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    Retail Therapy

    | Newcastle, NSW, Australia |

    (I work at a small shop in a hospital.)

    Me: “Hello!”

    Customer: “Is this the only shop here?”

    Me: “Yes, it is.”

    Customer: “And that’s the only cafe?” *points towards the cafe*

    Me: “Yep!”

    Customer: “Why aren’t there more?”

    Me: “Well, we only really need one shop and one cafe for this hospital.”

    Customer: “That’s just stupid! I don’t need beds, I need more
    shops! I’m going to complain!”

    Now Accepting Canned Goods & DNA

    | Canada |

    (Note: I’m a teenager going door to door, collecting cans for a food bank and soup kitchen. A man answers the door at one house.)

    Me: “Hello, sir. Would you like to donate cans to [charity organization]?”

    Man: “Do you have ID?”

    Me: “No, I’m just a high school student collecting cans.”

    Man: “How do I know you’re not a homeless girl trying to steal my food?”

    Me: *speechless*

    Man: “You could be an alien for all I know!” *slams door*

    My Cup And My Joe

    | Fairfax, VA, USA |

    Me: “Do you have a rewards card?”

    Customer: “Yes!” *gives email* “That’s my husband’s email.”

    Me: “Oh, lots of people share accounts, it’s okay. It helps you get rewards faster.”

    Customer: “My husband’s really handsome…but he’s mine!” *glares at me*

    Me: “Uh…”

    Customer: “He’s handsome and he’s mine!”

    Co-worker: “Uh, medium mocha at the bar?”

    Customer: “Oh! That’s mine!” *glares at me* “Like my husband!”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

    Grape Expectations

    | Monroe, MI, USA |

    (I’m behind the register when a teenage girl comes up with her mother. While I watch, the girl tells her mom to get her one of the ‘grape ones’.)

    Mother: “I’d like one of your grape cigars.”

    Me: “Alright.” *to the girl* “I just need to see your ID.”

    Girl: “She’s the one who’s buying, not me!”

    Me: “That doesn’t matter. I know she’s buying it for you, so I need to know if you’re over eighteen.”

    Mother: “That’s stupid! This is the only place that sells them around here. I’m not wasting my gas driving somewhere else. If you don’t sell me those, I’m going to call the cops and they’ll make you sell me a grape cigar!”

    Me: “Ma’am, feel free to tell the cops that I wont sell your under-aged daughter a cigar.”

    Not Exactly The Pick Of The Litter

    | Dearborn, MI, USA |

    Customer: “I’m looking for the right kind of food for my new rottweiler puppy.”

    Me: “No problem, I’d be happy to help you. And since your little guy here is a large breed dog, he needs to stay on the puppy food for two years before switching to the adult formula.”

    Customer: “Large breed?”

    Me: “Yes, this little guy is a rottweiler mix. He will probably be around 90-110 pounds.”

    Customer: “Oh…so if I keep him on puppy food, will he stay small like this?”

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