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    Lost & (Dumb)Found

    | Kansas, USA |

    (A customer calls our store claiming she’s lost her phone. The routine is to replace the phone if insured, to give them a loaner phone for a few weeks, or to sell them another phone. She has turned down all of those options.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I don’t know what else we can do for you besides giving you a loaner phone or selling you another one.”

    Customer: “No, I have a replacement.”

    Me: “Maybe I’m misunderstanding. Why are you calling us?”

    Customer: “I lost my phone.”

    Me: “…and you already have a replacement for it?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Were you calling to ask if you left it here?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, but I really don’t understand what you’re asking me to do.”

    Customer: “Where’s my phone?”

    Me: “We have no way of tracking where your phone is at any given time. I’m sorry.”

    Customer: “But I lost my phone. Where is it?”

    Me: “I’m truly sorry, but unless you’re wanting another phone to replace your old one, I really can’t help you.”

    Customer: “So can you transfer me to your lost and found, then?”

    Me: “How about I give you our customer service number, and maybe they can help you out?”

    Customer: “Okay…”

    (Afterwards, as I was making a memo in the account, I noticed that she’d already called customer service twice. Both times, the call rep had told her we had no way to track her phone down by satellite, network towers, or police scanners.)

    A Hazy Legal Maze

    | New York, USA | Top

    Customer: “What cigarettes would you recommend?”

    Me: “I’m actually only 16, I don’t smoke.”

    Customer: “Oh well then which cigars are your favorite?”

    Me: “I’m only 16, I don’t smoke.”

    Customer: “Okay then. Do you sell marijuana?”

    Me: “That’s actually illegal.”

    Customer: “What? When did that happen?”

    Retail Therapy

    | Newcastle, NSW, Australia |

    (I work at a small shop in a hospital.)

    Me: “Hello!”

    Customer: “Is this the only shop here?”

    Me: “Yes, it is.”

    Customer: “And that’s the only cafe?” *points towards the cafe*

    Me: “Yep!”

    Customer: “Why aren’t there more?”

    Me: “Well, we only really need one shop and one cafe for this hospital.”

    Customer: “That’s just stupid! I don’t need beds, I need more
    shops! I’m going to complain!”

    Now Accepting Canned Goods & DNA

    | Canada |

    (Note: I’m a teenager going door to door, collecting cans for a food bank and soup kitchen. A man answers the door at one house.)

    Me: “Hello, sir. Would you like to donate cans to [charity organization]?”

    Man: “Do you have ID?”

    Me: “No, I’m just a high school student collecting cans.”

    Man: “How do I know you’re not a homeless girl trying to steal my food?”

    Me: *speechless*

    Man: “You could be an alien for all I know!” *slams door*

    My Cup And My Joe

    | Fairfax, VA, USA |

    Me: “Do you have a rewards card?”

    Customer: “Yes!” *gives email* “That’s my husband’s email.”

    Me: “Oh, lots of people share accounts, it’s okay. It helps you get rewards faster.”

    Customer: “My husband’s really handsome…but he’s mine!” *glares at me*

    Me: “Uh…”

    Customer: “He’s handsome and he’s mine!”

    Co-worker: “Uh, medium mocha at the bar?”

    Customer: “Oh! That’s mine!” *glares at me* “Like my husband!”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

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