Driving The Point Home

| Illinois, USA | Top

(Note: our Drive-thru has a strict “No Cell Phone” policy. A customer pulls up to our drive-thru while talking on her cellphone.)

Me: “How may I help you?”

Customer: *continues talking on cellphone*

Me: “May I help you?”

Customer: *continues talking on cellphone*

Me: “Please end your phone call now, or I will have to ask you to leave our drive-thru.”

(The customer finally hangs up about 15 seconds later.)

Customer: “Hello? Hello? Is anyone there? Will someone take my order?!”

Me: “May I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, what took you so long? No one ever even said anything to me.” *places order*

Me: “Your total is $xx.xx, first window.”

Customer: *pulls up to the window*

Me: “Ma’am, you do know our restaurant has a strict “No Cell Phone” policy in drive thru.”

Customer: “Well, I wasn’t on my cell phone.”

Me: “You spent 5 minutes ignoring me asking for your order, and I could hear you talking on your cell phone.”

Customer: “Well, I most certainly wasn’t!”

Me: “Ma’am, we have that no cell phone policy. Please don’t use it again in drive-thru, because we might have to ask you to leave the drive-thru if it happens again.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “Because you took 5 minutes to even start placing your order. That’s 5 minutes we can’t take any other orders.”

Customer: “This is bulls***! I don’t even have a cellphone!”

(Suddenly, the customer’s cell phone rings. She picks it up.)

Customer: “Hello? Oh my gosh, no he didn’t!”

(It took me another 3 minutes to get her money.)

Signs That It Is Going To Be A Long Day/Week/Month

| United Kingdom | Uncategorized

Me: “How can I help?”

Caller: “I can’t work out how to use your booking calendar. It’s very complicated.”

Me: “Okay, so tell me if there’s any red text beneath the calendar?”

Caller: “Yes there is. It says ‘click a start date to begin’.”

Me: “Okay, so click the date you’d like your booking to start.”

Caller: “Okay, done that. Now what?”

Me: “Has the text changed to say ‘Please click an end date’?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “So click the date you’d like your booking to end.”

Caller: “Okay, I’ve got a price! That’s great, but isn’t that rather complicated?”

Me: “How do you mean?”

Caller: “Well, why doesn’t it know the dates I want already?”

Copyright Meets Copywrong

| Aberystwyth, UK | Uncategorized

(A teenage boy and girl come up to my till with a recently purchased CD.)

Teenage Boy: “I want to return this CD.”

Me: “Is there a problem?”

Teenage Boy: “No, I just didn’t like it.”

Me: “Well, I’m afraid I can’t give you a refund, but you can exchange it.”

Teenage Boy: “That’s not on. I want to see the manager.”

Manager: “What seems to be the problem?”

Teenage Boy: “I want my money back for this CD and he won’t give it to me.”

Manager: “I’m afraid we can’t give you a refund but you can exchange it for a another CD.”

Teenage Girl: “He doesn’t want another CD. Why would be want another CD when he can just copy them?”

When Right Can Be Wrong

| Lindon, UT, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Sir, go ahead and right click on the icon. Now do you see that menu that appears when you right click?”

Customer: “Nothing happened.”

Me: “That’s alright. If you double click on the icon, does it open up the file?”

Customer: “Yeah, it opens it up. Just nothing happens when I right click.”

Me: “Ok, have you had any issues with right clicking before?”

Customer: “No, the mouse always clicks and opens whatever I click it on.”

Me: “Ok, try right clicking on the icon again.”

Customer: “It’s still doing nothing.”

Me: “Is your mouse cursor on the icon?”

Customer: “Yeah, but if I move it any further to the right, it won’t be on the icon anymore.”

The Hangover Doesn’t Taste So Suite

| USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Guest services, how can I help you?”

Caller: “You can help me by telling me what this 500 dollars is on my d*** bill!”

(After looking up his bill, I see that not only did they smoke a number of substances which they left evidence of in the room, but they also broke the entire bathroom mirror, and burned a heart design into the computer desk.)

Me: “Sir, it appears that have charge a fee on each of your rooms for damage as well as a fee for smoking in the room. This is a non-smoking property.”

Caller: “I can’t help what my girl does.”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, but we have a strict no-smoking policy, and you are responsible for the state of the room because you made the reservation.”

Caller: “I can’t help it! My girl likes to smoke afterwards!”

Me: “It also looks like you broke a mirror in one of the rooms.”

Caller: “That was Bibby. Bibby crazy, girl. Bibby crazy.”

Me: “Well sir, you made the reservations, so you are responsible for your girlfriend, as well as ‘Bibby’.”

Caller: “She ain’t my girlfriend, she just my girl.”

Me: “Someone burned a heart into the desk in one of the rooms, and we had to bring in a steam cleaner for both carpets, because of the vomit.”

Caller: “I told you Bibby was crazy.”

Me: “Well, sir, I’m sorry, but we are keeping the damage fee, even though ‘Bibby’ burned the desk.”

Caller: “Oh, no the desk was me.”

Me: “Then it is absolutely your responsibility.”

Caller: “It was a declaration of love, woman. She wanted a declaration of love!”

Me: “If you have any further questions, sir, you’re going to have to call our corporate customer care line.”

Caller: “It was for LOVE!”

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