November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

You Drive Me Crazy

| New Jersey, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer is trying to make a deposit through the drive-up part of the branch, but he’s on foot. Note that we also have a small lobby for walk-in customers.)

Me: “Sorry, sir, this is for cars only. Can you come inside so we can process your transaction?”

Customer: “What difference does it make?”

Me: “It’s against our policy for customers to be on foot at the drive-up window.”

(The customer walks backward, puts his hands as if he was steering a car and walks up to the window again.)

Customer: “VROOM, VROOM! I’m in a car now. Will you help me?”

You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 3

| Orlando, FL, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, how may I help you?”

Customer: “Can I speak to the butcher department, please?”

Me: “The butcher department?”

Customer: “Yeah, I decided I don’t want the big turkey any more.”

Me: “Uh, ma’am, this is the city morgue.”

You Got The Wrong(est) Item
You’ve Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 2
You’ve Got The Wrong(est) Number

Posthumous Post-modernism

| Cincinnati, OH, USA | Top

Customer: “Can you help me find a book?”

Me: “Sure! What are you looking for?”

Customer: “It’s called The Scarlet Thread.”

Me: “I haven’t heard of that one. Let me look it up really quick.”

Customer: “It’s by Jane Austen if that helps.”

Me: “Um, I don’t think it is.”

Customer: “No, it’s by Jane Austen.”

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, but I’m pretty sure Jane Austen never wrote a book called The Scarlet Thread.”

Customer: “Oh, well you probably haven’t heard of it because I think it’s one of her new books.”

Turn That Crown Upside Down

| Bellingham, WA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Do you have a Crown Club Card?”

Customer: “Crown Club? More like Clown Club! What a worthless program!”

Me: “Actually, if you had a Club Card today, you would get a
coupon for a small popcorn for $1.”

Customer: “Where do I sign up?”

Those Who Definitely Can’t

| Santa Cruz, CA, USA | Top

Customer: “Hi, can you tell me about your Educator Appreciation Weekend?

Me: “Sure! Teachers normally get 20% off on things they buy for their classroom.”

Customer: “Okay, so how do I prove that I’m a teacher?”

Me: “Do you have a pay stub from your school?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Do you have a school ID?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Do you have a card from a teacher’s union?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Do you have a medical insurance card that shows that you’re on an educator plan?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Maybe a vision or dental insurance card?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Do you have a business card?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Do you have any letters from the school or district to you?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Is there a number I could call to verify your employment with a school?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Do you have anything, anything at all, with both your name on it, and the name of some kind of school or educational organization?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Well, I’m stumped. I can’t think of any other way that you could show that you’re a teacher.”

Customer: “Wow, you really don’t make this easy for us, do you?”