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    Stupid Customers Really S(UK)

    | Vernon Hills, IL, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Thank you for calling [store], how may I help you?”

    Customer: “I can’t find the product I want online, but I can find it in the UK section. Can you get it here for me?”

    Me: “Ma’am, we cannot do anything at the store level. You could try to order it online or try calling the UK directly.”

    Customer: “But, do they speak English over there?”

    There Must Be Something In The Water

    | Houston, TX, USA | Uncategorized

    (I’ve just asked a customer if they would like a new carafe of water.)

    Customer: “What’s a ‘carafe’?”

    Me: “In layman’s terms, its basically a water pitcher.”

    Customer: “What’s ‘layman’s terms’?”

    Me: “It’s like…dumbing down.”

    Customer: “What’s ‘dumbing down’?”

    A Not So Bitter End

    | Spokane, WA, USA | Top

    Customer: “Are you in charge of the salad bar?”

    Me: “Of course. I make sure all the food is fresh. Was something wrong?”

    Customer: “Your dressings are too sweet!”

    Me: “We buy our dressings pre-packaged, but it is possible that something went wrong somewhere along the way. Which one was it?”

    Customer: “The dressing!”

    Me: “They are all too sweet?”

    Customer: “Were you born simple? The dressing is sweet!”

    Me: “Is it red, orange, white, or brown?”

    Customer: “The brown one is too sweet!”

    Me: “That’s the balsamic vinaigrette. It shouldn’t be sweet at all, but I will pull it and put out a new container of dressing for you.”

    Customer: “Thank you! Was that so difficult?”

    (I begin to pull the only brown dressing we have and she stops me.)

    Customer: “My God, you are such an idiot! You’re pulling the wrong d*** dressing!”

    Me: “You said the brown dressing, right? I am pulling the brown dressing like you asked.”

    Customer: “Not that dressing, you idiot, this brown dressing. You are so stupid!” *points*

    Me: “You mean the chocolate pudding?”

    Of Breath Smoke And Breast Strokes

    | Asheville, NC, USA | Uncategorized

    (A customer with children in tow tries to book a smoking room, but we are sold out.)

    Customer’s kids: “We want to go swimming!”

    Customer: “They don’t have any smoking rooms, and I gotta smoke. We have to go somewhere else.”

    Customer’s kids: “Can’t you just go outside and smoke?”

    Customer: “It’s snowing outside! Oh, you’d like it if I had to go out in the cold and snow just so you could go swimming, wouldn’t you?”

    Me: “I can call the motel next door for you and see if they have any smoking rooms available.”

    Customer’s kids: “But they have an indoor pool here! We want to go in the pool!”

    Customer: “That’s all you do, isn’t it? All you do is think about yourself! I gotta smoke!”

    Ask Her To Close All Windows Next

    | South Carolina, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Can you get online?”

    Customer: “How do you do that?”

    Me: “Do you see Internet Explorer?”

    Customer: “Where do I see that?”

    Me: “It should be on your desktop.”

    Customer: *rustling papers* “I don’t see it on my desk anywhere. Are you sure it is here?”

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