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    The Honest Liar

    | New Jersey, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [italian restaurant], how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’d like to make a reservation for two people.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we only take reservations for parties of six or larger.”

    Customer: “But I want to make a reservation for two people.”

    Me, repeating: “I’m sorry, we only take reservations for parties of six or larger.”

    Customer: “Well, what if I tell you the reservation is for six people and then only show up with two?”

    Me: “Ma’am, I won’t write that reservation down.”

    Customer: *click*

    TMI Redux

    | Belgium |

    (An older woman in her 50s needed some help picking out a new MP3 player.)

    Me: “Okay, so you got any preferences?”

    Woman: “Well, do you have any that are waterproof?”

    Me: “Not really…”

    Woman: “I had one before, but it’s broken.”

    Me: “Oh, okay.”

    Woman: “Yeah, it was my own fault though, I think.”

    Me: “How come?”

    Woman: “Well, I put it in here–” *points and looks at her breasts* “–while I was at the gym. I guess I was sweating a bit too much!”

    Me: “…”

    Related:
    Way Too Much Information
    TMI (Too Much Information)

    One Loses His Allowance, The Other His Immortal Soul

    | Kane, PA, USA |

    (I was in high school working at a dollar store. It’s a small town so Sundays are usually busy after church services. This man, his wife, and his young son were in line.)

    Me: “That will be $25.30.”

    Man: “I’ve only got $15… we gave twenty at the offering today. You think you could give me a break?”

    Man’s young son: *innocently* “We didn’t give any money at church today.”

    The Joys Of Motherhood

    | Virginia, USA | Family & Kids, Top

    (A mom and little girl are waiting in line. I watch from a different line.)

    Little Girl: “Can I have this candy?”

    Mom: “No, put it back.”

    Little Girl: “But that’s not fair! That’s not fair!”

    Mom: “Cut that out!”

    Little Girl: *takes a deep breath and calms down, then turns to her mom* “I’m killing you. I’m going to kill you.”

    Mom: “…”

    While We’re At It, Here’s A Check For A Gazillion Bucks

    , | Indiana, USA | Top

    (My pizza place recently stopped accepting checks, due to a large number of returned checks.  We have a large sign in the lobby, and a smaller sign at the register.)

    Customer: “What?! ¬†I can’t write a check?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we no longer accept checks. ¬†We simply get too many returned for insufficient funds.”

    Customer: ¬†”But I was going to write a check…”

    Me: ¬†”We accept credit cards, or you can use your debit card for that checking account.”

    Customer: ¬†”I can’t use my debit card! I don’t have enough money in my account!”

    (And THAT is why we no longer take checks!)

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