• My Roommate Is My Pet Hate
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  • September Theme Of The Month: Overheard!

    And To Delete, Use White Out…

    | Missouri, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Yes, I need help with my printer. I want to print this letter, but it’s not going to fit on the page!”

    Me: “What happens when you try to print?”

    Caller: “Well, I don’t know. I don’t want to get ink everywhere!”

    Me: “Okay, why do you think it won’t fit on the page?”

    Caller: “Well, when I held it up to the screen, the paper was smaller than the page in Word. So, it obviously won’t fit!”

    Me: “Ma’am, could you just try to print it for me?”

    Caller: “I told you, it’ll spill ink!”

    Me: “Trust me, it won’t.”

    Caller: “Fine, but if it does, you’ll have to clean it up.”

    (After a few moments of printing sounds…)

    Caller: *gasp* *click*

    It Also Comes In Lemon, Cherry, and Chlorine

    | Reno, NV, USA | Uncategorized

    (I work for a company which sells hand sanitizer.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [company]! How may I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi, I’m just calling to ask if your product comes in any other flavors?”

    Me: “…”

    Would You Like To Super-Size That Band-Aid?

    , | Cincinnati, OH, USA | Uncategorized

    (I’m working register when a lady comes up leading her sobbing son. He has a big lump on his forehead that’s starting to turn black and blue.)

    Customer: “Could I have some ice for his head? He hit it on something.”

    Me: “Yes! Poor little guy.”

    (I fill a glove with ice, wrap it in a paper rag and hand it over.)

    Me: “First Aid is just down there.”

    Customer: “Okay, thanks. Hey, while we’re here, could I get a grilled chicken salad?”

    Fowl-Mouthed Accusations

    | Norfolk, VA, USA | Top

    (I’m telling a group of visitors about the peacocks at our zoo. After I’ve finished, one of the visitors stops me.)

    Visitor: “Young man, can I have a word with you?

    Me: “Certainly, ma’am. How can I help you?

    Visitor: “I don’t appreciate you using that kind of language in front of my children.”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, I wasn’t aware I had.”

    Visitor: “We prefer to call those birds over there pearoosters.”

    Me: “Um, why?”

    Visitor: “Because peacock is a bad word! I really don’t think you should be using that sort of language and those dirty words in front of small children!”

    Marriage: The Ultimate Slippery Slope

    , | East Greenwich, RI, USA | Top

    (I work in the shipping and receiving department of a furniture store, where customers ring a bell so I can give them their box. We also have a loading dock for semi’s.)

    Outside: *BANG! BANG!*

    (Alarmed, I go to the loading dock where I see an E-class Mercedes sliding repeatedly down the icy incline and crashing into the building.)

    Me: “Sir! Sir! What are you doing?”

    Customer: “I’m trying to pick up my f***ing table! You call this customer pick-up?”

    Me: “No, Sir. We call this the loading dock. The customer service door is right over here.” *points at door*

    Customer: “F***! Would you come down here and help push my car up the grade while I floor it?”

    Me: “Sir, that incline is solid ice. If I slip or your car slides down, I could be killed. So, no, I won’t do that.”

    Customer: “Well, f*** you!”

    Me: “Okay, sir. Just ring this bell over here when you get out.”

    (After a few more minutes and several more crashing noises, the bell rings. I open the door and it’s the same customer standing outside.)

    Me: “Hello, sir. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “I need this.” *hands me slip*

    Me: “Okay, sir, I’ll have that ready right here for you. Would you like some help getting it into the car?”

    Customer: “F*** you!”

    (The customer takes the box by himself and attempts to fit box into his back seat but fails, as it’s filled with various items. He pulls out a child’s stroller and throws it across the road and into the woods, where it catches and hangs on a tree branch. He then proceeds to throw all other items in his car out onto road. The whole time, his wife is standing with me and watching.)

    Customer’s wife: “Here you go.” *gives me a $10 tip*

    Me: “Good luck with that guy.”

    Customer’s wife: “Yeah, thanks. He’s still got to put that table together!”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

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