)

    Girl: “Yo, mama, you find me a d*mn book yet?”

    Me: “…true crime?”

    (So, I help them find a book about gang wars, because I guess that fits both stipulations and take them to the register. My manager is working the register and tells me that he used to be really good friends with the mother. After I tell him that she said her little girl was a gang member he tells me that “they both were always a little stupid.”)

    All Are Retail Slaves

    | North Bay, ON, Canada | Top

    (Note: I wasn’t actually an employee, I was just a regular customer walking around this store. A middle aged woman walks up to me.)

    Lady: “Excuse me, do you have any golf clubs?”

    Me: “Sorry, I don’t work here.”

    Lady: “But you look like you do…”

    Me: “Sorry, no…all the employees here have red vests and tags that say ***** ******* on them.”

    Lady: “But can you tell me where the golf clubs are?”

    Me: “No, I don’t even live in this town [which was true]. I am just looking around.”

    Lady: “Well, you’re no help. I might as well look in the other store.” *walks away in a huffy mood*

    Me, loudly: “MAYBE IF YOU PAID ME, I’D HELP!”

    [Insert Apple Joke Here]

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA |

    (Telephone technical support for a printer manufacturer.)

    Customer: “First of all, I’m a Mac tech, so I know what the hell I’m doing; let’s get that straight right away!”

    Me: “Ok.”

    (It turned out he needed to reinstall some fonts, so we got the installer started.)

    Customer: “It says, ‘Insert Disk One.’ What should I do?”

    Me: “Um, insert disk one…”

    Fatheaded

    , | Newton, MA, USA |

    Customer: “What’s the difference between low-fat and non-fat yogurt?”

    Me: “Well, the low-fat has only a small amount of fat whereas the non-fat has none at all.”

    Customer: “What’s fat?”

    Me: “…”

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