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    Rain Drops Keep Falling On My (Thick) Head

    , | Illinois, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for choosing [name], how can I help you?”

    (All I hear is the rain falling, so I repeat several times until the customer finally pulls around.)

    Customer: “Did you get my order?”

    Me: “No, I didn’t hear you say anything, sir.”

    Customer: “Oh, well, I didn’t want rain to get in my car. I wasn’t sure if you could hear me through my window.”

    Fake ID Is Always A Gamble

    | Mexico | Top

    (I’m a member of the security staff at a casino, and three men approach to me, one of them looking a little young.)

    Me: “Can I see some ID?”

    (The youngest one gives me an ID where it says he’s 22. I ask him how old he is just to check.)

    Me: “How old are you?”

    Customer: “17.” *pauses* “Ah, I f***ed up, didn’t I? I’ll just wait in the car.”

    The Wedding Veil Of Secrecy

    | Duluth, MN, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [bridal store], how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I bought a bridesmaid’s dress from you a few days ago and I need to return it.”

    Me: “Okay. Well, our dresses are non-returnable, but we could do an exchange or I could give you store credit. May I ask why you need to return the dress?”

    Customer: “The wedding was canceled.”

    Me: “Okay, I’ll see what I can do. Can I have the bride’s name, please?”

    (She gives me the bride’s name and I find that the bride hasn’t called to tell us the wedding is canceled.)

    Me: “I’m looking at the information now, but it looks like the bride hasn’t told us the wedding is canceled.”

    Customer: “Yeah…that’s because she doesn’t know yet.”

    Not On The Cutting Edge

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA |

    (I receive the following call while working at a home decor store.)

    Me: “Hello, [store name], how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Do you have table pads?”

    Me: “Yes, we have custom ones, and we have ones you can buy here and cut yourself to fit your table.”

    Customer: “Okay, how much are the ones you cut?”

    Me: “$12.97.”

    Customer: “Okay, I’ll be in. Thanks.”

    (A little while passes and the caller comes in.)

    Customer: Hi, I called about the table pads. Could you show me where they are?

    Me: “Sure, they’re right over here.” *takes them to the pads*

    Customer: “Okay, thanks. I need it to be 14 by 11, so when are you going to cut it?”

    Me: “I don’t cut it in the store. You have to cut it at home to fit your table.”

    Customer: “You said you cut it here!”

    Me: “No, I said you cut it yourself to fit the table.”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t know how to do that!”

    Me: “You just lay it on the table and cut around the shape of the table.”

    Customer: “Well, what am I supposed to use to cut it?! I don’t have a special table pad cutting machine!”

    Me: “How about scissors?”

    Customer: “Oh…okay, I’ll take it.”

    Information Underload

    | Seattle, WA, USA |

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, just slide your card and either select credit or enter your PIN.”

    Customer: “It says credit. This is a debit.”

    Me: “I know, ma’am. Just enter your PIN for debit.”

    Customer: “But it says credit!”

    Me: “I know, just put in your PIN like on any debit machine.”

    Customer: “But the button on the screen says credit!”

    (Seeing no end to this conversation, I put my hand over the screen and block her view of it.)

    Me: “Okay, now enter your PIN.”

    (She does so, and not surprisingly her groceries are paid for.)

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