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    Well Just Thanks A Lunch!

    | VT, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (There’s this little old lady around my town is well known for cleaning the front of shops and the streets in exchange for lunch or pay. She is also known for playing the ‘helpless little old lady card’ to get free things. It’s lunchtime so I close the shop, head out the back door and grab some food. I’m gone five minutes, tops. I come back in through the back door and re-open and the day goes on as usual. What I don’t know is that my mother brought me lunch as a surprise in the five minutes that I was gone. She had put it on the front step and left. My mother explains to me that that night that she left me food. I suddenly remember seeing the little old lady pick up a brown paper bag outside the door window, which I now know held my lunch. I assume she threw it in the garbage. The next night I’m working and the little old lady comes in.)

    Me: “Hi, how are you?”

    Little Old Lady: “Good, good. How are you?”

    Me: “I am well. Did you happen to see a brown paper bag full of food outside of the store last night?”

    Little Old Lady: “Was it yours?”

    Me: “It was but I guess it’s in the garbage now. Oh, well.”

    Little Old Lady: “It was good. I saved some for tonight and I’ll think of you while I’m eating it.”

    Common Sense Is Not A Gift


    Should Have Made An Earlier Check

    | WA, USA | Money

    (It is April 15th and I work in a tax office. The office is actually fairly quiet, as most of our clients have already completed their taxes or filed extensions, so I have more time to answer calls. The phone rings, and I answer.)

    Me: “Hello, how can I help?”

    Caller: “I think I’m in trouble. I already filed my taxes a month ago, and wrote a check, but it hasn’t cleared yet.”

    Me: “Are you a client of ours?”

    Caller: “No. Do you think the IRS got my check?”

    Me: “You said you sent it a month ago? Did you mail it certified?”

    Caller: “No. Do you think they got it?”

    Me: “I’m 99.9% sure the IRS did not get your check.”

    Caller: “How do you know?”

    Me: “They’re extremely quick to take your money. They were even taking payments during the government shutdown.”

    Caller: “Crap, what do I do? Can I call the IRS?”

    Me: “You technically can call the IRS, just not today.”

    Caller: “Why not?”

    Me: “It’s deadline day. During the off season hold times are measured in hours. Today you’d never even get through. Plus, it’s past seven on the east coast, so I’m pretty sure all the agents are drunk right now.”

    Caller: “What do I do?!”

    Me: “Stop payment on the first check, write another one, and get thee to the post office and send it certified. You have forty minutes. Have a good day!”

    Wish You Could Have Recorded It

    | NJ, USA | Bizarre

    (Whenever someone leaves the store, I have to wish them a good day. I usually do this just as they get to the entryway, since it’s closest to my counter and I don’t have to shout that way. I see a gentleman customer leaving the store, so I call out:)

    Me: “Have a good day!”

    (The customer jumps, looks up all around at the top of the entryway for a minute, and then leaves, leaving me a little annoyed for being ignored. He returns a few minutes later, to talk with a another customer. They both turn and start to leave; they get to the entryway and I call out :)

    Me: “Have a good day!”

    (The customer jumps (again), but this time looks around him, and sees me.)

    Customer: “Wait, that’s YOU saying that?!”

    Me: “Oh, uh, yeah. I tell every customer to ‘have a good day’ as they leave.”

    Customer: “Oh, I didn’t realize you were saying it; I thought it was a recording!”

    Me: “Haha, no, sir, it’s just me. Have a nice day.”

    Customer: “You, too!”

    (I have no idea where the customer has ever encountered a store where a disembodied voice wished him a good day upon leaving, but it must be nice!)

    Driving Through The Line

    , | IN, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

    (I am working at the drive-thru and our customer traffic is far higher than usual. A vehicle drives up to the pick-up window. It’s a large white fleet van for an HVAC contractor, and the driver is wearing matching overalls. I read his order from the monitor.)

    Me: “That’ll be [amount], please.”

    Customer: “I haven’t ordered yet.”

    Me: “You didn’t order [items]?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Then why are you in line?”

    Customer: “I cut in line. I want you to take my order now.”

    Me: “Sir, that’s not fair to the many vehicles in line behind you. Please get in line and order like everyone else.”

    Customer: “I’m f**** here right f**** now, and you’re gonna take my f***** order!”

    Me: *pointing at headset* “I can’t take your order unless you use the radio unit by the menu at the start of the line.”

    Customer: “I wanna talk to your manager!”

    (My manager had been listening in on the other headset, and was already at the window.)

    Manager: “How can I help you?”

    Customer: “This f***** won’t take my order!”

    Manager: “I will take and fill your order personally, but only after you personally explain to all the cars in line behind you why they have to wait an extra fifteen minutes because of you.”

    (The customer launched into a hysteric stream of profanity and drove away. My manager was already dialing the HVAC contractor’s phone number written on the side of the customer’s van. The HVAC contractor’s boss assured us that a stern reprimand would be in order.)

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