A Hole In His Logic, Among Other Things

| Columbus, OH, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “The Swiss cheese I bought last week didn’t have any holes.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Sometimes when we get to the end of a block of cheese, there aren’t many holes in it.”

Customer: “Well, can I get my money back?”

Me: “Did you bring the cheese back?”

Customer: “No. I ate it.”

Me: “Did it taste okay?”

Customer: “Yes, it tasted fine.”

Me: “I’m sorry, there’s nothing I can do.”

Customer: “BUT IT DIDN’T HAVE ANY HOLES!”

Me: “Let me get my manager…”

Barking Up The Wrong Tree

| Southampton, UK | Uncategorized

Me: “Good morning, [game store] how can I help?”

Caller: “Can you tell me what’s coming out over the next three weeks?”

Me: “Which format would you like, sir?”

Caller: “All of them.”

Me: “You want all the releases for all the formats for the next three weeks?”

Caller: “YES!”

Me: “Okay… on PS2, we’ve got Yakuza–”

Caller: “Boring.”

Me: “Um…we’ve also got The Godfather–”

Caller: “That sounds rubbish.”

Me: “Um…there’s Reservoir Dogs next week–”

Caller: “I don’t even LIKE dogs. Why would I play that?!” *hangs up*

At The Corner Of Me & Myself

| Exeter, UK | Uncategorized

Customer: “I’m looking for a taxi in my town please.”

Me: “Okay. Where are you, sir?”

Customer: “In my living room.”

Me: “Which town are you in in?”

Customer: “The junction by the nursing home.”

Me: “No…which town are you in, please?”

Customer: “You’re not very bright, are you?”

How About A Sample Of Maturity

| Paintsville, KY, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello! What would you like today?”

Customer: “My son would like to try a root beer shaved ice!”

(I make a root beer in a sample cup, but the customer takes the cup instead and tries it herself.)

Customer: “EWWW! This is GROSS!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am.”

Customer: “This tastes like CLOVES! Ewwww! I don’t like CLOVES! This is GROSS!”

Me: “Would you like to try another flavor?”

Customer: “My son would like to try s’mores.”

(I make a s’mores flavor in a sample cup, and just like last time, the customer tries it instead of her son trying it.)

Customer: “EWWW! This is GROSS! I don’t like this!!”

(A few minutes later…)

Customer: “He’ll take a medium lemon-lime wedding cake flavored shaved ice. Oh, can we get a straw too?”

Me: “Sure thing!”

(I hand the customer a plastic bendy straw, who sticks it in her son’s shaved ice and takes a sip.)

Customer: “EWWW! This is gross!! This straw tastes funny!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. How does it taste funny?”

Customer: “It… it tastes like PLASTIC!! Ewww!”

Quite Rightly, Waiting Impolitely Is Unsightly

| Waterloo, Ontario, Canada | Top

(The restaurant is very busy, so food wait time is longer than usual.)

Table 1: “When is our food coming out? This is ridiculous; we’ve been waiting 20 minutes!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We are very busy right now, but I’ll be bringing out your food very shortly.”

Table 1: “Well, I hope so! You’re the worst server we’ve ever had!”

Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way. Like I said, it’ll be out shortly.”

(I move to another table.)

Me: “I’m really sorry about the wait, I’ve checked on your food and it will be out shortly. I’m so sorry. I realize you’ve been waiting 40 minutes.”

Table 2: “That’s not a problem at all…don’t worry about it.”

Me: “I’d like to offer you your meals on the house, and thank you again for your patience.”

Table 1: *overhearing* “How come WE don’t get our meals on the house?”

Table 2: *to table 1* “Because WE’VE been waiting POLITELY!”

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