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    It’s Gonna Be A Long Call

    | Monterrey, Mexico |

    (A customer had some serious problems with his computer, and since we are an internet company, we refer to the computer manufacturer number.)

    Me: “Okay, sir, can you tell me the brand of your computer?”

    Caller: “Compaq…” (or so I thought I heard…)

    Me: “Okay, sir, give me a sec–”

    Caller: *apparently still reading* “…compact disc.”

    Me: >.<

    No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

    , | United Kingdom | Top

    (Note: I didn’t even work at this place. I was just looking at the games with my dad but I figured I’d help this lady out.)

    Customer: “Hi, my son wants a Star Wars game. How much will that be?”

    Me: “Well, there are lots of Star Wars games, because some are older than others. The older ones are more likely to be cheaper… sometimes the console changes the price as well.”

    Customer: “Console?”

    Me: “The thing you play it on.”

    Customer: “Oh he’s got a Gamestation.”

    Me: “Do you mean a Playstation or a Gamecube?”

    Customer: “I don’t know, it’s black.”

    Me: “Is it cube shaped?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Right so, it’s a Playstation 2. Did your son say which type of Star Wars game he wanted, or even the name?”

    Customer: “No he just said Star Wars. A shooting one, I think.”

    Me:Most of them are shooting games…”

    Customer: “Well, this is the one with the laser guns in it and the laser swords.”

    Me: *cringing* “Laser guns and laser swords are what Star Wars is famous for.”

    (My dad, who is behind me, starts laughing.)

    Customer: “I’m not some Star Wars computer genius you know! This is only the 21st century. I don’t even know why you work here if you don’t know what I should buy!”

    Me: “I don’t actually work here.”

    Customer: “Well, why are you wearing the employee t-shirt?!”

    (She points towards my Children of Bodom t-shirt.)

    Me: “Good point, go and speak to my boss if you are unhappy about me working here.”

    Customer: “I will, and you might get fired, so watch-out!”

    Gotta Love Those Magic Dongles

    | Oslo, Norway |

    Me: “Welcome to the IT service desk. You’re talking to ******. How may I help you today?”

    User: “I can’t log on to VPN.”

    Me: “OK, how does the problem manifest itself?”

    User: “I get a wrong user name or password error.”

    Me: “Right. What’s the serial number of your VPN dongle?”

    User: “Well, it keeps changing.”

    Me: “…”

    Crazy To Go

    | Hawaii, USA | Top

    (Late night in a very crowded restaurant, a lady cuts in front of me and stands in the well, blocking me from getting my drinks for my tables.)

    Bartender: “Ma’am, you cant stand there. Please move over to the side and I will help you.”

    Lady: “I just want to get some food to go.”

    Bartender: “Ma’am, please move over to the side of the bar and I can help you.”

    Lady: “Can I get some food to go?”

    (At this point there are three servers who are now blocked from getting their drinks from the well.)

    Bartender: “Ma’am, we only do take-out orders from 5:00-6:00, or an hour before closing.”

    Lady: *blank stare*

    Me: “Excuse me, may I squeeze by you? I have to get my drinks for my tables.”

    Lady: *turns to me* “I want to order some food to go!”

    Me: “We only do food to go from 5-6. Or an hour before closing.”

    Lady: “What? I need to get some food to go!”

    Bartender: “Lady! You need to move out of the service well! I can’t get you any food to go right now!”

    Lady: “But… but… I need to order some food…”

    Me: “Right. Food to go. But we dont do that right now.”

    Lady: “Why not?”

    Other blocked servers: “Are you f**king kidding me?”

    Bartender: “Ma’am, if you will please just move to the side, I will ask if we can get you some food to go.”

    Lady: “Thank you. I dont understand what’s wrong with you people!”

    Me: “Ma’am, can you please scoot over? Please?”

    Lady: “I’m not going anywhere until I get my food to go!”

    Manager: “Is there a problem?”

    Lady: “I’m trying to order food to go and your crappy staff won’t help me!

    Manager: “Well, we don’t do food to go right now.”

    Lady: “This is bulls**t! I’ll have your f**king job! I want my food to go NOW!”

    Manager: “Why don’t you get the hell out of here right now before I call the police?”

    (She stormed out and the entire bar started cheering and clapping.)

    Cue Dramatic Music

    , | St. Louis, MO, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like a personal pan pizza for my son.”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, we’re all out of personal pans for the day. Can I get you something else?”

    Customer: “No! I guess my son will just have to go ahead and STARVE!”

    Me: “…”

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