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  • Ask A Stupid Question, Part 4

    | Sault Ste Marie, MI, USA |

    (Back in high school, I used to work for a tourist shop downtown. In the park, there is a large fountain that sprays water roughly 8 feet high. This lady comes in one day with her children in tow.)

    Customer: “What’s that fountain for in the park?”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “That fountain, right next to the locks. What’s that for?”

    Me: “The fountain in the park?”

    Customer: “Yeah. What’s that for? It’s part of the locks, right?”

    Me: “No, it’s just a fountain.”

    Customer: “But what does it DO?”

    Me: “It sprays water up and looks pretty?”

    Customer: “Yeah, but what does it DO? It’s part of the locks right?”

    Me: “Uh… no. It’s just a fountain. It’s there for decoration.”

    Customer: “But what does it DO?”

    Me: *sarcastically* “It… drains the locks.”

    Customer: “OH! That’s so cool! Do you have any souvenirs of the fountain?”

    Me:“… No. It’s a fountain.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, you should.”

    (She leaves with her kids and several tacky souvenirs. I turn to my coworker.)

    Me: “Did that just happen?”

    Coworker: “We have to remember that one.”

    (And that’s what we told tourists from then on: the fountain drains the locks. That is, until we decided it was more fun to tell them it filters the Great Lakes.)

    Ask A Stupid Question, Part 3
    Ask A Stupid Question, Part 2
    Ask A Stupid Question …

    A Good Ol’ Fashioned A** Whoopin’

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA | Top

    Me: “Sir, would you like to use any coupons today?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’ve been saving them. Here you go!”

    (He hands me a coupon that had expired five years previously.)

    Me: “Sir, your coupon is expired.”

    Customer: “WHAT?! What do you mean its expired? You f***ing b****, you’re just trying to steal my f***ing money! You’re trying to rob me! You and this f***ing company are trying to steal my f***ing money!”

    (The customer attempts to climb over the counter and attack me. Thankfully, my manager intercepts him.)

    Manager: “Sir, I need you to come with me.”

    (My manager hauls the customer off counter by the back of his collar and drags him outside. Ten minutes pass, and he comes back in hauling a very disheveled customer by the shirt.)

    Customer: “Your manager told me that I need to apologize to you. I’m sorry for yelling.”

    Manager: “Now, apologize for cursing at her.”

    Customer: “I’m sorry for cursing at you.”

    Manager: “Now, what’s our policy on expired coupons?”

    Customer: “You don’t accept them.”

    Manager, to me: “Is he forgiven, or would you like to have him arrested?”

    Me: “No, it’s okay. ”

    Manager, to customer: “Now get out, and don’t come back.” *throws customer out*

    She Wouldn’t Last A Minute In 1478

    | Bloomington, IN, USA |

    (A lady and her husband purchase a few items and proceed to pay with a debit card on a card reader. After scanning her card she stands there looking at it.)

    Me: “You just need to enter your pin here and press enter.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay.”

    Me: “Do you want cash back?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Alright, then just press ‘no’ on the card reader.”

    Customer: “Oh.”

    Me: “Now, it’s asking you to confirm the total.”

    Customer: “OH MY GOD! So many f***ing questions! What is this, the Spanish Inquisition?”

    Che Guevara, Rapping Revolutionary

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada |

    (I overheard this in a comic book store in a trendy area of town.)

    Teenager: *points to t-shirt of Che Guevara* “Hey look, it’s the lead singer of Rage Against The Machine!”

    Teenager’s friend: “I am totally buying one!”

    Bananas For Vanana

    , | Florida, USA |

    Me: “Welcome to ***, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like some banana ice cream.”

    Me: “Sure thing.”

    (She pays and leaves. A moment later, she storms in, literally pushing people out of the way.)

    Customer: “This is not what I ordered!”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, I’ll be happy to change that for you.”

    Customer: “You better!”

    Me: “So, what can I get for you?”

    Customer: “Banana ice cream.”

    Me: “Banana? That’s what I served you earlier. Is that not banana?”

    Customer: “No. I said banana!”

    Me: “Yes, banana.”

    Customer:: “You taste it! It’s not banana! I said banana!

    Me: “Ma’am, I’ll be happy to give you a new bowl. Perhaps, since we mix our own ice cream, the banana taste wasn’t mixed all the way through.”

    Customer: “Listen, I said banana, not banana!”

    Me: “…”


    Me: “Banana?”

    (Suddenly, her B’s turn into V’s…)

    Customer: “Vanana!”

    Me: “Oh my God. Vanilla?”

    Customer: “Yes you dumb, b****! VANANA!”

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