Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • Your Connection Is Totally Forked
    (1,905 thumbs up)
  • November Theme Of The Month: I Don't Work Here!
    Submit your story today!

    Back In My Day, Everyone Had Herpes

    | San Francisco |

    Cashier: “Hello.”

    Old Lady #1: “Stick out your tongue!”

    Cashier: “Excuse me?”

    Old Lady #1: “Stick out your tongue!”

    Cashier: “Um, why?”

    Old Lady #2: “What is that on your tongue?”

    Old Lady #1: “Is that the herpes?”

    Cashier: *sticks out tongue and points to a pink tongue piercing* “This?”

    Old Lady #1: “Yes, what is that?”

    Cashier: “A tongue piercing.”

    Old Lady #1: *looks to Old Lady #2* “Oh! We thought it was the herpes!”

    Cashier: “Uh, no. Just a pink plastic piercing.”

    Old Lady #2: “Oh good! I didn’t think they let people with STDs come to work!”

    Touché, Part Deux

    | Chicago, IL, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I want to know why I received a late fee on my statement?”

    Me: “Let me check for you…I do apologize sir, your payment was received 15 days after the due date, which caused the fee.”

    Customer: “I see, can you remove it?”

    Me: “Unfortunately no, you have had three removed this year already. This fee will not be removed.”

    Customer: “What do you mean you won’t remove the f****** fee! I always pay on time!”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “What, are you stupid? Your g** d*** mother not educate you? Are you some kind of bank nazi? Remove my fee!”

    Me: “As I stated, this fee is valid and will not be removed.”

    (This went on for about 4-5 minutes, his requests heavily sprinkled with profanity and insults.)

    Customer: “Fine, you know what? You can take this g** d*** mo**** f****** Visa card and shove it up your g** d*** mo**** fu***** a**!”

    Me: “Sorry sir, my a** only accepts American Express.” *click*

    Related:
    Touché

    Shopping Amongst The Commoners

    | Columbus, OH, USA |

    Customer: “I’m here to pick up a book I ordered.”

    Me: “Did you receive a card saying it was in?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Great, let me get it for you. What’s your last name?”

    Customer: *gives last name*

    Me: *goes to special order shelf, behind the cashwrap, to find the book*

    Customer: *comes behind the cashwrap and looks too*

    Me: “Sir, I need to ask you to step back in front of the registers. This is a secure area.”

    Customer: *ignores, keeps looking*

    Me: “Sir, please step back! We don’t allow customers in this area!”

    Customer: *grumbles, steps back*

    Me: *finds book, completes sale*

    Customer: *leaves*

    Coworker, laughing: “Do you know who that was?”

    Me: “Well…he looked familiar.”

    Coworker: “That was the governor! You just bossed the governor around!”

    (I felt a little silly for not recognizing him, but he hadn’t been governor for long, had a common last name and looked like every other rich, entitled guy who ever came into the store.)

    Someone Needs Sensitivity Training

    | Ringoes, NJ, USA |

    (I’m at home, on Christmas Day with my family, eating dinner. Our number is similar to a floral shop in our town, so we’re constantly getting calls from customers.)

    Me: “Hello?”

    Caller: “WHERE ARE MY FLOWERS?! I ORDERED MY FLOWERS FOR NOON ON CHRISTMAS DAY AND I DON’T HAVE THEM YET! WHY CAN’T YOU PEOPLE EVER DELIVER MY FLOWERS RIGHT?! LAST YEAR, I…”

    (I predicted a whole novel’s worth of stories, so I figured I would cut in…)

    Me: “Sir! This isn’t the floral shop, you have the wrong number. This is *my number* and you just interrupted our Christmas dinner.”

    Caller: “WELL, F*** YOUR CHRISTMAS DINNER!” *click*

    Like Son, Like Father

    | Ottawa, Canada |

    (I bring a couple and their child place settings and a colouring mat for the 6 year old.)

    Me: “Hi, can I get you guys started with something to drink?”

    Father: “Sure, I’ll have a Pepsi, and bring me another one of those place mats. I like to colour while I wait.”

    Me: *laughs* “You and the boy are going to have a bit of a contest, eh?

    (I obviously thought he was making a joke.)

    Father: *agitated* “Yeah, is that a problem?”

    Me: “Uh, not at all sir…would you like Barney the dinosaur or Spongebob?”

    Page 2,053/2,187First...2,0512,0522,0532,0542,055...Last