The Self-Scanner Has Checked Out

| New Jersey, USA |

(I am helping a caller on the phone who recently had some scanning software installed on her computer.)

Me: “Place the document on the glass and press the scan button on the computer screen.”

Caller: “That is what I did and it is nothing is happening.”

Me: “Is the scanner on. There should be a light on it that indicates that it is on. Maybe it is not plugged in or hooked up correctly?”

Caller: “Yes, it’s on. I can see all of my other files and folders on the screen.”

Me: “Wait…what do you mean you see other files and folders?”

Caller: “I see my windows desktop and the monitor seems to be working like it always does.”

Me: “When I told you to place the document that you want to scan on the glass, are you holding it up to the glass on your monitor?”

Caller: “Yes!”

Me: “That would be our problem. You need to have a scanning machine in order to scan documents. You don’t use your monitor.”

Caller: “Oh. How do I get one of those?”

Underdeveloped Web Developers

| Philadelphia, PA, USA |

Me: “Thank you for calling, how can I help you?”

Caller: “I’m the number one web developer in Atlanta. I have a client base and I wanted to peruse your products. How do I get to your website?”

Me: “Our website is [site name] dot com.”

Caller: “Where do I type that?”

Me: “In your web browser, sir.”

Caller: “Found it! Is the ‘dot’ in ‘dot com’ a period?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Caller: “I typed it, now what do I do?”

Me: “Hit ‘Enter’, sir.”

Caller: “I don’t see that on my screen.”

Me: “It’s on your keyboard, sir.”

Yukon Spend It

| British Columbia, Canada |

Me: “Okay, your total is $189.14. Cash or credit?”

Customer: “Cash.” *hands me $200 American*

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. We don’t accept US currency.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Because this is Canada.”

Customer: “Last time I was in Canada I used American cash.”

Me: “Well, sir, that place probably accepted different currencies. I can only accept Canadian.”

Customer: “I don’t have any! I only have Visa.”

Me: “We accept Visa.”

Customer: “Wait! Let me get this straight: you won’t accept my American cash, but you’ll accept an American credit card?”

Me: “Yes.”

(He throws the card at me. I swipe it through and he gathers his bags.)

Customer: “This is ridiculous. When did Canada get its own currency, anyway?”

Related:
Yukon See It On A Map, Part 2
Yukon See It On A Map

Contains Scenes Of A Fraudulent Nature

| Baltimore, MD, USA |

Guest: “Hi, I just accidentally ordered a movie, and I didn’t mean to. Take it off my bill.”

Me: “Let me just look that up.”

(I see that he’s had a movie voided off his bill every day he’s been here this week. I had my manager listen in.)

Me: “Sir? You say this was a mistake?”

Guest: “Yeah, I didn’t mean to order it.”

Me: “It looks like you’ve asked that a movie be voided off your bill every day that you’ve been here this week. Is that correct?”

Guest: “Yeah, it’s this stupid TV. It just starts the movies even if you don’t want them to start. It’s not my fault. I was just looking at the description.”

(My boss goes over to our cable system, where we look at each movie order and the length of time they’ve watched each movie. Based on the price, we knew he was watching ‘adult’ films.)

Me: “Sir, it looks like you’ve watched this movie for 20 minutes. Is there a reason you watched that much before calling us?”

Guest: “I don’t need the damn movie anymore, okay? I don’t need it anymore!”

Me: “Sir, that is too much information, and we will not be crediting any more movies off your bill.”

Always Right, Unless There’s Not Enough Light, Part 2

| Sacramento, CA, USA |

Me: “Hello there, sir. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I’m looking for batteries for this calculator.”

Me: “Okay, but just so you know, that calculator doesn’t really need batteries. It has little solar panels right on the front that power it.”

Customer: “Solar panels? I want to use this calculator indoors!”

Related:
Always Right, Unless There’s Not Enough Light

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