November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Catcher In The Sky

| Detroit, MI, USA | Top

Customer: “How much is this bird?”

Me: “Sir, how did you get the bird out of the cage? The cage was locked.”

Customer: “Oh, I got this one from the birds you have outside by the door.”

Me: “Those aren’t our birds.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Sir, you picked up a wild bird. But congratulations, because I can’t imagine it was a simple task.”

He Who Shall Not Be Sprayed

| South Hill, WA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I would like to use my upgrades to spray tan.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we can’t do that anymore, our new system doesn’t allow us to.”

Customer: “Well, just type in your magic code or something!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry. It physically won’t let us do that.”

Customer: “You don’t have a magic code?”

Me: “No, sorry.”

Customer: “But you look like Hermione from that magic movie…”

Unfortunately, The Vice Squad Is All Tied Up At The Moment

| Vancouver, Canada | Uncategorized

Customer: “You ought to be ashamed of yourself! There are kinky things in the family section!”

Me: “I’m sorry, maybe something got incorrectly shelved. If you could just show me?”

Customer: “Here! Look!”

(He grabs a DVD and waves it under my face. It’s an old episode of Doctor Who which features the main character blindfolded on the cover.)

Me: “Sir, that is an old children’s show. There’s nothing adult, kinky or otherwise, going on there.”

Customer: “Don’t be ridiculous! I know filth when I see it!”

Me: “I promise you, this is a popular family show in Britain.”

Customer: “Well, no wonder they’re all perverts over there! I demand you remove this from your shelves! You shouldn’t sell these things if you haven’t even seen them!”

Me: “Actually, I have seen it, and I wholeheartedly approve.”

Customer: “Pervert!”

Blind To Reason, Part 2

| Texas, USA | Uncategorized

(Note: I’m bagging groceries.)

Me: “So, are you going to make a pies?”

Customer: “What did you say?!”

Me: “Um, I noticed you’re buying a lot of stuff to make pies with. I asked if you were going to make some.”

Customer: “Stop looking at my groceries!”

Me: “Okay.” *I resume bagging*

Customer: “I said to stop looking at them!”

Me: “Um, okay.”

(I close my eyes and attempt to bag them without seeing them.)

Customer: “Stop mocking me!”

Blind To Reason

Belaboring A Point Until It Gives Birth, Grows Up, And Has Babies Of Its Own

| Newfoundland, Canada | Uncategorized

(I work for a phone provider. If someone wants to change their number its $20, unless they are being harassed, which most of them say they are anyway to avoid paying.)

Me: “Hello. Thank you for calling ***. My name is ***. How can I help you today?”

Caller: “Hi, yes. I want to change my phone number.”

Me: “Sure thing, I can definitely help you with that. Why are you changing it? Harassment or just want something new?”

Caller: “Oh, I just want a new number.”

Me: “Sure thing. Before I continue, I should inform you It’s a $20 charge.”

Caller: “WHAT!? But I’m being harassed! Calls at all times of the night! Swearing at me! And you want to charge me? That’s outrageous!”

Me: “Sorry to hear that, sir. In cases of harassment, we do have the option to waive that charge.”

Caller: “I can’t believe you are going to charge me!”

Me: “No, sir, I’d be more than happy to remove the charge.”

Caller: “This is ridiculous!” *speaks to someone in background* “Hey! They are going to charge us $20 to change our number!”

Other person: “What!? That’s insane!”

Me: “Sir, I can waive the charge. You won’t have to pay it.”

Caller: “You are sick doing this to me. You know what? I’m going to another company. Then they will install me and give me a new number for free!”

Me: “Sir, I can waive the fee. It will be removed. You will not have to pay it. It will be $0.”

Caller: “Oh! So NOW that I’m going to another company you’ll waive it. You people are despicable! Good day!” *hangs up*