October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

I Can Hear Clearly Now The Brain Is Gone

| Chicago, IL, USA | Uncategorized

(A man claiming to be our hotel guest’s boss calls our front desk several times, claiming that the guest won’t return his calls. I ring the hotel guest to let her know the situation.)

Me: “Hello! I received a few phone calls from a Mr. *** asking you to call him back immediately.”

Hotel guest: “Oh, Mr. ***? I don’t know a Mr. ****.”

Me: “Oh, okay. I’m sorry to bother you. I will ask him to stop calling.”

Hotel guest: “Well, what was his name again?”

Me: “Mr. ***.”

Hotel guest: “Was he tall?”

Me: “Ma’am, he was on the phone.”

Hotel guest: “You didn’t notice if he was tall or not? That doesn’t help me at all.”

Me: “Very sorry, ma’am. I will try to get a better look at him next time he calls.”

Hotel guest: “Thank you so much dear!” *hangs up*

I Can See Clearly Now The Brain Is Gone

A Very, Very Happy Anniversary

| Illinois, USA | Uncategorized

(A man walks into the smoke shop and looks around at the acrylic bongs.)

Customer: “I’ll take the blue one.”

Me: “No problem.”

(He pays then leaves. About an hour later, he returns looking distressed.)

Customer: “Something’s wrong with this vase you sold me. I bought this vase for my wife for our anniversary. But the roses I bought won’t fit in it!”

Me: “Sir, that is not a vase. It’s a bong.”

Customer: “What?! Why would you sell bongs in a vase shop?! I have a bunch of people coming over and this was going to be the center piece!”

Me: “This is a smoke shop, sir. Not a vase shop. Would you like to return the bong for a refund?”

Customer: *thinks for a moment* “No. On second thought, I think I’ll find some use for it…”

Driving Miss Ditzy

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, ma’am. Would you like me to take your groceries to your car?”

Customer: “…into MY car?”

Me: “Yes, I can do that for you.”

Customer: “You want a lift in my car!”

Me: “No, ma’am. I can take your groceries to your car for you and return the trolley.”

Customer: “But I still have groceries in my trolley! You can’t take my trolley yet! I’m not done!”

Me: “Ma’am, if you want to do it yourself, that’s fine.”

Customer: “Wait! I need help!”

Me: “Alright, where did you park your car?”

Customer: “Hold on! Why the h*** do you need to know where my car is?”

Me: “So I can put your things in there.”

Customer: “No, this doesn’t sound right. I’m onto you!”

(The customer shuffles away with her trolley, periodically turning around to look at me suspiciously.)

Fast, Furious, And Fined

| Cadillac, MI, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m a police officer and have just pulled over a driver for speeding.)

Me: “Ma’am, do you know why I pulled you over?”

Driver: “Yes…I was speeding.”

Me: “Ah, so you know you were speeding.”

Driver: “Yes, but I’ve got a movie due back in eight minutes!”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry, but that’s not a real reason to be speeding–”

Driver: “Well, fine! You pay the one dollar late fee!”


| London, UK | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Hello, my brother bought one of your phones and had it shipped to my address. Now it’s here and I don’t want it here. Can you send somebody to take it back?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t think we offer that kind of service. It’s up to you whether you hold onto it for your brother or post it back to us.”

Customer: “What?! I don’t want to be dealing with all this hassle!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I suggest you take this up with your brother, since he provided the shipping address.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! I can’t believe you won’t collect it! What would your company do if I killed myself over this, hmm? Because if I do, I’m going to sue your manager!”

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