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  • November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!


    | Pennsylvania, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Hi, I would like 4 tickets for Avatar 3-D.”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, we don’t have projectors capable of 3-D. We are showing Avatar in traditional 2-D. Is that alright?”

    Customer: “Oh, so no 3-D? Sure! Thanks for letting me know!”

    Me: “No problem sir. That will be $31.50.”

    (The customer pays for the 4 tickets.)

    Me: “Thank you very much. Enjoy your show!”

    Customer: “Thanks! Now where do we get our 2-D glasses?”

    We Need One Of These In Every Store, Part 2

    , | Fort Wayne, Indiana, USA | Uncategorized

    (At the front of our store is a bin full of loose fantasy figurines.  One night, two pre-teen boys come in and start rounding up all the fairy princesses they can find, naming each one after porn stars. They proceed to stage some pretty graphic stuff with the toys, complete with language and racial slurs.)

    Me: “You kids drop those toys, right now! This is a family story, you got it? You either clean your language up or get out of here. NOW!”

    (The boys stare at me open-mouthed. One of them squeaks, “Yes, ma’am,” and they both drop the toys and run.)

    Coworker:  “Wow! Way to go!”

    Me:  “Yeah, you don’t mess with the Toy Store Amazon.”

    We Need One Of These In Every Store

    Self-Deluded Dogma

    | San Antonio, TX, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “An emergency just came up. I need to board my dogs for the next week.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but it’s December 24th and we’re completely booked for the holidays.”

    Customer: “But I have to leave town. Can’t they stay with you?”

    Me: “We don’t have any space for them. Our waiting list has already been notified about cancellations and they have filled those spots.”

    Customer: “You just don’t understand! My dogs are very well behaved and I’m leaving town tomorrow. I’ll just drop them off in the morning.”

    Me: “Please don’t do that. There is absolutely no room for your dogs here.”

    Customer: “Are you asking me to cancel my trip?! Listen, young lady! I’ve been planning this vacation for 3 months and I will not be stopped now!”

    Me: “Is this your emergency?”

    Customer:: *click*

    Booze Is Blamed When There Is No Proof

    | Australia | Uncategorized

    Caller: “Why has my insurance been canceled?”

    Me: “Well, it looks like you have made 6 car claims in the last 4 months.”

    Caller: “Yeah, I had some accidents.”

    Me: “That is why we can no longer insure you. It’s written in our policy statements.”

    Caller: “Bull! None of those accidents were my fault!”

    Me: “It says here, that you drove the vehicle into a tree twiceand the oth–”

    Caller: “Like I said, it wasn’t MY fault! It was the alcohol’s fault!”

    From The Mouth Of Babes

    | Sydney, Australia | Uncategorized

    (While driving a bus, I overhear this conversation between a mother and her child right after a police car had driven by with lights and siren blaring.)

    Child: “Mum, is that police car coming for us?”

    Mother: “No, why?”

    Child: “Because you told the bus driver I’m three and I’m really four.”