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  • Fowl Behavior, Part 3

    , | Kelmscott, WA, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Hello, sir, can I take your order?”

    Customer: “Uh, yeah…can I have two whole roast chickens?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we are all out at the moment. If you come back in 30 minutes, there will be some chickens available”

    Customer: “But what about those chickens over there?” *points at plastic display chickens*

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but those are display chickens. They are not real.”

    Customer: *raises voice* “I reckon those chickens are real and you’re just trying to keep them for yourself!”

    (The customer stabs the chicken with a plastic knife from our tray. A chunk of polystyrene is taken out.)

    Customer: “Oh, I guess you were telling the truth. I’ll come back in half an hour.”

    Fowl Behavior, Part 2
    Fowl Behavior
    Fowl Play

    Creative Creature Literature 101

    | Memphis, TN, USA | Top

    Customer: “Do you have How to Catch a Mole?”

    Me: “I don’t know of that book, let me check.”

    Customer: “I have to read it for school.”

    Me: “No, we don’t have that.”

    Customer: “It’s really famous. I think Dante wrote it.”

    Me: “Dante? ”

    Customer: “Or someone like that.”

    Me: “What class is this for?”

    Customer: “English Literature.”

    Me: *inspiration strikes* “You mean Taming of the Shrew!”

    Customer: “What’s the difference?”

    Defeats The Porpoise

    | Melbourne, Australia | Uncategorized

    Child: “Mister, how do the waves work?” *points to wave pool*

    Me: “There are big machines out the back that make the waves, mate.”

    Child: “But my daddy says there are dolphins in cages that make the waves.”

    Me: “Sorry buddy, no dolphins.”

    (10 minutes later…)

    Father: “You told my son there any dolphins.”

    Me: “There aren’t.”

    Father: “This is false advertising! Where are the dolphins! I was told there were dolphins!”

    Me: “Nope, no dolphins.”

    Father: *brief silence* “How about whales?”

    Almost Makes You Want To Re-Tire

    | Virginia, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “They charged me $110 for working on my car?!”

    Me: “What did you have done?”

    Customer: “I just came because the car said service was needed on the car.”

    Me: “Yes, you got an oil change and tire rotation, state inspection and a car wash.”

    Customer: “Tire rotation? Aren’t they always like, rotating as I drive?”

    Me: “Yes, but the tires are removed and swapped, the tires on the rear are moved to the front, and the fronts to the rear. It’s to help the tires wear out evenly.”

    Customer: “They wear out?”

    Me: “Eventually, yes. They do.”

    Customer: “Why?”

    (I try to describe traction, friction, and the breakdown of soft compounds like tire tread over concrete.)

    Customer: *blank stare* “Isn’t my car pretty?”

    (As the customer leaves, they pull on the door about three times before they see the push sign.)

    Those Must Be The Mighty Ducks

    | Wellington, New Zealand | Uncategorized

    (Two customers are unloading $250 of cat food and bread onto my checkout.)

    Me: “Hey, you having a good day?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “So, you got a lot of cats?”

    Customer: “No. We just leave it outside overnight.”

    Me: “Oh, right. What’s with the bread, you having some sort of party or something?”

    (Keep in mind this is a good 50 loaves of bread.)

    Customer: *vaguely* “Oh no, we’re going to the duck pond later today.”

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