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    Fun With Language Barriers

    , | Seattle, WA, USA | Top

    (I worked at this little burger joint in Seattle. I’m white, but I’m bilingual. Our grill workers all spoke primarily Spanish, so I would talk to customers in English and call back orders in Spanish.)

    Old Man Customer: “Now, what is a pretty young thing like you doing speaking the Dirty Man’s Language?”

    Me: “Excuse me, sir?”

    Old Man Customer: “You should be speaking English! Its only natural, here in America!”

    Me: “It’s just fastest, sir. The language communicates more efficiently in an environment like this.”

    (I was not about to tell him that the grill workers were mostly South American immigrants, after hearing his first reaction.)

    Old Man Customer: “Have some pride in your country! SPEAK ENGLISH when you call back my order, do you understand?”

    Me, knowing full well that his order wouldn’t actually come through if I did that: “I’m sorry, sir. I’m afraid it’s procedure.”

    Old Man Customer: “I want to speak with your manager! This restaurant is just UNAMERICAN!”

    Manager, who had been working the register next to me: “Si, señor?”

    Old Man Customer: *storms out*

    Related:
    Welcome To People’s Pizza, Comrade

    Mission: Impossible, Part 3

    | San Diego, CA, USA |

    Customer: “Yeah I need some shelving.”

    Me: “Sure, do you want the wall mounted kind?”

    Customer: “Oh…no.”

    Me: “Okay, so you want the free standing kind?

    Customer: “No, that’s not it either.”

    Me: “Umm, okay. Do you want it to hang from a ceiling or something?”

    Customer: “No, I just want some shelving!”

    Me: “Do you want it to levitate??”

    Related:
    Mission: Impossible, Part 2
    Mission: Impossible

    The Fine Art Of Self Grossed-Outification

    , | Pasadena, CA, USA |

    (Note: we are VERY generous in offering frozen yogurt samples in those tiny paper cups that could fit on your thumb.)

    Me: “Here you go, our six choices!” *offers samples*

    (Customer takes samples and shoves the whole thing in her mouth and sucks contents out. When done, she puts the cups back on the counter with yogurt and a LITTLE bit of saliva dripping off the sides. She scoots them in my direction.)

    Me: *stares back, thinking, are you serious?*

    Customer: *stares back at me for what seems like forever*

    Me: “There is a trashcan right below you that you could put those in.”

    Customer: “Ew, I’m not touching those! That’s your job.”

    (The customer walks away, leaving me staring at the messy glob of cups on our front counter.)

    Me: O___o

    Why Some Folks Have Children

    | Reading, Berkshire, UK | Top

    (A man comes in with about 4 children running about behind him. He comes up to the counter.)

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah…I’m looking for some *whispers*…porn.”

    Me: “You mean adult movies?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I guess.”

    Me: “Sorry, we don’t stock those here.”

    Customer: “What?!”

    Me: “There are some stores in the town centre. Perhaps you can try there?”

    Customer: “I want some porn now! What kind of store is this?”

    Me: “I apologise, but we don’t stock adult movies.”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous, I only want to watch some porn with my wife.”

    Me: “Sorry, this is a family store.”

    Customer: “MAYBE IT’S FOR THE KIDS TOO! ”

    (Customer storms out with all 4 children jumping around behind him as I stand there dumbfounded.)

    An Expensive Temper Tantrum, Part 2

    | Nashville, TN, USA |

    (Back story: I sold a woman four phones on a family plan for her and her 3 teenage daughters. She insisted that she be put on the 500 minute plan (the smallest family plan). I informed her that most teenagers can use 500 minutes in a week and begged her to take a larger plan.

    She refused and became quite angry and belligerent with me for suggesting “that her daughters were not responsible adults.” I noted on her account that she was advised of all overage charges and that there were to be no refunds on the account for overage charges. One month later she returns purple faced and on the verge of a stroke with her $3,200 phone bill.)

    Customer: “I need these charges taken off.”

    Me: “No, I explained the overage scale to you when you activated your phone, and begged you to take a larger plan. You insisted this was the one you needed and I cannot refund any of the charges.”

    Customer: “F**k you then, and f**k [cellular provider]. Cancel my account!”

    Me: “I’ll be happy to deactivate your phones but unfortunately that does not release you from your contract. There will be a $240.00 charge for each phone on the account for breaking your contract and you will still be responsible for the current charges.”

    (The customer suddenly throws her phone at my head. I duck and it smashes into the wall in a million pieces.)

    Customer: “F**K [cell phone provider]! F**K YOU, AND F**K ALL OF YOU A**HOLES TOO!”

    (Inexplicably, the last part was directed at the other customers waiting patiently for her to finish. She then proceeds to storm out to her car, a brand new Lexus SC 430. She redlines the engine, drops it into gear and hits a lamp post hard enough to shatter every piece of glass in the car as well as almost tearing the front half of the car off.)

    Customer: *comes back in the store* “Can I use your phone?”

    Another Customer: “Karma’s a b**ch, ain’t it?”

    Related:
    An Expensive Temper Tantrum

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