Tangled Web

| The Netherlands | Technology, Uncategorized

(I used to work at a call center that sells PC remote control software.)

Me: “Good evening, you’re speaking with [name], from [company], would you be interested in our software?”

(I explain what the software is about, it’s monthly fee and what its requirements are, which is basically internet.)

Caller: “Yes, I’ll take one for two years.”

Me: “So you’ve got all the requirements, even internet?”

Caller: “I’ve got internet, I just take the cable out of the phone and stick it in my computer, right?”

Me: “Sir, do you have some kind of modem or router?”

Caller: “No, but I’ve got my phone cable. That’s how internet gets in, right?”

Me: “Sir, since the program is not going to work unless you have internet, I’m not going to sell you a two year prescription.”

Caller: “But I want it!”

Stupidity That Can Be Seen From Space

| Salinas, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Spouses & Partners, Uncategorized

(When taking a call from a customer who has a trash pickup problem I usually pull up an aerial picture to see what the property configuration is.)

Me: “How may I help you sir?”

Caller: “I think the garbage truck ran over my cement pad and broke the corner.”

Me: “You mean the small pad on the north side of the driveway?”

Caller: *long pause* “Do you memorize everyone’s property?”

Me: “No, I pulled up your property on my computer and I’m looking at a picture of your front yard.”

Caller: “Wow! That’s really amazing! Wait, wait, give me a second!”

(The customer drops the phone and I can hear him calling someone as he leaves the room. About one minute later he gets back on the phone and is slightly out of breath.)

Caller: “Can you see her now?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t understand?”

Caller: “My wife, my wife, she’s out on the front lawn in the white bathrobe and curlers. I can see her waving up at you!”

A Brief Question

| Scotland, United Kingdom | Spouses & Partners, Uncategorized

(I am working in a lingerie department and a male customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Hi, I need help with something.”

Me: “Sure what are you looking for?”

Customer: “I need a bra for my wife.”

(We go through different types and styles.)

Me: “So what size is she?”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Is she an A,B,C? How big is her back size?”

Customer: “Well she’s smaller than you, not that you’re not pretty!”

Me: “Right, okay. Is she the same shape as any of the other girls here?”

(Finally we find a 32C bra and he wanders off happy. Ten minutes later he comes back up to me, slightly flustered.)

Customer: “I cant find 32C panties!”

Chinchilla, I Choose You

| San Diego, CA, USA | Pets & Animals, Uncategorized

Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a pet for my daughter. I think she’d like one of those furry things. You know, a pikachu?”

Me: *pause* “A pikachu?”

Customer: “Yeah, you know. It looks like a hamster and a rabbit put together.”

Me: “Do you mean a chinchilla?”

Customer: “Yeah! That’s it!”

Magic Marker

| Victoria, BC, Canada | Food & Drink, Uncategorized

Customer: “Excuse me, I want a piece of this cheese but the only one you have expires tomorrow.”

Me: “Sorry, it looks like we’re sold out of that kind. Our truck comes in tomorrow though.”

Customer: *holding out the piece of cheese* “Well just put more days on it then!”

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “Just put more days on this piece!”

Me: “You want me to print a new label with a different expiration date?”

Customer: “Yeah!”

Me: “Ma’am, no matter what the label says, the cheese is going to expire tomorrow.”

Customer: “That’s just stupid!”

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