Featured Story:
  • Bigotry Is Not On The Menu
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  • Perhaps It’s Because You Drive A Hummmvee

    | New York, USA | Uncategorized

    (I have a sticker on my car that reads “Caution: Driver Singing”. I pulled up into work when a customer tapped me on the shoulder.)

    Customer: “Hey.”

    Me: “Um, hi?”

    Customer: “I thought so! You’re that girl with the singing bumper sticker, aren’t you?”

    Me: “Oh! Yes, I am.”

    Customer: “I passed you in the parking lot at yesterday. You weren’t singing.”

    Me: “Oh, well, I’ve had a sore throat.”

    Customer: *completely serious* “You should always be singing, you know.”

    Me: “Um…”

    Customer: “In a car like that, you should always be singing so your sticker doesn’t lie!”

    Me: “Well, the other day when you passed me? I was humming.”

    Customer: *perfectly happy again* “Oh, really? Well, that’s alright then!”

    Pulling A Not So Fast One

    | Oakland, CA, USA | Uncategorized

    (In California, we have laws that ban certain animals as being pets. Our shop is legally required to notify police when one comes in.)

    Customer: “My poor ferret is sick!”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, what is your name?”

    (The woman tells me her name.)

    Me: “I’m sorry for the trouble, but you can’t own a ferret in this state. I’m going to have to report you.”

    Customer: “What? You can’t tell me that I can’t have a pet!”

    Me: “Ma’am, ferrets are illegal in California by state law. They’re still considered a threat to local birds.”

    Customer: “Fine!”

    (She walks out and comes back in less than 5 minutes later.)

    Customer: “I have a bunny who isn’t feeling well.”

    My Razor Valentine

    | Durham, NC, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Excuse me, are you the manager? I want my money back. That movie is absolutely horrible.”

    Me: “Oh, what was wrong with it?”

    Customer: “Well, the title is very misleading. I thought Valentine’s Day was supposed to be funny, and it’s actually a creepy, disturbing movie about insane people!”

    Me: “Um, did you maybe go into the wrong theater? It sounds like you’re describing Shutter Island.”

    Customer: “Oh, that might be what happened, actually. Who is that guy in it, the main guy?”

    Me: “You mean Leonardo DiCaprio?”

    Customer: “Oh, I love him! I’m gonna go finish the rest of that movie now.”

    The Self-Scanner Has Checked Out

    | New Jersey, USA | Uncategorized

    (I am helping a caller on the phone who recently had some scanning software installed on her computer.)

    Me: “Place the document on the glass and press the scan button on the computer screen.”

    Caller: “That is what I did and it is nothing is happening.”

    Me: “Is the scanner on. There should be a light on it that indicates that it is on. Maybe it is not plugged in or hooked up correctly?”

    Caller: “Yes, it’s on. I can see all of my other files and folders on the screen.”

    Me: “Wait…what do you mean you see other files and folders?”

    Caller: “I see my windows desktop and the monitor seems to be working like it always does.”

    Me: “When I told you to place the document that you want to scan on the glass, are you holding it up to the glass on your monitor?”

    Caller: “Yes!”

    Me: “That would be our problem. You need to have a scanning machine in order to scan documents. You don’t use your monitor.”

    Caller: “Oh. How do I get one of those?”

    Underdeveloped Web Developers

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Thank you for calling, how can I help you?”

    Caller: “I’m the number one web developer in Atlanta. I have a client base and I wanted to peruse your products. How do I get to your website?”

    Me: “Our website is [site name] dot com.”

    Caller: “Where do I type that?”

    Me: “In your web browser, sir.”

    Caller: “Found it! Is the ‘dot’ in ‘dot com’ a period?”

    Me: “Yes, sir.”

    Caller: “I typed it, now what do I do?”

    Me: “Hit ‘Enter’, sir.”

    Caller: “I don’t see that on my screen.”

    Me: “It’s on your keyboard, sir.”

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