November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Unlimited Minutes, Limited Intelligence

| Manchester, UK | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [Phone Company] how can I help?”

Customer: “I’ve just received my bill and it says I only have 500 SMS to use this month. I’m supposed to have unlimited SMS!”

Me: “You have 500 SMS included with your service. However you have an extra service on your account which gives you unlimited SMS.”

Customer: “But when I call for my balance it says I only have 500 SMS. I want unlimited SMS!”

Me: “When you get your balance it will always tell you that you have 500 SMS. It can’t tell you a number when it’s unlimited.”

Customer: “Well, I want it to tell me how many unlimited texts I have left!”

Me: “Think about what you just said, madam.”

Customer: “Oh…”

Unlimited Food, Limited Intelligence

A Minor Truth

| Australia | Uncategorized

(We have some yogurt and tomato paste which come in two packs. A customer will often come up with one tub, the one which will have no barcode on it, and we have to go find the other one in the pair.)

Me: “Oh, this is just a single. Do you have the other half?”

Customer: “No, it was just like this on the shelf.”

Me: “Ok, well these come in two packs. Did you see the other one of the shelf?”

Customer: “Yeah, I did, I’ll just go get it.”

(The customer goes and gets the other half.)

Customer’s Child: “Mummy, where did you go?”

Customer: “I had to go get the other half of this.”

Customer’s Child: “But didn’t you just break that in half?”

Customer: “No I didn’t.”

Customer’s Child: “Yes you did.”

Customer: “No, it was just like this.”

Customer’s Child: “Yes you did! I remember you saying you only need one, why should you pay for two? And then you broke it off.”

Customer: “Alright, alright, here’s some money. Why don’t you go and get a toy out of the vending machine?”

Ask Me Questions, I Tell You Lies

| Dallas, TX, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer brings in a 20 year old pool cleaner.)

Customer: “I need you to wet-test this for me!”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, we don’t offer that service. If you like, we can check it in, and bench test it.”

Customer: “Fine, but I wanna watch what you’re doing. I just had it in here last week, and it’s broken again!”

Me: “Do you remember who worked on it?”

Customer: “It was that kid with all those tattoos”

(One of our employees has a small tattoo on his arm. While he flips out, I find the problem: a part was put in up-side-down.)

Me: “You sure [name] worked on this?”

Customer: “Yes! I knew he would mess it up!”

Me: “Well here is your problem. This part was up side down. Did you install this yourself?

Customer: “Yes, I bought it here last week! And your guys came to my house last week, he cut off all my pipes, and he ruined my equipment!”

Me: “Sir, the last service done at your house was 3 months ago…a filter clean.”

Customer: “You’re not helpful at all!” *leaves*

SkyNet: The Early Years

| Kimberley, BC, Canada | Uncategorized

(Note: I’m making calls to let people know that the movies they reserved are in.)

Me: “Hi there, this is Sarah from . I’m just calling to let you know the movie you reserved is now in if you’d like to come pick it up.”

Customer: “Oh, for Pete’s sake. These stupid f***ing recordings! I can’t believe even friggin has them now. You hear that, you stupid f***ing robot? YOU F***ING PIECE OF ROBOT S***!

Me: “Um…sir? I am an actual person.”

Customer: *hangs up*

Why Skynet Annihilated Mankind, Vol. 1

Wireless Clueless & Hopeless, Part 4

| Queensland, Australia | Uncategorized

Me: “Welcome to [company], how can I help you today?”

Customer: “My internet is broken. This is so ridiculous! This happened two weeks ago. Your company is to blame and I am not happy!”

(The customer supplies their account details.)

Me: “Okay, so I’ve just run a quick test on your connection here and I can see that it is logged in, you say that you just cannot get any connection on your computer?”

Customer: “Yes! I’m getting ‘No Signal’. This is so ridiculous!”

(I go through roughly 20 minutes of troubleshooting, with the customer getting more and more angry the whole time.)

Customer: “It’s broken and it’s all your fault! It keeps saying ‘Check Signal Cable’ and it won’t go away!”

Me: “It says ‘Check Signal Cable’?”

Customer: “Yes! That’s what I said!”

Me: “Ma’am, is your computer plugged into your monitor?”

Customer: “Of course it…oh…” *click*

Wireless Clueless & Hopeless, Part 3
Wireless Clueless & Hopeless, Part 2
Wireless Clueless & Hopeless