Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • Just Telling It Like It Is
    (3,017 thumbs up)
  • October Theme Of The Month: Coupon Complications!
    Submit your story today!

    Chocolate 1, Self Control 0

    | New Jersey, USA | Top

    Me: “We’ve got a special offer on chocolate at the moment, if you’re interested at all?”

    Customer: “Chocolate?! You know what? I will have some. I hope you’re happy. I mean, honestly…why do you think I have a weight problem, let alone the rest of the world?”

    Me: “Sir, I didn’t say you had to buy it…”

    Customer: “Well no, you didn’t, but I’m not going to turn down a special offer, am I?”

    Me: “Would you like me to offer you a health bar instead?”

    Customer: “No, I’ll take two chocolate bars.”

    Time To Slap “Low Cal” On The Lard Cakes

    , | Norway |

    Customer: “Do you have anything without calories?”

    Me: “Not except water, no. But I can make the baked potato with chili beans with no butter, making it more low-fat than anything else you’ll be likely to find around here. ”

    Customer: *rolls eyes* “Well, if that’s the best you can do…”

    Who Needs Enemies When You Have Customers

    | Bellingham, WA, USA |

    (A customer comes storming in a few days after a sale.)

    Customer: “I want to speak to the person who sold me this!”

    Me: “Actually, I believe that was me. I remember you.”

    Customer: “No, it couldn’t have been you! The girl I spoke with had long hair!”

    (I wordlessly take my hair out of the ponytail.)

    Customer: “No, she was prettier than you are. I’ll come back tomorrow.”

    And Just Think, You’ll Meet Them In Multiplayer

    , | Long Island, New York, NY, USA |

    (So, GTA4 came out recently… it never occurred to me how many people didn’t know roman-bloody-numerals.)

    Customer: “I’d like to pre-order Grand Theft Auto Five.”

    Me: “Four.”

    Customer: “Four? No. I wanted Five. Four is old.”

    Me: “Four is the one coming out in a week or so.”

    Customer: “No it isn’t! It’s GTA Five you…” *mumbles*

    Me: “Sir. That’s GTAIV. IV is Four. V is Five.”

    Customer: “Well if you’re going to lie to me, I’m going to another store!” (…and he did.)

    (Another occasion…)

    Customer: “What is that… Grand Theft Auto Eye Vee…”

    Me: “Four.”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “Grand Theft Auto Four.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand.”

    Me: “It’s like the Rocky Movies.”

    Customer: “OH. Oh. I see now. Heh. Four.”

    (And finally, the big day: GTA IV was due to be released at midnight. I lost all hope for humanity when a customer came in and paid off the game, then asked…)

    Customer: “Excuse me, what’s midnight?”

    Nothin’ Like A Good Old Existential Meltdown

    | St. Andrews, Scotland, UK |

    (I’m confronted by a customer with an extremely high pitched voice and impenetrable Highland accent. This is one of those tiny old Scottish women with a headscarf nailed on and muscles like steel wires. They are a common sight in the East of Scotland, and are almost immortal. Only the slow action of the wind off the north sea will gradually erode them.)

    Me: “That will be £***, please.”

    Old Lady: “Areyenamerican?”

    Me: “I beg your pardon?”

    Old Lady: “Ah sid, are ye Namerican?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I missed that.”

    Old Lady: “Are… ye… an… American?”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. I misheard you. No, I’m English.”

    Old Lady: “Oh… why?”

    (I have spent much of the last three years trying to come up with a satisfactory answer. As yet I have made no progress.)

    Page 2,015/2,152First...2,0132,0142,0152,0162,017...Last