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    Large Signs, Larger Bags, And Even Larger Egos

    | Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Extra Stupid, Uncategorized

    (A customer with a large bag enters the store.)

    Me: “Excuse me, ma’am. You’re going to have to check your bag there up at the front counter.”

    Customer: “Why?! I’ve never had to before!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, it’s store policy.”

    Customer: “No it isn’t! You’re doing this just because I’m not white! I guess non-white people aren’t welcome here!”

    Me: “You’re more than welcome here, but it’s store policy that all shoppers check their bags.”

    Customer: “Show me a sign that says this is your policy!”

    (I take her up front and show her the large, bright-red sign with bold, white letters that says customers are required to check their bags before shopping.)

    Customer: “You put this out because you saw me coming!”

    Tea Drag

    | Weston, FL, USA | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque, Uncategorized

    (I’m waiting to pick up my friend from her shift, when a customer comments on her.)

    Customer: “There’s something strange about that lady over there.”

    Me: “She’s a wonderful tea-brewer.”

    Customer: “Well, there’s something strange about her appearance.”

    Me: “Oh, she gets a lot of questions about that. That’s because she was originally born a man.”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “As in, she’s a transsexual.”

    Customer: “Oh! Does she sing?”

    In A (Lone Star) Drunken State

    | Texas, USA | Food & Drink, Uncategorized

    Me: “Hi there! Welcome to [store name]. Is there anything I can help you find today?”

    Customer: “Yes. Do you sell wine?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. We don’t sell alcohol.”

    Customer: “But…but this is Texas!”

    Finally Seeing The (Red) Light

    | Montreal, Canada | Technology, Uncategorized

    Customer: “Hi, my laser printer has a flashing light that say ‘change toner’. What must I do to fix that?”

    Me: “Well, sir, your toner cartridge is empty. You just need to replace it.”

    Customer: “What is a toner?”

    Me: “It’s the ink that your printer need to print on the paper.”

    Customer: “What! How come it needs ink? It’s a laser printer! Doesn’t the laser directly write on the paper without ink?”

    Putting The Mental In Sentimental

    | West Sussex, UK | Bizarre, Uncategorized

    Me: “Hello and thank you for you calling.”

    Caller: “I’m looking for a hoodie.”

    Me: “Okay, what one would you like?”

    Caller: “A dark one, with a hood.”

    Me: ” Have you looked at our website?”

    Caller: “No. You can pick one for me, and everytime I wear it I’ll think of you…”

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