Missing Out On The Spectacle

| Saco, ME, USA | Uncategorized

(I am working at the theater for a 3D movie and giving out the glasses.)

Customer: “The 3D isn’t working. I want a refund.”

Me: “Oh, well it could just be a problem with the glasses. Let me give you a new pair.”

Customer: “You mean I have to wear the glasses?”

Odd Quarterly Statement

| Ontario, Canada | Uncategorized

Me: “Okay, that’ll be $*.**.”

Customer: *gives me a twenty* “Don’t give me any quarters!”

Me: “Alright.”

Customer: “I already have all the quarters!”

Me: “Oh, are you collecting coins?”

Customer: “No, but I already have all the quarters! If you give me any quarters, then I’ll know that I don’t have all the quarters! I’ll have to start all over!”

This Thief Is Booked

| Bloomington, IN, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Hey, I have an overdue charge on this book. Can I get it removed?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but if you kept the book past the due date, then I can’t remove the charge.”

Customer: “Then can I just keep the book?”

Not So Beautiful Mind

| Alberta, Canada | Uncategorized

Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a book based off a movie. Life is Beautiful, I think?”

Me: “I don’t believe Life is Beautiful” was originally a book. Are you perhaps thinking of A Beautiful Mind?”

Customer: “Yes! Yes that’s the one! Get me that one! It’s the one about World War II. And the guy is burned. And there’s a French Nurse. That’s the book I want!”

Me: “That actually sounds like The English Patient by Michael Ondaatje. I can grab a copy of that for you!”

Customer: “Yes! The English Patient. That sounds right. But Michael Ondaatje, that sounds like a foreign name. No, The English Patient wasn’t written by a foreigner. Do you have a copy that wasn’t written by Ondaatje? I want that story, but I want it written by a Canadian.”

Me: “So you want a copy of The English Patient that is not written by Michael Ondaatje?”

Customer: “Yes! That’s what I want. Do you have any copies of that story written by Margaret Atwood? I do like her.”

Me: “No. I really don’t think we do.”

Customer: “Oh. Do you think any of your other stores might?”

Me: “I doubt it, ma’am.”

Demand A Battery Of Tests ASAP

| Boston, MA, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer comes to pick up a phone they had dropped off for repair.)

Customer: “I’m so glad it is working! What was the problem?”

Me: “It just needed to be charged.”

Customer: “No, it was fully charged Friday and then just died.  There must be something else wrong with it. Please look at it further.”

Me: “Well I did. The battery was at 0%, in fact, you still will need to charge it for quite a while. It is working though.”

Customer: “No, you keep it and keep looking.” *leaves*

(The customer comes back two hours later. A co-worker handles it.)

Customer: “So is it okay?”

Coworker: “Yes, it turns out there was a problem with the phone’s N.R.G. We have corrected it.”

Customer: “So that explains it!”

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