Featured Story:
  • Making False Bald Statements
    (1,388 thumbs up)
  • February Theme Of The Month: Hazardous Customers!
    Submit your story today!

    When Presumptions Meet Postmodernism

    | Cardiff, Wales, UK |

    Customer: “I’d like to get this DVD for my son.” *hands me a copy of Watchmen*

    Me: “How old is your son, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Five.”

    Me: “Sorry, this film isn’t suitable for your son.”

    Customer: “But it’s about superheroes! How can a film about superheroes be unsuitable for kids?”

    Me: “There is a scene where one of the heroes cuts a man’s head in half with a meat cleaver.”

    Customer: “What, are they thick or something? How could you put that in a kid’s film?”

    She Has ‘Trouble’ Written All Over Her

    | Atlanta, GA, USA |

    Customer: “Yeah, I want to see about getting a tattoo. Can you guys do that?”

    Me:  “Sure. Do you have something in particular in mind?”

    Customer:  “I don’t know? Something pretty?”

    Me: “Like a butterfly? A flower?”

    Customer: “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe a word or something? Something that means something?  Do you have a book of words and what they mean?”

    Me:  “You mean like…a dictionary?”

    Neither Conspiracy Nor Coincidence Nor Concept Of Time

    | Texas, USA |

    Me: “[Restaurant], how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi, what time do you stop serving breakfast?”

    Me: “10:30.”

    Customer: “Okay, and what time does lunch start?”

    Me: “10:30.”

    Customer: “Well, that works out nicely, doesn’t it?”

    Ah, Mothers, Part 4

    | Staffordshire, UK |

    (A lady comes running up to the till almost in tears, screaming that she has lost her daughter. I ask the lady for her daughter’s details. As a rule, we are not allowed to say the child’s name.)

    Customer: “Just call her name!”

    Me: “We can’t do that. How old is she and what is she wearing?”

    Customer: “Just call her name! Please, I just need to find her. She’s lost. She’ll be scared.”

    Me: “If you can tell us what she looks like and her age, we can put a call out for her and everybody in store can look out for her.”

    Customer: “Just call her name will you! Stop being so cocky!”

    Me: “We really aren’t supposed to put out names. If somebody finds your daughter, she is more likely to go off with them if they say her name.”

    Customer: “Are you stupid? She is 37 years old! She isn’t going to go off with some stranger!”

    Related:
    Ah, Mothers, Part 3
    Ah, Mothers, Part 2
    Ah, Mothers

    The Five-Minute Fan

    | Fort Wayne, IN, USA |

    (At the bookstore where I work, we sell tickets for local events.)

    Customer: “Hi. I’d like tickets.”

    Me: “Alright, for which show?”

    Customer: “I don’t know. I heard about it on the radio today, but I can’t remember who it is.”

    Me: “Did they say when the concert was?”

    Customer: “Um…”

    Me: “Was it coming up soon?”

    Customer: *shrugs*

    Me: “Do you remember anything at all about it?”

    Customer: “I think the guy’s name was…” *spews out a couple syllables as he tries to guess a name*

    Me: “Is it ***?”

    Customer: “Yeah! That’s the one! I want tickets for that show!”

    Me: “Unfortunately, that show is tonight, and it’s been sold out for the past week.”

    Customer: “Huh?”

    Me: “There haven’t been tickets available for a few days now.”

    Customer: “You’ve got to be kidding me! I’ve been waiting ages to go see this show, and now you’re telling me I can’t? This is ridiculous!”

    Page 1,980/2,567First...1,9781,9791,9801,9811,982...Last