October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

You’ll Need Special 2D Glasses, Though

| Ontario, Canada | Uncategorized

(At the zoo where I work, I’m answering questions from a group of tourists from Connecticut.)

Tourist: “So, do you all say ‘eh’ in Canada?”

Me: “Not too much, really. Maybe they say it a bit more out east.”

Tourist: “Canada has an EAST?!”

More Leftovers, Less Landfill

| Cincinnati, OH, USA | Uncategorized

(I work for the city government and received this call the day after Halloween.)

Customer: “The garbage collectors didn’t take all my garbage this morning. They left my pumpkin.”

Me: “Well, sir, where did you leave the pumpkin for collection?”

Customer: “In my recycling bin.”

Me: “Well, that’s why they didn’t take it. You need to put it in your garbage can.”

Customer: “But you can recycle a pumpkin!”

Me: “Sir, what do you think they are going to recycle your pumpkin into?”

Customer: “PIE!”

Beware The Jabberwacky

| Phoenix, AZ, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling ***. How may I help you?”

Caller: “I canna ammas farl a mara amas mitt.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I didn’t quite understand that.”

Caller: “I camo olives for all a moron all this spit.”

Me: “I do apologize, but I’m not able to understand you still.”

Caller: “I….can’t…apollo…ferrari…a moral…on…this…day!!”

Me: “Sir, I can hear you, but I can not understand what it is that you are trying to tell me.”

Caller: “You speak Englits?”

Me: “Yes, sir, I speak English.”

Caller: “No! I said, you speak it?”

Me: “Yes, I do speak English, sir.”

Caller: “No you don’t! Give me somebody who speaks Englits!”

Me: “Well, I can understand you a bit more clearly now. How can I help you?”

Caller: “You gotta following a part a nards and fall away with ye?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I can’t understand you again.”


A Hole In Your Thinking

| California, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Can I have a sample of this doughnut?”

Me: “Sorry, no.”

Customer: “But you used to give them out! Why can’t I get one?”

Me: “Yeah, that was a long time ago. Now we only give it to children.”

(The customer squats down a bit.)

Customer: “I’m twelve. Can I have a sample?”

Allergic To Honesty

, | Duluth, MN, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, thanks for calling [pizza place] how may I help you?”

Customer: “I ordered a pizza and it has green peppers and mushrooms on it.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, but it says here that’s what you ordered.”

Customer: “No! I am allergic to green peppers! Why would I order something I’m allergic to?”

Me: “Alright, I understand. What did you intend to order?”

Customer: “Ham and pepperoni.”

Me: “Okay, we’ll have that out to you right away. Just make sure to give us the other pizza when we get there, okay?”

Customer: “I can’t.”

Me: “Why not?”

Customer: “I ate it already.”

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