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    Driving While Supplemented

    | Australia |

    (While interviewing a man I had just stopped for drunk driving one night…)

    Me: “How much did you have to drink?”

    Him: “A bottle of wine and a scotch in four hours. I thought I was okay to drive.”

    Me: “Are you taking any medication?”

    Him: “Well, I just started taking those fish oil capsules.”

    Me: “The Omega 3 ones?”

    Him: “Yes, those ones.”

    Me: “Those are supposed to make you smarter.”

    Him: “Yes, they are.”

    Me: “Well, I’m sure you can get your money back for them, then.”

    Hopefully, He Doesn’t Look As Stupid As He Sounds

    | Bakersfield, CA, USA |

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you sir?”

    Customer: “Do you guys sell pallets?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t.”

    Customer: “… but there’s a whole bunch behind your store just sitting there.”

    Me: “Yes, but we reuse those. We don’t sell them.”

    Customer: “Well, is it illegal if I steal one of them?”

    Me: “Repeat what you just said to yourself.”

    Customer: *thinks for a second* “Oh.”

    It (Almost) Never Hurts To Check

    , | Baltimore, MD, USA | Top

    Customer: “Let me see that knife in the case.”

    Me: “Here ya go.”

    Customer: “I don’t think this knife is sharp enough.”

    Me: “Really? ”

    (The customer pulls the blade across his palm, slicing his hand open and spilling blood all over the floor.)

    Customer: “I guess it is.”

    Me: “Would you like some paper towels?”

    The Joy Of Sex(ism), Part 3

    | Jackson, MS, USA | Top

    (I’m a male to female transsexual working in a call center. My name is an androgynous name, so I still use the male name when greeting customers for legal reasons.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling tech support, K***y speaking. How can I help you today?”

    Sexist Caller: “You can’t help me. Get me someone who can.”

    Me: “I’m sure I can assist you sir, what is the problem today?”

    Sexist Caller: “I ain’t talking to you!”

    Me: “What’s the problem?”

    Sexist Caller: “I ain’t talking to no girl.”

    (This caused me to both be glad that my voice passes for female on the phone, but really pissed me off cause of how horrible it was…but I would have my revenge…)

    Me: “I’m terribly sorry to hear that sir, are you sure?”

    Sexist Caller: “Get me a man, God d**n it!*

    Me: “Okay sir, let me see what I can do. Please hold.”

    (I proceed to put him on hold. I then spend the next few minutes eating a snack, reading some web comics, etc. I then clear my throat, and hit the button to take him off hold.)

    Me: *with my old male voice this time* “Thank you for calling technical support, this is K***y speaking, how can I help you?”

    Sexist Caller: “Oh thank god, I though I was gonna be stuck with that b**ch.”

    Me: “Understandable sir, she’s not that good a technician.”

    Sexist Caller: “You guys got the same name, you related or something?”

    Me: “No way, thank God… ”

    (I proceeded to reinstall his operating system from where he had totally screwed it up. I got written up for this, all while the manager was laughing and apologizing that he had to do it.)

    Related:
    The Joy Of Sex(ism), Part 2
    The Joy Of Sex(ism)

    Send In The Clowns, Part 2

    | Wisconsin, USA |

    Me: “Hi! I’m calling today looking for sponsorships for less fortunate children to attend the annual circus.”

    Her: “Oh, that sounds wonderful.”

    Me: “Would you like to sponsor a child this year?”

    Her: “Will there be clowns?”

    Me: “Yes, I believe there will be a few clowns.”

    Her: “What kind?”

    Me: “I’m… sorry?”

    Her: “Are they the good ones?”

    Me: “They are professionals, so I believe they will be quite good.”

    Her: “Do children like them?”

    Me: “Yes…”

    Her: *in a hushed voice* “I carry a picture of that scary clown in my pocket. I don’t like scary clowns.”

    Me: “Scary clown?”

    Her: “… from the movie. I bought it so I could have a picture of the scary clown. I have nightmares about it.”

    Me: “Ummm… that’s horrible. I’m sorry for bringing up such an awful memory. I will just let you go then.”

    Her: “No, I want to help. Kids like that kind of thing. What do I have to do?”

    Me: “Well, we will send you a sponsorship packet in the mail. It will have an invoice. You just have to send in payment.”

    Her: “Will there be clowns?”

    Me: “At the circus?”

    Her: “No, I mean will you make sure that they don’t send any clowns in that paper?”

    Me: “Yes, I will make sure that you do not get sent any clowns…”

    (Ironically, I found out after hanging up that the sponsorship packet has a large picture of a clown on the envelope.)

    Related:
    Send In The Clowns

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