Branded As Stupid

| St. Augustine, FL, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “There is a brand that they sell only in Europe. Do you have that brand?”

Me: “It’s a shoe brand?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “And they sell it only in Europe?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “Do you know where you are?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, we just don’t have that brand.”

Shout Until You’re Bleu In The Face

| Newberg, OR, USA | Uncategorized

(I work in the dining room at a retirement home. I’m offering an elderly woman soup.)

Me: “Hi there, Susie! Would you like some soup tonight?”

Elderly Woman: “What?”

Me: *raising my voice* “Would you like some SOUP?”

Elderly Woman: “WHAT?”

Me: *I put mouth right by her ear and basically yell at her* “DO YOU WANT SOUP?”

Elderly Woman: “Why are you speaking French?”

Dissecting Lies, Brit By Brit

| Vermont, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hi, this is [tech center]. I’m [name] from Vermont. How may I help you?”

Customer: “What’s Vermont? Is it a state?”

Me: “Yes. It’s in New England.”

Customer: “No it’s not. You’re lying!”

Me: “No, miss. It was the 14th state to join the Union. It is definitely a state in New England.”

Customer: “New England, you say? Well then why don’t you have a British accent?”

Not Usually Compa(red)

| Omaha, NE, USA | Uncategorized

(In Nebraska, Husker football games are a really big deal. Nearly everyone wears red Husker shirts.)

Customer: “How come you aren’t wearing a Husker shirt?”

Me: “Well, we have to wear our work uniforms so people know who to ask for help.”

Customer: “That’s practically un-American!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Are you a communist?”

Me: “You’re the one wearing red, sir.”

Enough To Make Your Water Boil

| Portland, OR, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m an on-site manager for an apartment complex. There is knocking on the door at 2 am.)

Me: *answering the door in my pajamas* “What’s going on, Miss [Tenant]? Is there an emergency?”

Tenant: “You need to come quickly! There is water dripping everywhere!”

Me: “Did you call the emergency pager?”

Tenant: “No! I couldn’t remember the number and you were closer! You have to come!”

(When I get to her apartment, I don’t see any water on the floor in the kitchen or bathroom.)

Me: “Ma’am, where is the leak? I’m not seeing one.”

Tenant: “The sink! There is water dripping all over!”

(I walk over and see the faucet dripping a tiny bit.)

Me: “Is this what you were talking about?”

Tenant: “Yes!”

Me: “You got me out of bed for your faucet dripping a tiny bit? Did you try twisting the knobs more?”

Tenant: “I couldn’t get it to stop and it was keeping me awake!”

(Turns the knob easily, stopping the drip.)

Me: “This not considered an emergency. This could have easily waited until at least the morning, if not Monday, when the office is open.”

Tenant: “Well, if I couldn’t get any sleep, you shouldn’t either!”

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