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    An Unfortunate Choice Of Words

    | Ontario, Canada |

    (I worked for a large Internet service provider; customers are set up with an email address of their choice, over the phone. Someone obviously misheard her.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling high speed internet technical support. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I can’t get my email.”

    Me: “I should be able to help with that … let me pull up your information and I will see what I can do for you.”

    Customer: “My email address is SweetyPetty@***.***.”

    (I pull up the customer’s info.)

    Me: “I see here that your email address is … SweatyTitties@***.***.”

    Customer: “WHAT! That’s not my email address! I demand it be changed now!”

    Me: *having entirely too much fun with policy* “Oh I can do that for you, ma’am, but if I do the email address SweatyTitties will be unavailable for 30 days. Are you sure you don’t want SweatyTitties?”

    Customer: “No, I don’t want SweatyTitties!”

    Me: “Okay, so I will delete SweatyTitties off your account and replace it with SweetyPetty.”

    (At this point, the other tech support people around me are laughing.)

    Customer: “YES, YES please get rid of SweatyTitties!”

    Kids Say The Truthiest Things

    , | Belgium | Top

    (Santa was visiting our store, and every kid got a small bag of candy. Then this happened…)

    Santa: “Here you go, little boy!”

    Kid: “Thank you, Santa!”

    Mom: “Aren’t you forgetting anything?”

    Kid: “What, mommy?”

    Mom: “Ask Santa for another bag for your brother like I told you.” *looks at Santa* “He’s sick at home and couldn’t come.”

    Santa: “No problem!” *reaches for another bag*

    Kid: “But mommy, I don’t have a brother!”

    Mom: “…”

    Santa: *puts bag back*

    When All Else Fails, Rephrase

    | Las Vegas, NV, USA |

    (I’m selling tickets to a show of the High School Musical Tour.)

    Customer: “I already have tickets; I just need meet and greet passes for my two girls.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, you have to get those from the PR people in the show.”

    Customer: “I only need two, though.”

    Me: “I understand, but we do not physically have any meet and greet passes here. You can only get them from the show.”

    Customer: *snooty* “I’m from Summerlin, though.”

    (Summerlin is an upscale, high class part of Las Vegas.)

    Me: “Let me talk to my manager.”

    (I walk to the back, count to ten and come back out.)

    Me: “My manager said if you go into the show and talk to the PR people, they should have some for you.”

    Customer: “Thank you!”

    Why (Good) Regulars Really Rock

    | Ontario, Canada |

    (A man walks into the store with a broken appliance in a bag.)

    Customer: “Hi, I’ve had this for about a month now and it broke, so I want a refund.”

    Me: “Sir, we’re a liquidation store. All sales are final, but I can replace this item for you.”

    (A co-worker of mine grabs another one off the shelf and switches it for the customer.)

    Customer: “How do I know this one won’t break down in a month like the last one?”

    Me: “That’s the thing, we don’t know. If I had some kind of time acceleration chamber, we could put it in there, dial it up to one month from now and see how it’s doing.”

    Customer: “Pfft! So what am I supposed to do, take it home and use it for a month and come back if it doesn’t work?”

    Me: “Either that, or stay here for the next month.”

    Customer: “What about my gas money I spend coming back and forth?”

    Me: “Driving your car is a luxury, you could take the bus!”

    (At this point a line was forming behind the customer…and the customers in line were regulars who are always joking around with me.)

    Old Man: “I rode a horse here today!”

    Old Woman: “I rode a mule!”

    Customer: *takes his new product and storms out*

    Methinks Thou Hast A Stick Up Thine Arse

    | Salem, OR, USA |

    (I’ve worked in a convenience store and a computer shop, and I’ve got a little joke about credit cards and a disarming smile and laugh that people seem to enjoy…but this once…)

    Customer: “Do you guys take credit cards?”

    Me, smiling: “Sure do, but we don’t give ‘em back.”

    Customer, very angry: “You’d g*dd*mn better give it back or I’ll have you arrested on the spot!”

    Me: “That was a joke …”

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