If I Won The Lottery

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When Crazy Requests Reach The Stratosphere

| Tulsa, OK, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work for a major satellite TV provider providing tech support when this customer calls in:)

Me: “Thank you for calling [TV provider]. My name is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, there’s nothing on my TV!”

Me: “When you say nothing is it a black screen?”

Customer: “No! It says searching for satellite signal. What is that?”

Me: “Oh, that means that for some reason either the dish isn’t picking up the signal from our satellite or else it isn’t getting from the dish to your receiver.”

Customer: “Well, then put a new satellite up there.”

Me: “Sir, I don’t believe that would—”

Customer: “You’re not paid to think, so just put a new satellite up.”

Me: “Sir, am I correct in hearing that you want us to launch a new satellite, knowing that such a process would take several months and cost millions of dollars?”

Customer: “Yes, but we both know it won’t take months. I want it done tonight, and it better not affect my bill.” *hangs up*

Needs A Taste Of Common Sense

| WI, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(A table orders a bottle of wine, so I go over to open it in front of them, let them taste it, and pour it for them. It’s standard procedure when you order a whole bottle.)

Me: *after opening the bottle* “So, who would like to taste it?”

Woman: *snaps* “Well, you already opened it so I guess we’ll just have it.”

Me: *pours their glasses and leaves while wondering how she expected to taste it without me opening the bottle*

Sandwiched Between The Truth And The Law

| Kirksville, MO, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink

(A customer who is also a police officer comes through the drive thru with an empty sandwich box and his receipt. We ran out of the double quarter boxes so we’ve been using regular quarter ones and placing a sticker on top to tell them apart. This customer has one of the regular boxes with a sticker. He states he was given the wrong sandwich and demands another one even though the receipt is for double quarter and the box is correct. I ask my manager.)

Manager: “No. If the receipt and the box are both correct and they’ve already eaten the sandwich, I’m not going to just give him free food.”

(I return to the customer.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but both the box and the receipt are for a double quarter pounder and multiple coworkers say they checked it, and it was correct before you ate it.”

Police Officer: “Are you saying I’m a liar?”

Me: “I’m not saying you’re a liar—”

Police Officer: “Me? An officer of the law? You’re saying I’m lying just to get free food! This is ridiculous!”

Me: “Sir, I didn’t say you’re a liar. I’m saying we can’t prove it was the wrong sandwich because the box is correct and you’ve already eaten the food.”

Police Officer: “But you charged me for a double sandwich and gave me a single.”

Me: “Except the box—”

Police Officer: “I’m an officer of the law. Do you think I would just lie?! YOU CHARGED ME FOR THE WRONG SANDWICH.” *starts getting very confrontational*

Me: “Which you ate. The box is for what you paid for. My coworkers double check the orders and make sure they’re correct. I’m not saying you’re a liar, but everything on our end says it is the right sandwich, and my manager has already said no.

Police Officer: “What?! Are you kidding me? I want to speak to them immediately.”

(I give up and go get my manager. She tries to reason with him for a good minute before I hear him yell something I can’t understand and he speeds off.)

Manager: “He tried to pull Ferguson on me, saying we would have given him his food if it wasn’t for that shooting. I told him I didn’t know what I could do for him, but it wasn’t going to be a sandwich!”

Should Take Stock Of Your Complaint

| Seattle, WA, USA | Bad Behavior

(A customer calls multiple times to schedule her pick up. She is told by more than one manager, that she can’t come during the one hour she wants to come, because we don’t have stock support during that time, and there are certain items that only our stock crew are allowed to handle due to weight. She ends up showing up during this time anyway, with her husband in tow, thinking that it is okay since she brought him to help. I explain to her, AGAIN, the reasons we need to have our stock associates load her purchase, and she just stares at me blankly while shaking her head. At this point, I am more annoyed than anything, and I decide to just help my solo stock associate load the items, breaking company policy.)

Customer: “First you tell me that there aren’t enough people to load my purchase, and then you decide to load my items anyway. Clearly there are enough people; you just didn’t want to help.”

Customer’s Husband: *to his wife* “Go sit in the car. You don’t even work, you don’t understand how companies operate, and you have no idea what you’re talking about. These gentlemen are just trying to help you, and you are doing everything you can to be upset, no matter what they do.”

(After a moment’s silence, the customer walked off through the alleyway and down the street, hopefully never to be seen again.)

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