Featured Story:
  • Always Time For A Rhyme
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  • I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream…

    , | Pinehurst, NC, USA |

    Customer: “Oh, look at all this yummy gelato!”

    Me: “Yes ma’am, the front row is gelato and the back row is ice cream.”

    Customer: “Okay, I want butter pecan.”

    (Butter pecan is in the back row, so it’s an ice cream. I scoop it for her.)

    Customer: “Well, this is just delicious. Do you have any regular ice cream and not gelato?”

    Me: “Yes ma’am. Like I said before, the back row is ice cream.”

    Customer: *stops eating suddenly* “What? But I wanted gelato!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I told you which ones were the gelatos. I can get you something else.”

    Customer: “But, but, but I wanted gelato!”

    Customer’s husband: “Quit your b****in’, I’ll eat it at home.”

    Related:
    Catastrophe Averted

    No Means No Means No

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada |

    Customer: “I just got a new fish tank, and I was wondering what kind of fish I could put in it.”

    Me: “Sure, no problem.”

    (I proceed to show her some good starter fish. I point out some tetras, when she says…)

    Customer: “I thought that you needed a bubbler for those kinds of fish.”

    Me: “Oh! You don’t have a filter or anything?”

    Customer: “No. Just a tank.”

    Me: “Okay, well the only type of fish that can live in a bowl like environment are bettas.”

    Customer: “But I don’t want these kinds of fish!”

    Me: “Well, if you want to get anything else, you will have to purchase a filter and everything for your tank.”

    Customer: *points to some guppies* “So I can’t get these?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: *points to some mollies* “What about these?”

    Me: “No. With the tank set up you have, you can only get bettas.”

    Customer: “What about the platties?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “So I can’t get anything else?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “So I can’t get the barbs?”

    Me: *facepalm*

    The Coddling Stops Here

    , | Phoenix, AZ, USA |

    (I’m at customer’s house to try and repair a desk…)

    Me: “Well, it can’t be repaired, so I’ll have to order a new desktop. It could be a couple of weeks.”

    Customer: “So you’re taking this one with you right?”

    Me: “No, I can’t fit it in my vehicle.”

    Customer: ¬†”So you’ll be back for it then?”

    Me: “No, we don’t do delivery; henceforth, we don’t do pickups, either.”

    Customer: “But I bought it from your store!”

    Me: “… and you took it home from my store.”

    Customer: “Yeah, and it barely fit in my SUV!”

    Me: “But it did fit, and you took it home with you.”

    Customer: “Well, you’re going to need to pick it up. I’m not bringing it all the way back.”

    Me: “Stay with me here: you bought it, picked it up, took it to your home and discovered it had a problem. Now you want to disavow all responsibility? That isn’t how it works. If you got a blender home and it didn’t work, would you call the store and tell them to come pick it up?”

    Customer: “…”

    Me: “You’re remodeling your home, not paying me to do it. Don’t forget what that Y stands for in DIY.”

    Customer: *sheepishly* “… can you help me put it in my car?”

    Natural Selection In Action, Part 2

    | St. Paul, MN, USA |

    Zoo visitor: “Aren’t lions vegetarians?”

    Me: “No, lions are carnivores.”

    Zoo visitor: “I’m sure I read somewhere that they are vegetarians. How are they carnivores?”

    Me: “Sir, lions are well known carnivores. They hunt for their food. Their diet consists of mostly meat. They would not survive on fruits and vegetables alone.”

    Zoo visitor: “Are you sure about that?”

    Me: *sarcastically* “Well, if you really want to you, can jump into the lion exhibit to see if they’ll eat you.”

    Zoo visitor: “Vegetarians wouldn’t eat a human, would they?”

    Me: “My point exactly.”

    Related:
    Natural Selection In Action

    Garraporta, Bumblebore And Lord Boweldesnort

    | San Diego, CA, USA |

    (I’m walking around stocking videos when a man comes up to with an extremely strange accent.)

    Customer: “I’m looking for the Garraporta.”

    Me: “I’m not sure what movie that is. What’s it about?”

    Customer: “It’s the Garraporta. There are many movies!”

    Me: “Uh, did you ask at front desk?”

    Customer:Garraporta, Garraporta! There are many movies!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I’ve never heard of that movie.”

    (I try every way to tell him I don’t know that movie, but he follows me all around the store saying “Garraporta!” Suddenly, he¬†stops and picks up a movie.)

    Customer: “Here, Garraporta!”

    Me: “Oh, Harry Potter!

    Customer: “Yes, Garraporta! There are many movies!”

    Related:
    Hogwarts, The Continuing Education Years

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