Totally Flunked That One

| Oxford, UK | Uncategorized

(I am working in a cafe near one of the main halls for University examinations, for which the students have to wear full robes. Every time an exam finishes, the students come out and celebrate with champagne and confetti.)

Tourist: “Excuse me, what time is the next show?”

Me: “I’m sorry? There’s a theatre round the corner from here. They might be able to help you.”

Tourist: “No, the next University show. With the costumes and everything.”

Me: “I’m afraid that’s not a performance. Those are the University’s students, and they’re finishing their exams.”

Tourist: “So when will the next one finish? I want to bring my wife.”

In Need Of Humble Pi

| St. Louis, MO, USA | Top

Me: “Would you like to donate to [charity] today?”

Customer: “Okay. Round my total up to $30.”

(I pull out a calculator to figure out how much it is to round up to $30. Customer’s total is $25.78.)

Customer: “It’s sad that you need a calculator to figure that out. It’s $7.32.”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, it’s $4.22.”

Customer: “Oh.”

A Smoking Computer Is Always A Bad Sign

| Norrkoping, Sweden | Uncategorized

Caller: “My bong isn’t working!”

Me: “I’m not sure what you mean, ma’am. Could you explain what your problem is?”

Caller: “I told you! My bong is broken!”

Me: “Your bong, ma’am?”

Caller: “Yes the bong that goes in to the computer for my internet!”

Me: “Oh, do you mean your ‘dongle’?”

Caller: “Yes! That thing!”

Trouble Brewing, Part 2

| Midland, TX, USA | Uncategorized

(An obviously underage girl sets a 12 pack of beer on counter.)

Me: “Hi, how’s it going? Can I see your ID?”

Customer: “Sure!”

Me: *checks DOB on ID.* “Uhh, ma’am? This says you’re only 17. I can’t sell you the beer.”

Customer: “What! Let me see that!” *checks ID* “D*** it! I gave you the wrong one. Well, can I buy a pack of cigarettes?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Why the h*** not?”

Related:
Trouble Brewing

Hair Apparent

| Alberta, Canada | Uncategorized

(Two guys around 15 years old show up.)

Customer #1: “Hey, can I get one ticket to [movie]?”

Me: “Sure. I’ll just need to see a piece of ID please.”

Customer #1: “Oh, dang. I don’t have any ID.”

Me: “Sorry, I’m afraid I can’t sell you a ticket. It is an adult-only movie.”

Customer #1: “Can’t you just let us in anyway?”

Me: “Sorry, not without ID.”

Customer #1: “Well, hey, will this work?” *pulls out student ID card to a local high school*

Me: “It doesn’t have your birthdate on it, so no, it won’t.

Customer #2: “Well, can we pay you to let us in?”

Customer #1: “Yeah, we’ve got money.”

Me: *laughs* “Sorry, no.”

(Ten minutes later, they return with Customer #1 holding his finger above his upper lip.)

Customer #1: “Hey, I’ve got a mustache. Now can I have one to [movie]?”

Me: “No.”

Customer #2: “See, I told you that wouldn’t work!”

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