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    I Once Had A Customer This Dumb

    | Leesburg, VA, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling The UPS Store, this is Rick speaking, how may I help you?”

    Caller: “Yeah, hi. I need to find out how much it will be to send something to Iowa.”

    Me: “I’d be happy to get you an estimate on shipping. Could I get the dimensions and weight of the box as well as the ZIP code of the destination?”

    Caller: “Yeah, it’s probably about 10 pounds, and about this big.”

    Me: “Well, I need a ZIP code for the destination, but you didn’t really give me the dimensions of the box.”

    Caller: “The ZIP code is 51365, and it’s about this big.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I can’t see your hands, so you’ll have to give me some sort of numeric dimension to work with.”

    Caller: “Oh, let me get a ruler–” *click*

    Me: *sigh*

    Customer in the store who overheard the phone conversation: “Are you serious?!”

    Related:
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    Egocentrism Meets Geocentrism
    You Be Telepathic So I Can Be Lazy
    (Telepathic) Help Wanted

    Imperialism At Its Finest

    | Yukon, Canada |

    Customer: *hands over US Currency while trying to buy a T-Shirt*

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, we don’t take US Currency. We do, however take debit, all major credit card–”

    Customer: *cuts me off* “Why the hell can’t you take my money?! This is the U. S. OF A!”

    Me: “No sir, this is the Yukon Territory, in Canada.”

    Customer: “No it’s not! This is the USA! Alaska! I’ve been driving on the Alaska Highway for hours so that makes this Alaska!”

    Me: “No sir. This is the Yukon…we’re part of Canada…the Alaska Highway LEADS to Alaska and–”

    Customer: *again, cutting me off* “Don’t you ever look at a map?! The Yukon is IN Alaska, and that’s part of the United States! You HAVE to take my money!”

    Me: “The Yukon is part of Canada, we are NEXT to Alaska, which is part of the United States…”

    (The customer gets angry, slams his item on the counter and storms out, muttering something about “stupid kids.”)

    Oooh, I’m Quaking In My Boots

    | Toronto, ON, Canada |

    (At the store where I used to work, most of our bags didn’t have handles. Only the largest size did. A woman was buying a greeting card, which, after scanning, I gave to her in a small paper
    bag.)

    Woman: “Don’t you have any bags with handles?”

    Me: “I’m sorry. The only bags we have with handles are these big ones.”

    (I show her the large bag with handles.)

    Woman: “Well THAT’S stupid!”

    (She then proceeded to call a few other things stupid.)

    Woman: “Fine, just give me the bag without handles.”

    Me: “Do you want your receipt?”

    Woman, looking at me as in disbelief: “NO, I don’t want a RECEIPT!”

    Me: “Have a nice day!”

    Woman: “Well…you…DON’T have a nice day!”

    Tweedledee and Tweedledum

    | Santa Cruz, CA, USA |

    (…so it was my job to exchange prizes for tickets. A customer comes up to me and I count their tickets.)

    Me: “You have 24 tickets.”

    (Customer looks around at prizes.)

    Customer: “How much is that remote control car?”

    Me: “That’s 600 tickets. You should probably look at the smaller prizes you can afford, like the rings and rubber snakes. They are only two tickets each.”

    Customer: “Okay, I’ll take that lava lamp.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, the lava lamp is 14,000 tickets and you have 24 so I highly suggest looking at cheaper prizes like these rubber snakes.”

    (Customer finally decides he needs to go get more tickets and returns to playing games. Another customer approaches and I count their tickets.)

    Me: “You have 650 tickets.”

    Another Customer: “Okay, I’d like 80 of the snakes but only red and green ones.”

    Me: “Wouldn’t you prefer a remote control car or this water gun?”

    Another Customer: “No, I want snakes!”

    Miracle On Placebo Street

    | Northbrook, IL, USA |

    (I was a waiter at a 50′s style dinner in a mall restaurant where a customer asked me to turn the heat up.)

    Customer: “It’s a little cold in here. Could you turn the heat up?”

    Me: “I would love to, but the restaurant is open to the mall and we have no control over the mall temperature.”

    Customer: “Could you please just try?”

    Me: “I would love to but there is no way–”

    Customer: “I would really appreciate it if you would just try.”

    Me: “I’ll be right back and see what I can do.”

    (I then proceed to walk into the back house and munch on some onion rings. After a few minutes pass, I walk out.)

    Me: “How’s that?”

    Customer: “Much better!”

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