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    F*** The Benefits, We Want Combat Pay

    | New Zealand |

    (So we have this awful woman who regularly shops at our store. One day we were extremely busy and a coworker of mine was struggling to fit shoes for three children.)

    Mean lady: “Bring me this size!”

    Coworker: *disappears out back for a few seconds* “I’m sorry ma’am, but it appears we’ve sold our last pair.”

    Mean lady: *throws shoe box at co workers head, hitting her squarely in the forehead*

    Coworker: “Ouch…”

    Mean Lady: “I hate you!”

    Zero Short Term Memory, Part 2

    , | New Brunswick, NJ, USA |

    (There is an ID check to enter the lab and to print.)

    Me: “Hi, can I see your ID please?”

    Guy: “No, I don’t need ID to come in here.”

    Me: “Yes, at this lab it is required.”

    Guy: “But I don’t need an ID to come in!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I really need your ID or I can’t let you come into the lab.”

    Guy: “Oh I need ID to come in? Why didn’t you just ask me for it?!”

    Me: *headdesk*

    Zero Short Term Memory
    Short Term Memory Is For The Weak

    Mmmm, Cherry-Flavored Maxi Pads

    | South Australia |

    (Around Easter, stacking poorly transported eggs and bunnies onto a shelf. A young girl, around 16, approaches me.)

    Customer: “Can you tell me where the confectionery is?”

    (I am slightly bemused, as we are standing next to the confectionery aisle.)

    Me: “Yes, it is just there.”

    (She looks, and furrows he brow.)

    Customer: “No. Confectionery.”

    Me: *pointing again* “Yes, there.”

    (She looks even more angry now.)

    Customer: “No. The c o n f e c t i o n e r y!”

    Me: “Yes…there.”

    Customer: “Nooo. The confectionery, like tampons and stuff!”

    Problem Exists Between Chair And Keyboard

    | Buffalo, NY, USA |

    (I had just started a new IT job for a large school district and was not expecting the level of stupidity I would be dealing with on a regular basis. Within my first 3 weeks, I receive a phone call from a school.)

    Clerk: “Hi, I am trying to use this new system on these computers and I attempting to make my account. My Principal got me started but now I am stuck.”

    Me: “What seems to be the problem?”

    Clerk: “Well, it is asking me for First Name and I have no idea what I am supposed to type.”

    Me: “You’re at the registration screen? Um…well I think you are supposed to enter your name.”

    Clerk: “Oh…okay…wait. No, it’s asking me for something else.”

    Me: “What now?”

    Clerk: “It says…last…name…what do I put here?”

    Me: “Probably your last name.”

    Clerk: “Oh, thanks…oh Jesus, now it’s asking for my phone number! What the hell am I suppose to put here! Why can’t I just do it the old fashioned way?”

    Me: “You mean pen and paper?”

    Clerk: “Yes! It was so much easier. These fancy computers are just so complicated. I never understand what I am suppose to do!”

    (I bit my tongue and just let her ramble on about how ‘First Name’ was such an incredibly hard concept to grasp.)

    Lieutenant BSOD, Reporting For Duty

    | Nova Scotia, Canada | Technology, Top

    (Back story: the customer was getting a blue screen of death on their computer.)

    Me: “Hello, thank you for calling tech support. How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I was wondering if you could tell me who general failure is and why he is trying to read the C drive on my computer?”

    Me: “Ummm…excuse me?”

    Customer: “I said that some guy named General Failure is reading my C drive.”

    Me: “How did you come to this conclusion?”

    Customer: “When I booted up my computer I get a big blue screen that says “General failure reading drive C,” and I demand to know who this person is!”

    Me: *stifling laughter* “Okay, if you don’t mind I am going to place you on hold for about 10 minutes while I do an investigation as to who this person is…”

    (I placed customer on hold and told my co-workers. We laughed our asses off for 10 minutes.)

    Me: “Thank you for holding. I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is I was able to find some information for you. The bad news is that I wasn’t able to confirm who this ‘General Failure’ is; I am sure he doesn’t work for us. The other thing is that your hard drive is fried, and I would advise you to try to pull any data you can off the drive and invest in a new one. Is there anything else I can do for you today?”

    Customer: “Um…no thank you.”

    (Customer hangs up and we laugh our asses off some more.)

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