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    A Calculated Whisk

    | Waukesha, WI, USA | Uncategorized

    (A customer arrives to pick up the meal he ordered over the phone.)

    Me: “So you would like to add to chocolate shakes to your phone in order?”

    Customer: “Yes, please.”

    (I crack out calculator to add the two orders and sales tax.)

    Customer: “Typical! Teenagers can’t solve any problems without a calculator.”

    Me: “Okay then, what’s your total?”

    Customer: “I don’t know. Let me see the calculator.”

    The Lights Are Off, But Sadly Someone’s Home

    | Kentucky, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Hi, thank you for calling [cell phone company]. How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Yeah, my phone is frozen and I can’t seem to get it do anything.”

    Me: “Seems like we need to do a soft reset. Take off the back cover and look for a little hole that says reset next to it.”

    Customer: “I don’t see it.”

    Me: “Okay, follow the line down to it that’s next to the battery.”

    Customer: “I still can’t find it.”

    (After 25 minutes and several failed attempts at trying to find the reset button…)

    Customer: “Oh, wait a minute…I think I know why. The lights are off in here.”

    Me: “The…lights are off?”

    Customer: “Give me a few moments and I’ll walk to the next room.”

    Craz-E

    | Baton Rouge, LA, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: *on the drive-thru intercom* “Welcome to [coffee company]. What can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “I need an ‘E’.”

    (The customer immediately pulls away from the intercom.)

    Me: “What the heck’s an ‘E’?”

    Coworker: “Oh, that’s for [famous lawyer]. I don’t remember exactly what it is, but he always expects us to know it. He won’t explain it if you ask. Try a [incredibly complicated drink].”

    (The customer refuses to make small talk, and we notice him dump his coffee out his car window as he drives away.)

    Coworker: “We must not have got it right. He’ll try the location down the street next.”

    The Customer Is Always Right (And Regular)

    | Pennsylvania, USA | Uncategorized

    Coworker: “Hello, how may I help you?”

    Caller: “I just called and made an order for delivery, but please tell the driver to wait. I have to go have bowel movements.”

    Coworker: “Um, sure thing, ma’am.”

    (About 10 minutes go by…)

    Me: “Hello, how may I help you?”

    Same customer: “You can tell the driver he can bring my food to me now. I’m done with my bowel movements.”

    Not Berry Bright

    | Shelton, WA, USA | Uncategorized

    (A customer walks up to my berry stand and motions at a pack of strawberries.)

    Me: “Hello, sir. A pack is $11.”

    Customer: *hands me a dollar bill*

    Me: “Sorry, it’s $11 sir.”

    Customer:*hands me another dollar and looks at me expectantly*

    Me: “Well, I just need nine more of these.”

    Customer:*hands me another dollar bill*

    Me: “We’re getting there. Eight more.”

    Customer: *looks at me, confused, then walks away*

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