(I am on working the register during a busy day and the line is building up fast. I have finished ringing up a customer and am gathering some information.)

Me: “And can I have your zip code, please?”

Customer: “Sure, it’s [zip code].”

Me: “All right, and a phone number?”

(The customer rattles off a number that sounds exactly like a social security number.)

Me: “Um, sir, that sounds like it would be your social security number.”

Customer: “WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “You tricked me into giving you my social security number!”

Me: *speechless*

(A customer walks into the shop and starts looking at our cakes.)

Customer: “Cheesecake?” *points at a carrot and walnut cake*

Coworker: “No, that’s a carrot cake. We have cheesecake right over here.”

(I show the customer the cheesecake.)

Customer: “Okay.”

(The customer walks away, but returns ten minutes later.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Customer: “That’s cheesecake?” *points at the carrot cake again*

Me: “No, sorry. That’s a carrot cake.”

Customer: “Cheesecake?” *points at another cake*

Me: “No, that’s an orange and coconut cake. The cheesecake’s here.”

(I show her the cheesecake, once again.)

Customer: *incredulously* “That’s cheesecake?!”

(She eventually buys the cheesecake, but only after it taking a while to convince her it is actually cheesecake!)

(A customer comes into the store part of the petrol station after unsuccessfully trying to inflate his tires with our air pump that was labelled as being out of order.)

Customer: “I can’t inflate my tires.”

Me: “Sorry about that. The air pump is broken at the moment, and we’re waiting on the technician to repair it next week.”

Customer: “This is outrageous! I need to inflate my tires!”

Me: “Sorry, there’s not a lot I can do. We have small cans of air, but they’re quite expensive and are only meant for emergencies.”

Customer: “This is the third station in this area I’ve been to today with a faulty pump!”

(Suddenly, the customer narrows his eyes at me.)

Customer: “This can’t be a coincidence.”

Me: “Wait, are you saying I sabotaged not only our own pump, but the air pumps at several competing petrol stations as well?”

Customer: “You must be doing something. This is outrageous!”

(I work housekeeping at a hotel. We knock and give the guest a few moments of privacy before we enter.)

Me: *knocking* “Housekeeping!”

Guest: “Who’s there?”

Me: “Housekeeping!”

Guest: “What kind?”

Patient: “I’d like an appointment tomorrow with the doctor.”

Me: “How does 11:20 sound?”

Patient: “No! I want something between 11:00 and 11:30!”

Me: “No problem! How bout 11:20?”

Patient: “Great, see you then!”

Customer: “I have a new kitten for an appointment.”

Me: “Okay, let me get some information from you…”

(I get a lot of information and come to the question about color.)

Me: “And what color is the cat?”

Customer: “It’s cream.”

Me: “Cream and white?”

Customer: “No, just plain cream colored!”

(We get back to the room and I take the cat out of the carrier. It’s a black cat.)

Related:
Color Me Stupid, Part 2
Color Me Stupid

(My store is going through a buy two, get the third free sale. A customer comes up with only two items.)

Me: “Hi. Just these ones today?”

Customer: “Yes, thanks.”

Me: “Did you want to grab another item of equal or lesser value for free?”

Customer: “How much will it cost?”

Me: “Nothing…it’s free.”

Customer: “What’s the catch?”

Me: “It’s of equal or lesser value of the items you have here.”

Customer: “So, how much extra do I have to pay for it?”

Me: “Nothing. It’s free.”

Customer: “No. There’s a catch, isn’t there? You people are always trying to sell me more stuff with some sort of catch behind it. I will probably end up paying more for it or something.”

Me: “No, it’s free, meaning you will pay no extra. You get it for nothing.”

Customer: “No! I refuse to give into your gimmicks.”

(The customer pays for two items and walks out of the store. She returns the next day.)

Customer: “Yes, I came in yesterday and wasn’t aware of the sale you had going on for buy two, get the third free!”

Me: “Thank you for calling Pain Management of Hamilton County. This is Pat, are you a new or existing patient?”

Caller: “This isn’t Branchville Winery?”

Me: “No, ma’am. This is Pain Management of Hamilton County.”

Caller: “I guess I’m looking for a different kind of pain management…”