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    Thank God They Took Away His Whip

    | Ottawa, Canada |

    (This happened the day before Canadian Thanksgiving…)

    Me: “Did you find everything you were looking for today?”

    Customer: “I’ve been waiting fifteen minutes in line!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, it’s a busy day today with the last minute shopping!”

    Customer: “Well, you should have all the lanes open! Why isn’t that lane open?”

    Me: “I assume she’s on her break at the moment…”

    Customer: “You shouldn’t GET breaks when it’s busy!”

    Not Always Right On So Many Levels

    | Ocala, FL, USA |

    (A disabled customer on crutches starts screaming racist epithets at her cashier.)

    Disabled customer: “You g**d*** n*****! You b****! How could you do that to me?! This is discrimination!”

    Cashier: *totally shocked*

    (I walk over right away. Keep in mind, I’m white.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry you’re upset, but could you please watch your language? There are children here. Now, I’d be ha–”

    Disabled customer: “Y’all hate people with disabilities! F*** the children! And f*** you, you n*****! I’m calling corporate!”

    Me: “If that’s what you want to do, ma’am, I can’t stop you.”

    Disabled customer: “D*** right you can’t, you black b****!”

    (She suddenly throws down her “crutches” and very easily walks out of the store.)

    Another customer, to me: “Wait, did she just call you black?”

    (She did end up calling corporate office, but it was dismissed because she kept calling the operator a sand monkey and saying that she was going to burn in h*** for stealing white people’s jobs.)

    (To do this day, whenever we get bored we play with her crutches in the back stock room.)

    The Baby Steps Diet

    | Canada |

    Me: “Hi, welcome to [coffee shop]. How can I help you?”

    Regular customer: “Hey buddy!”

    Me: “How are ya today? The usual?”

    Regular customer: “Nope, I cut back on my sugar. I no longer take eight.”

    Me: “Oh. What can I get you, then?”

    Regular customer: “I’ll get a large with seven and three quarters sugar.”

    Oh My, Aren’t We Sneaky Today

    | Netherlands |

    (I’m working at a well-known Scandinavian furniture store. Our children’s supervised play area only allows ages 3 to 6. Parents need to fill in a form with the names of the children and the address…)

    Customer: *writes down age 7*

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but only children from 3 until 6 are allowed to play in here.”

    Customer: *makes a 6 out of the 7 and looks at me with a big smile*

    Me: “…”

    Survival Of The Fittest In Action

    | Schenectady, NY, USA |

    Me:¬†”Hello, this is Dr. ***’s office. Can I help you?”

    Patient: “Yeah, is there an injection I can get for my gout?”

    Me:¬†”I don’t think so. I think we only give injections for muscle pain, but I can double-check for you.”

    Patient: “Yeah, check.¬†I’m going away this weekend and my ankle really hurts. My primary doctor says it’s not gout. I had these labs done, and they all say it’s not gout, but it really hurts.”

    Me: “It’s not gout, but you want to know about a gout injection?”

    Patient: “Well, they say it’s not gout, but I was at a bar and a guy looked at it and said, ‘That’s gout, all right!’”

    Me: “… a guy at the bar?”

    Patient: “Yeah. And he gave me one of his pills and it really helped.”

    Me: “You took a pill from some guy in a bar?!”

    Patient: “Yeah, it really helped and it was gout medicine, so I think I have gout.¬†So is there an injection?”

    Me: “Hold, please.”

    (At this point, I go ask my manager if a gout injection exists, which it doesn’t, and explain to her the situation. ¬†She agrees that this is completely stupid, but that if the woman wants gout medication, we can prescribe it.)

    Me: “Thanks for holding. Turns out there’s no injection for gout.”

    Patient: “Really? My ankle’s killing me.”

    Me: “Well, if the medicine you took worked for you, we may be able to write you a prescription for it.”

    Patient: “Oh, I already have a prescription.”

    Me: “You… already have a prescription that stops your pain? Are you taking it?”

    Patient: “No, I thought an injection might be faster.”

    Me: *long pause* “Is there anything else you need today?”

    Patient: “No, thank you.” *click*

    Me: “Oh. My.¬†God.”

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