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    Freedom Fries Aren’t Free

    | Canada | Uncategorized

    (A customer man tries to pay with with American money.)

    Customer: “What do you mean you don’t take American currency? That’s ridiculous!”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, but it’s a private business, not corporate, and the owner doesn’t accept foreign currency.”

    Customer: “Foreign currency? Bah! We should have conquered you people a hundred years ago!”

    Me: “Actually, sir, America invaded Canada a few times. However, they were defeated each time.”

    Customer: “Yes, well that wouldn’t be the case today! Now give me some good old American fast food! You can’t take that away from me!”

    Me: “Would you like French Fries with that?”

    Judging Helps You To (Ac)Quit Unhealthy Eating

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA | Uncategorized

    (A woman comes into my cashier line with a single bag of chips.)

    Me: “Did you find everything you were looking for today?”

    Customer: “You rang me up last time! Don’t judge me!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

    Customer: “You’re judging me! Stop judging me!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I was just asking if you found everything.”

    Customer: “Stop judging me!” *begins gasping hysterically*

    Manager: “Ma’am, how can I assist you? What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “She’s judging me! She’s going to call my husband!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I have no idea who your husband is. I won’t be calling him.”

    Customer: “You rang me up last time and now you’re judging me!”

    Manager: “What did she say to you?”

    Customer: “Nothing! But she knows I bought these chips yesterday!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I may have rung you up yesterday, but I don’t recall doing so. I handle hundreds of transactions.”

    Customer: “You’re lying! You know I bought these chips and you know that I’ve eaten the whole bag already and you’re going to call my husband! I was going to sneak these into the house so he wouldn’t know I’d finished the bag but you’re judging me!”

    Canada: America’s Hat, Part 2

    | Boston, MA, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

    Customer: “You’ve got an accent.”

    Me: “Yeah, I’ve heard that. I’m not from here.”

    Customer: “You’re American?”

    Me: “Yeah, I’m from upstate New York.”

    Customer: “But American, right? You’ve got a visa? You need one to work here?”

    Me: “No, I don’t have a visa–”

    Customer: “Holy s***! You’re illegal? They know you’re illegal here?”

    Me: “I’m not illegal. I’m from upstate New York, near Canada.”

    Customer: “Oh, if you’re from Canada, you’re not really illegal then. Canada’s like America, just different. Welcome to our country. I’m looking for a book. You probably only read books in Canadian, but I can help you with the language and you can find me a book here.”

    Related:
    Canada: America’s Hat

    Tries To Put His Foot Down But Just Draws Blanks

    | Vermont, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “I need a card.”

    Me: “Ok, what kind of card are you looking for?”

    Customer: “It’s for my brother-in-law. He just had his foot amputated.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. We have ‘get well soon’ cards right here.”

    Customer: “Well, he’s not really going to get better, is he?”

    Me: “Well, we do have sympathy cards over there.”

    Customer: “I don’t really like him.”

    Me: “What about a blank card? You could write your own message?”

    Customer: “You mean a card with nothing in it?”

    Me: “Yes, that’s what blank cards are.”

    Customer: “Well I’m not paying for that!” *leaves*

    To Keel A Chicken Bird

    | USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “I’d like a piece of white meat.”

    Me: “Would you like a rib or a keel?”

    Customer: “What’s a keel?”

    Me: “The center cut of the best, the middle bone is the sternum.”

    Customer: “What, no that’s dark meat. The sternum is in the back of the animal.”

    Me: “In chickens, they have an elongated sternum for their wing muscles.”

    Customer: “I know every bone in the human body! The sternum is in the back!”

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