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    Why It Pays To Listen

    | Jyväskylä, Finland |

    (A customer reserved an expensive feather blanket a week before, and it was on sale when he came to pick it up.)

    Customer: “This blanket is on sale!” *waves his reserve slip*

    Me: “Yes it is, sir.”

    Customer: “I’m not taking it, since I have to pay double the price!”

    Me: “You automatically get the discount even though your reservation slip says the price is higher.”

    Customer: “I’m not paying the full price for this blanket!”

    Me: “Sir, you don’t have to. You get the discount.”

    Customer: “Are you a f***ing idiot? I’m not paying the full price! It’s on sale, and I’m only paying the sale price!”

    Me, trying not to laugh: “Sir, I’ve been trying to tell you that our system will automatically sell it for the sale price.”

    Customer: “You don’t get it! Let me speak to your manager!”

    (I call the manager, and after about 5 minutes of this, he and I finally got the customer to believe he was getting his blanket for the sale price. We laughed a good ten minutes after the guy had left.)

    I Sense A Schism

    | Gulfport, MS, USA |

    (I work for a bookstore that sells bibles. We get a lot of interesting customers that call…)

    Me: “***, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Do you have the book of Chronicles?”

    Me: “Do you want a commentary for it?”

    Customer: “No. You know, the book of Chronicles that they talk about in the bible. Do you have that?”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “Have you ever read a bible?”

    Me: “Yes, I have…”

    Customer: “Well, I’m looking for the book of Chronicles.”

    Me: “Let me search our computer system and see if I can find something.” *I pretend to search the computer* “The only thing I can find is the actual books in the bible called first and second Chronicles.”

    Customer: “Do y’all have that in the store? Where’s it at?”

    (I pull a bible off the shelf and tell him the exact location of the books.)

    Customer: “I’ve never seen that in any of my bibles.”

    Me: “Sir, these two books have been in here for over 2,000 years.”

    Customer: “Not in any bible I’ve read!”

    (After the customer finally hung up, I asked my manager to shoot me.)

    Because “Free” Is One Letter Away From “Fee”

    | Virginia, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling tech support. May I help you?”

    Customer: “How do you fix Debian?”

    Me: “Depends on what the problem is. What are some of the issues you’re having?”

    Customer: “I paid $700 for it! It should work PERFECTLY!”

    Me: “Ma’am, Debian is free. If you paid $700 for it, all that means is that you’re an idiot.”

    Customer: “Really?”

    Me: “Yep. Anything else I can do for you?”

    Customer: *click*

    Everyone’s A Wiseguy

    , | St. Joseph, MO, USA |

    (Our store is located in a one-level strip mall.)

    Customer: “Do you carry lawnmowers?”

    Customer service rep: “Just one second and let me find out for you…” *parks call* “Hey guys, do we carry lawnmowers?”

    Salesman 1: “Yeah, they’re down in the basement.”

    Salesman 2: “No, I saw them back by the overstock shelves.”

    Salesman 3: “No, I moved them into the attic for storage last week.”

    Salesman 4: “OOH! I know! They’re four walls down, under a big orange sign that says ‘Home Depot!’”

    Customer service rep: *picks call back up* “No sir, I’m sorry, but we’re an electronics store.”

    Employee Of The Year

    | Melbourne, Australia | Top

    Customer: “I’m looking for a book.”

    Me: “Were you after a particular book?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: “What was the title?”

    Customer: “I can’t remember.”

    Me: “Do you know who the author is?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Do you remember what it’s about?”

    Customer: “I saw it recently…”

    Me: “Can you tell me anything at all about it?”

    Customer: “It had a nondescript cover.”

    Me: “…”

    (And I found it!)

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