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    Gotta Love Those Magic Dongles

    | Oslo, Norway |

    Me: “Welcome to the IT service desk. You’re talking to ******. How may I help you today?”

    User: “I can’t log on to VPN.”

    Me: “OK, how does the problem manifest itself?”

    User: “I get a wrong user name or password error.”

    Me: “Right. What’s the serial number of your VPN dongle?”

    User: “Well, it keeps changing.”

    Me: “…”

    Crazy To Go

    | Hawaii, USA | Top

    (Late night in a very crowded restaurant, a lady cuts in front of me and stands in the well, blocking me from getting my drinks for my tables.)

    Bartender: “Ma’am, you cant stand there. Please move over to the side and I will help you.”

    Lady: “I just want to get some food to go.”

    Bartender: “Ma’am, please move over to the side of the bar and I can help you.”

    Lady: “Can I get some food to go?”

    (At this point there are three servers who are now blocked from getting their drinks from the well.)

    Bartender: “Ma’am, we only do take-out orders from 5:00-6:00, or an hour before closing.”

    Lady: *blank stare*

    Me: “Excuse me, may I squeeze by you? I have to get my drinks for my tables.”

    Lady: *turns to me* “I want to order some food to go!”

    Me: “We only do food to go from 5-6. Or an hour before closing.”

    Lady: “What? I need to get some food to go!”

    Bartender: “Lady! You need to move out of the service well! I can’t get you any food to go right now!”

    Lady: “But… but… I need to order some food…”

    Me: “Right. Food to go. But we dont do that right now.”

    Lady: “Why not?”

    Other blocked servers: “Are you f**king kidding me?”

    Bartender: “Ma’am, if you will please just move to the side, I will ask if we can get you some food to go.”

    Lady: “Thank you. I dont understand what’s wrong with you people!”

    Me: “Ma’am, can you please scoot over? Please?”

    Lady: “I’m not going anywhere until I get my food to go!”

    Manager: “Is there a problem?”

    Lady: “I’m trying to order food to go and your crappy staff won’t help me!

    Manager: “Well, we don’t do food to go right now.”

    Lady: “This is bulls**t! I’ll have your f**king job! I want my food to go NOW!”

    Manager: “Why don’t you get the hell out of here right now before I call the police?”

    (She stormed out and the entire bar started cheering and clapping.)

    Cue Dramatic Music

    , | St. Louis, MO, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like a personal pan pizza for my son.”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, we’re all out of personal pans for the day. Can I get you something else?”

    Customer: “No! I guess my son will just have to go ahead and STARVE!”

    Me: “…”

    Fine, We’ll Just Shout And Yell

    , | Dallas, TX, USA | Top

    Customer: “I think it’s very rude for you to talk on your cellphone while you’re at work.”

    Me: “No, ma’am, this isn’t a cellphone; it’s a headset. We use them to communicate with the other employees.”

    Customer: “That’s VERY rude.”

    Mmmmm, Powder

    , | Portland, OR, USA |

    Customer: “Do your smoothies have egg whites in them?”

    Me: “Yes, the thickening powder contains dry egg whites.”

    Customer: “Can you make it without the powder then?”

    Me: “Not really, because then your drink would just be orange juice and ice.”

    Customer: “Oh, can I have the powder on the side, then?”

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