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    All Signs Point To Duh, Part 2

    | Lexington, KY, USA |

    Customer: “I need to return these flowers. They died.”

    Me: “This appears to be a bag of soil.”

    Customer: “Well, I pulled them up a week ago, I guess they fell apart.”

    Me: “Okay. I’ll just need your original receipt.”

    Customer: “I don’t have a receipt.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but to return plants I’ll need a receipt.”

    Customer: “Your signs say that you have a one-year guarantee!”

    Me: “Yes, we do, but you have to keep your receipt because the price of plants changes so often.”

    Customer: “I’d like to speak the a manager.”

    (I call the manager of the garden center inside, and he tells the customer the exact same thing I did.)

    Customer: “Well, you should really post it somewhere that you have to keep your receipt.”

    Me: “It is posted in the–”

    Customer: “Where? Somewhere no one can find, I bet!”

    Me: “Actually, it’s posted in the garden center immediately outside the doors. It’s to the right.”

    Customer: “In tiny letters, right!?”

    Me: “No, the sign is about 6 feet tall. It’s also printed on the back of every receipt. I’m sorry if you missed it.”

    Customer: “Well, I doubt anyone can find it. I’m shopping at [competitor] from now on!” *starts to walk away*

    Me: “Sir, you left your plants.”

    Customer: “I don’t need a bag of dirt!”

    (The customer tries to exit through the entrance doors. They don’t open automatically from the inside.)

    Me: “Sir, those doors don’t open from this side.”

    Customer: “Well, they shouldn’t say ‘EXIT’ on them, then, should they?”

    Me: “The door actually says ‘NO EXIT’.”

    Customer: “Hmph!”

    Related:
    All Signs Point To Other Signs
    All Signs Point To No
    All Signs Point To Duh
    All Signs Point To Yes

    Udderly Stupid

    | Alberta, Canada |

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, this beef isn’t fresh. Can you take it back and get me fresh beef?”

    Me: “Ma’am, the beef we cook is the freshest we can get.”

    Customer: “Well, can’t you just kill a cow out back?”

    Me: “Um, no we don’t have cows in the back, that’s against the law.”

    Customer: “But isn’t this Canada? How can cows be illegal?”

    Not Quite Three-Thinking

    | Brisbane, Australia |

    (We have the top ten DVD’s on a wall. We use an empty case with a number on it to show where each film is ranked in the top ten. A man walks up and puts the number ‘3’ case on the counter.)

    Customer: “I’d like hire this.”

    Me: “This isn’t a movie. Star Trek is currently ranked number 3. Would you like to rent that?”

    Customer: “No, I don’t want Star Trek! I want this one!”

    Me: “Sorry, that is just an empty case that we use to show our top ten rentals, it isn’t a film. If you’d like to rent one of our top ten make sure you grab one of the take home cases behind the display cases.”

    (The man seems to catch on, returns to the shelf and walks back with one of the generic DVD cases we use to chock up the number ‘3’ case so it sits flush with the other DVDs).

    Customer: “There! Now will you let me rent it?”

    Makes You Want To Dye A Little

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | Top

    Customer: “How much is it to make copies?”

    Me: “It’s ten cents a page for black and white and fifty cents a page for color.”

    Customer: “You can make color copies?”

    Me: “Sure. Just make sure you choose ‘color’ before you start copying.”

    (The patron goes to the copy machine, and comes back a few minutes later.)

    Customer: “It’s not working. I’m only getting black and white.”

    Me: “Okay. Let me see if I can figure out what’s going on.”

    (I notice the patron is trying to copy something that is entirely black and white.)

    Me: “Oh, I see. To get a color copy, the original does need to be in color.”

    Customer: “The machine won’t put the color back in?”

    Misundertanding Basic Printables

    | Nevada, USA |

    Caller: “Can you add a button to that page?”

    Me: “Sure, but you need to be more specific. What do you want it to do?”

    Caller: “Can it make the user press ‘File’, ‘Print’?”

    Me: “Not exactly. I can get it to the print dialog though.”

    Caller: “But it can’t press ‘File’ and then ‘Print’?”

    Me: “Are you asking for a button that prints the page?”

    Caller: “No! I want the button to press the file menu button, then select print for them.”

    Me: “This is a website. You want me to control a user’s mouse?”

    Caller: “Is that really so hard to do?”

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