Featured Story:
  • Bigotry Is Not On The Menu
    (1,921 thumbs up)
  • May Contain Scenes Of Flippered Violence

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Excuse me I’m looking for a movie, it has 2 actors in it.”

    Me: “Which two actors?”

    Customer: “I don’t remember.”

    Me: “What was the movie about?”

    Customer: “I don’t remember.”

    Me: “Do you know any part of the movie?”

    Customer: “There’s a huge conflict in the middle of it.”

    Me: “That could be almost any one of these movies.”

    Customer: “Oh, here it is! March of the Penguins!”

    Mmm, Hemoglobin

    | Lancashire, UK | Uncategorized

    (I am cleaning down the kitchen and I manage to cut my hand rather badly. There are no bandages in the kitchen so I wrap it in a cloth and go to find my manager out front.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, we’re ready to order our dessert.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I’m just trying to find a bandage at the moment. Could it wait a minute?”

    Customer: “Well, I only wanted some ice cream.”

    Me: *shows hand* “You want blood with that?”

    Customer: “Chocolate sauce, maybe?”

    Some Customers Never Let You Down

    | London, UK | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Where are the escalators and lifts?”

    Me: “Sorry, ma’am. The lift is reserved for people who are unable to use the stairs, and there are no escalators. There is a staircase just over there, if that’s what you’re looking for”.

    Customer: “But those are ‘down’ stairs. I need to go back up.”

    Me: “Ma’am, stairs go both up and down. That is why we have stairs instead of escalators.”

    Customer: “But I need to go upstairs, and you do don’t have any ‘up’ stairs. Are you trying to trap people here?”

    Me: “You know what? Let me show you the lift”.

    Hear, Speak, Say, Play No Evil

    | Texas, USA | Uncategorized, Zombies

    Me: “Thank you for calling [store].”

    Caller: “I was talking with my friend, about that game I wanted for my grandson? ‘Uncharted Drake’s Fortune’? I thought it was clean, but my friend told me it isn’t clean!”

    Me: “Clean, ma’am?”

    Caller: “You know, clean! Not evil?”

    Me: “It’s only rated ‘T’ for ‘teen’, ma’am.”

    Caller: “But is it clean? I don’t want my grandson playing any evil games. What’s this game about?”

    (I describe the premise of the game.)

    Caller: “So you’re killing the bad guys, then? You’re the good guy?”

    Me: “Exactly, ma’am.”

    Caller: “So you’re like God striking down Satan?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, something like that.”

    Caller: “Oh, good, I’m so glad! Now my friend was telling me that in this game people are digging up graves. Is that true? That’s just not Christian!”

    Me: “No, ma’am, it’s only the bad guys digging up graves and making zombies.”

    Caller: “What’s a zombie? I’ve never heard of this.”

    Me: “Dead bodies that come back to life, ma’am? They’re supernatural creatures, like vampires or werewolves.”

    Caller: “Oh! This game isn’t going to teach my grandson to do any of that horrible witchcraft, is it?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, like I said, only the bad guys are doing that. You’re the good guy; you’re trying to stop them.”

    Caller: “Oh, okay, then. Well thank you so much, and God bless you and everyone at your store, and God be with you!”

    Age Before Cutie

    | Fort Wayne, Indiana, USA | Uncategorized

    (This happened about 6 or 7 years ago when I was a teenager. I had long hair then and sometimes wore it in pigtails. I’m finishing up a transaction with a customer.)

    Customer: “Aw, I just love your hair! It looks so cute!”

    Me: “Thanks! I like wearing it up like this, but it makes me look younger than I am. I get called ‘hun’ and ‘sweetheart’ a lot when it’s up.”

    Customer: *gasps* “Now you listen here! I’m one of those ones who calls people ‘hun’ and I don’t like your attitude. You need to learn to take a compliment and not be such a brat!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Customer: *grabs her stuff out of my hands, marches away, and slams the door behind her*

    Page 2,017/2,597First...2,0152,0162,0172,0182,019...Last