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    Everyone’s A Comedian

    , | Richmond, VA, USA |

    (A customer calls our store and asks about a computer.)

    Customer: “Hello, I was wondering how big the hard drives in y’all’s computers are?”

    Me: “Well the largest hard drive size we have is 1 terabyte. You can get four of those–”

    Customer: *cuts me off* “A terawhat? I’ve heard of a pterodactyl!” *screeches like a pterodactyl might have and hangs up the phone*

    Math Is Your Friend, Part 2

    | Ohio, USA |

    (I used to work at a sandwich shop. We were having a special where you could get four or more of our smaller sandwiches for $2.99 each. Some customers don’t understand the concept of simple.)

    Customer: “Do you have any specials today?”

    Me: “Yes, you can get four or more 6″ subs for $2.99 each.”

    Customer: “Do I have to get four?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Why? I’ll only be able to eat one.”

    Me: “The computer won’t let me ring up the deal unless you order four or more sandwiches.”

    Customer: “Okay, then I’ll get four turkeys.”

    (The customer goes through his sandwich-topping business, and we finally make it to the register.)

    Me: “Okay, four 6″s comes to $11.96.”

    Customer: “I thought they were only $2.99 each.”

    Me: “They are. Four times $2.99 is $11.96.”

    Customer: “I think you’re charging me too much. Can I see a receipt?”

    Me: *prints a receipt*

    Customer: “Your prices are wrong, I know it!”

    (I take out a calculator and does the math. It comes out to $11.96.)

    Customer: “Oh…I still don’t understand, but whatever!” *pays and leaves*

    Related:
    This Is Why Math Is Your Friend

    Hogwarts: The Continuing Education Years

    | Richmond, VA, USA |

    (It’s the Harry Potter Midnight party. Customers are dressed as characters from the book. Most are children, but there are also some overly enthusiastic/creepy adults wandering around.)

    Lone Witch Lady: “This is so exciting! What are you doing with the boxes that the books came in? Can I have one?”

    Me: “I don’t see why not, but I’ll have to ask my manager.” *asks manager* “I’m sorry, we have to keep them for inventory.”

    Lone Witch Lady: “Are you sure? My cats would love one. ”

    Me: “Your…cats? Would they seriously love a Harry Potter cardboard box more than a plain cardboard box?”

    Lone Witch Lady: “Oh, yes!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, we can’t give them away. Um, have you tried the Bertie Bots Bean Counting Contest?”

    Lone Witch Lady: “Ooh!” *scampers off*

    Always Right, Even With Other Customers

    , | Leeds, UK |

    (I’m a customer putting my groceries on the conveyor belt, and I realise I’ve forgotten one item. Half way through loading my stuff onto the conveyor, I stop, and sprint across the store to pick up this item. As I get back, two little old ladies have put a separator immediately behind my groceries.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, I’m not quite finished. I forgot an item.”

    Old lady: “Oh, it’s okay. I’ve just put this here.” *points at the separator*

    Me: “But I need more space for the rest of my groceries. Can you move your stuff back, please?”

    Till Assistant: “‘Scuse me, love, he’s not finished.”

    Old lady: “I KNOW! I’VE JUST PUT THIS HERE!” *points at the separator*

    Me & the till assistant: “Huh?”

    Old lady: “Oh, nevermind! We’ll go to another till! We can’t wait for HIM and HER to finish their rubbish!”

    *old lady storms off*

    (Seriously, WTF?)

    Big Ticket Items Will Require A Goat

    | Boston, MA, USA |

    (It was late into my eight hour shift at a huge retail drugstore chain, and I was getting tired of dumb questions.)

    Customer: “Do you take credit cards here?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. We only take live chickens and large rocks.”

    (The customer actually had a sense of humor and started laughing, while my manager was laughing too hard to yell at me.)

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