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    Weight Watchers Rejects

    , | Waco, TX, USA |

    Lady: “How many slices come on the 8-inch pizza?”

    Waiter: “Well usually we cut it into 6, but we can make it four, or eight or ten. Whatever you want.”

    Lady: “Better just make it six…I don’t think I can eat more than six slices.”

    In That Case, Replace Them Daily

    , | Redwood City, CA, USA |

    Customer: “Could you check my brakes and see if they are bad?”

    Coworker: “Of course. Which vehicle is yours?”

    Customer: “Oh, I walked here.”

    Coworker: “Ok, well we can’t check your brakes if the car isn’t here.”

    Customer: “I told you I walked here. I just want to know if I need new brakes.”

    Coworker: “I can’t tell you that unless I actually see the vehicle.”

    Customer: “Can’t you just tell me if I need new brakes for my car? It’s a Mercedes if that helps at all.”

    Coworker: “Like I said, I need to see the car to tell you if you need new brakes.”

    Customer: “OK, so can you tell me if my brakes are bad?”

    Me: “We physically need the car here in front of us so we can look at the brakes with our own eyes and determine if they are bad or not.”

    Customer: “It’s a Mercedes.”

    The Thing On The Thing With The Thing

    | Woonsocket, RI, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling ***. How can I direct your call?”

    Customer: “Do you have any of those things you can put on tables?”

    Me: “Like a table cloth?”

    Customer: “No. They’re those things you can put on tables.”

    Me: “Ma’am, you can put a lot of things on tables.”

    Customer: “Well I don’t know what they’re called! You’re the one who should know!”

    Me: *face on desk*

    Shoulda Filled It With Apples

    , | Tampa, FL, USA | Top

    Customer: “I want to return this computer.”

    Me: “Ok, I can help you with that. Where is it?”

    (The customer puts a badly damaged computer box on the counter. I open the box and find that it’s filled with oranges.)

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, I’m unable to accept this for return.”

    Customer: “When I opened the box, it was filled with oranges! I want my money back.”

    Me: “Can I see your receipt?”

    (The customer hands me a hand written receipt from a generic receipt book.)

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, this is not a store receipt. I’m unable to accept this.”

    Customer: “The guy I bought it from said he got it here for $99 dollars and if I didn’t like it, I could return it here. I want my money back, I got ripped off!”

    Me: “Sir, I apologize that you gave this guy your money, but it seems he gave you a box of oranges and a fake receipt. I’m unable to help you…”

    (At this point customer gets very loud and starts throwing oranges around the store. Someone calls the police and he is eventually arrested. To this day, I’m unsure if I should laugh or feel sorry for the guy.)

    If The Shoe Fits…

    | Santa Rosa, CA, USA | Top

    Me: “Thank you for calling **** Orthopedic office. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “PUT MY DAUGHTER ON THE PHONE!”

    Me: “I’m sorry? This is **** Ortho–”

    Caller: “No it isn’t! Now put my daughter on the phone right now! She knows she isn’t supposed to have boys over!”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, I think you have the wrong number.”

    Caller: “NO I DON’T.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m afraid–”

    Caller: “You better be! I’m on my way home RIGHT NOW and god help you if you’re still there!”

    (By this point we have several calls waiting to be answered. My supervisor signals me to transfer the call to them so I can get back to my job.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I assure you this is a medical office. Would you like to speak to my supervisor?”

    Caller: *dripping with sarcasm* “Oh suuuure! Put me through to your supervisor!”

    Supervisor: “Thank you for calling **** Orthopedics, how can I help you?”

    Caller: “WHAT?! WHO ARE YOU? WHY ARE YOU IN MY HOUSE?!”

    (It took several minutes for my supervisor to get the woman off the phone, after which she called three more times…)

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