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    Mr. Anal And Mrs. Retentive Go To Scotland

    | Dundee, Scotland, UK |

    (A South American customer and his wife are browsing in a souvenir shop where I work; note that it’s located in Scotland.)

    Customer: “Hey, why do you have mugs here with England written on them? I’m not in England… Why would I buy a souvenir mug with the English flag on it?”

    Me: “Well, you don’t have to buy an England one. We have plenty mugs with Scotland written on them, too.”

    Customer: “I can see that! I’m not stupid!”

    Me: “I didn’t mean to imply you were, sir.”

    Customer: “Well, you did. I just wonder why the h*** anyone would want to buy a knick-knack from a country that has a different country’s name on it. What’s the point?”

    Me: “I really don’t know what to tell you. We’ve just always stocked those mugs.”

    Customer: “I don’t see the point.” *calls to his wife, who comes over*

    Customer: “There are England mugs in a Scotland shop!”

    Customer’s wife: “Wow, that’s really f***ing stupid. What’s the point? Ask the girl.”

    Customer: “She doesn’t know. This is so stupid.”

    Customer’s wife: “She’s stupid. ”

    (His wife puts down the Loch Ness Monster teddy she is holding and walks out of the shop. He turns back to me.)

    Customer: “You should know things like that. You do work here. What’s the point?!”

    Never Smart: Biting The Hand That Makes Your Coffee

    | Sheffield, UK |

    Customer: “I want a coffee.”

    Me: “What sort of coffee can I get for you, sir?”

    Customer: “Just black coffee.”

    Me: “Would you like drip coffee or an Americano, sir?”

    Customer: “Don’t make it so BLOODY COMPLICATED, just get me a coffee! And don’t try to sell me them fancy things like sprinkles, neither!”

    (My coworker and I stifle our laughter as I silently ring up the largest size of the most expensive ‘black’ coffee.)

    Customer: “That’s better. No more of your lip!”

    Coworker: *laughs out loud*

    iPod, Meet iDiet

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA | Top

    (I’ve just spent about 10 minutes answering fairly standard questions from a customer about an iPod. Then, they asked this one…)

    Customer: “Oh, before you leave I have one more question!”

    Me: “Sure, what can I help you with?”

    Customer: “Will the iPod get heavier if I put more songs on it?”

    Me: “No…?”

    (I was so dumbfounded I didn’t realize how stupid the question actually was until 10 minutes later.)

    Unlimited Nights, Weekends and Spelling

    | Tennessee, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling *** Wireless. May I have the 10 digit number you’re calling about today?”

    Customer: “Yes, can you spell thousand for me?”

    Me: “… excuse me?”

    Customer: “Can you spell thousand?”

    Me: “Um, sure. T-H-O-U-S-A-N-D.”

    Customer: “T-H-O-U-S-A-N-D.”

    Me: “Yes that’s correct…”

    Customer: “Okay, thank you. Can you spell fifteen?”

    Me: “Um, excuse me–”

    Customer: “Can you spell fifteen?”

    Me: “F-I-F-T-E-E-N.”

    Customer: “Okay, thank you!” *click*

    Me: ???

    Accidental Lemonade From Lemons

    | Amsterdam, The Netherlands |

    Me: “Hi, can I help with anything?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for a good book.”

    Me: “Do you have any specific genre or subject in mind?”

    Customer: “Yes, a good one… one that I’ll like.”

    Me: “Um, you’ll have to be a bit more specific. I don’t really know what you like. Science fiction, thriller, fantasy, horror, that sort of thing?”

    Customer: “Well, don’t you know any good books?”

    Me: “I haven’t actually read them all, but–”

    Customer: “You haven’t? What kind of librarian are you? Isn’t there anyone here who can help me?”

    Me: “This one–” *holding up a book* “–is pretty popular at the mo–”

    Customer: “How do you know I’ll like it?! You can’t know that. I want a book that I’ll like.”

    (I get frustrated and just grab a random book that was recently turned in.)

    Me: “Here, you’ll love this one!”

    (Unfortunately, she did like it, and told my boss to thank me for my great suggestion. Darn.)

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