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    Even Bosses Have A Stupid Quota, Part 3

    , | Ottawa, ON, Canada |

    Me: “Hello ma’am, and welcome to ***. What can I get for you today?”

    Woman w/ son: “I’d like two burgers, one of them on a sesame-seedless bun, please.”

    Me: “I’m terribly sorry, but we’re actually out of seedless buns right now.”

    Woman w/ son: “How dare you! My son has deathly allergies to a lot of things, I’ll have you know!”

    Me: “Ma’am, is he allergic to sesame seeds?”

    Woman w/ son: “No, he isn’t.”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, the only difference between seeded and seedless buns are the sesame seeds, so it will be fine for your son to eat one with seeds.”

    Woman w/ son: “HOW F**KING DARE YOU! YOU DON’T TELL ME WHAT MY SON CAN OR CANNOT EAT! I WANT A SEEDLESS BUN, D**N YOU! GET ME YOUR MANAGER!”

    Me: “Yes, of course. Just one moment.”

    (I go and get the manager and explain the situation. My manager, NOT a people person, grabs a seeded bun and proceeds to the front with a knife.)

    Manager: “HERE IS YOUR D**N SEEDLESS BUN!”

    (My manager slices off the top half of the bun and throws it on the counter.)

    Me: “Have a nice day, ma’am.”

    Woman w/ son: “Oh, shut the f**k up.”

    Related:
    Even Bosses Have A Stupid Quota, Part 2
    Even Bosses Have A Stupid Quota

    Hippocrates Is Rolling Over In His Grave

    , | Southern Illinois, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling, how can I help you?”

    Doctor: “I need to verify my patient’s coverage. Her number is *****.”

    Me: I’m sorry, ma’am, but there is a problem and I can’t access that account. I will have to forward this issue over to our technical department and they will get back to you as soon as possible.”

    Doctor: “I need this information immediately. Can I talk to them now? It’s very important.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, they are very backed up over there and everything is handled in the order it is received. You will be added to the queue and they will get back to you later today.”

    Doctor: “What if she was DYING and I needed her coverage information? What then?!”

    Me: “Ma’am, with all due respect, if the patient was dying there in your office, I would hope you would treat her regardless of her insurance coverage.”

    Doctor: “Well, yes–I mean–just make sure they call me today.” *click*

    Some Questions Should Never Be Asked, Part 2

    , | Riverhead, NY, USA |

    (A customer approaches one of my cashiers holding two children’s t-shirts with identical logos one boys and one girls. We were having a liquidation sale and all boys’ clothing was 40% off while girls’ clothing was 50% off.)

    Customer: “What’s the discount on these?”

    Cashier: “One is 40% off and the other is 50% off.”

    Customer: “Why are they different?”

    Cashier: “One is girls and one is boys.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand… what’s the difference between girls and boys?”

    Cashier: *without even skipping a beat* “Boys have a penis and girls have a vagina.”

    (Cue the entire checkout line laughing.)

    Related:
    Some Questions Should Never Be Asked

    Because PvP In Produce Is Teh Suxxorz

    | Dayton, OH, USA |

    (I worked in the meat department of a large, popular convenience store a few years ago. Alongside this, I was both in college, and played World of Warcraft, so I was pretty zonked whenever I worked.)

    Customer: “HEY!”

    Me: “Hello sir, how can I help you?”

    Customer: *scowls* “Where’s LARD?!”

    (The name for my character in WoW was Lard. The night before, I ended up having to kick a guildy due to him basically being a moron. After he was kicked, he messaged to me that he was ‘going to get me one day’)

    Customer: “… Lard?”

    Me: “Um… um!”

    Customer: *glares, then looks down* “Oh, here it is.”

    (He bends down and picks up a jar of lard from the counter infront of me and walks away, and I breathe a huge sigh of relief. I later found out that the same person deleted his character, rerolled the opposite faction, and leveled him to 70 in order to “Kill Lard and camp his corpse.” I consider that the moment that I won at WoW.)

    Ocean’s Negative Seven

    | Bossier City, LA, USA |

    (A woman walks up to my blackjack table, and sits down without putting any money up for her bet. I assume she’s waiting for the end of the shoe.)

    Woman: “How come I didn’t get a hand?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, you didn’t have your bet up when the cards came out. I’ll get you on the next.”

    (When I get ready to deal the next, I tap the bet box in front of her.)

    Me: “You comin’ in?”

    Woman: “Yes.”

    Me: “It’s a fifteen dollar table.”

    Woman: “What?”

    Me: “Table minimum is fifteen.”

    Woman: “I have to pay to play?”

    Me: “Well, if you win, I’ll give you fifteen more and you get to keep all of it.”

    Woman: “What happens if I don’t win?”

    Me: “At that point it becomes the casino’s money.”

    Woman: “That’s stealing!”

    Me: “No, that’s gambling.”

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