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  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
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  • Oooh, So That’s What Marriage Is For

    | Melbourne, Australia |

    (A guy has been leaning over the counter trying to chat me up while I rang up his purchases. Finally, he notices the rings on my finger.)

    Customer: “Oh, you’re married?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Don’t you find that puts guys off?”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic.

    Mission Impossible, Part 4

    , | Ogallala, NE, USA |

    (A customer is buying a file cabinet. ¬†As I’m taking it out for her, the cabinet falls off of the hand truck and the lock gets pushed in.)

    Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am. The damage isn’t bad. Would you like us to fix it for you?”

    Customer: “I wanted to buy this undamaged!”

    Me: “Of course, we could put together a new one for you.”

    Customer: “I wanted this one.”

    Me: “So shall I take it back and have it repaired?”

    Customer: “I wanted it the way it was!”

    Me: “I understand that, but the damage has been done. If you like, we can refund your money.”

    Customer: “I don’t want a refund. ”

    Me: “Okay… what do you want to do?”

    Customer: “I wanted to buy this like it was.”

    Me: *getting frustrated* “Okay, so what do you want to do?”

    Customer: “I wanted to buy this cabinet like it was! Undamaged!”

    Me: “Well, once you decide what you want to do, you let me know.”

    (At this point, I take the cabinet into the back room and stay there. I never did find out what she did.)

    Related:
    Related:
    Mission: Impossible, Part 2
    Mission: Impossible

    Mission Impossible, Part 3

    Biting The Hand That Feeds You

    | The Netherlands |

    (Even though I stutter a bit, I never had any trouble helping customers. This customer thought otherwise.)

    Me: “C-can I help you sir?”

    Customer: *odd look* “Yes, I’d like a pack of cigarettes.”

    Me: “Okay, that’s th-three ni-ninety please.”

    Customer: “HELP! THIS GIRL CAN’T HELP ME!”

    (At this point my colleague enters the shop, standing at the second cash register which is closed.)

    Customer: “You! You can help me!”

    Colleague: “I’m sorry, this cash register is closed. My colleague will help you.”

    Customer: “But she can’t help me!”

    (A line was begins to form behind the customer.)

    Customer, to me: “So… he says you can help me.”

    Me: “No, I can’t help you.”

    Customer: “WHY?!”

    Me: “I don’t help a**holes.”

    Customer: *swears and leaves the store*

    Related:
    Never Smart: Biting The Hand That Makes Your Coffee

    Honey, He Ain’t A Scrapbooking Project

    | Michigan, MI, USA |

    (I witnessed this on the hospital floor where I work. A patient’s daughter comes out of a hospital room and stands in the hallway, staring around looking lost.)

    Nurse’s aide: “Can I help you?”

    Daughter: “Yeah… can I have a stapler?”

    (The nurse’s aide walks about two steps away to get a stapler and then thinks better of this request.)

    Nurse’s aide: “Why do you want a stapler?”

    Daughter: “My dad’s IV tubing is getting in his way. I thought it would be better if we stapled it to his arm.”

    Nurse’s aide: “Um, I think tape would work better for that.”

    Daughter: “You guys have tape here?”

    Nurse’s aide: “Yeah, I have some here in my pocket.”

    (The aide walks into the room to secure the IV tubing before any more of his genius children try to help.)

    Daughter: *muttering* “I still think a stapler is a better idea…”

    Ah, Fathers, Part 2

    | Commack, NY, USA | Top

    (I’m working in an electronics retail store, and see a man in his late 40′s with a kid no older then 10.)

    Me: “Welcome sir, did you get…”

    (I look in his cart and see that it’s mostly filled with identical Spongebob DVDs.)

    Me: “… everything?”

    Man: “I guess so.”

    Boy: “MORE SPONGEBOB! SPONGEBOB! SPONGEBOB!”

    Man: “Alright, let’s go get some more.”

    (About 5 minutes later he comes back, with more Spongebob DVDs… the same ones, to be exact.)

    Man: “Alright, I think this is enough.”

    (I ring him up, and the total comes to about $550.00 USD.)

    Me: *whispering* “Uhh, sir… these are mostly the same thing.”

    Man: “Oh, don’t worry about it. I hate my life anyway.”

    Related:
    Ah, Fathers

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