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    Why Don’t We Stamp It On Your Forehead

    | Ann Arbor, Michigan, USA |

    (We have a program called MVP where you pay an amount and get movies based on which plan, and never have to pay for the movies at the counter while you have it.)

    Me: “Hi, all set?”

    Customer: “I have MVP!” *smiles proudly*

    Me: “That’s great. I still need your ID…”

    Customer: “But I have MVP.”

    Me: “So do many other people, I need your ID to look up your account…”

    (This went on for a moment more before she finally told me her phone number. Worse part? It was the third time she’s done it.)

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    Listen For The Manager At The End

    , | Illinois, USA |

    (I work at a well known pizza chain; let’s call it Daddy Jim’s.)

    Customer: “I’d like a large sausage and ham pizza and a large Italian Meats Trio.”

    Me: “Alright, your total is $**.**. We’ll have it out there in about 45 minutes.”

    (An hour later as I arrive back from the delivery, the store receives a phone call from the same customer.)

    Customer: “Yeah, hi. I ordered an Italian Meats Trio pizza, and you guys got it wrong.”

    Me: “How did we get it wrong?”

    Customer: “Well, it has sausage, ham, and some other sh*t on it.”

    Me: “Is the ham kind of orange?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: “Is the sausage peppered and brownish-orange?”

    Customer: “Uh….yeah.”

    Me: “Is the other stuff salami?”

    Customer: “Yeah! What the hell?”

    Me: “Well, the orange ham is Italian ham, the sausage is Italian sausage, and you say there’s Italian salami.”

    Customer: “Yeah, so what?”

    Me: “That’s three Italian meats…Italian Meats Trio.”

    Customer: “Well if I had known that, I wouldn’t have ordered a sausage and ham pizza too!”

    Me: “Well maybe you should have some idea of what you’re ordering before you order it.”

    Customer: “Well, why didn’t you guys tell me?!”

    Me: “Because you ordered it. You didn’t ask about it.”

    Customer: *click*

    My Loud Manager: “F*cking morons! I hate this job!”

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    Please Let These Questions Be Rhetorical

    , | Costa Mesa, CA, USA |

    Customer: “Why don’t you have any more??”

    Me: “…because everyone else bought them all.”

    Customer: “BUT WHY??!”

    Me: “I don’t know…maybe for the same reason you want to buy them?”

    Customer: “And what reason is that?!”

    Math Is Your Friend

    , | Toronto, Canada | Top

    (Customer approaches cash desk with two t-shirts with a price tag of $14.99 each. I scan the t-shirts.)

    Me: “Oh, they scan at $7.99 each.”

    Customer: “The sign on the table where I found them says that they’re 2 for $20.00.”

    Me: “I know, but they scan at $7.99.”

    Customer: “…but the sign says 2 for $20.00.”

    Me: “I know, but head office must have changed the sale and updated the computer before we had a chance to change the sign. So you can buy the shirts for $7.99 each.”

    Customer: “I don’t care what price comes up in the computer. The sign says 2 for $20.00 so you have to sell them to me at that price!”

    Me: “Okay.”

    (I override the $7.99 price in the computer and change it to $10.00. The customer pays two dollars more per shirt than he has to and smugly goes on his way.)

    Why Alcohol And Customers Don’t Mix

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Top

    Me: “The Medic Recordings, how may I help you today?”

    Customer: “You know why I’m calling! Can I just come?!”

    Me: “Ma’am, whats the problem?”

    Customer: “Oh yes I’m sorry, it’s my son. He’s very sick.”

    Me: “Ma’am this is a recording studio. Are you sure you dialed the right number?”

    Customer: “WHAT?! The phone book says ‘The Medic’!”

    Me: “Uh…it says The Medic Recordings, I believe…”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous, I don’t care what you are. I’m coming in, my son has a terrible fever!”

    Me: “Ma’am I don’t think we could help you–”

    Customer: “JUST BE READY!”

    *Click*

    (Sure enough, she showed up about 15 minutes later and was obviously drunk because she had no son nor did she know why she came.)

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