Coming Soon: My Big Fat Greek Divorce

| Kansas City, MO, USA | Uncategorized

(A man comes up to the box office with his wife.)

Customer: “Two tickets, please.”

Me: “Sure, what movie.”

(Male customer just points at his wife. She does not notice.)

Me: “Uh, sir, I need to know which movie you’d like to see.”

(Continues to just point at his wife.)

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t understand what you’re trying to tell me.”

Customer: “She’s a Big, Fat, Greek Woman!”

Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 5

| United Kingdom | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [service provider]. How may I help you today?”

Customer: “Well, I bought one of these mobile phones, only I don’t find it very ‘mobile’.”

Me: “I’m not really sure I understand the nature of your problem. Are you not receiving a good signal strength?”

Customer: “I’m able to call people. It’s just that I had a corded phone before, and this one is no better. I can’t get any further away from the wall.”

Me: “Do you have the handset attached to the charger cable?

Customer: “Yeah, the booklet said to plug it in before I can use it. This is crazy! I spent all this money and it’s still got 3 feet of cable!”

Me: “Ma’am, once the phone has had the initial charge of around 12 hours, you can detach the cable and take it with you where ever you like.”

Customer: “Oh! Asking my son would have been much less embarrassing. Thanks!”

Related:
Wireless, Clueless & Hopeless, Part 4
Wireless, Clueless & Hopeless, Part 3
Wireless, Clueless & Hopeless, Part 2
Wireless, Clueless & Hopeless

Caught In Your Own Conundrum

| Las Vegas, NV, USA | Uncategorized

(The company I work for sends out notices to people with FHA home loans letting them know that they may be eligible for a new FHA program, and to call us for more information.)

Me: “Hi, this is ***. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Take me off your mailing list!”

Me: “Okay, that’s no problem. What’s the file-number on the notice?”

Caller: “I’m not giving you any information!”

Me: “I just need that so I can pull up your file and remove you from the system.”

Caller: “I’m not giving you any information!”

Me: “But then I don’t know who you are.”

Caller: “Good!”

Me: “But then how do I know who to stop sending the notice to?”

Caller: *several seconds of silence, and then she hangs up*

Scratching Is Believing

| Melbourne, Australia | Uncategorized

(A customer appears at my elbow and grabs my arm.)

Customer: “You’re wearing too much make-up!”

Me: “I’m not wearing any makeup. I just have chap stick on my lips.”

Customer: “I don’t believe you!”

(Suddenly, the customer scratches her nail down my cheek and checks under it for make-up.)

Customer: “Oh, I guess you’re not. You have lovely skin.” Walks away*

(Her scratch left a huge red mark on my lovely skin that was still clearly visible three days later.)

Cereal Alcoholic

| Manitoba, Canada | Uncategorized

(It is 9 AM. I am serving a mother and her young son.)

Me: “Can I get you anything to drink while you’re looking at the menus?”

Mom: “What’s in a Roy Rogers?”

Me: “Grenadine and coke.”

Son: “I want that!”

Mom: “No, you can’t have coke for breakfast!” *to me* “Can you make it with sprite instead?”

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