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    Sorry I Asked

    | Gorham, ME, USA | Top

    (I notice an older woman and her twenty-something long-haired son struggling to find a certain brush in our hair care aisle.)

    Me: “Can I help you with anything?”

    Mother: “Help me? Help ME? The only way you could help me is to make my Fabio son over here stop dating thirteen year old girls!”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic.

    He Does Have A Good Point

    , | Munising, MI, USA |

    (A man walks through the service door into the kitchen of the restaurant. I work the drive-thru, right next to the service door.)

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Man: “Hi, I’d like to order some food.”

    Me: “Um, I think you went in the wrong door, sir.”

    Man: “No, I didn’t. That door says ‘service’ on it.”

    Me: “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to go up front to the dining room.”

    Man: “Can’t you just take my order here?”

    Me: “Um, I suppose…”

    (I take his order, make his drink, and the cooks make his food. I hand it to him.)

    Man: “Thanks! I’ll be sure to come back!”

    Me: “Can you use the main door next time?”

    Man: “Why? I got such good service through the service door!”

    (As soon as he leaves, the cooks and I burst out laughing.)

    Cancun, Oahu, Same Difference

    | Honolulu, HI, USA |

    (Standing in line behind a tourist, while she is getting rung up.)

    Cashier: “Aloha, how are you today?”

    Tourist: “Oh, I’m sorry, I don’t speak Spanish. Could you talk in English please?”

    Cashier: “Hello, how are you today?”

    Tourist: “Fine, we just flew here from America today.”

    (The cashier rings up the tourist’s few items.)

    Cashier: “That will be twenty five dollars and eighty five cents.”

    Tourist: “Do you take American money here? I only have American money. I have not been able to get to the currency exchange yet.”

    Cashier: “Ma’am, we are in the United States. We take dollars here.”

    Tourist: “Oh really? You take this money?” *holds up her $20 bill*

    Cashier: “Yes, ma’am, those are dollars, and being a US state we do accept those.”

    Tourist: “Well that’s very nice of you to accept foreign money.”

    Cashier: *puzzled* “Mahalo, have a great day!”

    Tourist: *under her breath* “I told her I didn’t speak Spanish!”

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    One Track Rind

    | Ottawa, Canada |

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like 20 slices.”

    Me: “Would you like that thinly or regularly sliced, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Yes, 20 slices.”

    Me: “Okay, and how would you like your 20 slices sliced, ma’am?”

    Customer: “20 slices.”

    Me: “Ma’am, would you like those slices THIN or REGULAR?”

    Customer: “Yes, 20 slices.”

    Me: “Alright, regular it is.”

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    Me Customer, Me Hungry

    , | Sacramento, CA, USA |

    (A new delivery driver mistakenly delivered the wrong pizza. This is the phone call I got about it, as the manager on duty.)

    Customer: “Hi, I ordered a pizza from you guys a while ago, and they delivered the wrong one.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry! What was your order?”

    Customer: “Mushrooms and green onions… the one we got had sausage. We can’t eat sausage! We’re vegetarians!”

    Me: “Okay, do you still have the pizza? We can come by and switch them for you.”

    Customer: “No, we ate it.”

    Me: “You ate it?”

    Customer: “Yes! Now, I’d like to get my money back. It was the wrong pizza.”

    Me: “So… you want me to give you your money back… for a pizza you already ate.”

    Customer: “Well we didn’t LOOK at it, we just ate it.”

    (Eventually we settled the deal by giving the customer some in-store credit. Who doesn’t look at a pizza before they start shoveling it into their mouths?)

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