November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Sweet (Tea) Out Of (Pot) Luck

, | Tennessee, USA | Uncategorized

(We are having our annual Christmas party/potluck dinner one Sunday night at our fast food restaurant. I’ve placed signs showing we are closed and have blocked off the drive thru. One of my fellow employees notices a man standing at the counter.)

Me: “Hi sir, can I help you with something?”

Customer: “I have been standing here for five minutes and I haven’t been helped! Give me a number one with a sweet tea.”

Me: “Well, we are closed on Sundays. This is our Christmas Party.”

Customer: “Closed? All the lights are on!”

Me: “Well, we need them for the party.”

Customer: “I have never heard of such a thing. So I can’t get that number one?”

Me: “No sir, all of our machines are off. We are closed.”

Customer: “What about a sweet tea?”

Me: “Sir, we are closed. We don’t have anything we can give to customers.”

(The customer sees our buffet-style employee potluck.)

Customer: “Well, can I get a plate?”

Deafening Silence

| Ottawa, ON, Canada | Uncategorized

Customer: “It’s so loud in here!”

Me: “I know right? Christmas is crazy for us every year.”

Customer: “It’s so loud, why do people have to talk so loudly?”

Me: “Sorry sir, it’s just because there’s so many people.”

Customer: “Forget this! I’m turning off my hearing aid. You guys should really try to keep the noise level down.”

Me: “Right you are sir! If that’ll be all, your total is ***.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Your total, sir? It’s ***.”

Customer: “Speak up! I can’t hear you!”

Please Call Customer Dis-service

Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I’m not buying carpet from you because you don’t sell Christmas trees.”

Me: “Actually we have them in the garden center.”

Customer: “No, you sell holiday trees. You’re afraid of offending people, but this is the Christmas season, not holiday season.”

Me: “It’s just our policy sir.”

Customer: “I’m going to [another home improvement store] where they aren’t afraid of offending!”

Million Dollar Baby (Carrots)

| Montreal, Canada | Uncategorized

Me: “Welcome to [kitchen store]. Can I help you with anything?”

Customer: “Oh! Aren’t you a lovely young thing! I need something that will cut vegetables into slices. You see, I’m quite the chef, I have a very expensive home in New York, and I have a million dollar kitchen!”

Me: “Well, we have a variety of slicers…”

(I bring him to a shelf with vegetable slicers. He proceeds to open a knapsack and takes out a cucumber, a carrot, other assorted vegetables.)

Me: “Sir, what are you doing?”

Customer: “I have to test the slicer! I can’t buy just any old slicer! What will they think?”

(He begins slicing a cucumber with one of the models on display.)

Me: “What will who think?”

Customer: “MY GUESTS! MY GUESTS! THEY’LL JUDGE ME WHEN THEY COME TO VISIT MY MILLION DOLLAR KITCHEN! Ugh! This slicer is horrible! Look at that! I nearly cut my own finger off! This is despicable. I’ll be back tomorrow, dear, and I expect you to have more advanced slicers by then.”

(He begins stroking my arm frantically, so my co-worker politely escorts him out of the store. His cucumber, mind you, stayed behind.)

The Trim Reaper

| Illinois, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Are these real trees?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “I mean, are they live trees?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “So, we just go cut them down, right?”

Me: “That’s right!”

Customer: “Will it still be a live tree after we cut it down?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but cutting the tree down does mean the tree will die. However, if you water it daily, it should survive until Christmas.”

Customer: “But you said those were live trees!”