November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Aches On A Brain

| Michigan, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I’m looking for a DVD. My father told me I had to rent it.”

Me: “Okay, do you know what the movie was called?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Did he say what actor or actress was featured in the film?”

Customer: “Samuel something.”

Me: “Samuel L. Jackson?”

Customer: “Yeah–him.”

Me: “Did he happen to mention what the movie was about?”

Customer: “Um…Snakes…on a Plane.”

(I walk the customer over to the movie ‘Snakes on a Plane’ and hand it to her.)

Customer: “I don’t think this is it.”

Me: “Ma’am, this is the only movie I have with Samuel L. Jackson in it about snakes on a plane.”

Customer: “Hmm…and this is about snakes on a plane?”

Me: “Yes.”

(The customer puts the movie back on shelf.)

Customer: “I just don’t think this is it.”

Hot Air Doesn’t Just Come From Saunas

| Florence, KY, USA | Health & Body, Top

(I’m the Lifeguard on duty at an indoor pool when there’s a power outage. I must close the sauna for ventilation reasons. I enter, and a customer is sitting inside.)

Customer: “Close the door! You’re letting the heat out!”

Me: “Excuse me, sir, it is not safe for you to remain in the sauna because there is no longer adequate ventilation.”

Customer: “It’s a f***ing sauna! There’s not meant to be ventilation, so shut the d*** door!”

Me: “Without proper ventilation, the sauna will overheat and put you at risk for heat stroke.”

Customer: “That’s what lifeguards are for!”

Thou Shalt Not Wear Boot Cut

| Michigan, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Excuse me, miss. These jeans just don’t seem to fit right.”

Me: “Well these are men’s jeans. We have plenty of women’s jeans over here, in the women’s department. Is there a size I can help you find?”

Customer: “You mean I just tried on men’s jeans?” *horrified look*

Me: “Yes, ma’am. These are men’s jeans. This is the men’s department.”

Customer: “OH MY GOD! The Bible forbids women to wear men’s clothes! I’m going to h***!”

Me: “I’m sure you’ll be fine. You didn’t know. God won’t be angry.”

Customer: “That’s what you think. You obviously don’t know God then.” *storms off*

A Hole In Your Thinking, Part 2

| Longmont, CO, USA | Uncategorized

(I am serving a father and son.)

Me: “Alright, here’s your club and your golf balls. Just follow
the purple path throughout the course.”

(Five minutes later, they come back to the register.)

Me: “You’re already done?”

Customer: “Yeah, I did hole number 5 and my son did hole number 16!”

Me: “You know you can do all 18 holes, right?”

Customer: *very serious* “You’re kidding.”

A Hole In Your Thinking

You Are The Weakest Link

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Uncategorized

Me: “Tech support, how can I help you?”

Caller: “My [expletive] Internet is down, what’s wrong with you people?!”

Me: “Well, let’s find out ma’am. Do you mind troubleshooting a bit to find out what the problem is?”

Caller: *huge sigh* “Fine, but I’ve checked everything already.”

Me: “Okay. First, let’s look at your modem lights. Do you see the link light on?”

Caller: “No. No lights are on.”

Me: “Alright. Can you check the power cable to see if it’s plugged in?”

Caller: “I can’t see anything, the power is out.”

Me: “Well, that might be our problem then.”

Caller: “What the h*** are you talking about?! This is the exact reason I bought a laptop–for it to work when there is a power outage!”

Me: “Right, but where does your internet connection come from?”

Caller: “My phone line.”

Me: “Right, and where is that plugged into?”

Caller: “My modem.”

Me: “Right.”

(There’s a pretty lengthy pause, during which I swear I can hear the gears grinding in her head.)

Caller: “F***!” *click*