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  • Go Easy On The Brain
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    He Obviously Gets His Smarts From Mom

    | New Lenox, IL, USA |

    Little Boy: “Can I have a medium Icee?”

    Me: “Sure! ¬†That’ll be $1.48.”

    (The little boy hands me $1.50 and I give him his change.  He scampers off to get his Icee as his dad stomps up.)

    Dad: “Can I get another medium Icee for my daughter?”

    Me: “Sure, It’s $1.48.”

    (The dad pays and I give him his cup.  By this time the boy is back, happily drinking his Icee and standing next to his dad.)

    Dad: (rudely) “WELL?! Where’s my Icee!?”

    Me: (confused) “Uh, the cup is right there, sir.”

    (The little boy is trying to get his dad’s attention to tell him where the Icee machine is located (it’s self serve). However, the dad is ignoring him and yelling at me.)


    Me: “Sir, the machine is around the corner.”

    Dad: “Finally! God, are you simple or something?!”

    Me: “!?”

    How About Your Husband Buy You A Brain

    | Bay Area, California | Top

    Woman: “Your f***ing machine won’t accept my memory card from my camera!”

    Me: “That’s very strange ma’am, as our machines accept all of the memory cards that I’ve ever heard of.”

    Woman: “Well, your machines are obviously old! My husband bought me an EXPENSIVE camera, because I only like the best! You people need to get better machines! My memory card won’t even FIT in any of the slots!”

    Me: “May I see your memory card? Maybe I can figure out what’s wrong.”

    (Woman hands me her memory card huffily.)

    Me: “Um… ma’am, I don’t know how to tell you this, but this is your camera battery.”

    Woman: “…”

    (She snatches her battery out of my hands and storms out of the store.)

    On The Plus Side, You Can Cuss All You Want

    | Grand Rapids, MI, USA |

    Me: “Can I start you off with something to drink?”

    Half-deaf customer: “I’D LIKE THE FISH!”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, can I get you something to drink?”

    Half-deaf customer: “HE’LL TAKE THE STEAK!”

    Armageddon Shopping List: Holy Water, Crucifix, Tic Tac

    | Boston, MA, USA |

    (I was working at the express lane one Sunday morning, and this family comes in. Keep in mind that they look like something straight out of the Beverly Hillbillies. So they purchase a few things, and their total comes up to $6.66.)

    Customer: *looks at total in horror and points to son* “Quick, get some candy, gum, anything!”

    (His son then proceeds to throw a box of Tic Tacs at me.)

    Customer: “I will not have the Devil’s number as my total!”

    Me: “Thank you sir, have a nice day!”

    Hulk Smash Weasel Customer

    | Northville, MI, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling ******, my name is Ken. How may I help you today?”

    Customer: “Do you guys make custom deep dish pizza’s?”

    Me: “If by ‘custom’ you mean like a chef’s choice, then yes, we do.”

    Customer: “And how much is that?”

    Me: “Well, a regular sized deep dish, with tax included, will come to $18.01. With that, you get a choice of three toppings.”

    Customer: “Great, then gimme a pizza with half pepperoni, sausage, and mushrooms. On the other half I want roasted veggies, bacon, and spinach.

    Me: “Okay sir, now I must warn you that your new total comes to $24.37 because you have six items total.”

    Customer: “What? No, I have three items on each side. Therefore, I should be fine.”

    Me: “Sir, I do apologize for the misunderstanding. While it is true that you have three items on each side, the items are on ONE whole pizza. So, we have to charge you for the three extra toppings.”

    Customer: “Now listen here! One regular deep dish is equal to two individuals, correct?”

    Me: “Yes, but–”

    Customer: “HEY, Shut up for a second! Now, two individuals are equal to one regular. CORRECT?”

    Me: “Yes sir, it is.”

    Customer: “Now using this logic, I should get my pizza for the price of two individuals.”

    Me: “Sir, as much as I would like to agree with you, I simply can’t–”

    Customer: “Let me see your manager. It’s obvious I can’t reason with you.”

    (My manager comes up to deal with the situation. I walk away from the scene to seat some guests, when I hear…)

    Manager: “HEY, 3+3=6, YOU HAVE 6 TOPPINGS, SO YOU OWE $24.37! HAVE A NICE DAY!”

    (The guy quietly paid for his food and walked out like someone just threatened his life!)

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