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    How About Some Ritalin While You’re At It

    | Georgia, USA |

    (Our insurance transmitter was experiencing problems, so we were unable to transmit to any insurance companies when filling prescriptions. I explained this to one customer, who decided to sit and wait for a while to see if the transmitter would come back up. Meanwhile another customer came in with a prescription.)

    New Customer: “Hi, I’d like this filled please.”

    Me: *explains transmitter problem*

    New Customer: “Oh that’s okay, I don’t have insurance.”

    Me: “No problem, we’ll have it ready in just a few minutes.”

    Original Customer: “Wait! I was ahead of her! Why isn’t mine ready!?”

    Me: “We are still waiting for the insurance transmitter to come back up, sir.”

    Original Customer: “Well how did you fill hers!”

    New Customer: “I pay cash, I don’t have prescription coverage.”

    Original Customer: “Well I pay cash too!”

    Me: “You want to just get it at retail price, and not use insurance?”

    Original Customer: “Yes! I have cash! I’ll pay for it, just fill it now!”

    (5 minutes later…)

    Me: “Okay sir, we’ve got you ready. The total comes to $35.99.”

    Original Customer: “WHAT! My co-pay is only $3.00!”

    Me: “Sir, you said you wanted to go ahead and pay cash price since the insurance transmitter is still down.”

    Original Customer: “I do have cash! See?” *shows wallet with cash in it* “Why is it $35?! You people don’t know anything! I’m taking my business elsewhere!”

    Me: *face palm*

    For The Good Of Mankind, Please Drink More

    | Winnipeg, Canada |

    Me: “Good afternoon! Thanks for calling, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I just got off the phone with poison control!”

    Me: “Oh? ”

    Customer: “They told me to call you! Tell me; is your cleaning solution toxic?”

    Me: “You mean the stuff we use to clean fresh ear piercings?”

    Customer: “Yah, that stuff. I mean, I called poison control and they said they weren’t familiar with your product but to call you and find out what’s in it…”

    Me: “Well no sir, I don’t believe it’s toxic. There isn’t really anything in here that–”

    Customer: “–because I ingested a whole bunch of it!”

    Me: “Why?”

    Customer: “I was out of mouth wash. I needed mouth wash.”

    Me: “But it isn’t mouth wash…it’s used to clean piercings…”

    Customer: “I know, do you think I’m stupid?! That’s why I’m worried!”

    Me: “Sir, it isn’t toxic. And for the record, all the ingredients are on the bottle itself.”

    Customer: “Why would I look at the bottle? I called poison control!”

    Me: “Mhmm. It’s not going to kill you sir. Just try not to drink any more of it, please.”

    Customer: “Oh good. I’ll call poison control back and tell them that your cleaning solution isn’t a threat to public safety.”

    Me: “Please do.” *click*

    Better Ask The Halibut First

    | Berkeley, CA, USA |

    Customer: “I’d like the halibut. Is there any way you can make that vegan?”

    Me: “Other than by making it not be a fish, no.”

    Customer: “Good point.”

    Those Who Know Just Enough To Be Dangerous

    | Columbus, OH, USA |

    Me: “Hi Sir, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Uhh, yea, I need some CDs.”

    Me: “Sure, we’ve got all kinds: CD-R, CD-RW and regular music CDs.”

    Customer: “Umm, I just need CDs with lots of RAM.”

    Me: “RAM? CDs don’t have RAM, computers do.”

    Customer: “Oh…” *turns around and ambles out of the store*

    (He then comes back a month later with a MacBook.)

    Customer: “Uhh, yeah…I put Linux on it.”

    Me: “That’s wonderful, you made a great choice.”

    Customer: “But, like, I can’t use my Apple OSX anymore.”

    Me: “Issues with Mac OSX? Okay, well. Lets take a look.”

    (I turn the laptop on, and I see that he has installed Ubuntu, I go into the GRUB loader to basically boot OSX and I find that it is no longer there.)

    Me: “Sir, did you reformat your hard drive in order to install Ubuntu?”

    Customer: “Uhh, I don’t know, I just followed the directions.”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, it looks like you reformatted your hard drive, got rid of anything and everything you had on your MacBook and installed Ubuntu.”

    Customer: “So, can you fix it?”

    Me: “You got rid of everything, including any backups you may have had. I cannot get anything back.”

    Customer: “But I can get my files back right? I only formatted my Apple, right?”

    Me: “No, nothing can be done. You can either become a Linux user or if you have restore discs you can use those.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. I’ll talk to my brother, he can probably get all my stuff back…”

    The Sweet, Slightly Nutty Taste Of Surrender

    | Austin, TX, USA | Top

    Customer: “Where are your walnuts?”

    Me: “It’s over with the other nuts.”

    Customer: “I didn’t see them.”

    Me: “They’re next to the cashews. Trust me, when you see them, you will laugh.”

    (Time passes, I finish filling my bin and wade through Christmas crowd to check on the customer. I find her standing right in front of the walnuts. She’s clearly found them.)

    Me: “You found them.”

    Customer: “Yeah. I couldn’t see them because the sign was in the way.”

    (Note she’s referring to a large, 18 inch sign with three inch wide red letters that read WALNUTS. It was added because customers complained they couldn’t find them.)

    Me: “You couldn’t see the walnuts because of the sign that said WALNUTS?”

    Customer: *angry* “Yeah, that’s right!”

    Me: “I…can’t help you.”

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